Warden's Burden
by Prism Elf
Summary: [Burden: A difficult or worrying responsibility or duty.] Shirl Cousland is already familiar with the idea of duty and what a burden it can be on her plans. When she and Alistair become the only living Grey Wardens in Ferelden, she takes up the mantel of Grey to stop the Blight, but at what the cost to her own personal quest: Revenge.
1. Chapter 1

Hello Readers,

Just a few short disclaimers and then down to business: first and for most I do not own any of the rights to Dragon Age: Origins or Awakening. With that said I wanted to give some background information on my story's ideas.

For several weeks I have been reading fan fics and wondering what I should write about in Dragon Age. Most of the ideas I came up with had already been done by other people. Not that I could not have my retelling on the stories, but I do not like to seem too cliché. So I just decided to sit down and start writing and this is what came of it. I know it seems to start more in the middle of the story, than in the beginning, but hopefully a little later on you will see why I started here. I wanted a different approach to the Cousland character without having her be completely heroic or completely selfish. I like shades of gray and moral ambiguities. I also wanted to play up the idea of just how young the last two wardens are, while both have had responsibilities this is not just some chore they can walk away from. They know deep down they have to be heroes. But how does one simply become a hero? It's an idea I like playing with. The dialogue between Alistair and Shirl might sound a little childish at first, but it is planned.

I think that is about it. Thanks for reading and enjoy the story.

Prismelf

**Warden's Burden**

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**Chapter 1: Outskirts of Lothering**

Shirl's sword connected with Alistair's. She watched as he started to step back shifting his weight from his right foot to his left foot. He would disengage and shield himself to block her next blow. She took advantage of his momentary break and snapped out with her shield arm. Catching the man off guard and unbalanced. She stepped into the blow putting her weigh and momentum into the swing. She knew Alistair never saw the blow coming.

Their shields cracked together in a thunderous roar. Shirl's follow through used Alistair's shifting weight against him and he tumbled to the ground in a heap. His shield still pressed firmly against his chest. He hit the ground and she heard the breath leave his body in a whoosh.

Shirl watched him for several seconds trying to regain his bearings. He blinked several times. _Probably trying to figure out why he can suddenly see the night sky._ She thought as she sheathed her sword and hooked her shield across her back. She hesitated only for moment before reaching down a hand to help him back up to his feet. Alistair grabbed her offered her hand. She pulled him to his feet and bent to receive his sword he had dropped when she knocked him down.

"Great, now I'm going to have a bruise on my pride that will match the bruise on my backside. Maker's breath, Shirl. Where in the world did you learn to hit like that?" Alistair asked rubbing the back of his head with his free hand.

Handing him his weapon, she looked over the blade. It was durable and weighty, too weighty for her taste, more of a wrist breaker style than she liked. The pommel and handle were worn and the blade had evident marks of having been put to the gritting stone several times before. "You need a new sword, Alistair. This one has seen better days."

He took the sword from her and sheathed it. Strapping his shield across his back he replied, "Yes, I know but there is sentimental value to it. It's the sword I receive upon joining the Grey Wardens. It was used only slightly then, but it seems I have added to the collection of dents it possesses."

Shirl snorted and crossed her arms. "Added to them? Alistair, I hate to say it, but you did not add half the marks that blade has." She waved a dismissive hand, "First chance we get I'm getting you a new sword. Perhaps something not so weighty, that thing will break your wrist."

"Hey, I happen to like my sword. Sentimental value aside, it has served me well. Besides, you can't just toss it out like it's a piece of filth. It's still my sword! You don't get to tell me when it is no longer of any use to me." Alistair replied sharply.

"Stop acting like such a child. I'm getting you a new sword." She turned to walk back toward their camp, when his hand on her upper arm stopped her.

"Stop acting all high and mighty, Shirl. You don't have to be a teryn's daughter here." His voice was soft and quiet. "I know what you must have gone through seeing your family betrayed by someone you thought was a friend. I…felt the same way after Ostagar."

"Is that why you got all weepy and emotional on me before we reached Lothering?" Her voice was like ice, sharp and cool. "What you did was abandoned your senses and left me to take up the banner. Yes, you might understand what grief is, but you will never understand what _I _had to go through just to get here." She remembered how alone she had felt running away with Duncan into the night after her family had been slaughtered like cattle by Arl Howe's men. She had been scared and wanted nothing more than to curl up into a little ball and rock herself to sleep. Except she hadn't. Something inside of her had snapped. She felt rage and fear, sadness and pity for her situation yet she could not make herself cry. Survival was all that mattered. Her feelings were unimportant to just surviving the days ahead of her. She did not even let her thoughts drift to what tomorrow would bring. She simply let herself be content with just getting by day to day. Thinking ahead made her feel the emptiness and pain of her lost loved ones. "I know what it is to lose the ones I care about, Alistair, but I did not let my emotions get the better of me. They did not run my life." She turned away again. She did not want to see the hurt creep into his eyes or the fury that would be twisting his face at her causal disregard for his emotions. She found it sickening and irrational. Shaking off his hand she said, "You are getting a new sword and that's that." She walked away. She sensed him fall into step behind her.

"Wait a moment!" he shouted after her. "What right do you think you have over me, Shirl?"

Shirl stopped again and whirled about her amber eyes glittering with anger. _ Okay, this is getting old. Stop acting like a naïve child you idiot man!_ She thought as she said "I took that right went you decided to make me leader! You, who are the Senior Grey Warden, made me the Newest Recruit your leader because for whatever half assed reason you seem to hate being in charge." Alistair came to a stop in front of her his normal light brown eyes turned black as he glared down at her.

"Half- assed reasons? I have my reasons, okay, half-assed or not. But at least I'm not lacking emotions. As we walked through Lothering you casually regarded everything coolly and calculated the risk of even helping poor refugees. You helped, but only because you saw something in it for you." He paused and pointed a finger at her face. "I bet you haven't cried once since your family died. So the chances of you having an emotional break down are highly likely. Great! So when it matters most you are going to completely crash on us. Or slit all of throats while we sleep…I'm not certain which it will be with you."

Her eyes narrowed. "How dare you!" Her hand twitched she really wanted to reach for her sword. She wanted to run this annoying man through. "You will not speak to me in such a manner. Grey Warden or not I'm still the daughter of a teryn! Know your place, peasant!"

"Oh, forgive me, my lady, did I strike a nerve. Good, I hope it smarts." He snapped back. "At least I know now you are capable of some emotional response, there for a moment I thought you really had died at the Joining and came back as a zombie."

"You are so childish!"

"I'm childish, you're the one keeps saying that. Can't you think of a better retort?"

"UGH! You are so infuriating!" She spun away again. _Why am I letting him get to me?_ She berated herself. She could feel the heat on her cheeks. Her face must have been bright red. No one had dared speak to her like that; she was Bryce Cousland's daughter. People were polite and respectful to her. No one, not even her oldest friend Ser Gilmore, had _dared_ to use such candid words with her. She stalked back into camp and tossed her shield and sword unceremoniously down in front of her bedroll.

"That was most impressive. I just about laughed out loud at the sight of you putting him in his place." Morrigan's chilly voice snaked out from the opposite side of the camp fire.

"Do not start, Morrigan. Really not in the mood right at the moment," Shirl started to unroll her bedroll. She ripped at the buckles and snapped the blankets out over the ground like she was trying to beat the dirt from them. A child! _He _had called her a child! She was not acting like a child; he was with his weepy and melancholy moods. He was supposed to be the leader not her! She did not mind the responsibility but he had waivered his right to question her when he had backed down all too willingly from the post of leader.

A sharp bark from across camp followed by a surprised yelp broke through Shirl's thoughts. _Oh crap, Toby!_ She had forgotten in the heat of the moment how protective the hound was of her. She dropped her blankets on the ground and hastily walked back to where she had left Alistair standing.

She found him still standing in their sparring area, but his hands were up in front of him in a nonthreatening gesture. In front of him Toby, her tan and white mabiri warhound, stood. Toby's ears were flat against his skull and he crouched low to the ground. His deep throated growl rumbled in his chest like distant thunder foretelling a coming storm.

As she approached the pair, Alistair gave her a pleading look. "Call him off."

Shirl stood behind the hound for a split-second appraising the situation. She could have been really mean at that moment. But she was too tired to keep arguing with Alistair he was…emotionally draining on her. She made a gesture at Toby and in a commanding voice said, "Leave it, Toby. He's not worth it." The hound straightened but did not stop growling nor did he make any other attempt to let Alistair pass by. "Toby, I said leave it."

Toby cocked his head slightly in her direction and then barked. He looked back at Alistair and then looked back at her and barked again.

"What in Andraste's name does he want?"

Shirl placed a hand to her chin and regarded her dog. After several moments she replied, "I think he wants us to apologize to each other." She could hardly believe it herself. Toby was smart, he had proven that time and time again, but why would he even want her and Alistair to apologize to each other. As if reading her thoughts, Toby walked over and sat down next to her. He muzzled her hand and then glared as sharply as a dog could at Alistair.

"Maker's Breath you can't be serious? Your dog wants us to be nice to each other?"

Shirl glanced down at Toby. He nodded and muzzled her hand again. Shirl smiled at him. _I believe my dog is more human than me at times._ She thought, patting Toby on the head. Toby leaned against her leg enjoying the reward of his good deed. "Alright, you mangy mutt." Shirl spoke through gritted teeth. "I will apologize."

"You were serious. Your dog really wants us to apologize to each other." Alistair stated more than asked. Lowering his hands slowly he looked at Toby, who let out a quick bark in response to his statement like question, and then he fixed gazes with Shirl.

"You know, you are prettier when you smile."

Shirl's eyes widened, "What?"

Alistair blushed and looked away, "Nothing, I just…" He sighed and looked down at his booted feet. "I'm sorry." He said.

Shirl was not certain what to say, she knew that she should apologize in kind, but Alistair's previous comment had caught her off guard. _He thinks I'm pretty?_ _Me, in my armor, covered in sweat and dried blood and Maker knows what else._ She flinched visibly at not having had a bath in weeks. She had rinsed herself off in creeks and streams they had found along the way, but nothing could compare to a hot bath. The aches and pains of the open road just seemed to disappear once in a hot bath. She had always looked forward to a bath after a long trip on the road. One of her guilty little pleasures that she had let herself indulge in from time to time.

Shirl shook her head. Her smile broadened and she noticed she did not have to force it. "You are a strange man, Alistair." Was all she could think of to say, "And I'm sorry too…I think perhaps we got off on the wrong foot this evening. We are both tired, stressed and emotionally unstable at the moment, perhaps sparring was not the best idea to…"

"I want to spar with you again tomorrow." Alistair said suddenly he looked up and his blush deepened. "It's good to keep in shape and well it's been a while since I have had a decent sparring partner. You might actually be able to teach me a thing or two. That is if you want to continue to spar with me and my ratty old sword?" He smiled at her.

Shirl blinked in surprise at his request "You still want to spar with me?" She asked even more confused then she had been by his saying she was pretty. _What is this man playing at? _She wandered. _He has to have his reasons, but what are they?_

"Why not? I want you to show me how to do that shield thingy that you did earlier."

"Which shield thingy?"

The blush on his cheeks seemed to evaporate and his eyes took on a gleam that Shirl could not exactly place. "The move where you knocked me on my ass."

"Oh, that one." She shrugged. Toby whined and leaned against her leg again. She knelt down in front of the dog and scratched behind his ears. She glanced back over her shoulder at Alistair. "I guess I could teach you how to do that. But not tonight I think we both need some sleep." She stood up and walked away. "Good night, Alistair. Don't forget to wake me for my watch." She raised a hand up in a mock farewell as she headed back into camp to finish setting up her bedroll. Just as she was getting out of ear shot she heard Toby yip playfully.

"Hey, stop that. I'm not a sheep you don't have to herd me. Okay, okay, I'm going. Maker help me! Your dog is sodden crazy, Shirl!" She heard Alistair call out.

Shirl smiled as she wrapped herself up in her blankets and lied down under the open sky. The heavens above glittered brightly. The beauty of the night sky had never eluded her. She was always amazed at the distant twinkling stars. As a child she had hoped the stories of the stars being the souls of those who had pasted on where true. If they were then she hoped her father and mother were up there watching over her right at the moment.

_Perhaps the night sky is the Maker's heaven and only at night can the souls of dead watch the living. If you two are up there watching me, whisper to the Maker for me. I'm going to need all the help I can get down here. Can you hear me, mother, and father? I miss you both. I will find Fergus. You will be avenged. I hope you are watching me and I hope…you are proud. Can you actually believe it, father? Me, a Grey Warden. Who would have thought…?_ She almost laughed out loud at the idea. She turned her head slightly to the right. There she could just make out the sleeping forms of her other three companions.

Leliana was curled up on her side facing away from her. Where as Sten was sitting cross legged, back straight and his eyes closed facing toward the fire. He looked like he was meditating; maybe it was a qunari way of sleeping. Morrigan slept a little distance from the fire on her back with hands behind her head if her eyes had been open Shirl could of swore Morrigan too searched the stars for something lost. They were a ragtag group. Each one unique and strange in their own way and every one of them were running away from something.

Shirl felt a familiar warm body lie down at her back. Absently she reached a hand back and patted Toby's head. The war hound licked her hand and snuggled up next to her, the same way he had every night since she had gotten him as a puppy. He was her personal traveling furnace. _Yes, we are a strange lot. The last two Grey Wardens of Ferelden, a Witch of the Wilds, a qunari, a crazy cloistered sister and a war hound who thinks he's human. I really know how to pick them don't I? _

Alistair had claimed first watch of the night when they had first set up camp. She could hear him shuffling around on the opposite side of the fire. Sounded like he was putting more wood on the fire, the warmth of the flames and the dog at her back made her eyes droop closed in contentment. She could not explain the feeling of peace she had in that moment. It was warm and inviting. The last thought she remembered having as she fell asleep was it was the first time in a long time she felt she could sleep the whole night through since her family's murder.


	2. Chapter 2

Hope you enjoy! Once again I'm just writing this story to see where it goes. The idea is this is the beginning of the journey that will change the over all world of Ferelden. Important note about the dream, I'm playing with an idea that struck me while playing Awakening. It seemed plausible and I have read some stories that touch on the dreams, but never about what makes the dream so frightening to the Wardens. Hopefully, I'm able to convey my ideas.

Thanks again for reading.

Prismelf

PSNotice anything out of place grammar wise please feel free to inform me. I'm horrible with my own grammar corrections.

**Chapter 2: Camp**

_The darkness sang to her. A sweet lulling song of nothingness, yet there was something darker under all the sweetness…something that drew her deeper into the emptiness something that called just as much as the bliss. Pride, desire, lust, arrogance, envy; emotions that disgusted her but also enticed her to join in the reveals of the darkness. The song came from everywhere and nowhere all at once. She searched and fought against the call at the same time. Her body betrayed her. It hummed and tried to sing back to the darkness. Her mind fought her body vying for domain. Her instincts screamed at her. She clawed at nothing trying to grasp at something, anything that could help her escape. She was drowning. She wanted to cry out, but her throat would not work. The muscles refused to constrict, her vocal cords would not vibrate to admit sound. She clutched at her throat willing it to work, to let her make a sound. _

_A light dim and grey in color filtered through the dark much like the sun breaking through a stormy day. She blinked or at least she thought she blinked at the sudden appearance of the light. Through the haze she saw it. It started fuzzy and blurred getting sharper and clearer as the light grew brighter. It was the source of the song. The song reached a pentacle, her blood boiled and churned at the marvelous and terrifying sight._

_A dragon, beautiful and hideous with black and purple scales, loomed over a yawning chasm. Hundreds of thousands of darkspawn milled within the gapping hole in the earth. Darkspawn swarmed and screamed marching off down a darkened road. The dragon watched its army movement with a critical eye. Opening its maw the dragon let out an earth shattering roar. She watched with horror and amazement until dragon's eyes found hers. She shuddered in ecstasy and in fear. Her mind screamed at her to run and never look bad while her body wanted to dance to the beast song. Voices whispered in a jumble like a chorus of wailing banshees. She could discern only one voice and then that voice became several. She could not understand what the voices said, but she could feel its intent. It wanted her to join them. The song grew in a wild cacophony. The dragon's roar mingled with the song. Her ears rang with the sound. She thought her head would explode from the pressure. She placed her hands over her ears. Her eyes bore deeper into the dragon's eyes. She felt those eyes burning into the depths of her soul. Then she screamed._

Shirl awoke with a jolt. Sitting upright she rubbed her hands over her face. _Just a dream, it was just a dream, but it felt so real._ Her heart pounded in her chest. She gasped for breath and tried to still her frantically beating heart. She could still see the dragon clearly in her mind and the song still haunted her ears. She ran a nervous hand through her shoulder length blonde hair pushing it back away from her face.

"Nightmares?'

Shirl glanced up toward the fire and saw Alistair sitting casually beside it regarding her intently. The intensity reflected there in his eyes was slightly unnerving, but there was a compassionate glow to them that settled her mind a little.

She nodded to afraid to trust her own voice. She still remembered the feeling of her throat constricting and unwilling to work.

"It's a sight effect of the Joining. I had them too." He seemed to ponder something for a moment and then he continued. "Did you see it? The Archdemon?"

Shirl's eyes widened. _The Archdemon that dragon was the Archdemon? _"You mean the dragon?" She whispered just barely audible enough for him to hear her.

"I guess it's a dragon, but yeah that's the Archdemon." His look became haunted and distant. "It calls to us because of what we are. We are tainted with the darkspawn blood. The blood sings in our veins whenever we are around darkspawn. It's how we can locate them and them us. The Archdemon sings to the horde to call them all together. For all intend purposes because of the taint we are part of its horde. Its one of the reasons we, Wardens, know that this is a true Blight. Though, the Archdemon has yet to put in an appearance."

Shirl nodded slowly taking in the new information. She placed in her hands in her lap. Clasping her hands tightly together to stop them from shaking, she did not want Alistair to see how shaken she had really been by the dream. _How in the world are we to defeat a dragon?_ She wondered as tears started to form in her eyes. She turned her head to the left and saw Toby was regarding with his big brown eyes. He whined and pushed his head against her shoulder. She reached out and petted the dog on top of his head. "I'm alright," she whispered to him.

"Were you frightened?" Alistair asked quietly. "I know I was. I awoke up screaming so loud that Duncan thought I was being attacked. He came rushing into my room with blades drawn," he paused to chuckle. "It reminded me of my days in the Chantry."

"I was a little frightened." She admitted though she still refused to look at him. _ Not of the Archdemon, but of myself._ She kept the thought to herself; Alistair did not need to know that particular little detail. He did not need to know how much she had wanted to join in on the Archdemon's song. How much she had wanted to become a part of its army. "What time is it?" She asked changing the subject.

"I'd say about an hour before dawn." Alistair replied standing up "So if you are awake we can start breaking down camp and making breakfast."

"An hour before dawn! Alistair, you let me sleep through my watch!" She flung her blankets off to the side which landed on an unsuspecting Toby. "I can't believe you would do such a thing!" She stood and crossed the camp. Placing her hands on her hips she glared at him. "Why would you do such a thing? Don't you think for a second that…"

"Calm down, your nightmare started the second your head hit the ground. I could not have awakened you if I tried." He interrupted her. Ignoring the look she shot him he walked over to his bedroll and started to refold it into a neat roll that would fit on his pack and failed miserably. The edges were not rolling correctly and were so long that they drooped down over the edges of his pack.

"You still should have tried." She stated without true conviction crossing her arms across her chest. She watched him struggling with his blankets. "What are you doing? That's not how you fold them you fold them lengthwise then half then roll them."

"Hey, roll your own blankets and leave me to mine." Alistair said fumbling to get the straps buckled around the bunking bundle.

Shirl threw up her hands in exasperation and stalked over to him. "You really are helpless aren't you? Didn't the Chantry teach you how to fold a bedroll? Look." She grabbed the roll from him and undid it and refolded them. "There, that's how you fold a bedroll." She buckled the straps into place and handed it to him.

"I'm impressed, when did a teryn's daughter learn how to fold a bedroll, didn't you have servants for that?" Alistair quipped taking his bedroll from her and lashing it to his pack.

"My father took me camping. I learned from him. He said it was a useful skill to acquire. Since you never know when you might stumble across a clueless templar who didn't know how." She retorted.

"Ha, funny, did you think that up yourself. Now I am impressed."

Shirl snorted much like Toby did when he was disgusted with something. "Just start making breakfast, I'll wake the others."

"You needn't bother; we are quite awake from your bickering. And please, don't let Alistair cook breakfast. I will do it, as not to upset my stomach at the idea of eating anymore of _his_ concoctions." Morrigan said as she stood up and walked over toward the fire. The witch's golden eyes looked at both of them as she began rummaging through their stores of food.

"This coming from the witch whose mother is said to eat small children. And you complain about my cooking." Alistair shot back, but he made no move to help Morrigan. Shirl noticed that he had dark circles under is eyes. And she began to wonder when the last time Alistair had slept through the night had been. _He didn't sleep the night after Flemuth rescued us from the tower and I know he did not sleep well the night of my Joining. This is the first time we've had a decent camp that was not crowded with refugees. Maker, it's been almost a week since we left Ostagar. Has not slept soundly since Ostagar?_ She had no way of knowing unless she asked him out right about it, and she was not about to do that.

"Alistair, instead of pestering Morrigan, why don't you start striking the tents? It looks like Leliana is already striking hers." Shirl tried to keep the command out of her voice and the statement a simple request instead. Alistair looked at her briefly then nodded and walked over to help Leliana finishing tearing down her tent.

"You really do have a soft spot for wayward folk, don't you?" Morrigan stated more than questioned. She raised a slim eyebrow at Shirl.

Shirl shook her head. "I don't understand what you mean, Morrigan."

Morrigan smiled coyly and went back to her breakfast preparations. "Tis nothing, I was only trying to make small talk. Is that not what most women do when busy with some type of mundane chore?"

"Sometimes, but we are not most women." Shirl replied walking back over to her bedroll she removed the blankets that she had tossed on top of Toby. The hound's head lifted and he looked as if he were grinning at her. "What?" she asked the dog. Kneeling down she started folding her own blankets and repacking her pack. Toby cocked his head and barked softly. Shirl rolled her eyes at him. "If you say so."

"You seem to understand him pretty well. Tis interesting that you talk to the dog like he is a human." Morrigan said as she set a pot of water to boil over the fire.

"He's smarter than most humans and he complains less too." Shirl commented. Toby barked his agreement of her assessment of him and wagged his tail.

"Tis very true. I have seen many animals in the wilds that are smarter than most humans. Your dog however, seems more cunning than most though."

Shirl nodded. "So I've been told." She patted Toby on his flank. His tail wagged harder. Shirl finished packing and went to strike her tent. With the summer air fading quickly around them she was not certain how much longer they would be able to sleep outside under the open sky. Not to mention if decided to rain in the middle of the night. At least this way the tents were already up and she could just move her gear inside. She already stored her armor there that way if it did rain she would only have to move herself and her weapons inside.

As she reached down to start pulling up the stakes out of the ground Alistair walked over and stood watching her for a moment. He had a hand as on his chin and his eyes had a distant look like he was seeing the expansion of the ocean and trying to figure out just how it went. After a few moments, Shirl became uncomfortable of him just standing there watching her. "What do you want?" She snapped pulling the stake from the ground with a vicious yank. The ground was soft and pliable the stake gave way easily to her strength.

Alistair shook his head seeming to clear away thoughts and moved to help her remove the rest of the stakes from the ground. "I've been thinking." He said after bending to retrieve a length of rope from around a stake. He wound the rope up and tossed it over to a large pile of stakes and rope cuts from the other tents. "Where do you plan on going first?" He asked. "I know I asked when we first reached Lothering, but you weren't certain as to where we should go yet."

Shirl popped another stake from the ground and thought about his question. _Where to go? We have treaties for the elves, dwarves and mages, and Alistair suggested that Arl Eamon would lend us his support, but which do we approach first?_ She shrugged tossed the stake over to the pile. "Still haven't decided. You have any suggestions?" She thought that perhaps they would go to Redcliff first. It was on the way to the Circle of Magi and Orzammar. The elves were going to be tricky to find but eventually they would get wind of their landships movements and then perhaps they could track them from there.

"I don't like the idea of the Arl Eamon being sick. I would like to know how he is doing too." Alistair said winding up another piece of rope.

"I was thinking of going to Redcliff. It makes the most sense and it is on the way to the other places." She looked at him and saw that he was watching her intently with much the same gaze he had been with after she had awoken from the nightmare. "Don't stare at me like that. It creeps me out." She snapped flinging the last stake from her tent over to the pile.

"Creepy? I'm creepy, _right_?" Alistair paused and shook his head. "I'm glad that you at least agree that we should go to Redcliff."

Shirl nodded and began folding her tent. Something was bothering her. It was something he had said after Flemuth had rescued them from Ostagar. "I remember you telling Flemuth that you were raised in Redcliff by Arl Eamon, but I'm pretty certain that you told me you were raised by the Chantry."

Alistair knelt down to help her. "I did, did I? No, I'm pretty certain I said I was raised by wild dogs. Wild vicious dogs."

"That could explain the smell." Shirl said curtly. She was annoyed at his joke. Alistair laughed and shook his head. Shirl looked at him sharply. "Enough, were you or weren't you raised by Arl Eamon?"

"No need to get all snappy about it." He mumbled and sighed. "My mother was a maid in the Arl's household. She died when I was very young. The Arl took me into his household." Biting his bottom lip he hesitated. The look that crossed his face suggested to Shirl he was debating telling her something, but the moment passed and he continued talking. "The Arlessa hated me. There were rumors that I was the Arl's bastard child."

"Well are you? Eamon's bastard that is?" She asked looking up from her work to meet his eyes. _There is something there. What are you hiding?_ He smiled at her and the smile reached into his eyes warming them.

"No, Eamon's not my father." He stated.

"Then you know who is?"

Again he bit his bottom lip and hesitated. "Yeah, but he is of no importance."

_Liar, but I will let you have it, for now._ Shirl thought as she gathered together the last of pieces of her tent. Packing it away, she turned and hollered over to Morrigan. "How's breakfast coming along? I'm starving."

"If you continue yelling at me like I'm some servant or maid of yours I will let Alistair finishing cooking. And we all know how that will turn out." Morrigan quipped back.

Shirl chuckled and went to help Leliana strike Morrigan's tent. The former cloistered sister was humming to herself as Shirl approached. "You seem to be in a good mood." Shirl said bending over to pull a stake up.

"Oh, me I just really like the morning right before dawn. I love watching the sun rise. There is music in the morning, don't you think?" Leliana asked handing her a piece of rope.

"I don't know about music, but sunrise can be quite breathtaking. I still hate waking up that early though." She tossed the rope and stake over to the pile.

"Hey, Shirl, watch where you are tossing those things, here Sten can you hold these?"

Shirl ignored Alistair's complaint and continued helping Leliana. "You know, Shirl, that Alistair has been watching you. I think he might_ like_ you." Leliana giggled at Shirl's look of utter horror.

"Leliana, you are vile. You are as bad as the ladies of the court gossiping about men. Please, I never partook of court gossips in that sense." Shirl said waving a dismissive hand at Leliana raised eyebrow. "That was useless gossip, unless it was dealing with who was cheating on whom. Now that was useful information."

Leliana's face broke into a smile. "So you like intrigue and politics? I never would have guessed from the way you handle a sword."

Shirl forehead wrinkled. "Why does that surprise you? I'm a teryn's daughter, a noble. I was born into the court and politics that's what I do. I learned to fight because I asked my father to teach me. Much to my mother's protests, she wanted me to continue my studies and find a good husband." Shirl frowned. "Unfortunately that is not what I wanted."

"And what did you want?" Leliana asked folding up the tent's canvas.

"I…don't know." Shirl looked up at the sky. "I wanted to learn and be dutiful to my family, but I never really wanted that I think. It was what I felt like I should want, because everyone was telling me what I wanted. Does that may sense?" Leliana nodded her understanding so Shirl continued. "I like being a Grey Warden, but I'm not certain what that means." She shuddered remembering her dream. _What does it mean to be a Grey Warden? Is it to feel the pull of the Blight? Is it to fight against it for the rest of my life?_ She did not know. She glanced over at Alistair, the only other Grey Warden in Ferelden. _I wonder what he thinks. I know he is proud of being a Grey Warden, but what does it mean?_

Once camp was packed up, the ragtag band sat around the campfire to eat breakfast. Morrigan had fixed a pot of warm porridge and fried bacon. They made small talk and told jokes, mostly at Alistair's expense. Even Sten grunted with amusement once or twice. Or at least Shirl liked to think his grunts were of amusement, most likely they were grunts of disgust. Toby even managed to steal a couple pieces of bacon from plates. Shirl remained mostly silent. She spoke when spoken to, but her thoughts drifted away from the conversations and the bantering of the group. At one point she stood up and walked away from the fire to the edge of camp where she and Alistair had been sparring the night before.

She stood there for several moments, until she heard footsteps coming up behind her.

"Are you feeling alright?" Alistair asked. "You've been quiet all breakfast."

"I've been thinking." She stated simply. "I want you to help me with something, Alistair."

"Hmm…this something I'm possibly not going to like it am I?"

Shirl shook her head. "No, I think you might like it." She turned toward him and smiled brilliantly at her. Alistair took a step back from her, either because of surprise or apprehension, she was not certain which. "I want to go darkspawn hunting."


	3. Chapter 3

Shorter chapter, but it is setting the ground work for some things that are coming up. Once again I'm just writing as it comes. I really don't know where this is going I'm letting it write itself which is fun considering I usually plan and map my stories out.

Enjoy Chapter 3 please review with comments, questions or concerns: I like to hear what people are saying. Thanks!

Prismelf

**Chapter 3: Three Days Outside of Redcliff**

"Okay, close your eyes and concentrate. You have to clear your mind." Alistair's voice whispered in her ear. Shirl closed her eyes tightly and tried to think of nothing, yet nothing was the last thing on her mind. _Dammit, why can't I do this?_ She thought.

"You aren't concentrating hard enough." Alistair said.

Keeping her eyes shut she crossed her arms. "Is this really necessary? Isn't there some other way?" She asked.

She heard Alistair sigh, "You wanted to understand how we sense darkspawn. I'm just showing you what Duncan taught me to do." He shifted. "So, try again. Clear your mind and concentrate."

Shirl blew out a breath and tried again. _Keep my mind absolutely clear. _She concentrated. She focused on her breathing. _In and out, in and out, deep breath._ She felt her body relax.

"Good, now listen to the beat of your heart."

She obliged and listened. The rhythm of her heartbeat was calm and steady. As she listened she thought she heard a whisper, a dark beautiful whisper. Suddenly her dream from the night before came rushing back. The whisper escalated into several. Her heart sped up and her breath quickened. Her body tensed. Then the song started to play.

It pulsed through her veins calling her to join it. The sound resonated within her skull mixing and combining with the beat of her heart. But, it was not just one song she heard there were more, several more. They were close by. She needed to join them to dance with them.

"Shirl!" A voice called out, a voice that was not part of the song. Suddenly the song enveloped her. She started to hum. Her body swayed and she started to take a step in the direction of the others. They were very close. She wanted, no needed to join them. "Shirl, don't." She found herself unable to move, something or someone was restraining her. "Shirl fight it!" A voice cried out again.

She shook her head and fought against her bonds. _Let me go!! I must find them! I must join them!_ She pushed and pulled, kicked, bit, clawed and lashed out with everything she had. "Let me go!" she growled throwing all her weight against her restraints.

"SHIRL! STOP! OPEN YOUR EYES!" Her restraints tightened. "Don't listen to it, please don't listen." The strange voice whispered in her ear. "Open you eyes."

Something in the way the voice told her to open her eyes gave her pause. There was an emotion tinged in the speaker that was both foreign and familiar to her at the same time: An emotion that overrode even the sound of the song_._ It sapped her of energy and the will to try to join the others; she simply could not fight against a force with that much feeling. Shirl stopped fighting. Her body felt heavy all of sudden. She could still hear the song, but it was growing fainter. She felt tried and drained. She felt the pull of the song still, but it was tolerable. She opened her eyes and the song vanquished.

She was standing in a dense forest clearing. The clearing was a little distance from the road they had taken out of Lothering. The others were waiting for them back on the road. She shook her head and looked around. She had not moved far maybe a step or two toward the south west. She blew out a heavy sigh and started to take a step, when she realized she was still being held back.

Alistair's arm was wrapped firmly around her waist. She cheeks turned red with embarrassment. "Uh, Alistair, you can let go now."

His arm released her quickly causing her to stumble forward. She caught herself and straightened adjusting her armor and weapons before turning to face him. Alistair was blushing as deeply as she was.

"Sorry about that, but you tried to charge off into the woods and well…sorry." He mumbled looking at the ground.

Shirl shook her head, "Did you know that could happen?" She asked regaining some of her composure. Her head was starting to ache. "Is it like that for everyone?" She pinched the bridge of her nose in hope of relieving the pressure building up there.

Alistair glanced up at her as he shook his head. "It's different with everyone. Some people barely sense anything and some sense everything. Truthfully I only know what Duncan told me and my own experience with it." Looking over his shoulder his brow furrowed in concentration. "I can sense at least a dozen just a little south of the others on the road. We should probably get back." He started to walk off, but then stopped when he realized Shirl was not following him. "Aren't you coming?" He asked.

Shirl regarded him. _How in Andraste's name did he do that? _She pondered eyeing Alistair head to toe. _How was he able to resist the song so casually? Maybe it takes practice?_

"I'd like to try again." She stated crossing her arms and turning her back to him once more.

"What? You really want to try again? Are you trying to kill me?" Alistair protested not moving from his spot.

Shirl threw a glare over her shoulder at him. "I need to learn to control this if I'm ever going to master it."

"But the others are waiting for us and there are darkspawn close by. I would rather wait until later once we are in camp. It will be safer and less of a chance we'll be interrupted." She half turned and waved a dismissive hand through the air.

"Enough! I need to learn this, now! Not tonight or tomorrow, but now, Alistair." Her body was rigid and tense like a lion getting ready to pounce. "Tell me something, Alistair; you were able to sense the darkspawn just now without any problems. How were you able to do that?"

Alistair threw up his hands in frustration. "Maker, you are stubborn!"

"Alistair, how?" She demanded.

He sighed and scratched the back of his head. "You really aren't giving up on this are you?" When Shirl shook her head, he continued. "Duncan, taught me to sense them the same way I'm teaching you, however," He held up a finger to forestall her next question. "These methods of sensing are the same as clearing your mind for meditation and in working templar magic." He smiled ruefully then. "I guess in a way it's the one time I've been thankful for the training. It helped me to resist the call of the horde so to speak. Duncan told at one point that I could be one of the strongest 'sensors' he had seen in a while."

Shirl digested this new information. _So if I learned the templar's tricks it could help me to better resist the song. _"Can you teach me about being templar then?" She asked turning to face him fully. Under her direct amber eyed gaze Alistair blushed and had to look away. She kept her voice sincere, but her demeanor firm. He stayed silent. "Well, can you?"

He sighed and seemed to find focus on particular interesting speck of dirt on his armor. "Yes, I _could_, but the templars have strict rules about teaching non-templars their secrets. I guess that is one of the reasons that the Revered Mother was unwilling to let me go." He shrugged. "At the moment it would take longer than we have to even start with the exercises necessary to clear and focus your mind."

Shirl blew out a heavy breath. "Fine, then we will work on it later." She turned and walked out of the clearing back toward the rest of their waiting party. She could hear Alistair behind her talking to himself.

"Never said I would teach you their secrets. Where in the soddin blazes does she come up with some of her disillusions of superiority?" Shirl tuned him out. _All I need from him is for him to teach me his templar tricks. Then I should have this whole sensing thing under control._ She smiled. _If I have to play dirty to get him to teach me, then I will. Mother always said I was good at manipulating people. Let's see if this former templar is up to the challenge. _


	4. Chapter 4

Hello, here it is Chapter 4. I'm gong to try and have Chapter 5 up soon. Enjoy!

Prismelf

**Chapter 4: Three Days Outside of Redcliff**

Shirl sidestepped the Hurlock's jagged sword and pivoted using the full momentum of her step to slam the creature in the face with her shield. Blood spurted from the creature mouth and nose splashing her armor with dark red blood. The Hurlock staggered back. Shirl took advantage of the creature's momentary pause and slashed out with her sword. She caught the Hurlock across the middle gutting it thoroughly. Dark red gore and entrails spewed from the creature's gapping wound. Shirl took a few counter steps back placing her shield between herself and it.

The Hurlock hissed in pain and fury. Holding one arm over the hole in his stomach it swung at her, but its strength failed and it toppled over. As soon as the creature fell, Shirl cautiously stepped forward and drove her blade through its back. There was only a slight resistance from the creature's poorly made armor as the blade slipped into the Hurlock's back down through chest cavity and out the other side. Blood pooled around it and her feet. As she yanked the blade free she twisted it for good measure. _Blasted creatures._ She thought spinning around to see how the others were faring. The others seemed to be holding their own fairly well. As she watched, Shirl could not help but compare the violence and carnage she was seeing to some strange exotic dance.

Leliana's bow twanged and snapped like the strings of a lute, while her arrows whistled and hummed through the air to find there darkspawn targets. Even her voice carried above the heat of battle to sing a hauntingly beautiful song such a contrast to the slaughter that she wrought.

Flashes of bright lights and claps of thunder echoed in concert next to Leliana's song. Morrigan's peals of laughter broken up with the booms of destruction she wrought, discharged across the field. Her delight made Shirl shiver. _It is fun, in a way._ She thought sprinting across the field opposite them to slash at Genlock archer taking aim at Leliana. She slashed out at the creature's neck. The Genlock was completely focused on Leliana; he never saw the blow coming. Her blade swept across his neck in a fountain of blood. The creature gasped dropping his bow to clutch at the gaping hole in his neck. Shirl slammed her shield into the Genlock forcing it to the ground. She leapt over the slain genlock. Her eyes darted left and right. Leliana and Morrigan seemed to be holding their own against three of the creatures with Sten's help. The giant qunari used his strength and power effectively against his smaller opponents well. Huge wide sweeps of his blade kept the three darkspawn at bay long enough to let Leliana and Morrigan fire their deadly rain of arrows and magic down upon them. Toby was within a few feet of her mauling one Hurlock to the ground. He ripped chunks of flesh from creature with each snap of his massive jaws. Alistair traded blows with two genlocks a few yards in front of her, two Hurlocks lay slain at his feet. One of the genlocks charged forward forcing Alistair to block the creature's blade with his shield. As his fellow attacked the second Genlock pressed the attack. He dove at Alistair's unprotected flank. Alistair blocked the incoming blow with his sword, though just barely.

Gritting her teeth Shirl sprinted toward Alistair. As she ran Shirl let out a cry that sounded like a feral cat. She bashed her shield into the closest Genlock with its back turned to her. Stunned, but unfazed by the force of her blow, the creature turned to slash out at its new opponent. Shirl met the swing with her sword and shoved with her shield disengaging their blades. She stepped back. Placing her feet squarely apart she raised her sword up and ready to strike at a moment's notice.

The Genlock leapt at her sweeping out with both of its weapons. The first weapon connected with her shield bouncing off the metal surface harmlessly. The second weapon she tried to parry with her sword, but the Genlock was faster than she had anticipated. The weapon arced just below hers finding a small opening between her the cinches on her breast plate. She felt the tip of the blade pierce through the padding under her armor and into her flesh beneath. Stinging pain raced up from the wound. She could feel hot sticky blood burst forth from the wound.

With a gasp of surprise she was forced to take a step back in order to prevent the Genlock from following through with the blow. Otherwise, she knew the wound she had just received would have been much deeper and possibly fatal. Her breath was coming in quick gasps. With every breath she took fire lanced up her side. _By the Maker! That smarts, you stupid creature._

Sensing her hesitancy to attack it the Genlock struck again. Shirl shifted weight from her front foot to her back foot and sprung forward to meet the Genlock's attack head on. The Genlock snarled as blade met shield and sword met sword. But instead of backing away, even though her side burn like Andraste's funeral pyre, Shirl pressed the attack. Striking out with both shield and sword at the same time, she knocked the creature back a step and lunged downward with her sword. Her sword found its mark. Biting deep into the flesh of the genlock's chest she drove the weapon down ward as hard as she could until she its ribs snap and its gurgled breathing stop.

Placing a foot on the creature's corpse she pushed it away using the strength of her leg to untangle her sword from its temporary darkspawn sheath. She whirled to find that the battle was over. Leliana downed the last of their trio with an arrow through the eye. Toby was shaking a decapitated Hurlock like it was a ragdoll. And Alistair landed a killing blow to the last Genlock on him that nearly cut the creature in twang from shoulder to hip.

Covered in blood, bile and sweat Shirl nodded to the others. Clipping her shield onto her back she knelt to wipe her sword free of blood on the tabard of the Genlock she had just killed when pain flared up from her side.

Dizzying waves of nausea pulsed through her setting her back on her heels. Stars danced in front of her eyes. She was suddenly very afraid to move. _By the Maker…what in soddin…blazes…_her mind suddenly started to drift. She couldn't focus. Darkness crept in at the edges of her vision. Breathing became a chore, a burden. She felt so tired. She wanted to sleep. Closing her eyes she could still felt the burning pain in her side, but the lull of sleep pulled her away from it. She remembered feeling the ground beneath her. "I…can't…mustn't..." And then she knew no more.

_Pain, burning gut wrenching pain, wrecked her body. Her muscles constricted and relaxed giving her only brief respites from the pain. She wanted it to be over. She did not know when it would end. At some point she had the idea that she had died and was being tortured in the Fade by some malicious demon. Wanting her for nothing more than to feed off her pain and suffering it toyed with her finding new ways to extract its needed fuel from her. _

_ "Please end it!" she screamed at the demon. When begging did not work she tried fighting it. She kicked and punched out with everything she had, yet the demon only laughed and continued to punish her more. Only sometimes did the demon disappear it was during one of those brief intervals that she thought she saw her father. _

_ "Father! Please, father, take me with you. Please save me! Don't go! Don't leave! I'm sorry, so sorry, please." But her father only looked at her with pitying eyes and walked away leaving her to die like she had done to him. At that she cried. Tears of remorse, lost and guilt racked her body. She had never cried for her dead family, but she did then missing them more than she ever would have cared to admit. Then the demon came back and she started her punishment all over again._

Shirl opened her eyes. The world was fuzzy and her head was swimming. She could see the gray sky above her. _No wait, not the sky._ She thought as her vision started to focus. She realized that it was the cloth ceiling of a tent. Groaning, she started to sit up.

"I would not do that if I were you." Leliana chirped, her hand gently pressing her back down.

"What happened?" Shirl whispered her voice raspy and scratchy sounding. She swallowed, her mouth being dry enough for her tongue to stick to the roof of it.

"You received a wound in battle. Though it was not very deep, I saw that the blade the darkspawn used had been coated in some type of poison." She produced a canteen filled with water and offered it to Shirl. Shirl accepted the water and sipped at it gingerly. After a few sips she passed the canteen back to Leliana. Leliana nodded and resumed speaking.

"I do have a limited knowledge of herbal remedies for certain poisons. I prayed to the Maker that it would be a common poison easy to treat. Your symptoms matched quite a few of the toxins I was familiar, but I could not be certain." Leliana stated setting aside the canteen she took up a wooden bowl that had steamy broth in it.

"Symptoms?" Shirl croaked. _So the little bastards poison their blades too. Good to know._

"You were having terrible hallucinations. Poor Alistair, you blackened his eye at one point. You also burned with a fever, the wound festered a little, but mostly I think it was the poison that coursed through your veins. And if haven't noticed your voice, you were screaming quite a bit." She smiled tightly. "We honestly thought we were going to lose you."

Shirl lightly shook her head. "No, not to a scratch."

Leliana's smile blossomed into full bud. "Do you feel like eating? Morrigan made it. She said it should help with some of the antidotes I gave you."

Before Shirl could answer her stomach growled. She chuckled.

"Oh, I suppose that is a yes then. Good. Here let me help you sit up." Leliana sat the bowl aside and helped her to a sitting position. Once she was sitting up as comfortably as she could Leliana handed her the bowl of steamy warm broth. Shirl took a cautious sip. The liquid was hot, but not hot enough to burn her tongue. It tasted minty and crisp. After the initial taste she gulped the rest of the soup down not even brothering to touch the spoon. She finished and handed the bowl back to Leliana. Her throat started to feel better and the throbbing in her head simmered down to a dull tolerable aching behind her eyes.

"If there is any more, I would like some, please." Shirl asked.

Leliana laughed causing Shirl to blush. Nodding Leliana said. "Good, glad to see your appetite is healthy. I will go get you some more." She stood up and walked out of the tent.

Shirl sighed and closed her eyes pinching the bridge of her nose. _I wonder how long I've been out of it. _ She wondered.

At the sound of the tent flap being pushed aside, she dropped her hand and opened her eyes discover Alistair standing by the tent's entrance way. A look of genuine relief flooded over his features.

"Thank the Maker!" He cried as he rushed forward to sit on the ground by her side. "You had me worried sick. Are you feeling any better?"

Shirl studied him for moment. As she did she could see the faint green yellow outline of a bruise around his left eye, "I don't know, Alistair. How does one usually feel after waking up from a poisoned wound?" She asked sarcastically.

"I would think it would feel like waking up after a night of heavy drinking." He retorted back. "But I'm serious, are you alright?" His brow furrowed in concern.

Shirl let out a deep breath. "Yes, you are a strange…Where's Toby?" Her heart quickened at noticing her dog was not directly next to her.

Alistair quirked an eyebrow at her as he replied, "Toby, is outside your tent. Morrigan and Sten have been taking care of him. Well, mostly Morrigan just told him to stay out of our way, but Sten has been feeding him and keeping him company. Those two seem to have a mutual bond of some sort. Toby hasn't left the front of your tent since we pitched it up five nights ago."

"Five nights! I've been asleep for five nights." _Ah, Maker help me._

Alistair nodded and looked away from her suddenly. "We thought we might lose you. You screamed out so much and on several occasions it took our combine strength to hold you down so that Leliana could give you the antidote to the poison. You fight like a cornered cat, all tooth and claw." He pointed at his left eye. "See this, first night you punched me right in the eye. Never saw it coming. Ha! I thought you hit hard with a shield, by the Maker though, you can hit pretty hard with just about anything." He chuckled and a light red blush crept up his neck and onto his face. "You shouldn't have come to my aid in that fight. I had it under control." He said softly.

Shirl's eyes went wide. _How dare he? _She though. "You think I was protecting you?" She scoffed. "Helping you was not the less bit of my concern at that particular moment, it was killing all the darkspawn on the field." She glance away finding something particularly interesting on the wall of her tent. "And not losing any of my companions. Don't be stupid, Alistair. You were being forced back by those Genlocks, help is what you needed, but I was not protecting you. I know very well that you can handle yourself." She whipped her head around quickly to face him fully. Even though it caused her headache to throb with just a bit more twinge. "Just as you should know, I'm quite capable of handling myself. We watch each others backs, but we don't do stupid heroic stuff that ends in one of us dead or worse. This wound was a miscalculation on my part and nothing more. Don't think it is your fault. Now, if you could please pass me the canteen my throat suddenly seems to be parched again." Alistair obliged and handed her the canteen. As he passed her the canteen their hands touched briefly. Shirl blinked in surprise at the brief contact. His skin was warm and slightly rough from calluses and small scars across his knuckles. The scars crisscrossed his hands like the rivers and streams etched on the surface of map and much like a map the scars told a story of his time as a sword fighter. Shirl had similar scars across her hands. Yet, it was his fingers that drew her attention long, supple and gentle.

_Why am I noticing this?_ She felt a heat rise to her cheeks that had nothing to do with the poison. "Thank you." She whispered, taking the canteen she gulped down the rest of the water.

"Shirl, I'm glad you're okay." Alistair stated taking back the canteen, this time Shirl was careful enough to not let their hands touch.

She snorted at Alistair statement. "You're just glad I'm alright because that means you still don't have to be leader." She raised an eyebrow, "Or have you finally grown a pair and decided to take me out with Genlock assassins?"

Alistair gaped for a moment she could tell that he was trying to see if she was joking or not before replying to her, "I would never use Genlock assassins, I would just send an army of Ogres, much more effective leaves less of a mess too." They stared at each other for a beat then busted out laughing.

_Maker, what has come over me?_ Shirl thought as she tried to compose herself. _What is it about this man that can make me hate him one second and then the next second I'm laughing with him? _

Leliana chose that moment to walk back into the tent. She stared at the two of them laughing and shook her head causing the two to laugh all the harder.

"You laugh to much harder, Shirl, and you will tear open the stitches Morrigan and I worked so hard on. Besides, your broth is getting cold." She squatted down next to Alistair and handed Shirl the bowl. With a wink to Alistair she said to Shirl, "And this time I did not brother with the spoon."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Redcliff**

They were grouped together on a high cliff overly looking the town and castle of Redcliff. Shirl sucked in a breath as she stared at the view. The noonday sun beat down upon the blood red cliffs and the roofs of the wooden houses. The village was nestled on the shore of Lake Calenhad. The waters of the lake sparkled like many facets gem stone.

_It reminds me of a ruby._ Shirl thought taking a breath she inhaled the smells of Redcliff. Mostly fish and fresh water sprinkled with wood smoke and baked goods. She smiled. In a way it remaindered her of Highever. Highever with its tall towers overlooking everything, she loved climbing to the top of the towers and looking out over the country side. Sometimes she thought it was how the Maker had felt when he looked upon the world. To see the beauty and splendor of the world and never have to know any of the pain and suffering that was happening in it. Yes, in those moments she had felt like a god.

"Uh…Shirl?" Alistair's voice shattered her childhood memories. She rounded on him eyes narrowed.

"What?" She asked sharply, she really was not in the mood to deal with him at the moment. After recovering from her injuries, she had asked Alistair to teach her the templar's secrets. He had refused again. The verbal argument that had followed left everyone in camp, including Sten unwilling to approach either Warden for the last two days. At night the companions sat in relative silence. Even Toby left the two alone, sleeping at his master side, but giving her a wide berth while they travelled.

Shirl thought about apologizing and at least trying to rectify the situation enough that she might convince Alistair to teach her, but every time she started to say some thing, her pride slammed her back down into silence. She would not apologize to him! He would come to her.

"I…we need to talk for moment. I prefer privately if you don't mind." Alistair stated motioning behind him to where the rest of the group sat looking out over the view while throwing the occasional uneasy glance her way.

"We can talk just fine right here. So start talking." She snapped turning her back on him to stare out once more over the village.

"Shirl, I wouldn't ask if it were unimportant, please." Alistair pleaded. Shirl's shoulders slumped, she _hated_ when he used that tone of voice. It made him sound like a little kid.

"Talk now, or don't talk at all." She commanded. Placing her hands behind her back she took on a very military like stance. She swore she heard him grit his teeth together. A small smile of satisfaction sprayed across her face. _Good, serves you right._

"Look, I would prefer it if only you knew what I have to say, but if you want to be a bitch about it. Then I don't have to say anything! Lead on!" Alistair snapped.

"Excuse me! I'm being a bitch?" She whirled around her amber eyes afire. "I would rather be a bitch than a whimpering self pitying man who would rather play at being hero than actually trying to be one!" She watched as Alistair's face reddened, but not from embarrassment. His eyes darkened to almost black. If she weren't angry, Shirl might have found the color attractive.

"Back off, Shirl, I only wanted to talk to you, but now I can see that you are incapable of even civilized conversation! Haven't you ever heard of being polite yet strained?"

"I know it well I'm doing it right now."

"If you both would just shut up!" Morrigan shouted. Alistair and Shirl both turned their heads sharply to glare at the witch. "Oh don't give me those nasty stares. I believe I speak for the entire group when I say, 'shut up'. We are all tired of hearing you two fight, tis most annoying."

Shirl just blinked at the witch. She glanced out of the corner of her eye at Alistair, who was looking at her.

"If you two would focus more on our mission instead of fighting each other than we would have been to the Arl by now." Her golden eyes focused on both of them with annoy etched across her face. "Tis sad when I have to be the voice of reason."

Shirl scoffed and turned her head away. "Well very, Morrigan. I agree it is a sad day indeed when I must defer to your logic." Shirl raised a hand to forestall Morrigan's protest. "Let's just move on." She moved away toward an old wooden bridge that led to the road leading into the village.

"Shirl!" Alistair called after her. She ignored him. Her mind was buzzing. _Damn her, I hate it. Why does that man always set me on edge? _She had never been bothered by anyone like she was by him. _Damn him! _ "UHH!" She gritted her teeth and continued on toward the village.

Entering the village uneasiness gripped Shirl. The village was quiet. Too quiet. Villagers peered out at them from ran down hovels. Black smoke curled up from a large pile of smothering debris and…Shirl gagged as the sickly sweet smell of burning flesh. The large fire burning in the courtyard of the Chantry was a massive funeral pyre. Circled around the pyre were Shirl assumed the families of the deceased. The men and women gathered around the fire wore makeshift armor and weapons.

Shirl stopped in her tracks. How had she no noticed the smoky haze, the charred flesh smell before? Watching the flames crackle and pop, Shirl found her eyes starting to well up with unbidden tears. She could just make out the outlines of the shrouded wrapped bodies of the villagers. _Maker, there are so many of them, so many bodies._

A cloistered sister stood upon the steps of the Chantry with her hands outstretched and her head tilted up toward the sky. Words formed on her lips. Shirl could not make out the words. As one the townspeople knelt and offered up their prayers for their lost loved ones.

"Maker, what happened here?" She heard Alistair whisper. Shirl shook her head. Her argument with him earlier seemed stupid and petty.

"I'm not certain, Alistair, but I intend to find out." She glanced at him and then started down the path toward the village square.

As she reached the square's border an alarmed cry went up from the assembled townsfolk. Many of them finished with their prayers to the dead, seemed to be working on some type of barricades around the Chantry. The barricades were poorly made, but the wood seemed sturdy. _ They might repel one or two attacks from farmers with pitchforks._ Shirl noted as she walked pass the first set of roadblocks.

"HALT!" Cried out a voice that sounded like it had smoked one too many cigars, Shirl saw the speaker walking toward them from the bonfire. "You are not allowed in here!" The man approaching them looked to be in his mid thirties. Black hair and beard peppered through with spots of grey. Shirl stopped and rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes. _Smoke, it's just the smoke. _She reassured herself.

"What are you doing here?" The man asked coming to a stop directly in front of them. Up close Shirl could see the dark circles under the man's eyes and while he wore no armor he carried his longbow across his back like he knew how to use it.

"I'm Shirl Cousland, daughter of Teryn Bryce Cousland of Highever. I'm here to see Arl Eamon." She stated crossing her arms and standing straighter. _Dignified and commanding, _she repeated the words of some far off lesson in her mind. _Always appear to be in control even when one is not._

"Ha! And I'm Princess Peamont of Antivia." The man barked.

Shirl's eyes narrowed at the insult. Someone shifted uncomfortably behind her. She kept her face completely blank. "I'm also a Grey Warden." She added.

At this statement the man's eyes widened and a scowl appeared on his brow. "Not too many that would claim that title after Ostagar." He looked Shirl up and down like she was a heifer he was considering purchasing. He sighed puffing his cheeks out. "I could let you see Bann Teagan. He could decide what to do with you."

"Oh, you suddenly believe we are who we are?" Shirl asked.

"Look everyone is on edge; I'm just trying to make certain everyone stays safe." He stroked his beard. "I'm sorry about the gruffness, as you can see you are catching us at a bad time."

Shirl nodded her understanding. "Understandable, what happened here?"

"Not rightfully sure. I think perhaps that you should speak to Bann Teagan he could explain things better." The man turned away and gestured for them to follow him.

Shirl motioned the others to follow him. As Alistair walked by she reached out and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. "Just a moment, Alistair." She said softly. "I would like to speak with you."

Alistair hesitated a moment looking after the others who were moving pass the bonfire. Leliana knelt quickly and prayed while Morrigan and Sten continued walking. Morrigan rolled her eyes at Leliana's antics as she walked pass the Orlaisian woman. Toby rubbed up against Shirl's leg and looked up at her with big brown eyes. Shirl absently reached down and patted the mabari on the head.

"What is it?" Alistair asked quickly. He seemed anxious to be moving toward the Chantry.

"Bann Teagan…he is Arl Eamon's brother?" She raised an eyebrow at him. Alistair nodded and she continued. "Then the situation must be much worse than we thought if Teagan as left Denerim. We must be prepared for the worst. Can you handle that?" Shirl watched him. She let implications settle upon him. He sighed and suddenly looked very tired.

"Shirl, I'm not certain if I could handle losing Eamon this soon after losing Duncan." His eyes welled up, but he did not let the tears fall.

_Good, _she thought _he is learning there are proper times and places to grief._

"I'm trying, but…" She could see his jaw set stubbornly. "I'm…just not as strong as you." He blurted out. "Some of us aren't you." He turned away from her and stared at the bonfire. "This is the only home I know, Shirl. I will protect it." His voice can as a whisper to her ears.

"Alistair, I'm not saying we are not going to do help. I'm saying that you should just prepare yourself. We are Grey Wardens. If I understand this duty thing correctly our job is to stop the Blight. We need allies; we don't always have time to fix every little problem that may pop up." She tried to keep her voice even, but her voice cracked on the word 'allies'. _What if no one will help us? What if we fail? Shut up! You will not fail!_ She chided herself, though in her heart she did not feel the rebuke.

Alistair's shoulders slumped. "Yes, I know, but I have to try." Some about the way his broad shoulders looked weighed down with the weight of the world gave her pause. _Oh, I'm an idiot. He's being an idiot._

"You idiot," she said chuckling lightly. She called herself one as much as she called Alistair one. She moved to stand beside him. The others see could see were waiting for them at the top of the Chantry's steps. Alistair shot her a quizzical look.

"Why am I an idiot now? Did I forget to do something? Are my pants not laced?" He asked.

"Are you pants not…what? Seriously, you baffle me." She reached out and touched his shoulder. His eyes followed her hand and flinched lightly at the contact. "You don't have to shoulder the world, Alistair." She stated simply, throwing him a warm smile.

"Funny, I should be asking that to you."

Shirl shrugged and removed her hand. "We're the last Grey Wardens. Perhaps, we should rely on each other more." She winked at him. "Besides that is what friends do too."

"Friends? We just spent the better part of three days not talking to each other, and when we did talk we yelled at each other. Suddenly that makes us friends." He shook his head. "Maker, and people call me strange no wonder you and Sten seem to get along, you both have weird notions of society."

Shirl laughed. "I guess so, but…" she paused and fixed a critical eye on him. "If you aren't willing to teach me the templars secrets, then I would rather have you as a friend and mentor. I need all the help I can get if I'm to master this Grey Warden thing."

Alistair smiled back at her. "I will help you, Shirl. I've never said I would not…I'm just…"He blushed red. "A man of my word, at least for the moment." He added rather hastily.

"Don't think I won't try to get you to change your mind though. I still think it would be easier to learn the templar skills, than master this on my own, but I won't pressure you into anything." Impulsively and against her better judgment she kissed him on the cheek. Her cheeks bright red, she walked almost ran, over to others.

Leliana opened her mouth as Shirl approached. "Not _one_ word, Leliana, or I'll leave you staked out in the open naked for the darkspawn to find and devour." Shirl smiled wickedly as Leliana's mouth slammed shut with a snap. "Lead on, my good man." Shirl gestured to the guard showing them to Bann Teagan.

The man nodded and turned to enter the Chantry.

_Ah, Maker help me, the fool is charming in an awkwardly enduring way. _She looked at over her shoulder to see a still blushing Alistair jogging over to join them. _And he's not bad looking, flirting never hurt anyone. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Redcliff's Town Square**

Shirl's shield smashed into the face of the putrid rotting corpse. A horrible wet snapping sound reached her ears as her shield made contact. As she brought her sword swinging around to decapitate the undead, she saw the creature's jaw was hanging on by a thread. The undead still clawed at her, raking its long unnatural claws across her shield and armor. Her sword connected with the corpse's neck. An awful smell assaulted her nose, three day old rotting flesh, sweet and gagging. Her sword bit deep and like butter through the rotting flesh and decomposing bone. With a thump the zombie's head rolled to the ground and stared up at her with empty black eye sockets, its headless body twitched for a moment before crumbling to the ground in front of Shirl.

Shirl pivoted swinging her sword in a wide arc. Steel striking steel clanged in the air. A rotting face appeared over their crossed swords. The corpse's lipless mouth gaped at her in a never ceasing smile. It hissed at her through crooked yellow teeth. Planting her feet Shirl pushed against its weapon driving it back slightly, but the movement allowed her to disengage her sword from the zombie's.

Bringing up her shield she blocked the next powerful blow, and lunged out catching the creature in the chest. Ignoring its wound the undead monster continued chopping at Shirl's shield trying to overpower her. Shirl brought her shield to bear and met the sword's attacks. Shifting weight from her back foot to her front foot she spring forward. The corpse's sword caught on her shield but she kept moving. With a resonating CLANK! The sword went flying from the undead's putrid grasp to land a few feet away. The zombie's mind being blank did not register it was missing a weapon. The creature leapt at her throwing itself on top of her shield. One of its hands gripped her shield while the other clawed at her. What Shirl did next was against her better logic but, she could fathom another option on such short notice. She dropped her shield.

The zombie was momentary paused by her snap decision. Shirl whipped her sword at the creature's neck. The sound of oozing flesh severing from bone told her the she had hit her mark. Bile rose in her throat as gore and pieces of rotting flesh clung to her sword, shield and armor. She swallowed the urge and gathered her shield from the ground buckling it hastily back onto her arm.

All around her the sounds of battle were fading. An eerie gray light filtered down on them from the east. Shirl breathed a sigh of relief. They had made it through the night. _But at what the cost?_

Surveying the town around her, only a few of the militia were still alive, though none of them looked unscathed. She wiped her blade off on the tunic of the last rotting corpse she had killed. Sheathing the blade she walked toward a small group of militiamen standing near the center of the town square. Looking over the group she saw Leliana and Morrigan amongst the group. The congregation consisted mostly of archers. All around them laid the bodies of rotting corpses, militiamen, knights of Redcliff and a few templars that were assigned to the Redcliff Chantry.

Shirl whistled loudly. The group turned and looked at her, but she ignored them whistling again and again. Three short piercing sounds and they were answered by three short barks coming from the cliff face up above. Shirl scanned the horizon and saw Toby standing; covered in blood and other things she would rather not think about, on the cliff up near the mill. His tail wagged so hard that she though he could leap off the cliff and his wagging tail would propel him through the air.

"Toby, find Alistair and Sten." She hollered up at the mabari. Toby barked and trotted back down the cliff out of view. Shirl took assessment of her own wounds. She had a few scratches, but nothing major. Her arms felt like lead and the adrenaline pumping through her veins was running out her eyes drooped. Walking over to join Leliana and Morrigan, she noticed that many of the villagers were poking their head out from the Chantry's doors. The villagers casted weary glances around at the carnage before fully stepping out into the rising sun's light.

"Shirl," Leliana called out to her disengaging from the remaining militia. She wore a board smile across her face though her eyes had dark circle around them and a red welt was starting to appear on her right cheek. "I'm glad to see you survived. I was starting to worry toward the end."

Shirl nodded and looked about scanning the cliff sides to see if she would spot Alistair or Sten. "Morrigan how is she?" Shirl asked.

"Tougher than most, she took one really good hit. I thought she was down, but she stood up and continued fighting." Leliana replied turning to look at the witch. "She can be quite scary when she gets mad."

"I can only imagine. Have you see Sten or Alistair?"

Leliana shook her head.

Sighing Shirl said, "Thanks, why don't you go see how the villagers fared. I'm going to check out the roadway from the castle."

Leliana's brow crinkled in curiosity, "Are you worried about Sten and Alistair?" She asked shifting her weight slightly. Shirl shot her a look that said 'don't even start'.

"I think those two will be able to handle themselves just fine especially if they are together." Leliana smiled and turned away giving Shirl a little wave goodbye.

Gritting her teeth, Shirl moved away. She walked up the short incline that led up to the village's mill. A few yards away from the building more barricades had been erected. Before the fight they had rolled casks of lamp oil up onto the castle pathway. As the putrid corpses came streaming out of the castle, Shirl had Leliana light an arrow a fire and shoot the casks.

The road between the barricades and parts of the barricades were charred. She glanced around. _We had been holding this position until the village needed help. _ She sighed. She had left Sten, Alistair and Toby to guard the roadway, as she, Leliana and Morrigan went to help in the village.

_Where could they be? _Shirl wondered. She pursed her lips and whistled. Her whistle was answered by a sharp bark that came from up near the castle's road way. "Toby!" she hollered and started moving in the direction of the mabari's bark. Her call received another bark. She passed the barricade and was greeted Toby, bounding over to her. The mabari barked once and grabbed her gently by her wrist. "Take me to Alistair and Sten, boy." She commanded softly of the hound.

Toby tugged on her arm moving toward an embankment that was between the mill and the castle road. There Shirl could just make out in the morning light a glint of armor leaning up against a large boulder.

"Alistair! Sten!" As Toby led her closer she could make out both men. Alistair had propped himself up against the rock while Sten crouched in front of him and offering him a canteen of water. Alistair shook his head and turned to look at Shirl. His face was pale and his brow was furrowed in pain.

Shirl knelt down next to Sten. Up close she could see that Alistair's armor was covered in blood and gore. Though she could not tell where his weapon was without removing his armor. "Sten help me unbuckle his breastplate." She moved quickly, while the qunari supported Alistair she unsnapped and unbuckled his armor. Alistair's breath was ragged and uneven, but he made no attempt to stop her. _Maker, he is really hurt._ Shirl thought as she peeled his breastplate away and saw that his padding and shirt under neither were soaked in blood.

"Sten, go get one of the Chantry sisters." Shirl swallowed the lump forming in her throat. As Sten placed Alistair back against the rock and handed her the canteen of water before standing and heading back toward the village at a brisk walk. Letting out a deep breath, Shirl reached down and removed the knife she kept hidden in the back of boot. "Sorry, Alistair, but I'm going to cut away your padding and shirt to get a better look at your injury." Alistair nodded his understanding and Shirl went about cutting away carefully as not to jar his wound or wounds anymore than necessary.

Once she had everything cut, she removed his garments and poured water over his chest to clear away some of the blood. Alistair hissed in pain and bit his bottom lip to not cry out in pain. "How bad is it?" He managed to whisper.

Shirl's brow wrinkled in concentration. She looked over the wound. An arrow that had managed to find a small opening in between his breastplate and right under his arm, the arrow had been snapped off so only a little piece of shaft was remaining on the surface. Shirl shook her head. _He's probably bleeding internally too. _"You snapped an arrow in your side." She said briskly. "It looks like you did while fighting." She could think of nothing else to say at the moment. Grabbing his ruined shirt she looked for a place that did not have blood on it. Finding a small section she ripped the cloth and dumped some water from the canteen on it.

"Ah…that was my favorite shirt." Alistair mumbled halfheartedly.

"I'll buy you a new one." Shirl snapped. "Now hold still." She started to clean around the wound as much as she could. Alistair still did cry out, but she could see that he was biting this lip again. "You know for all the whining and complaining you do, you're tougher than you let on." She said as she wiped at the arrow's shaft.

"Not…it just good at…hiding it." He panted and tried to smile, but fell short. He gasped as she applied some pressure to the wound. It was bleeding badly, but from the amount of blood on his shirt it had been at one point. "Shirl," he started.

"Quiet down, you need to save your strength." Toby whined next to her. She had almost forgotten about him. "It's alright, boy." She whispered to the hound. "He'll be alright." She said it almost to reinsure herself as much as Toby. Toby whined again and gently licked her face.

"Shirl," Alistair started again.

"Stop trying to talk, you idiot!" She hissed at him. "You're making it worse."

Alistair's eyes fluttered shut as his eyes rolled back in his head. "ALISTAIR!" Shirl yelled. She took one hand off of his wound and tapped his cheek. "Stay awake, you have to stay awake."

"But I'm tried…" he huffed.

"I swear if you fall asleep I will twist this arrow and make you wake up."

"Shirl, My father…isn't Eamon."

Shirl shook her head. "Don't worry about it. We will talk about it later."

"My father…is…Maric." With that Alistair passed out. Leaving a dumbfounded Shirl staring at him in awe and interesting. _Is he really? Or is it delirium talking? Holy shit! Alistair, you idiot. You're the heir to throne of Ferelden! _A suddenly a piece of the puzzle clicked into place for Shirl. And suddenly a plan of action began to form in her mind. A plan that might just save Ferelden from total doom and destruction, Shirl smiled despite the fact the plan required Alistair to live.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Redcliff Castle**

Shirl did not like leaving Alistair back at the Chantry, especially since even the cloistered sister and templar who came to take Alistair were not certain about his condition. Shirl had done everything she could to help Alistair. But her first aid skills were severely lacking.

After much debate she decided to leave Toby watching over the injured Grey Warden. Toby whined and barked at her, complaining in his Toby way. Trying to convey to her that he should stay with her, but she stayed firm with him. Explaining to him that Alistair needed protecting and since he had wanted them to get along then he should be the one to watch him. Toby had huffed and snorted at her, but he stayed with the man. Anyone who had watched Shirl talking to the dog probably thought she had gone insane. She certainly had heard some of the cloistered sisters whispering about her. "She's gone mad. Talking to dog like it understands."

Shirl shook her head and continued pacing back and forth across the cliff face. She was to meet Bann Teagan on the cliff road leading up to the castle. Teagan wanted to get into the castle to check on Arl Eamon. However, Bann Teagan was late.

"I do not think you need to so impatient, Shirl. He will arrive when he arrives." Leliana chirped. The former cloistered sister was standing with her arms crossed watching every step Shirl made.

Shirl shook her dislodging the strange thoughts imbedded there. "It's not that." She shook her head and continued to pace. "I'm not liking this is at all."

"She moves like a caged cat." Sten remarked. Shirl stopped in her tracks throwing a look the qunari's way.

"Huh…that's the most I've heard you say, Sten." Morrigan commented examining her fingernails as she leaned against a pole supporting the front entrance of the mill.

The qunari just looked at Morrigan and stiffed. "And mages should know their place around their betters. Be silent, witch."

Shirl started pacing again. She did not like waiting. Her mind also turned with a thousand rushing thoughts. She had plans to make and improve upon. _If Alistair really is the son of Maric, then Eamon must have known. Does that mean Lohgain knows? This could be bad. Lohgain would know then that Alistair is a potential threat to his and Anora's rule. But, what would he do about it? Come on think, Shirl. _

The witch's narrowed as she looked at Sten. She opened her mouth to retort, but was silenced by the approach of Bann Teagan coming up the roadway from the village.

"Finally," Shirl muttered under her breath. She stopped pacing.

Bann Teagan approached her and nodded. The man looked tired. His eyes had dark circles under them and his face was thin and drawn. They had talked briefly when first entering the village and she knew the Bann had fought with the militia to defend the town.

"Teagan," Shirl nodded. "What's the plan? You wanted to meet with us?"

Teagan regarded her carefully as he came to a stop in front of her. "Straight to the point, I see." He said chuckling softly. "You are more like your father than you realize, Shirl."

Shirl flinched slightly at the mention of her father. But she kept her gaze steady. "What is your plan, Teagan?" She really did not want to be reminded of her parents.

Teagan's face grew grim as he turned away and looked toward the Redcliff castle in the far distance. "I need to get into the castle and find out what is going on." His brow furrowed in concern. "I've tired for several days now, but no one at the gate will answer my calls. I fear that everyone inside the castle is dead." He paused and Shirl waited for him to continue. "I need your help." He said after a few seconds. "I plan on using the secret passage located under the mill to reach the castle basement. I would like for you and your group to accompany me into the castle."

"I'm perplexed myself at what is causing the problems here in Redcliff." Shirl stated in an authoritive voice. "I'm inclined to help you in this endeavor, Bann Teagan."

Teagan nodded and a sad smile played upon his lips at her formal tone. "Very well, we will depart for the castle as soon as you are…"

My lord!" A gruff voice called from down near the village. Shirl's and Teagan's heads turned sharply. A guard and a finely dressed woman were jogging up toward them.

"Teagan!" The woman shouted catching sight of Bann Teagan. Shirl watched as the two approached.

"Oh, Teagan I was so worried." The woman had a heavy Orlaisian accent. Shirl raised an eyebrow at Teagan.

"Isolde," Teagan breathed. "Thank the Maker; I thought no one was alive. How is Eamon?"

_So this is the Arlessa of Redcliff. _ Shirl thought as she looked the woman over. She was pretty with her light brown hair and strange olive green eyes. Shirl remembered that Isolde was several years younger than her husband, Arl Eamon. Her father had talked of Arl Eamon's scandalous marriage to an Olraisian woman so soon after the war with Orlais. Eamon had been all but cast out of Denerim after his marriage. His younger brother Teagan spent more time at court than Eamon did.

"Please, Teagan, I haven't much time. You must return with me to the castle." Isolde was saying. Shirl's attention snapped back to the two. Her eyes narrowed at the arlessa.

"I don't think so." Shirl stated. _This reeks of a trap._

Isolde's eyes widened, "Who are you to speak to your betters, hold your tongue." The arlessa commanded.

_Is that what I sound like?_ Shirl wondered briefly, before fury white hot burned into her cheeks. "I'm Shirl Cousland, daughter of Teryn Bryce Cousland of Highever; I'm also a Grey Warden." Shirl drew herself up and stared down at Isolde. Then she spoke to Bann Teagan. "I believe this is a trap. To even entertain this idea is ludicrous."

"Please, my son…Eamon, I must bring you back, Teagan." Isolde's voice sounded forced though she was pleading with Teagan. Shirl rolled her eyes. _Woman needs to learn to control her emotions._

"Isolde, what has happened?" Teagan asked kindly. He placed a firm, but comforting hand on Isolde's shoulder. Eagan's face crinkled into a tight smile.

"I…an evil…an unspeakable evil brought upon us by a mage. I…had brought in to tutor Connor." Isolde admitted reluctantly.

Teagan's eyes grew huge. "A mage…Connor?"

Isolde nodded slowly. "I was afraid they would take him away so I hired an apostate to teach him in secret. That way he could learn to hide his talents."

Shirl rolled her eyes again. She did not know much about magic, but this was beyond idiotic. Mages could not inherit lands or titles; of course the arlessa of Redcliff would try and protect her only son. But at the risk of the rest of her village and the sake of her marriage because something told Shirl, Arl Eamon had no idea about his son's potential.

"Let me guess, the Arl has no idea that his son is a mage?" Shirl voiced just getting the unanswered question out into the open. Shirl was rewarded with a dark look from Isolde. Shirl sighed and crossed her arms. _Wow, and I thought Alistair didn't think things through._ "Well, if magic is behind this," She glanced at Morrigan who looked back at her with a look of utter boredom. "We will know. I still cannot let the Arl's brother out of my sight."

"But, I cannot return without him. I have permission to bring him back to the castle. He and I are the only ones allowed into the castle." Isolde begged.

Shirl stuck out her chin stubbornly, "That would be ill advised. Teagan,"

"I will go with you, Isolde." Teagan said abruptly interrupting Shirl. He waved a hand dismissing Shirl's look of disbelief.

Isolde smiled and looked relieved. "Oh, thank you, Teagan. Thank you," Tears sprung into her green eyes.

"I just need to finish speaking with the Warden." Teagan stated. Shirl shifted uncomfortably at being called 'the Warden'.

Isolde nodded to him. "I will wait for you by the bridge, please hurry." Then she turned without sparing Shirl a glance and walked away.

"Are you mad?" Shirl asked rounding on Teagan. "It's clearly a trap."

Teagan sighed and nodded his agreement. "I know, but at least this way I can see who is still alive inside the castle." He gestured back behind him toward the mill. "If I go in through the front you can go in the secret door and look around. An attack on two fronts, so to speak."

"Very well," Shirl agreed. "But this is your plan, your idea. If anything goes wrong I'm blaming you." She pointed a finger at Teagan chest. Teagan smiled slightly at her.

"If anything goes wrong, we might be dead." He stated flatly.

"Then all the more reason for me to blame you." Shirl did not like being dismissed so off handedly, especially when she was being serious. "I will follow you shortly, I must check on Alistair." Turning she walked away. Teagan fell into step behind for a short distance before veering off to the right toward the bridge leading into town and the pathway up to the castle's front entrance.

Morrigan, Leliana and Sten followed Shirl as she stalked back down into the village square. All were quiet pondering and distilling in their own thoughts. Eventually Leliana broke the silence.

"Do you think it was wise to let him leave by myself, with that woman?"

"No, but it was his choice, not mine." Shirl's mind whirled as she thought about other plans and other options. There were not many, but there were a few. Teagan could have told Isolde, no. His place at the moment was with the villagers of Redcliff; however, Teagan's feelings for his family had overruled his duty to the people. If he had told Isolde 'no' then the possibility of losing one of his family's members was likely, but how many more could he have saved? Shirl was not certain but whatever evil Isolde was talking about did not seem to be darkspawn related. Something older seemed to be at work. Magic, Isolde had said.

_ I dislike magic. I don't mind it's usefulness at times, but overall it's annoying and dangerous stuff._ Shirl could not help herself, she glanced at Morrigan. The witch was walking slightly behind her. She held her head high and her strange metallic eyes seemed to focus on everything and nothing at the same time. _She's different. I don't understand her completely, but she is useful._


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Lake Calenhad**

"Ugh!" Shirl spat as Toby licked her face to wake her up. She had not slept in over twenty-four hours. She was tired and slightly hungry. "Toby, you great lummox, get off me!" She tried vainly to push the enormous hound off of her. "Maker bless me, no more table scraps for you!" She breathed finally getting him to move.

Toby whined and looked down at her with his pleading brown eyes. "Don't make that face. I mean it." She sat up and grabbed her shirt and pants. Sighing regretfully she stood up and pulled on her clothes.

A slight knock on her tent's front support pole made her jump slightly. "What?" She asked lacing up her pants.

"Your watch." Sten's gruff voice replied.

"I know, I know. I'll be out in a minute." She sat down and drug her boots over stepping into them before standing again she grabbed her black cloak and sword belt. She left her shield and armor inside the tent. It had been raining the past few hours and she did not feel like getting soaked and having rusted armor in the same night.

Shirl stepped outside her tent and Toby followed her. He kept her company most nights she was on watch, but tonight she was even more grateful for it. He was silence for the most part and non-judgmental.

Since she had decided to travel to the Mage's Circle located in the central of Lake Calenhad the group had been quiet. She sighed and buckled on her sword belt. It was still raining and the wind had picked up making the rain even more through than it already was at soaking her clothes.

She hated magic. She hated people who did not look before they leapt. Her decision to not kill Connor or sacrifice Isolde to blood magic had left Morrigan and Sten in fouler moods than normal. Leliana remained quiet, but Shirl could tell that something was bothering the former sister. _Couldn't be that I was thinking about performing blood magic and sacrificing Isolde. _She wondered for the millionth time. Yes, she had entertained the idea of letting Isolde die in place of her son. It was the woman's own stupidity that they were in this situation to begin with. But when a still wounded Alistair had chirped up and said something about talking to the Mage's Tower. Shirl bulked. How had he managed to think of something she had not? Baffled she had stared at him.

"What?" Alistair asked looking at her sharply.

"Nothing." She shook her head. _Why? Hadn't I thought of that? _

Why? Hadn't she? Because she just had not. Ugh! She was so frustrated.

Shirl went and sat by the fireside. Reaching out she grabbed a handful of dry kindling sitting next to the fire to help keep it dry. Tossing the wood into the fire she watched as the flames greedily ate the wood. She closed her eyes and focused on the warmth of the flames. _I just need to focus more. I need to figure out what I'm going to say to the Mages. _

"Last time I checked if someone was on watch you're supposed to have your eyes open." Alistair's voice cut through her thoughts.

Shirl opened her eyes and blinked at him. "And people who are asleep aren't supposed to be up moving around, unless they want to take over the watch." She said playfully back as he came and sat down stiffly beside her. His wound was still healing and at one point during the fighting at Redcliff castle he had reopened the wound Shirl with Leliana's help had redressed the wound, but she wasn't certain if Alistair was up to fighting par, yet. They had not sparred that evening at camp even though Alistair had almost begged her to let him try. Shirl eyed him suspiciously.

"I couldn't sleep." He admitted glancing at her. Shirl shrugged and placed more wood on the fire. "Have your dreams been bothering you lately?" He asked quietly.

She nodded and rubbed her hands together holding them close to the fire.

"They have. The pass few nights have been strange, but tonight I was fine. At least until Toby woke me up for watch." She shot the hound a dark look. Toby panted and licked his lips. She turned her head to look at Alistair. His brown eyes met her amber ones. Shirl felt a blush creep up into her cheeks as she saw the same light red tint cover Alistair's face. She looked away. "You're awake because of your dreams?" She quickly said.

"Yeah, stupid darkspawn, they must be closer than we thought to this area." She heard him shift slightly. "I really only get dreams when darkspawn are close. It use to be I would get dreams every night, like you, but now it's whenever darkspawn are close." He chuckled softly. After a few moments of silence Alistair spoke again. "The song you hum when you think no one is listening, I hear it ten fold. You know that right?"

"What?" Shirl stammered, a deep blush coloring her cheeks. "What song? What are you talking about?"

Alistair laughed. "The song you hum, it's the same one I hear in my dreams or the one that I hear when darkspawn are near by. Remember its how we sense them. You hum it softly whenever you're deep in thought about something." He laughed again and Shirl reached out a lightly punched him in the shoulder.

"Stop it. I don't hum." She stated flatly which made Alistair laugh harder. "Knock it off you sound like an idiot." Shirl wanted to throttle him. _I'm going to _kill _him! First he thinks of something I didn't and now this. Do I really hum?_

Alistair's laughter subsided and he wiped the back of his hand across his eyes. "Oh, Shirl, you take things way too seriously."

"I don't see the point of you laughing at me." She snapped reaching down to grab a piece of kindling she broke the twig in half and threw it into the fire.

"I just think it's funny. You aren't the type of person who just hums to hum. That seems more like a Leliana thing. Besides," Shirl dared a glance at him as his voice deepened. "You like me." He said as he kissed her on the cheek.

Shirl's eyes flew wide open and she jumped away from him. "Don't you dare do that again." She commanded. "I…take my watch if you're so awake. I'm going back to bed." She stood up and started to walk away when she felt Alistair catch her hand.

"Wait," he said. "Shirl, we need to talk."

"Uh no, we don't." she said snatching her hand away.

"Yes, we do." Before she could protest or walk away he rushed on. "I remember, before I passed out the other day telling you who…my father was."

"Yeah, so?"

"It's doesn't bother you?" He looked at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Shirl sighed and crossed her arms.

"I'm not certain. I can see why you didn't tell me. After all I'm a noble. You probably thought I would treat you like dirt or pond scum or thing. Or I would just ignore you completely. Am I right so far?" She asked. Alistair nodded and she continued. "But, we talked about it before and you lied to me. That's what really irks me. You told me your father was unimportant. I don't know about your notions of importance, but I consider being a king to rank up there." She quirked an eyebrow at him. "You are unbelievable. You let me treat you like crap even before I knew who you were. Either you are use to it or just don't have enough confidence in yourself to do something about. In a way you not telling me was a sign of cowardice. You were too afraid to tell me because of how I might react. Huh! Face it, _Your Highness_; I'm not treating you any differently than before, even if you are the heir to the throne of Ferelden. You aren't getting off that easily."

Shirl just about busted out laughing as Alistair gaped at her like a fish out of water. Then he shook his head and recovered slightly. "Perhaps it was cowardliness that made me not say anything to you." He blushed slightly, but looked up to meet her eyes. "But a part of me liked you not knowing. I'm use to only a few people knowing about who my father was. I didn't want you treating me differently. Hell, even Duncan treated me differently keeping me out of the battle at Ostagar because of it."

"Does Lohgain know about you?" Shirl interrupted.

"I guess so, considering he was my father's best friend. Why?" Alistair asked standing up. Shirl groaned and place a hand to her brow.

"Because not only is he hunting Grey Wardens down, Alistair, but he is most definitely trying to make certain you are dead." _Crap, not good. Well, there's one suspicion down. Just a few thousand more to go._

"What, why?" Shirl shot him a look that read _Are you serious?_ Dawning bloomed on Alistair's face. "Oh, the whole being heir to the throne thing."

"Good boy, and tomorrow we'll work on your letters and numbers." Shirl answered sarcastically.

"Hey, don't patronize me."

"Then don't act like an idiot. It's not very flattering,_ You're Highness_." Shirl dropped her hand from her brow and began to pace in front of the fire.

"Stop it. Don't start calling me that. I hate it." Alistair snarled viciously.

Shirl stopped pacing and looked at him. His body was tense and his eyes were narrow. _Maker, he looks like he is ready to beat the crap out of me._

"Sorry," She said "I was just joking. Sheesh."

"I don't like to joke about it." He relaxed a little.

"I can see that." She smiled suddenly at him. "Don't worry, your still just Alistair to me."

He raised at eyebrow at her tone. "What do you mean by that?"

Shirl shrugged. "I mean, _Alistair,_ that you are on watch." With that she turned and walk back toward her tent.

"How does she do that, Toby? How does she do it?" Shirl smiled coyly. _Beautiful, just beautiful _she thought as she flipped open her tent flap. _Not only are darkspawn my biggest problem, but let's add some political intrigue and mass mayhem to sweeten the deal. I just want to go home. _But, there was no home to return. Rendon Howe had seen to that. She was alone. Or was she? She turned and looked back over her shoulder at the young man sitting next to her mabari warhound scratching behind the dog's ear absently. Alistair had no place he could call home either. The Grey Wardens had been the closest thing to a true family he had known. Placing a hand on her cheek, she remembered he had kissed her. _Maybe, I'm not as alone as I thought._ She glanced around the rest of the camp and noted the rest of her companions' tents. _Perhaps we are making our own households here. Each of us running away from something we can't truly get away from._ With that thought she ducked into her tent and closed it behind her.

Quietly, from the shadows of a nearby tree, the elf watched her. She was tall, even for a human, and she moved with the strength of a mountain cat. He admired her assets. Slightly endowed with finely portioned muscles, a pretty face framed by pale blonde hair and eyes that sparkled like the dawning sun; she was loveliness and dangerous in the same breath. Yes, she was going to present a challenge for him, but which challenge would he find more amusing: bedding her or killing her.


	9. Chapter 9

Hello Everyone,

So just wanted to point out a few things; first of all I like to thank everyone who has added my story as a favorite or has it on story alert. The story does not have many reviews, but I don't care about that. I like knowing that I have an audience growing. So thank you all so much. Second, I can only really update during the week. My weekends are really busy. I have no time to write, so during the week updates only which happens every day or so. Lastly, I notice that I'm writing a lot of scenes that happen at camp. Remember this is not a planned story I'm writing from whatever pops into my head at the moment. I let the muse take me, so to speak. I think the reason for this is I'm trying to fill in a lot of the gaps that the game left with the camp scenes and the like. I don't want to rewrite the entire game, just certain elements to make it seem more realistic I guess. I think you will see what I mean with this chapter.

WOW!! 0_0 did not mean to write that much. Anyway, enjoy the chapter! Thanks again for reading!

Prismelf

**Chapter 9: Near Lake Calenhad**

Shirl felt drained. The Tower of Mages had been a complete bust. She sighed and trudged on concentrating on placing one foot in front of the other. _It's funny that I'm so tired, considering the Sloth demon in the tower, put us to sleep._ She shook her head clearing her thoughts of the tower. _Really, don't want to think about the stupid mages._ The Mages' Circle did not help her stance on magic. If anything it made her feel even more uncomfortable with it.

Shirl glanced behind her to the elderly woman now travelling with them. Wynne, she remembered speaking with her briefly at Ostagar, but that seemed like a lifetime ago. She was kindly, wise and really stubborn. Wynne reminded her of her mother. Fierce determination mixed with a matronly compassion that Shirl had never been able to grasp. _Maybe it's an elderly woman thing._ She wished on several accounts she had her mother's uncanny ability to get people to do what she wanted them to do. Instead Shirl used her rationale and logic skills to talk people into her way of thinking. Her mother had _guilted_ her into things. Wynne seemed to have the same power.

She stared at Wynne as the mage walked next to Alistair, the two were conversing quietly. Alistair seemed to be listening intently to the elderly mage. Though from his straight shoulders and clipped gait, Shirl could tell he was tense around Wynne. _His templar training must be kicking in. He respects her magic, but fears her wrath._ She glanced over to Morrigan. Alistair reacted much the same way to Morrigan. While they prodded each other with useless banter most of the time, Alistair was weary of the witch.

Shirl sniffed. _Still need to convince him to teach me the templar tricks. How to go about this?_ She tapped a finger to her chin. _He's not as gullible as he likes to play. He knows that I'm trying to get him to teach me. But…"_ She couldn't help herself she glanced back at him again. There was something that drew her eye to him. He was a whiny, self-pitying, naïve, man who thought he served an honorable cause when in reality he was just running away from his true calling. He should be stepping up to claim the throne of Ferelden. Grant it there was Blight, but the Grey Wardens needed a strong leader to support them in fight against the darkspawn. What they had now was a brewing civil war. Her eyes narrowed and she stopped abruptly on the trail. Holding up a hand the rest of the party stopped behind her.

"What is it, Shirl?" Wynne asked coming to stand next to her. "Do you sense something?" Shirl shot Wynne and then Alistair a dark look and then shook her head.

"I think this is a good area to stop for the night." She moved off the road and into a small clearing that looked as if it had been used as a campsite before. Shirl dropped her pack and began to unravel her tent canvas.

"There is still plenty of daylight left, we could continue for a few more hours yet." Alistair suggested dropping his pack next to hers. "If you need a break I will carry your pack for a while." He the corner of his lips twitched upward slightly.

"I know you are itching to get back to Redcliff to help Connor, Alistair, but I'm beat and so are the others." She gestured to the rest of the group.

Leliana was nursing a deep gash from a desire demon on her right shoulder. Sten and Morrigan had dark circles under their eyes, but neither one of them would complain about it. Toby laid down on the road way next to Morrigan's feet and refused to move, even after Morrigan had poked him with the toe of her boot.

Shirl nodded at the others. "I will start setting up the tents. Sten, you and Alistair start collecting wood. Leliana, you can help Morrigan with dinner once Wynne has had a look at your wound again, and Morrigan can start getting supper ready." Shirl grinned as Morrigan rolled her eyes.

"Why, am I on supper duty? Tis not what I would have expected." Morrigan mumbled as she dropped her pack and began to rummage through it for food supplies.

"Shirl, we could make…" Alistair started.

"Enough, Alistair! We are stopping for the night." Shirl snapped throwing her tent canvas to the ground and standing. "I'm tired and Leliana's wound needs treatment. I know they won't complain about, but Sten and Morrigan are about ready to drop from exhaustion." She poked his chest with a finger. "And we need to talk."

Alistair stared at her through narrowed eyes. "We always need to talk, Shirl."

"Well, I need to know some things." Shirl bent and started to untie the tent poles from the pack Sten had been carrying.

"Maker, what could you possibly want to know?" Alistair crossed his arms and watched her intently.

Shirl blew out a steadying breath. "Why do you not want the throne? Do you not realize the good you could do? The people you can help?"

"Shirl, have you seen the way I lead. I don't like being in charge. I don't like being responsible for other people. Maker, forbid me being in charge of an entire kingdom. No, I don't want it." Alistair stated waving a dismissing hand.

"You are too strange. Most men would jump at the opportunity to be king. Just look at Lohgain. He killed the king to get where he is." Shirl replied stringing the tent poles through the canvas pieces.

"Well I'm not Lohgain." Alistair quipped turning abruptly on his heels he stalked off to help Sten gather firewood. Shirl watched him for a moment than shook her head. _Damn fool._

Half an hour later their camp was set up and Leliana and Morrigan had a bubbling pot of venison stew cooking over the fire. Shirl sat near the fire and tossed another log onto it. She stared into the flames and felt their warmth fill her body. Her eyes drooped and she felt sleep starting to take hold. Shirl jerked herself awake. Rubbing her eyes she stood up. Wynne and Leliana glanced at her.

"I'm going for a walk." Shirl announced and walked off in the direction of the woods. She had walked often enough in the forest of Highever. Her walks through her homeland had helped her settle her mind and body. Relaxation and peace had eluded her since she had taken up the mantle of Grey Warden…_No, that's not quite right, more since my family was murdered._ Shirl tried to take notice of her surrounding looking at the wildflowers growing along the deer path she had chosen to explore, but the fragile white and pink blossoms could not sweep away the storm of her thoughts. Twisting and turning like writhing snakes that she could not shake loose. There was so much for her to do and she felt hurried and rushed. She needed an army. At least the mages had agreed to help her once they were back on their feet. She still needed to talk to the dwarves and find the elves. And somehow she needed to convince Alistair that he should be king and to teach her his templar secrets.

"Ugh!" Shirl screamed pinching the bridge of her nose hoping to forgo the splitting headache she felt coming on. _Why the hell, do I have to do these, I'm _not _a hero. I hated those heroic tales that Fergus ate up. _ A pang of guilt flared up at not having searched for her brother as thoroughly as she would have liked.

"A beautiful woman should not be walking out by herself in these woods." A voice slurred in a thick Antivian accent broke through her thoughts. Shirl stopped in her tracks, her hands going immediately for her sword and shield. Drawing both she stepped cautiously forward.

"Who is there?" Shirl called halting in her step as a shorter lithe figure stepped out from behind a tree directly in front of her.

"Ah, just the man who has been hired to kill you, my dear." The figure drew two slender daggers each a little over a foot long and leapt at Shirl. Shirl sidestepped and blocked one of the slender blades with her shield and the other with her sword. Pushing the weapons harmless away from her body, she shifted her stance dropping her weight into the balls of her feet setting herself up to lunge with both sword and shield. Spinning about her attacker kicked out with his left foot catching her in the side. Shirl snarled momentarily caught off balance she staggered back a step just as her opponent swept forward with both of his blades. Bring her sword up she blocked the blades pinning them in 'X' shape just before they would have sliced across her stomach. Straightening slightly she snapped her shield out over the top of the killer's caught weapons.

Up close to her attacker now Shirl could tell he was an elf with golden blonde hair and brown swirling tattoos scrawled down his suntanned face. The elf jumped back avoiding her shield to his face. But just as quickly as he jumped back he sprang forward again. One weapon swept high and the other thrusting low. The attack was precise and clever.

_What is he trying to do? _Shirl wondered as she covered her body with her shield deflecting the lower attack and blocking the higher attack with her sword. _Is he trying to force me to leave an opening? No, wait not an opening, just a gap!_ Shirl smiled coyly and lunged with her sword. She moved her shield out away from her body leaving her left side exposed. It was a risky move she knew, but if it worked… She smiled a tight lipped grin as her eyes glittered dangerously.

The elf parried her sword to the right and dove toward the opening he had created with both weapons bared. Shirl sidestepped and swung her shield down as hard as she could on the back of the elf's neck. The elf collapsed to the ground with a whoosh as the air was knocked from him. Pivoting to face her assailant she found him lying unmoving on the forest floor. Cautiously she approached making a wide arc around the elf's prone body just in case he was playing possum.

Reaching out with the tip of her sword she jabbed the elf in the side. He did not flinch or cry out in pain. _If he's playing dead then he's the best actor I've ever seen._ Shirl thought as she sheathed her sword. Keeping her shield at the ready she approached the downed elf. Gently she picked up his daggers and gave them a once over. In the sun's fading light she could just make out an iridescent sheen on both blades.

_Poison, just as I thought. Only needed a gap._ She carefully tucked both daggers into her boots. _If he's good he'll have more than one dagger._ Searching as thoroughly as she could, she found four more daggers and two vials of the same iridescent liquid that was on the blades tucked into her boots. Shirl took each weapon hitching them onto her sword belt and tossed the vials out into the woods.

Unclipping her shield's back strap she tied the elf's arms behind his back. _Now, what? _Looking around her she noticed the sun's light was fading fast and she had walked a mile or so away from camp. She looked down dubiously at the elf. _I could just kill him and be done, but I want some answers first. _Sighing she tightened her shield buckle on her arm and reached down to pick up the elf.

He weighed less than she had expected him too. Throwing the elf over her shoulder she started back toward camp. _Thank the Maker, he's not built like Alistair or I would have just killed him to not have to carry his ass back to camp. _Shirl felt a heat brush her cheeks as she thought of Alistair's muscular frame. _Whoa, attractive and athletic perfectly healthy of me to notice that, but no need to get worked up about it. Remember, the man's an idiot. There much better. _Shirl shook her head, _I must be going insane. At least I'm not talking to myself. _

"Shirl," Leliana's voice called out from in front of her. "Dinner's ready." Shirl squared her shoulders as their small ragtag camp came into sight and she stepped out of the trees.

"Good, because I've brought a friend." She said bitterly as she tossed the unconscious elf on the ground at her feet.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Near Lake Calenhad**

"Wakey, wakey," Shirl said sweetly as she poured a bucket of cold water over the unconscious elf's head. The elf sputtered and jerked awake. He blinked his eyes several times clearing away the water from them.

"Who…?" The elf shook his head. "It's you, I thought I was dead."

"You will be shortly, if you don't start talking." Again with the too sweet voice. "I'm really going to enjoy torturing you." She said coyly as she batted her eyelashes at him.

"What do you want to know?" The elf said quickly. He looked at her and smiled. "I will tell you anything you want to know, free of charge I might add."

Shirl's eyes widened and she glanced over her shoulder at Alistair who was standing a few feet behind her watching the assassin closely.

"Really, you're going to make it that easy for us?" Alistair asked crossing his arms over his chest.

"Of course, I'm not a fan of torture, especially when I'm not the receiving end. Besides, I was not paid to keep silently only to try and kill you." The elf stated matter-of-factly.

Shirl turned her head back to look at him. She nodded. "Alright then let's start simple. Who are you?"

"My name is Zevran. Though my friends call me Zev." He smiled a charming and dangerous smile that dared Shirl to call him friend.

"Okay, next question, who hired you?"

"Oh that one is an easy one…some big important person in Denerim. He was like the regent or something…what was his name?" Zevran looked down at the ground his eyes focused on a patch of grass. "Lo mien, no it sounded closer to Logan…"

"Lohgain?" Alistair quipped.

Zevran's head shot up. "Yes! That was it Lohgain. Can't believe I forgot that."

"Why?" Shirl asked sitting back on her heels. She had suspected as much. She glanced at Alistair who would not meet her eye. _So, he's finally getting the picture. Lohgain does not want just the Grey Wardens dead, he wants insurance that Maric's bastard son is dead too. Surprise, Surprise. Killing the Grey Wardens just asserts the possibly of Alistair being killed. Alistair has to see that! _

Zevran shrugged as much as his retrains would let him move his shoulders. "How should I know? I'm just the hired help. My job is to kill people, not ask questions."

Shirl fixed her amber eyes on him. "That's not a very good answer." She snarled grabbing the front of his tunic and pulling him to where his face was inches from hers. "If you want to live you will cooperate!" She pushed him back and he landed on back on his ass. "Now start talking."

Zevran looked thoughtful for a moment and then shrugged his shoulders again. "I really don't know. I suppose it's because you Wardens pose a threat to his regency. Men with power in my experience can be quite paranoid."

"Another reason to not want the throne." Alistair muttered so softly that Shirl barely heard it. She shot him a look that read, 'don't even think it.'

"Well, if you are quite finished with your questions. I would like to propose a proposition to you." Zevran said hopefully.

"Oh, really what could you possibly have to offer us, besides your useless information?" Shirl inquired looking back at Zevran. The elf had peaked her interest. He was…different. Not to mention now that she got a decent look at him he was handsome. Zevran was handsome in an exotic and foreign way. Something about him threw her slightly off balance, not like Alistair off balanced, but something was definitely there. He was more thoughtful of his words. When he spoke it was if he weighed the value of each and every word. _He is very sly and crafty. Terrible fighter, but his words have merit._

"In exchange for my life I offer you my services as an assassin. Spare my life and I give to you my oath of honor that I will remain by your side until I have repaid my debt in full." Zevran met her eyes. "On this I swear."

Shirl blinked. Now this was a surprise. "Why should I do a thing like that? What keeps you from trying to finish the job later?"

"My word and oath. Not something I give freely, plus it makes sense for me to side with you. I really did not have a choice in coming after you, but since I failed to kill you I'm living on borrowed time. The Crows have strict rules against failure." He shrugged again. "I don't want to die. You offer me a way out of the Crows that I had not thought possible for a long time."

Shirl felt the sincerity of his words pressing on her heart. She could not kill a man who truly wanted to live. _Besides, having an assassin around might not be such a bad idea. He could be very useful. _Shirl nodded and stood. "Very well, Zevran. I will accept your oath."

Zevran beamed at her while Alistair said loudly, "What? Now were taking the assassin with us."

"You want to kill him, Alistair, and then do it yourself." Shirl snapped turning about to she faced Alistair with blazing fury on her face.

Alistair took a step back. "Well, I…no, I guess you are right, but I'm still against it."

"Fine! Be against it. But Zevran is coming with us." Shirl then turned knelt down and untied Zevran's hands.

"Ah, you have my thanks, my lady." Zevran said as he rubbed his wrist to put feeling back into them.

"Oh, stuff it with the 'my lady' crap. You can call me Shirl same as everyone else." She scoffed standing she walked toward the campfire. "I'm starving, what was all this about dinner being ready?"

"Shirl, you can not be serious?" Alistair said as he shifted his stance placing his shield closer to his right side.

"I'm always serious. You seem to have a hard time believing that." Shifting her stance as well, she placed her in front of her body and crouched low raising her sword slightly over the top of her shield. She sidestepped to the left circling around Alistair. "Besides having him around could prove useful." She said lunging forward her shield guarded her against Alistair's sword swing and he used his shield to bat away her lunge attempt. Smiling Shirl adjusted her feet and snapped out a kick into now exposed right side.

"Ow! Hey, no kicking." Alistair complained.

"Oh suck it up. You left your side exposed don't expect me not to kick it." Shirl shot back as she stepped back to dodge Alistair's shield swinging about. "Unfortunately, our friendly new comrade used the same trick on me earlier and it almost worked as well."

"Huh." Alistair grunted and swung low toward her knees trying to knock her off balance. "Unfortunate for him or for us?"

Shirl jumped back and parried the blow and swept his sword upwards. "Both, I guess." She stepped closer to Alistair. The two swords made a horrible sound of metal grating on metal as they clashed and Shirl caught her blade under the hand guard of Alistair's weapon. Alistair sensed she might be up to something stepped forward was well. Their blades were crossed and Shirl knew that he she got into a shoving contest with Alistair he would win. He was physically strong than her. Sighing she called out, "Yield." _He is learning to not back away. There maybe hope for him yet._ Shirl thought as she looked up to read Alistair's face.

Alistair blinked at her. Then he stared down at their crossed weapons. Shirl was acutely aware suddenly of close they were. She could see flecks of gold in his brown eyes. A blush arose across her cheeks she stepped back and said a little quieter than before. "Yield, Alistair. I yield."

"Really, you've never yielded before." He raised an eyebrow at her. "Or is this some trick? You're going to slap me across my back like the other night after you called yield."

Shirl shook her head and smiled. "No, if we got into a pushing match you would win by far." Shirl twisted her sword unlocking her blade from his guard. "Besides, I have fought enough for tonight." She sheathed her sword and proceeded to unbuckle her shield. "Also Wynne's been throwing us dirty looks since we started sparring. I think she worries about you reopening your wounds."

Alistair stood there with astound look on his face. After a few moments he seemed to snap out of it and sheath his sword. "I hope you did not just let me win." He said also unbuckling his shield.

"When have I ever let you win?"

"Never, but just because I was injured is no reason to play it nice."

"Alistair, I don't do nice." Shirl stood before him and placed her hands on her hips. "Just be grateful. You won most people would be happy. Instead you're trying to figure out if I have an angle."

"That's because you always have an angle. I haven't been with you that long, but I'm not stupid. It's pretty easy to see that you have alternative motives for the things you do." Alistair shrugged and threw his shield over his shoulder. Then he winked at her. "Besides I'm starting to like the idea of figuring you out. Call me insane, but there is a certain appeal to a woman who can keep you on your toes on the battlefield and in everyday life." He smiled, truly smiled at Shirl and walked away. Shirl stood there rooted to the spot. Her heart raced against her chest. _Maker, what the hell is wrong with me? Did he just say that he found me attractive?_ Subtext, oh, she hated subtext, but it was one of the things she picked up on pretty quickly. And Alistair's last comment had been more suggestive than she cared to admit.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: Redcliff Castle**

"I hate to be a bother, but may I speak to you, my…Shirl?" Zevran stood in the doorway of Shirl's room. He leaned casually against the doorframe watching her brush her shoulder length hair. She was clean and dressed in green tunic and soft velvet black pants. The clothes were a gift from Isolde. The arlessa seemed happy that her son was live and that she had not been sacrificed. Isolde had promised her anything she wanted or needed would be hers and her companions as long as they stayed in Redcliff. All Shirl had really wanted at that moment was a nice hot bath.

"What do you need, Zevran?" Shirl asked never pausing in her brush strokes. She sat at a corner vanity with a waist length mirror. The room was big, but not as big as her room had been in Highever. She watched Zevran closely through the reflection in the mirror.

"Well, it is only that I would like to know where you plan on heading to after this. Are you planning on heading to Denerim to locate this Brother with the information on the Urn of Ashes? Or do you plan on travelling to seek the dwarves? Or perhaps the Dalish?" Zevran inquired crossing his arms and legs. He looked comfortable and at ease standing there conversing with her. But Shirl had the feeling that he was anything but relaxed.

"Why do you care?"

Zevran sighed and looked intently at her. His honey brown eyes boring holes into her back. Shirl felt a shiver tingle up her spine. _What in Andraste's name is wrong with me?_

He shrugged and chuckled. "Call it curiosity, my dear. I like seeing what you will do in a given situation. Strange little habit of mine"

"You mean you like to study your victims before you pounce?" Shirl quipped as she set down the hairbrush and swiveled slightly as to have a better view of Zevran.

"I would not say that fully…but yes it would be a part of it. There is a certain amount of fun to watching people react to events. Don't you agree?" Zevran asked catching her eyes with his. He smiled and his eyes grew warmer. "You know there are certain _events_ that require more of a hands-on approach than an observer's point of view. Perhaps we could join together on laying out plans for those particular 'events'."

Shirl felt heat rise into her cheeks. She was a _little _flattered at the suggestion in Zevran's comment, but mostly she felt her temper flaring its angry ugly head. She cleared her throat and narrowed her eyes at him. "Zevran, you will do well to mind your tongue around me." Zevran opened his mouth to reply but she injected quickly, "or I will cut it out of your head." He snapped his jaw shut and shot her a look of hurt.

"My dear, I meant nothing by it. I was simply paying you a compliment. You are very beautiful and strong. I do find that highly attractive in a woman."

Shirl's eyes widened and she jumped to her feet. She knew she was burning red in the face, but she hoped he would think it anger and not embarrassment. "Get out now!" She commanded stepping forward and shoving him from her door way.

"Very well, no need to get physical. At least not yet." He spun quickly away, smiling as he went.

* * *

"So Zevran was just paying a social visit, huh?" Alistair asked as he sat down at the dinner table. He was dressed in a maroon tunic and dark brown pants. He glanced at her. She glared at him and looked down at her plate.

"If you want to call it that." She said unfolding her napkin and placing it on her lap. "It was more like a fly buzzing around my face."

Alistair laughed and reached out to grab a slice of rye bread. He slavered butter on the piece and took a generous bite. "You know, keeping him around is a bad idea. He's going to try and kill you at some point."

Shirl shrugged and also reached for a piece of bread. "There is a saying of keeping your friends close, but your enemies closer for a reason, Alistair." Instead of the butter she reached for the jar of honey. Dabbing a little honey on the slice she took a bite. Chewing thoughtfully she pondered the situation. Zevran was a problem, but one that she could handle. She would have to handle with care though the elf seemed to know that he had certain charm about that was hard to resist.

"I look at that sentiment of thinking as just idiotic. Whoever came up with that drabble obviously never had an assassin as a friend." Alistair wiping his hands on his napkin, "I mean you don't want one of them near you at all."

Shirl chortled and took a drink of cold orange juice. "Well, I suppose that is so. Where are the others? Shouldn't they ne joining us?"

Alistair shrugged. "I believe that Leliana and Wynne are in her room. Wynne's was over see the last treatment of Leliana's wounds. Sten and Morrigan refused to come out of their rooms, though Sten seems to be getting the servants to deliver him cookies." Alistair smiled at her. Shirl felt her cheeks blush. His smile was heart stopping. "So we are all alone."

"So it would seem." Shirl replied taking another sip of juice.

"Well…I would like to give you something." Alistair said pulling from his lap a red rose. He extended the rose to her. "You do know what this is, right?"

Shirl took the rose and looked it over. The petals were flawless and a deep vibrant red. "Of course I know what this is, Alistair." She rolled her eyes. "But, why are you giving it to me?"

"Well…Since you became a Grey Warden you have only had the bad experiences. You have had none of the good experience of being a Warden. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate all that you are doing. Especially what you did for Arl Eamon, I know he will be very pleased. If he ever wakes up that is." Alistair looked away from her and down at the table.

"Huh, he might not be so pleased if he learned I would have gladly sacrificed his wife to save his son. Don't look at me like that, she's a bitch and her stupidity nearly killed everyone in the village, her husband and her son. It would have been a slight inconvenience that it was blood magic that would have killed her." Shirl sniffed the rose. Its fragrance was sweet and flowery. She smiled and looked up to meet Alistair's eye. "The thought is still nice."

He smiled brightly back at her. "I just wanted to let you know."

"Where did you find it? I wouldn't think that you could find a rose growing this time of year."

"I picked it Lothering. I saw it growing in the Chantry garden. When I saw it I couldn't help but think, 'how can something so beautiful be growing in such dark times'. I thought it was also just going to be destroyed when the Blight can through. So I picked." He paused and his cheeks turned a bright red. "I thought the same think when I see you. How is it the world can have someone so beautiful in it when everything is so dark?" His eyes soften as he looked at her. "I just thought you should know." He muttered.

Shirl sat in stunned embarrassed silence. She looked at the rose in her hand and then at Alistair. "I don't know what to say."

He sat back in his chair and regarded her with a look that Shirl could not fathom. Several moments passed before either one of said something. Finally Alistair broke the silence. "Shirl, you are remarkable." He whispered reaching out across the table he took her hand and squeezed her hand. "I find you to be amazing. If not a bit of a pain in my ass." He chuckled as she smiled.

"Couldn't have said the pain in the ass part better myself." They both broke out into laughter.

"What are we missing? Sounds like something fun." Leliana's voice chirped from the doorway. Their laughter broke off abruptly and Alistair jumped releasing Shirl's hand.

"It was a private joke, between Wardens." Shirl replied quickly saying the first thing that popped into her head.

"Huh, perhaps, Leliana, it was better that we missed that conversation then considering what these two believe to be funny." Wynne said as she walked over to the long table where the two Grey Wardens were sitting. Pulling out her chair she sat down and Leliana joined her sitting across from the elderly mage.

"Hmm…breakfast looks good." She grabbed a two slices of wheat bread and put a drab of honey and butter on both pieces.

Shirl shook her head and grinned slightly at Alistair before she resumed eating herself.

"I do have to ask. Where do you plan on going next, Shirl? Are you planning on following the lead on the Urn of Sacred Ashes? Or are you planning on something else?" Leliana asked between bites.

Shirl tapped a finger to her chin in thought. "I think I would like to look up the dwarves, first and then move on to locating the elves and the Urn. At least I know where they are and I will feel better knowing that at the very least I have the support of the Magi and the dwarves backing us before I go venturing for into unknown lands."

"Shirl, don't you think it would be better to try and cure Eam…Arl Eamon first?" Alistair asked reaching for the bowl of chilled pears.

Shirl shook her head. "The Arl is stable for the moment. He still might never recover, Alistair, even with the Urn's healing powers. It's best to follow the logical order of gathering our armies first and then trying to help the Arl." She watched as Alistair's face fell. She sighed and leaned back in her chair. "It's not like we aren't going to search for the Urn, Alistair. I just don't feel like chasing after legends at the moment."

"I know…but still I wish that we could help him now."

"Yeah, me too, but for the time being I believe this is the best course of action." Shirl stated also grabbing a chilled pear. "But we need their support first and then having the backing of the Arl of Redcliff will make our stance to the rest of Ferelden seem stronger." She cut the pear and took a bite. It was juicy and flavorful, with a hint of nutmeg. Chewing thoughtfully she considered what it would mean to go after the dwarves. _I know virtually nothing about the dwarves. I know they have a king and a council that passes laws that the king presides over. They have a caste system and their wondrous city sits on one of the many entrances the Deep Roads. _

Shirl cast a look around. Leliana and Wynne eating in deep silence each absorbed in their own personal thoughts. Alistair was looking at the pear on his plate like it was an Antivian merchant asking for directions. Vociferous, lost, foreign, and completely nonsensical.

"I want to leave for Orzammar by noon today." Shirl said suddenly. Three pairs of eyes shifted to look at her.

"Seriously?" Alistair asked.

"Yes, we don't need to waste anymore time. If we wish to convince the dwarves to help us and then find the elves and the Urn we need to do it as quickly as possible." Shirl replied rising to her feet. She was still slightly hungry, but her appetite had been lost. Plans were once again in motion within her mind. "I'm going up to my room to get ready. We will meet in the courtyard at noon and disembark from there." With that said she turned on her heels leaving the others to stare and gaped at her. _Well, is could be more fun than I originally thought._


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12: Frostback Mountains**

"So I believe that I might officially have a problem." Shirl announced to Leliana as the two sat huddled around the cooking fire. It had been almost a week since they had entered the Frostback Mountains. The weather had taken a turn for the worst. Snow whipped around them in droves and every night they set up camp someone was stuck on digging detail in order to have an area to build a fire that was clear of snow.

Leliana raised an eyebrow at Shirl, but did not say anything as she waited for Shirl to continue talking. Shirl choose her next words carefully. She did not want to give away too much, but at the same time she needed to talk to someone about the problem that was not going away. She glanced around and saw that the rest of their group was busy with their chores about the camp. Taking a deep breath Shirl started speaking again.

"I need some advice, and you seem like the best person to go to for it." Shirl looked at Leliana as the other woman started to crush up some dry leaves to add to their rabbit stew. There was one thing handy about having a warhound in camp, his unyielding nature to scrounge up food.

"What sort of advice would you be looking for?" Leliana asked dusting off her hands.

"Well, it's sort of personal, but I need to know what I should do…if lets say a man gives you a flower."

Leliana smiled coyly and she shifted to face Shirl directly. "This man would not also happen to be a former templar and your fellow Grey Warden would he?"

Shirl looked at the fire and watched the flames licking up the sides of the kettle. She nodded. "He gave me a rose a few weeks back. In a court setting I know what to do when a man gives a woman a flower, but in this situation I'm confused."

"Why? How is it different?" Leliana inquired.

"Well," Shirl began shifting her own weight. She was slightly uncomfortable discussing this topic with anyone, but it had been gnawing at her the pass two weeks and when debating who she should speak to about it. Leliana had seemed a better choice than Morrigan who would have laughed in her face and Wynne who's sagely advice would have been too cryptic and left Shirl pondering more disturbing thoughts than the ones she was having now. "In a court situation it's a sign of courtship to give a woman a flower. At least that was what I was taught. My mother made certain I never accepted a flower unless I was seriously considering the man to be a suitable suitor. Funny, when I think about it now, I didn't have anyone wanting to give me a flower then. A fact my mother brought up constantly." Shirl frowned at the thought. _I was too much of a boy for any decent man to care about._

"What's different about this situation now?" Leliana asked her eyes glittering happily.

_ She seems in her element when talking about this kind of stuff. _ She realized as she said. "I don't think he meant it as courtship just friendship, but its hard not to notice the way he watches me. I'm just not use to it, I guess." Shirl put a finger on her chin. "I mean, we haven't known each other that long, so we've had to get use to each other." She shook her head. "We argue more than we talk about topics. I don't see how he could say the things he does and then turn around and do something out of the blue like give me a rose! UGH! It's so irritating."

Leliana's giggle made Shirl look at her sharply which made Leliana's giggle turn into a laugh. "It sounds like he is starting to get comfortable around you, Shirl. He feels like he can talk to you and give you his opinions even if they disagree with yours. I have also noticed the way he is starting to look at you. At first it was a look of annoyance, then a look of confusion and now it's more admiration. I believe our little templar is falling in love." . Shirl's eyes went wide and she felt her blood rush into her face. Leliana giggled again at Shirl's reaction. "It's nothing to be ashamed about. Love happens in the strangest of places. I think it is quite romantic."

"You would." Shirl commented reaching for the long wooden spoon they had placed close to the fire in order to stir the stew. She needed a slight distraction from the revelation of the moment. "You're going to write about it?" Shirl asked quietly looking at their dinner bubbling and popping.

She didn't see Leliana shrug, but she assumed she did. "Perhaps. It would make a good tale."

"How do you figure?" Shirl snapped. She looked sharply at Leliana. "I'm not in love with Alistair! If he's forming an attraction he should just stop." Shirl was flustered. She really did not have the emotional capacity to deal with this at the moment.

Leliana bit her lower lip and looked with pleading eyes at Shirl. "Do you really believe he can just control what he feels? Is he not a good and honest man? I would think that he would be a little inexperienced, but that is easily disappears after a time."

Shirl was taken aback. "Leliana, you do realize I'm a noble, right? I'm the daughter of a teryn. I can't… consort with peasants." Shirl quickly added the last part. She had been about to say 'I can't risk Alistair not becoming king,' but then remembered only she and Sten knew of Alistair's true heritage. The qunari would never say anything and neither would she until Alistair wanted people to know. He had kept his heritage secret from them for a reason, but sooner or later he would have to tell them.

Leliana shook her head. "That should not matter. If you care for him then love him, but do not play with him. He is too good a person for that."

"Play with him? Okay, I don't know what you are getting at, but I'm not planning on hurting Alistair." She sighed and stirred the pot of food again. "Maker, I would have to listen to him weep. I'm not trying to torture myself." She pulled the spoon out and banged it on the side of the pot. "I just asked about the stupid flower. I just wanted to know if I was correct in assuming it meant something more than friendship."

"Of course it could, but it could also mean just that." Leliana stood up. "Take it how your heart tells you to that's how I've always looked at it."

"My heart is not in accord with my head." Shirl muttered. Setting the spoon back next to the fire she stood up as well. Her muscles were tense from the cold and stress. She stretched her arms above her head and heard her back crack along her spine. Slightly painful, but it helped relieve some of the tension that had been building up there.

"You will find that the heart and the head rarely agree on such things." Leliana quipped.

_Well, crap, guess I will have to talk to Alistair about this sooner or later. I like him, but with everything that is going on…I can't afford distractions and neither can he._ Shirl thought darkly. She glanced across the camp and spotted Toby and Alistair. Toby was digging out large a circle in the snow so Alistair could finish putting up the tents. The warhound kept purposefully kicking snow up to hit Alistair in face. Shirl could just make out Alistair's curses and Toby yips of glee. She would not have been surprised to see Alistair eventually chasing Toby around camp lobbing snowballs at the hound as he ran. The image made her smile. Her hound liked him well enough. But, did she? She wasn't certain. The logical side of her said that getting involved at all with Alistair could risk many of her big plans while at the same time it could work into her advantage.

Sighing Shirl turned back toward the fire. _We can't afford this right now. Dammit why did he have to go all noble on me? It would have been easier to turn down a peasant, but a prince. Bastard or not, he is still technically heir to the throne of Ferelden whether he wants the title or not. And that is nothing to turn my nose up at._ She ran her fingers through her hair. _Ugh! It's not like I have any better choices lining up at the moment, but still what poor timing._

"Dinner's ready." Leliana called over to the others. Shirl spun away and stalked over toward her tent. "Shirl, are you going to eat?" Leliana asked.

Shirl waved her away. "In a few minutes." She walked into her tent and sat down heavily on her fur and wool palate. Reaching under her pillow she pulled out a cloth wrapped item. Carefully she uncovered the item and looked down. The red velvet petals had started to dry, but the colors remained just as vibrant. The fragrance was just as strong as it had been a few weeks ago in Redcliff.

_I really don't know. Usually I can make sense of things, but this has thrown me for a loop. _ Her brow furrowed in thought. _We have been together since this whole mess began; perhaps some time apart will help. Maybe, in Orzammar we will each have some time to ourselves. _

A slight knock at the front of her tent jerked her from her thoughts. "Yes?"

"Hey, Leliana was worried. She wants to know if you plan on eating." Alistair inquired.

Sighing Shirl quickly covered up the rose again and placed it back under her pillow. "Of course, I plan on eating I was just putting some things away." She stood up and walked outside. In the shifting shadows of the campfire she could just make out Alistair's face as she came to stand next to him.

"I was worried when I saw you walk away in a huff like you did. I thought maybe Leliana had said something that angered you." He said casting a glance her way.

Shirl shook her head and crossed her arms trying to stay warm as much as trying to look commanding. "I'm fine. I just remembered that I forgot to put something away. That's all."

The snow glittered beautifully in the fire light. Twinkling and dancing like stars in the midnight sky. Her eyes watched the lights playing and chasing each other for several moments. She felt her body relax. It felt like it had been the first time in a while since her mind had stopped making her body twitch unnecessarily. Alistair shifted closer to her. He leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"The stars are quite pretty tonight, you should look."

Shirl complied and looked up. The stars were bright each a little lighthouse calling out in the deep dark of the night to little ships lost at sea. She smiled.

"Very pretty."

"It's the mountain air. It's so clear up here." He reached out and took her hand. "It's really hard to believe looking up at the sky like this that something as terrible as a Blight is raging out across Ferelden." He squeezed her hand. "Yet, I have come to learn that beautiful things stand out even more in times of darkness."

Shirl blushed and pulled her hand away from his. "Yet, even beauty can be destroyed completely by darkness and evil if it allows itself to be." She stated curtly as she walked away toward the fire to join the others. She did not glance back over her shoulder to look at Alistair. She knew that if she saw the hurt in his dark eyes, she might not be able to keep steeling herself to him.

_I'm sorry, Alistair, but for both our stakes this is the way it has to be._ She thought as she sat down around the fire with the rest of her companions. Alistair joined them a few minutes later, but Shirl noticed he sat as far away from her as possible and he did not look at her for the rest of the night. _Good, maybe he's learning after all._


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Orzammar **

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" Alistair shouted grabbing Shirl by the shoulders forcing her to look at him.

"You might act stupid, but I know you're not deaf. You heard me, Alistair perfectly fine." Shirl stated reaching up to pry his hands off her shoulders. "You, Wynne, Leliana, and Sten are staying here with Lord Harrowmont to ensure his safety while, me, Zevran, Morrigan and Toby go into the Deep Roads to search for Branka." She raised a hand to forestall his retort. "I need people watching Harrowmont that I trust with my own life. Also it does not make sense to have all of us going down into the Deep Roads." She pointed a finger at Alistair. "Think about it. You are a Grey Warden and," She lowered her voice so no one could not over hear. "The heir to the throne of Ferelden. I'm not trying to treat you differently, Alistair, but it is something that as Bryce Cousland's daughter I cannot ignore."

Alistair crossed his arms and stared harshly down at her. "I can take care of myself just fine. You don't need to worry about me." He stated flatly, his eyes glittered darkly.

"Alistair, I know you can handle yourself just fine. The problem is knowing when to handle yourself and when to handle others. In order to be a leader you have to be able to separate the two. Right now, I have a need to go into the Deep Roads, but in order to make certain that all I'm doing in the Deep Roads is not wasted effort I need someone I trust to stay here and protect our assets. Does that make sense?" Shirl asked running a hand through her pale, but finally clean hair.

Alistair rolled his eyes. "I get it. You would rather not have me around. Don't think I haven't noticed. You've been avoiding me like the plague." He said with acid dripping from his every word.

Shirl blinked. She _had_ been avoiding and there was no denying that. But it was not because she did not want him around. It was just too confusing being around him. He distracted her. Despise the insanity of going into the Deep Roads armed with three people, well two people and a hound, at her back she felt that her head might clear slightly if she were away from Alistair for a while. She hoped that the separate might do him some good as well. Maybe, he would just give up the fool notion of her actually…liking him.

_Well, I do like him_. She thought, _just not in the way he hopes I would._ IF circumstances were different she might have opened up to him more, but they were what they were and never would be different. They were Grey Wardens, first and foremost.

Sighing Shirl placed a hand on Alistair's shoulder. "It's not that I don't want you around, Alistair." She paused and took a deep calming breath. "It's almost the exact opposite. I've come to rely on you being there. I need to know that we can work separately if need be. And the rest of Ferelden needs to know that there are two Grey Wardens still alive, not just one. I can't do everything by myself. I realize this." She hoped she sounded sincere. She let her hand fall and looked down at her feet. In court she was good at displaying just the right amount of emotion to make people believe her, perhaps it would work on him, perhaps it wouldn't but it was worth a shot.

"Oh, Maker, please. You are unbelievable." Alistair said. "You really expect me to buy that. Not once this entire time we've been together have you asked for my help though you constantly complain about me not having the drive to be leader. And now when you can't be in two places at once you suddenly need my help. Please, don't patronize me, Shirl. I know you better than that." He placed a gentle hand under her chin and raised her face so she could look him in the eye. "I will stay, but not because you asked me to, but because I want to. Maybe this time apart will help me as you keep suggesting, but never just come out and stay." He released her chin.

Shirl bite the inside of lip to keep from saying the angry hurtful things that popped into her mind at that moment. She was getting her way was she not? Just not the reaction she had anticipated. She nodded.

"Very well. You will be staying at Lord Harrowmont's estate. I have cleared it with him. There will be two of you with him at all times. So make guard shifts. Switch out for rest and to eat. Mostly, it sounds like you will be keeping him company in the Assembly hall while the nobles argue over who should have the throne. Try really hard to keep the vote stalled until I get back." She moved pass him to where the others stood waiting for her. Alistair had ambushed her on their way out of Lord Harrowmont's estate. She hitched her pack onto shoulders.

_ I have food enough for two weeks, bandages, potions, cleaning oil, torches, flint and tinder, water at least two weeks worth. _Sighing she kept going over the list in her head as she reached for the big brass handles on the door a hand touched her arm. Jumping at the sudden contact she whirled around and found herself looking at Alistair.

"Look," he started. "Be careful and come back in one piece." He smiled then. "I don't think I can manage this all on my own."

Shirl raised an eyebrow at him but did not return the smile. "I'll come back. Just don't screw anything up until I do return. Think you can manage that?"

Alistair nodded and then surprised everyone present including himself by pulling Shirl into a tight hug. Shirl stiffened. _Okay whoa, time out, time out, _her mind screamed at her, yet she did not push him away but neither did she hug him back.

He released her and stepped back. His face was flushed red. He mumbled something Shirl did not hear then he turned abruptly on his heels and walked away. Shirl noticed even the back of his neck was splotched red.

"Hehehe." Zevran chuckled. "First loves are so _cute._" Shirl pivoted and narrowed her eyes at him. She jabbed a finger at him.

"Don't even start." She warned grabbing the door handle again she yanked them opened and stalked out into the vaulted passageway of the Diamond Quarter.

* * *

"Well, well, looks like I might have been wrong about you, Warden." The dwarf croaked. Shirl staggered to halt. Her path to the Deep Roads entrance was being blocked by a burly red haired dwarf that reeked of alcohol. She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "You seem to have some pretty big balls for a woman. Going into the Deep Roads with less than a handful of men…uh, at your back is damn right stupid."

"I suppose you meant that as a complaint." Morrigan stated more than questioned. "Really, must we listen to this drunken idiot babble on and on? I thought had left Alistair behind for a reason."

Zevran chuckled "It seems that you, my beautiful witch, are as fond of the former templar as I am. This is going to be a most exciting trip."

"Oh, did I miss the letter that said we had not exchanged one idiot for another already. I twas simply referring to the idea of the drunken part." Morrigan scoffed.

"I will melt your heart, yet. I love a good challenge both of the mind and body." Zevran quirked his eyebrow at her and his lips curved upward in a playful smile.

"Touch me, and I shall feed you to the first darkspawn we find." Morrigan replied coldly.

"Enough!" Shirl commanded. She had been trying to think of a response to the dwarf, but Zevran and Morrigan's bickering had made the matter of concentrating on a reply difficult. Even the dwarf just blinked slowly at the two as they fell silent.

"Uhh…alright. I'm going to accompany you into the Deep Roads." He stated suddenly lurching on his feet.

Shirl thought he was going to pass out and started to grab him when the dwarf steadied his stance. "I can fight even when drunk. I know something of the Deep Roads too. So let's get this party started." He turned away walking toward the guards stationed at the entrance to the Deep Roads.

"Wait a moment," Shirl started after him she had to bend down to grab his arm. "You are not going anywhere until I at least know your name and why soddin' blazes you want to go with us."

The dwarf stopped in his tracks and whirled about to face her. Staring up into her face he blew out a deep ale drenched breath and said. "The name's Oghren and I'm going after my wife, Branka. Anymore questions?"

Shirl released the dwarf's arm and closed her eyes. _Well crap, he could be very useful in the Deep Roads minus the fact that he is a drunken idiot. _ She spun around, "Morrigan, charcoal and parchment, please." She held out a hand as the witch mumbled incoherently under her breath. Unbuckling her pack she rummaged through until she found the supplies Shirl was asking for.

Shirl smiled, "Thank you." Squatting on the ground she scribbled out a hasty note and motioned for Toby to come to her. Tying the note around the dog's collar she whispered into his ear. Toby barked once loudly and looked at her with pitiful brown eyes. "I know, boy, but do this for me and I will reward you." Toby barked again and Shirl shook her head. "Go." She pointed with her left hand and scratched the dog quickly behind his right ear. Toby hesitated a moment and then took off running back the direction they had just walked from.

"What was that all about?" Zevran asked extending a hand to help Shirl to her feet.

Shirl accepted his hand and pulled herself up. "I sent Toby to watch over the others. I was slightly worried about taking him into the Deep Roads to begin with, but we needed someone who could sense things better than we could in the dark. However, we now have Oghren. I feel comfortable with sending Toby back to sit with the others."

"Oh, I get it. We have exchanged one mangy beast for another." Morrigan quipped looking pointedly at Oghren.

"Hey, I'm not mangy." The dwarf replied.

"No, my friend, you are just in serious need of a bath." He waved a hand in front of his face mockingly. "I can smell the booze on you from here."

"Hey, watch yourself pointy-ears or I might just bathe in your blood."

"Ah, such an appropriate and predictable response from the short stubby one. Your temper tells me you are compensating for something else." Zevran shot back without missing a beat.

"Okay, that's enough! No more talking for the rest of the night, day…UGH! For the rest of the time we are in the Deep Roads." Shirl shouted moving toward the guards. "Next person who talks I will cut out their tongues and feed their tongues to the deepstalkers. Got it!" She called back over her shoulder.

Morrigan chuckled. "There are times when I really like her."

"Ah, me, there are times when I really like her too. That fiercest and passion, I would love to take…" Shirl whipped around and glared at the elf with such intensity his words came to halt. He swallowed and looked down at his boots.

Oghren busted out laughing. "Haha, nug got your tongue, knife-ears? Can't take…" Shirl flicked her gaze to him. The dwarf clammed up his jaw snapped shut with a pop.

Papers, please." A burly dwarven guard barked.

Shirl reached into the pocket of her coat and pulled out the travelling papers Lord Harrowmont had given her and presented them to him. The guard glanced them over and gave them back.

"Let them pass." He yelled and the rest of the guards stepped aside.

"Maker, help me." Shirl breathed as she motioned for the others to follow her into the gaping maw that led into the Deep Roads.


	14. Chapter 14

_Hello Readers,_

_Also this chapter is from Alistair's point of view…I'm writing this once again as it comes out. It is not planned. I did not play my character fully like Shirl acts, because some of the options I have Shirl taking are just not options offered in the game. Once again most of the chapters take place in between the major scenes in the game. I don't want to give to much way in spoilers to the game and I like seeing what my mind thinks would happen in between the scenes. _

_So with that said…Enjoy the chapter. Thanks for the reviews, the favorites and the alerts._

_Prismelf_

**Chapter 14: Orzammar**

Alistair sighed and shifted his weight. His feet were falling asleep. Below him some dwarf noble lord was droning on and on. _Maker, someone just stab me now._ He thought as he shifted again. Sten glanced at him briefly before shifting his attention back to the noble dwarf. _How in the soddin blazes does he do that?_ Alistair pondered as he watched the qunari standing straighter than a tree. _He never moves._ Alistair marveled as he shifted again.

They had been called to stand guard over Lord Harrowmont four hours ago. Four hours of some dwarf turning red in the face from blow out so much hot air. Alistair knew that if Shirl had been here she would have told the dwarf to blow it out his other end. Sighing Alistair crossed his arms. They too felt like they were going to sleep. If this lasted much he was going to go crazy. If he had to keep standing over waiting for something to happen…he shook his head and sighed.

_ I'm so going to let her have it. For leaving me here to deal with this dribble while she gets to run off and kill darkspawn in the Deep Roads. _Alistair gritted his teeth. Shirl was in trouble for this more than she could have possibly imagined. He hated ceremonies, but he hated long winded speeches even more. This particular dwarf had been speaking for over an hour and a half.

A commotion in the Assembly Hall jerked Alistair from his thoughts. A bunch of dwarves were moving from their seats. There was some hustling about the room and suddenly Harrowmont stood up.

"Well, lads that is about it for today. It looks like the assembly has decided to call it quits for the day." Harrowmont motioned for his second and then for Alistair and Sten to follow him. "Dinner, at my estate and then you two will be with me for the rest of the evening, am I correct?"

Alistair nodded. "Yes, my lord, we are assigned to you be by my fellow Grey Warden to keep watch on you at all times. We have two that will relieve us shortly after dinner."

"Good," Lord Harrowmont replied walking stiffly out of his private seating within the Assembly Hall. "I'm glad to see the Grey Wardens are siding with me. We, dwarves do hold your order in high regard. Always have and always will. We understand each other better than most I believe." He paused briefly in his walk and looked over his shoulder at Alistair. "Not that I mind, but most of my people do not like the idea of outsiders helping us. I wish it did not come down to this." He shook his head and continued walking.

Alistair had nothing to say. He was just glad to moving and his stomach was starting growl. Dinner would be a decent idea and possibly a bath too just to help work out the stiffness of his joints from standing around all day. Suddenly he wished for something to happen. Anything would be better than nothing at all.

The small group exited the building and headed toward Harrowmont's estate. Alistair and Sten kept a wary eye on the crowd that was gathering outside the Assembly Hall. The crowd had been gathering in the Diamond Quarter for the pass week. Ever since the rumor had gone around that a Grey Warden had travelled into the Deep Roads to look for their Paragon in order to help them crown a king. The crowd gathered according to Harrowmont to see if Shirl had returned to crown their new king.

Alistair watched the crowd as much for people who might be working for Bhelen as well as to see if Shirl would be walking through it. He would expect her to part the crowd and walk up to Harrowmont and say she had chosen him as the next king. But, the dwarves were looking for a sign that their Paragon Branka would side with Harrowmont or Bhelen. According to Harrowmont the only way to possibly unite the two warring factions long enough to help them was to have Branka choose a king.

Shirl was very persuasive when she truly wanted to be. She might be successful in convincing Branka to choose to follow Harrowmont. But something about the whole Branka mess was not adding up to him. Why had Branka gone down to the Deep Roads in the first? What was she looking for? What was this Anvil of the Void? Alistair had no answer for any of his questions and that troubled him deeply.

The crowd shifted before Harrowmont and they left him pass. Though, a few dwarves shouted out, "What has happened?" "Has the Assembly decided on a king?" "Lord Harrowmont for King!" Lord Bhelen for King!"

Alistair rolled his eyes. Sometimes he was glad that the dwarves picked their kings and sometimes he wasn't; this was one of the times he hated the idea of the dwarves picking their kings. The Assembly could be deadlocked for many months, yet if it had not been for Shirl stepping up and saying she would get involved. Thought Alistair had noticed a particular gleam in her strange amber eyes. Her eyes had read, 'I'm going to love this.' He shook his head. _What a strange woman. I've never meet anyone like her. She's so…different, but in a good way, a unique way. Maker, she is infuriating and stubborn though especially when she lectures like she knows it all and is better than me. _But, recently something had changed. Alistair could not place his finger on it directly, but Shirl was slowly starting to treat him differently. When they had first met she would not have hesitated to take him into the Deep Roads with her. Now, she had left him behind. Her parting words flew back and smacked him in the face. Had she really meant anything she said? Alistair had learned early on with Shirl he had to pick out the bits of truth she threw in to make the lies more convincing. Some part of what she had told him was true, but he had no idea which.

"Boy!" One of Harrowmont's guards shouted just as heavy weight from behind crashed into him. With a grunt the wind was knocked out of him as he hit the ground with a bone jarring crash of armor.

Alistair blinked and then rolled over just as the shouts of the crowd registered in his ears. The crowd's shouts of curiosity had turned to cries of dismay and horror. _Crap, Harrowmont!_ Rolling to his feet he pulled his sword and shield and turned to look in the direction all the commotion was coming from.

Harrowmont, Sten and three of the four guardsmen were surrounded by huskily build dwarves wearing black leather armor and supporting the Aeducan crest on the left breast. _Bhelen's supporters?_

Alistair rushed forward, surprising the seven dwarves who had encircled the others. He slashed in a wide arc catching two of the dwarves unaware from behind. His sword was sharp and it cut through the leather and bit deeply into the flesh of the attackers. The two cried out and whirled around to raise crossbows at him. Firing on instinct the quarrels pinged harmless off Alistair's shield. They dropped their crossbows and drew out short swords. Taking advantage of their momentary pause, Alistair lunged forward and caught the one on the right with his sword, piercing him through the chest. Blood gushed from the wound and splashed up onto Alistair's sword. Pulling his sword free he whipped it around just in time to see the dwarf to his left had recovered from the initial shock of his attack. The dwarf swept out with his sword. Alistair parried the swing and then snapped out briefly with his shield. He knew the blow was nothing like the one Shirl could perform, but it was enough to stun his opponent for a few moments. The lower half of his shield smashed into the face of the dwarf and sent him reeling backward a few steps. In a single bound Alistair closed the distance and slash out with his sword leveling it at the dwarf's throat. The tip of the sword met flesh.

_Like cutting bread._ Alistair thought darkly as a red dripping line appeared on the dwarf's throat. The dwarf dropped his weapon ad clutched at his throat desperately trying to stem the flow. Alistair could not watch as the dwarf fell to his knees and then fell forward onto the rocky pathway. Taking stock of the situation he saw Sten cut down the last dwarf standing near Harrowmont. Waving his sword up in the air Alistair gave the qunari the 'all clear' signal.

Sten nodded and turned to look after Harrowmont. The elder dwarf was standing looking pale and flustered. Alistair walked over to the dwarven lord.

"Are you hurt?" He asked wiping the blood off on one the nearby dead dwarf's tunic.

Harrowmont shook his head. "No, I'm fine lad, poor Menid is not." Harrowmont pointed back in the direction of the Assembly Hall. There lying on the ground was the dwarf that had been walking behind Alistair through the crowd. The one Alistair remembered shouting, 'Boy!' before he had been knocked to the ground. Sticking out the dwarf's back was a crossbow quarrel. Alistair swallowed and closed his eyes.

_Maker, bless his soul._ He prayed silently. After a few moments he walked tensely over to the fallen dwarf. Harrowmont and the others followed cautiously.

Alistair knelt by the dwarf and flipped over him over. The dwarf's eyes were open and glazed over with a dead film. He had a small trickle of blood beading from his mouth. _Through the lung and into his heart, _Alistair thought as he cradled the dwarf's head and shoulders in his arms. _It could have been me. That bolt was meant for me._

A hand clamped down on his shoulder. "Lad, we need to move." A gruff voice said in his ear. "We will take care of him."

Alistair nodded numbly and helped two of Harrowmont's guards lift their fallen comrade up from the floor. Once the two guards had him secure they began walking back toward Harrowmont's estate. The crowd that had gathered around at the Assembly Hall had started to disperse when the fighting had started, however those that had stuck around gawked opening at the human dressed in full armor knelt on the ground helping to carrying one of their own. Hushed whispers circulated around as Sten reached down to offer Alistair a hand up. The throng of dwarves was keeping their distance watching with silent awe and respect.

Alistair took Sten's hand and pulled himself up. As he stood the whispers grew and he heard the shuffle of dwarven feet. A single shout pierced the clutter of soft voices like an arrow piercing flesh.

"May the Ancestors bless you, Grey Warden!"

Alistair's head whipped toward the crowd which was growing larger by the minute. His eyes scanned the coward, darting left and right. As if on cue the rest of the crowd started up similar cries.

"Ancestors protect you, Warden!"

"Honor for the Grey Wardens!"

"Glory to the Grey Wardens!"

Alistair felt his face redden and he looked at Sten who was tight lipped and grim. He glanced back at him. Slightly canted his head and pivoted away from the crowd. Alistair felt the hair on the back of his rise. Goosebumps prickled his arms. The dwarves' chants and cries of praise echoed around the Diamond Quarter. His ears burned he started to turn away from the crowd. As he did he caught a quick glance of Harrowmont standing off to the side waiting patiently for him. The dwarf lord nodded briefly toward the assembled dwarves and Alistair knew he should say something, but what he had no clue.

With his face bright red from the attention he faced the crowd again and raised a quivering hand. The crowd died down waiting. Swallowing the lump in his throat Alistair opened his mouth. _Maker, I think I'm going to be sick._

"I thank you for your…praises, but they are not necessary. I honor your dead because he saved my life. I don't believe that he died in vain and I will make certain that the good people of this city have a proper king! A king that speaks volumes of the city and of the greatness that lives with these majestic halls. Until my fellow Warden returns from the Deep Roads I will protect the man who has best fit that description. Let it be known that the Grey Wardens have cast their lot to Lord Harrowmont!" With that he turned on his heels and joined Lord Harrowmont's guards.

* * *

"That was a foolish thing to do." Wynne chided as she wrapped the bandage around Alistair's arm. He had slight gash in his arm from a sword or crossbow quarrel, he was not certain. Upon returning to Harrowmont's estate he had discovered the wound and decided to go and see Wynne.

While his templar training made him leery of magic, he had to admit it came in handy. Wynne ripped one end of the bandage and looped it back the opposite direction before tying it off. "There good as new. Don't pick at it or scratch at it otherwise it will become infected and start to fester."

Alistair crinkled his nose. "Great, a festering wound just what I wanted."

Wynne shrugged "It could be worst. You could've lost the entire arm."

"True." Alistair stated pulling his shirt over his head. "And in regards to the foolish statement; when have I ever claimed to be anything but foolish."

"Alistair, don't play coy with me. I can tell you are not that way naturally." Wynne said piling bloody cloths and gathering her medical supplies together. "If Shirl had been here she would have said the say thing."

"Well, she's not here. So, I will deal with the repercussions of this." Alistair snapped more harshly than he meant to. "Sorry, Wynne," He added hastily afterward. "I really don't want to hear about Shirl."

Wynne nodded and looked at him with dark glittering eyes. "She is confusing you, isn't she?" Wynne asked politely. Her brow wrinkled and she started to fold some of the extra linen cloth she had brought with her.

"Confusing? Maker, that's an understatement." Alistair threw his hands up in the air and flinched as the wound on his arm smarted. "She acts like she's better than me. She stubborn, foolhardy, bossy, and…" He shook his and sank down on his bed. "Beautiful, strong and in command of herself. She acts like she cold and calculating, but I saw her. She still has the rose I gave her. She kept it all this time. The thing is dying, but she still takes it out and looks at it. Even after everything she says and does to me, why would she do that?" He rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't understand. She can be a complete an utter bitch most of the time, but in those rare moments she lets her heart melt she's…beautiful, truly beautiful." He stood up and started pacing. "What am I to do, Wynne? I think I'm falling for her, but I'm not certain. UGH! What in the soddin blazes is wrong with me?" He collapsed back onto the bed and buried his face in hands in exasperation.

"Alistair, love is confusing." Wynne stated simply coming to sit next to him. "I don't know that you are in love with Shirl. You respect her, but you also realize you can't always agree with her." She paused and shifted her weight taking Alistair hands away from his face. "Alistair, ask yourself one question: How would you feel if Shirl did not return from the Deep Roads?"

Alistair blinked and shifted uncomfortably. "It would be quiet." He said jokingly.

"I'm serious, Alistair. What would you truly feel?" Wynne looked at him sharply her piercing eyes seeming to read the answer before he even said.

"I…don't know." He sighed and shook his head. "I would be lonely. Yet, I feel…my heart speed up when I think about it. I don't want to lose the last person in the world who…is like me. She's alone in this world too." He ran his hands through his hair. "I just wish she would open up to me. I wish she would just tell me what she felt. Even if it would hurt me, I would rather know than not know. I would rather her say something instead of hiding. You know, Wynne, I don't think she has cried yet about her family." He sighed and faced Wynne. "It saddens me to think she is still carrying that burden with her." His shoulders slumped and he fell back onto his bed placing his hands behind his head. "I guess I wish a lot of things were different though. But some things we can change and some things we can't."

Wynne nodded in agreement. "We change those that we can and we accept those we can't it's a part of human nature." She stood up. "I know you want my advice, Alistair, but the best I can offer is to not press. If it is meant to be then it will happen on its own. Some times these things just need time, don't rush it." Alistair lifted his head up to look at the mage.

"You think I should wait until she makes the next move then?" He asked.

"If she is in emotional overload, she might not want to think able this at the moment. Love has many forms, Alistair and when it hits it hits hard and fast. Shirl might not be the one for you, but you will know so enough if she is or not. You do have bigger problems at the moment." Wynne smiled. "Shirl is not here and you are our leader at present. I think that perhaps making you leader in her absent was one of the wisest ideas Shirl's had."

Alistair raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really and why is that?"

Wynne's smile turned dark and she gathered up the rest of the medical equipment stuffing it back into her traveling pack.

"Wynne, why?" Alistair prodded sitting up on his elbows. "Why did you say that?"

Wynne continued to ignore him as she shouldered the pack and walked over to the door. As she placed her hand of the handle she called back over her shoulder. "Because she is giving you practice at being king, Alistair." With at she opened the door and walked out closing it behind her. Leaving Alistair staring at the closed door speechless, _how does she know…?_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15: Orzammar**

The doors to the Assembly Hall crashed open with a resonating thunder. Several pairs of dwarven eyes fixed on the four figures striding into the room. Alistair jumped as the doors banged open. He had been half asleep listening to another dwarf noble blowing out hot air. Sometime at the beginning of the Assembly Bhelen had called for a vote, but the assembled nobles had shot down his idea of holding a vote. Thankfully, Harrowmont had listened to Alistair when he told the dwarf lord to speak to those he knew supported him and convince them to disagree with Bhelen in order to keep the council at bay. It was a risky plan, Alistair was not certain it should work, but they had to try and buy Shirl more time.

It had been two and a half weeks since Shirl had left for the Deep Roads now. Many dwarves were starting to believe that she would not be coming back. Alistair was worried. He knew their supplies had to be running low.

_ Maybe, something has happened._ He thought for the hundredth time. His conversation with Wynne from also two weeks ago kept haunting him. He still was not certain about his feelings. Half the time he hated her and half the time he just wanted to…his face always reddened at the thought. He _did_ find her attractive. Perhaps that is the problem she was pretty, prettier than most, though most of the time he saw her she was covered in blood, dirt and Maker knew what else. No, it was not just the physical attraction. But the idea of her being gone, truly gone, he had to admit frightened him a little. Not only would he be taking up her duties, but he would be the lone Grey Warden in Ferelden. The thought terrified him. He did not wish to be completely alone.

Alistair's heart sped up though as he watched the four grime encrusted figures strolling into the Assembly Hall. Three of the four he recognized immediately.

_Thank the Maker;_ he breathed walking to the edge of Harrowmont's box seat.

"Looks, like your friends made it through, Warden." Harrowmont stated getting to his feet. "And look at that Bhelen doesn't look a bit please." Harrowmont pointed across the Assembly Hall to the younger dwarf whose face was darkening to a deep shade of dangerous red. Alistair knew the look his hand went instinctively to his weapon.

"You don't think he would cause trouble do you?" He whispered to Harrowmont while he kept his eyes on Bhelen.

"I'm not certain, lad, I'm not certain." Harrowmont suddenly sounded very old. "I wish this to be over." He stated abruptly.

Alistair nodded and then looked to the group standing in the middle of the Assembly Hall. Shirl stood front and center and she held something in her hands. It glittered wondrously in the dim light of the chamber. Alistair's eyes flew wide open. _Where in the world did she get that?_ He thought just as Shirl spoke up loud enough to be heard throughout the Hall.

"Honorable dwarf lords, I bring to you a crown forged on the Anvil of the Void by one of your paragons. The paragon Caridin wielded a hammer one last time to make this crown to be place upon the head of the one he has chosen to be king." Her words rang around the now silent room. But as the last word fell her lips the room erupted into a thunderous roar. Several voices called out at once creating a cacophony of noise and deafening to the ears. Alistair saw Shirl flinch. It was barely discernible but she flinched none the less.

"Peace! My lords and ladies! Please. Silence!" shouted Assembly Steward Bandelor. "Warden!" He said once the room was quiet. "Are you telling us that our dead Paragon Caridin forged a crown for you to give to our next king?" His voice was disbelieving.

"Yep, that's what she's sayin'" spoke the dwarf standing next to Shirl. Alistair blinked he remembered them overhearing an argument between one of the captain of the guards and him. The captain had called him a drunken idiot. _ Andraste's holy knickers what was Shirl think? Allowing that dwarf to follow her in the Deep Roads?_ Alistair thought glumly. _She wouldn't take me, but she took a drunk! _His knuckles turned white as the grip on his sword tightened. _And here I had been starting to worry about her._

"Silence, Oghren." Bandelor snapped he starred up at Shirl. "Warden let me see that crown." Shirl handed him the crown. Bandelor moved the crown this way and that and then his eyes widened as he examined the inside. "There's the mark of Caridin on the inside. By the Stone this _is_ the work of the Paragon Smith Caridin." He whispered though his voice carried around the silent chamber. At his proclamation the hall exploded.

Alistair gritted his teeth. He was tried of all the noise, lies and arguments with the dwarves and between Shirl and himself. He did not want to hate her, but she was driving him to it. Leaving him behind had been the final straw. He was a Grey Warden too. And just because he had let her be leader did not mean that she should treat differently. But first thing was first, the dwarves needed to crown a new king.

"SILENCE! LET MY FELLOW GREY WARDEN SPEAK!" His voice rang out surprising Harrowmont and several other dwarves into to stunned silence. In the past few days Alistair's popularity among the dwarves had grown. He had fought beside Harrowmont's followers bleeding with them and mourning their fallen with them. But, in his spare time he could be found wondering the trade district or eating at one of the taverns within the city proper. The dwarves of the city had started to recognize him as a familiar face which sat well with Harrowmont and his followers, but put Bhelen and his men in a huff.

Four pairs of eyes stared up at him. Morrigan and Zevran both looked in shock while the dwarf Oghren just snorted and asked, "Who in the soddin blazes is that nug lover?" It was Shirl's eyes though that caught and held his. _Something's different about her eyes? _He noted as he nodded for her to continue. She nodded and smiled tightly, though the smile did not reach into her eyes. _Strange, her eyes look…dead._

"My lords and ladies, Caridin wished for…" She paused not for effect Alistair realized, but because she was considering her words carefully. She was making the choice! Alistair bit is lip. _Maker, help us! She's going to decide who is to be king on her own! Caridin has nothing to do with it!_ Alistair looked down at Harrowmont who was standing next to him. His eyes were fixed on Shirl waiting for her declaration. His face was pale and little droplets of sweat ran down his face. Looking across the chamber showed that Bhelen was in a similar state. Alistair shifted uncomfortably.

_Come on Shirl, hurry up! Say something, quickly! _Alistair commanded her silently, hoping he had suddenly developed mind controlling powers.

"I…Caridin chose…Lord Harrowmont to be the next king of Orzammar." Shirl declared. The Assembly let out a breath as one collective unit. Alistair found himself also breathing again as well.

_Well, finally this is finished._ He turned to Lord Harrowmont and gave a half bow to him. "Congratulations, Your Majesty." He said smiling. He liked Harrowmont. The dwarf had shown that he was a good man and lord of his people it was only fitting that Shirl should choose him as the Dwarves next king.

"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" Alistair's head shot back around at the sound of Bhelen's voice reverberating off the chamber walls. "I cannot let that old fool sit on my father's throne. Guards! To Arms!"

Gasps went up around the Assembly as Bhelen produced a small hand axe from behind his chair. He charged at Shirl as several of his guards and supporters amongst the nobility produced weapons from seemingly no where to attack the group standing in the center of the hall.

"SHIRL!" Alistair yelled as he watched her catch Bhelen's axe on her shield just in time to keep the axe from biting deeply into her stomach. Chaos ensued around the Assembly Chamber. Nobles fought each other as guards tried to push their way toward the center of the room to stop the thickest of the fighting. Alistair lost track of Shirl and the others as he spun around drawing sword and shield.

Two heavily armed dwarves were running up the steps that led up to Harrowmont's box. Alistair charged forward meeting the two at the stairs. His shield held out in front he used it like a battering ram. Ramming into the guards momentarily stunning them, he heard a bellow from behind him and sidestepped to the right just in time to see Sten's two handed blade swing out and decapitate the two dwarves. The bodies stood upright for a hairsbreadth and then toppled over and back down the stairs.

"I hope they weren't on our side." Alistair called over to Sten. The qunari just looked at him and shrugged. _Well, at least he is a predictable fellow._

"Keep close to Harrowmont. I'm going down to help the others." Alistair said as he started down the stairs not bothering to wait and see if the qunari was obeying or not.

* * *

Shirl ducked lower than she would have normally but her opponent was anything, but normal. Prince Bhelen Aeducan was shorter and much more skilled with a blade than many of the warriors she had faced in her time. However, Shirl fought not with anger or greed, she simply fought to keep from getting killed or hurt. And even then somewhere in the back of her mind she was not certain that dying would be such a bad thing.

She stood up and swept out with her long sword. The sword connected with Bhelen's axe and he hooked the head of the axe over her blade. He smiled, showing white teeth. "Got you now, Warden Whore." He spat as he twisted and spun his weapon up and over and then he yanked. Shirl felt her sword wrenched from her grasp. But instead of taking a step back like Bhelen thought she would she stepped forward and clocked him square in the face with her shield.

The dwarven prince stumbled back holding his nose. Shirl swooped up her sword and lunged forward. She buried the sword almost to the hilt in Bhelen's chest. The tip of the blade had bit completely through his armor, clothing, flesh, heart and bones.

_I like this sword._ She thought grimly and she yanked the sword free and watched Bhelen fall to his knees his hands clutching desperately at the gaping hole in his chest. His mouth opened and closed several times, but no words came out. Blood trickled from his mouth. He collapsed falling face first unto the Assembly Chamber floor. And suddenly just like that the room fell silent and Shirl could feel several pairs of eyes on her. She had become their savior or doom in just one fell stroke. She sheathed her blade with a snap and pivoted around. Without looking at anyone gathered in the chamber she strode out of the building in much the same manner she had entered. Her head bent her eyes despondent to the world around her, and not a thought on her mind except how right the sound of a dragon's song being sang sounded.


	16. Chapter 16

_Hello Readers,_

_I would like to thank everyone who has been reviewing, put me on their alerts or added me as a favorite. : ) this is another half and half chapter. For some reason Alistair wants his mind to be spoken lately, well shoot and he is not even hardened, yet. Oh well, enjoy the chapter and thanks once again for sticking it out._

_Prismelf _

**Chapter 16: Orzammar**

"Shirl, Wait!" Alistair shouted as he pushed his way through the crowd that had gathered once again outside. Many in the throng were giving Shirl a wide berth. She looked haggard, tired and was still covered in the gore of the Deep Roads.

"Shirl!" He shouted again. She had walked right by him without even sparing him a glance. Alistair sighed and trudged on toward her. She was not moving quickly, but her step was not light. She seemed like she was going somewhere with a purpose. Alistair pushed pass the last of the crowd. He could see Shirl a few strides in front of him. "Maker's breath, Shirl, wait up." He trotted the rest of the distance and grabbed her arm in order to stop her. "Shirl, please, stop what has gotten into you?" He asked as she turned to face him.

"Alistair, let go." She sighed and kept her eyes down cast. "I'm tired and would like a bath."

"You could at least wait for the host of the house to be given his crown before you leave the Assembly." He stated running a quick scan over her. He could not tell if she was injured seriously covered in dried blood as she was. He could feel his heart speed up at looking at her. Wynne's words echoed again in his mind. _How would I have felt if she did not return? She's an idiot. _ He reached out and brushed a stray piece of hair out of Shirl's face. He had been so ready to yell at her and chew her out again for leaving him behind in the dwarven city. He had wanted the past couple of weeks to rain on her parade to let her know what torture it had been to not be down in the Deep Roads fighting darkspawn along side her. But looking at her now Alistair felt his chest tighten and his heart ache, he had missed her more than he was willing to admit to anyone maybe even himself. "Don't be in such a rush. Your bath can wait. You should be in the Assembly Chambers basking in your crowning achievement." He smiled and felt a rush of heat surge to his face.

Shirl shook her head and took a hesitate step back from him. "This is not my glory to be had, I'm just the messenger." She whispered turning her face away from him. She could not meet his eyes, Alistair noticed. _What the hell is going on with her?_

"Shirl, is something wrong? You seem to not be yourself." He asked letting her have her space. He crossed his arms and waited for her to reply.

"Nothing is wrong, Alistair. I'm just tired and I need to relax. I can finally do that now that I don't need to be on guard all the time." She shrugged and her voice stayed flat.

Alistair raised an eyebrow. "Nothing usually translates into something. You know you can talk to me, right?" He said.

"Why? So you can yell at me and I can yell at you, please, let me just spare us the time and the sore throats. I'm fine. Leave it at that." Even though she tried to sound angry, he noticed that her heart was not in. The heat of anger also turned her eyes a dark amber color, yet, Alistair noticed, her eyes had stayed the same color and did not glitter with unshed fury he had seen to many times before.

"I'm only trying to help, Shirl." Alistair stated his brow furrowed with worry. "You are not acting like your normal self is all. It's disquieting."

Shirl sighed. She waved a dismissive hand through the air. "Look, I'm fine. Just leave me alone, alright. I don't need this right now. Just go, check on the others or something leave me be, please." Her command came out sounding more like a beg to Alistair. Yet, her words stung slightly.

_I'm just trying to be nice and I'm worried about her. She could at the very least extend the same concern. Oh, hi Alistair, how was your time? Did you beat a few goons? Did you stay out of trouble? Huh, is it that too much to ask. _Alistair's mind prattled while out loud he said. "Very well, my lady, I will leave you to your duties." He bowed mockingly.

"Alistair, please don't, I'm not in the mood."

His eyes narrowed. _OH! This is new._ "Not in the mood? Who the hell do you think you are, Shirl? I was worried about you. You could at least stick around and extend the same courtesy. If you don't want to talk that's fine, but you should at least be made to sit through the crowning ceremony like the rest of us. I have had to stand around guarding Harrowmont for the pass two and a half weeks while you were off playing hero in the Deep Roads." Suddenly all the anger he had felt at being left behind boiled to the surface. He no longer cared. Best to get this off his chest now, and if she did not feel like arguing the better it would go for him. He stepped forward and pointed a finger in her face. "Don't you ever make me stay behind again." He snapped. "It was the most boring two weeks of my life. I was useless here. I should have been out there killing darkspawn instead I was here playing babysitter to a dwarf noble who really did not need it."

"I'm sorry, Alistair." She said softly, so softly in fact that he had barely caught her words.

"What?" He asked taken aback by her suddenly change in demeanor.

Shirl shook her head and turned away taking off down the street at a full run. Alistair was stunned. There for a moment when she turned away he could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes.

* * *

Shirl closed her eyes and placed a hand on her forehead. She sank lower into the bath. Her body ached and so did her head. Sighing she let her hand fall away into the water. This was her second bath in a row. The first had been to scrub away the grime of the Deep Roads. This one was strictly for relaxation purposes. She thought of nothing her mind was numb from the song that had been burned into it. The song that even now hummed through her veins, she gritted her teeth and clenched her fist in frustration.

_I just want it to go away!_ She screamed in her mind. She dug her palms into her eyes hoping to assuage the pain growing behind them. Tears formed behind her hands.

"My lady, do you require any other service?" A young dwarven maid asked her. Shirl shook her head.

"I'm fine. Please just leave my towel and clothes on the bed."

"Yes, my lady." The servant said before exiting her room. The maid closed the door with a soft click. And then Shirl was left truly alone.

_I can't believe this. I just want it to stop!_ Her mind was buzzing again. It hummed in dull throbs like a deep drum pulsing through her blood. It was in her blood. She drew her knees up and cradled her head in her hands. Tears streamed down her face as sobs racked her body. Still the song played alluring and deadly. Her mind replayed the moment over and over again. She had seen it! This was truly a Blight! The Archdemon was real. It breathed and called out to its _children_ for lack of a better word and she had almost…_No, I will not think about it… I will not think about it…._

Her head snapped up. Eyes flying wide open as she slammed her fists into the water and stood up. Stepping out of the bath, she walked over to the bed and grabbed the towel. After drying herself off she flung the towel to the floor and yanked on the soft plush robe that had been provided for her. The robe was made to fit a dwarf. It was a little loose in the shoulders and waist and only reached to her mid thigh, but it was very comfortable. At the moment, Shirl did not care. Her head pounded and it was making her nausea. She threw herself at the bed and buried her face in the pillows. The entire world could have been eaten away by the Blight in those few minutes and she would have not known or cared. With her head aching and her stomach burning, she missed her family more than anything else.

She wanted her mother's constructive criticism, her father's reassuring hand on her shoulder, and her brother's bad jokes and witless sense of humor. She wanted to believe their deaths had been a nightmare. She closed her eyes. Small tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes.

_Maker, help me._ She prayed. Squeezing her eyes shut tightly she stifled a sob. Her time spend in the Deep Roads had opened a wound she thought long closed. Suddenly the grief and lost of her family came boiling back to the surface. It threatened to break free. Alistair had been right she had never cried for her family. She had sprinted away from the tears and the pain. Now the pain was more physical than she thought it would have been. Made physical by the taint flowing through her blood and trying to control her body and mind, she was exhausted. As she laid there trying to control her emotions and trying to ignore the sound of the song humming throughout her body, her mind overcome with weariness drifted off into an fitful, but needed sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

_Hello Readers,_

_Thanks for reading, reviewing, alerts and favorites once again. I get so excited to see when someone has alerted or favorited my story. Anyway, this is a longer chapter. Simply I wanted to have Alistair's point of view in this moment. I wanted to see what he would have thought if this had crept up into the game. I know I'm changing some things about the world, but in a way it makes sense. Especially after I started reading The Calling and playing Awakening, I wanted to know what it was exactly that the Wardens sense in darkspawn. In most ways I think it is different for each one of them. So Shirl is a little different than Alistair, even though they both hear the song of the Archdemon. _

_Well, enjoy the chapter!_

_Prism Elf_

**Chapter 17: Orzammar**

"You need to talk to her." Zevran stated as he pulled out a chair and sat down across from Alistair.

"What?" Alistair asked looking up from his stew. He had been enjoying his dinner in the Bloody Axe tavern. It was a small establishment with a few patrons, but he had found that the food was better than some of the other taverns so he kept coming back to it. Soon the dwarves all knew him by name and asked him to sit and eat with them. Tonight however, he preferred to be left of alone to dwell on his thoughts. So naturally Zevran had managed to find him.

"You need to talk to Shirl." The elf leaned back causally in his chair and crossed his arms. "She has been holed up in her room since we have gotten back. I would have thought we would have been leaving soon, but she has not spoken to Lord...errr…King Harrowmont about getting soldiers to help fight the darkspawn. I find this most disturbing."

Alistair blinked and than went back to eating. "Why do you care?" he asked between bites. "The way I see it is you are probably safest right here with the dwarves, right? Well, don't go down to Dust Town and you'll be fine."

Zevran's eyes narrowed "You are mistake, my friend, if you believe the Crows influence has not reached even the dwarves here in Orzammar."

"Sorry, I just don't see many Anvitians running around in the shadows here." Alistair waved his spoon in Zevran's direction. "Besides, I'm not your friend. So, stop calling me that. If I remember correctly you tried to kill Shirl. So why do you care about her now?"

Zevran shrugged. "It is hard to keep an oath to a dead woman." He stated bluntly. He uncrossed his arms. Propping his chin on his palm he waved his hand at Alistair. "Have you tried talking to her?"

Alistair rolled his eyes, "Yes, I tried talking to her shortly after she was back and I tried yesterday as well." His hand clenched into a fist and he stared down at his empty bowl. "She wanted nothing to do with me." He let out a deep steadying breath. "I visited her to see if she was okay." Zevran raised an eyebrow at him. "She told me in not so nice terms that she was fine and wanted me to leave her be. So I have respected her wishes." He took his mug of water. It was safer than drinking dwarven ale. He sipped at the water and set it back down.

Zevran threw up his hands. "Are you really this helpless in these matters? I've never seen a man act so coldly to a beautiful and talented woman. She is different, my friend, different than any woman you will ever encounter again." His eyes took on a feverish glow. "You are a fool. If you cared even a little about your fellow Warden you would be sitting outside her door like her mabari is going."

Alistair ears perked up. "Toby is sitting outside her door?"

Zevran sat back in his chair. "Yes, my friend, he is. He's been whining and pacing back and forth in front of her door for the past three days. Anyone that gets too close, that he doesn't know, gets a nice surprise. He's very protective of her." Zevran noted pointing a finger at Alistair. "But that is beside the point. You should be waltzing down there to see to her every whim. Instead I find you hiding in this _fine_ place." He shook his head and the glow in his eyes faded a little. "You don't know what it was like for her in the Deep Roads. None of us knew what to expect, least of all her." Zevran sighed and stood up. "I do not envy you or her. But I do know that what happened to her down there has changed something within her…something that I'm sad to see go. You really should go and talk to her and don't just take no for an answer. Make her talk to you."

"Maker's Breath, why me, can't you talk to her. You two are all buddy-buddy now." Alistair replied dropping his spoon into the bowl and pushing them both away.

"Because I'm not her buddy, I'm her enemy. She keeps me close to keep an eye on me. While I find her attractive, I'm no fool, Alistair. I've played the game for long time. But you she knows, she trust you and respects you even if most of the time you are at each others throats." Zevran smiled. "Besides, if you are curious, she is an excellent kisser." He winked and walked away.

Alistair stared after him. _What was that all about? And how does he know if Shirl's a good kisser? What the soddin blazes happened in the Deep Roads?_

_

* * *

_

Alistair stood in front of Shirl's door. Toby was standing in front of him looking at him with pleading brown eyes. The mabari wagged his tail. "Huh…hello, boy." Alistair greeted Toby. He knelt down in front the dog holding out his hand. Toby sat and canted his head to the right. "How's she doing, boy?" He asked reaching out to scratch behind Toby's ear. Toby leaned into the scratch and growl deep emulated within his chest. If he had been a cat Alistair would have thought he was purring. "Here I brought you something." He held out his other hand and in it were three strips of jerky. Toby sat up and started jumping up and down. He yipped and sniffed at Alistair's hand.

"Now, wait a minute, wait a minute. I need to speak with Shirl, so you can have these, but first I must get in there." Alistair pointed at the door behind the hound. Toby followed Alistair's pointing finger. He barked once and then looked back at Alistair with something close to worry reflected in his brown eyes.

"Yes, I know, boy, but she needs help. Here," He tossed him the treats which Toby snatched out of midair and wolfed down on the spot. "Now, I'll be back in a minute." He stepped around the mabari and to the door.

Knocking once he placed an ear to the door. "Shirl?" He asked listening for a response. Nothing. "I'm coming in." _Please be dressed decently._ He prayed silently, though a part of him also thought. _Please don't be dressed decently._ Alistair frowned at himself. His brow furrowed. _Okay, she's pretty and has a nice body, perfectly normal to want to see her…unclothed._ He felt his ears grow hot. _Maker, help me. _ He placed his hand on the door handle and pulled the door open.

The room was larger than his was the first thing he noticed. Second of all was Shirl was decently clothed though the robe she wore was most definitely meant for a dwarf. It was loose around her shoulders and waist and revealed much of long slender legs. She was curled up on her side in her bed. Her back was to him and she appeared to be asleep.

_Great, I pretty much just wasted a trip and some jerky. Terrific._ He turned to leave when something caught his eye. Something red on the nightstand, curious he approached as quietly as possible. Upon closer inspection he saw that it was a rose, beautiful and glistening in the lamp light of the room. _How in the world…? Is that…? Where in the world did she…? _He could not finish a complete thought, he was too stunned.

Shirl shifted in her slumber to where she was now laying on her back. Alistair glanced at her sleeping form. Her hair had fallen over one side of her face obscuring her features. Her robe _was_ loose fitting and in her sleep it had shifted enough that Alistair could just make out the inner slope of her breasts. He moved his gaze away quickly just in case Shirl were to awaken at that moment and find him staring at her in such lewd and audacious way. His eyes found her face again.

_She's so peaceful when she sleeps. _He marveled as he reached out and tenderly brushed the hair away from her face. Her eyes snapped open and Alistair jumped back. "Maker! Shirl don't do that." He placed a hand on his chest. His heart was pounding hard against his ribs.

Shirl sat up and looked him. She cocked her head to the side and regarded him in much the same manner Toby had earlier. "Alistair? What are you doing here?" She placed a hand to her forehead. "On second thought I don't care…just leave." Behind her hand Alistair could see her squeezing her eyes shut, like the light hurt them.

"I came to check on you." He stated dropping his hand away from his chest. "Everyone's worried you have not been out of your room since you returned. And every time someone came to see if you were okay you told them to go away."

"That's because…I didn't want to be bothered." She dropped her hand away from her face and glared at Alistair with red rimmed eyes.

"Shirl, it's not bothering you. We're worried that's all. Harrowmont said you have yet to meet with him to discuss his obligation to give us troops." Alistair shook his head and stepped up to face her directly. "It's not like you to shirk your duties. In fact I figured that we would have left by now to find the elves or look for Brother Genitivi." He reached down and took her hands in his. They were warm and rough. Shirl flinched as he did so, but she did not pull away. Alistair looked deep into her eyes and saw nothing.

_There use to be something there, some spark, some light, but now it's just gone. Like it never existed._ If Shirl gave up hope, than what chance did the rest of the world have? He squeezed her hands to show that he supported her, and then he asked quietly, "What happened in the Deep Roads?" Shirl rolled her shoulders uncomfortably and closed her eyes again. Cocking her head to one side she seemed to be listening to something that only she could her. "Shirl?" Alistair asked cupping her chin to turn her head back to where she would have to look at him once she opened her eyes again.

Shirl shook her head and started to pull away, "Nothing…"

"No! Don't say, 'nothing happened'. I'm not an idiot. I can tell that something happened down there so tell me what?" His voice had more of a bite to it than he had meant too, but this was not Shirl. And it frightened him more than he cared to admit that she might have been lost in the Deep Roads.

Shirl opened her eyes. "Alistair, do really care what happened in the Deep Roads? Or is there something else?"

"I know this isn't you and it is worrying me." Alistair replied as he sat on the bed next to her. He tried to not let his eyes linger on her slightly exposed chest or her long legs; he forced himself to watch her face. He feared if she caught him looking at her in a rude manner then she might throw him out of her room. He swallowed the lump in his throat and patiently waited for her to respond. After what seemed like minutes Shirl sighed and stood slowly up. She moved her body as if she was an old woman. Alistair did notice several small bruises and cuts on her arms. His gaze followed her across the room to a table covered with a tray and silver tea set. She set out a silver cup sprinkled some type of dried tea leaves into it and poured steaming hot water over the top. Gingerly she placed the teapot back down and picked up the cup. Taking a sip she relaxed visibly.

"Would you like some?" She asked without looking at him.

"No," He stated flatly and crossed his arms. "Quit stalling and just tell me."

Her back was to him but he could see her shoulders shudder. "Alistair…I don't know…if I can." She spoke hesitantly. "I…can't." She took another sip of tea then placed the cup back on the table as she rounded to face him. Tears were streaming down her face. "I wanted to do what I thought was right…I never wanted to be a hero! I hate this I wish it would stop!" She screamed as she clutched at her head. Alistair was on his feet and across the room in three strides. He stood in front of her and gripped her arms pulling her hands away from her head.

"Shirl, stop! What is the world is going on?" He asked her looking her square in the eyes. _I have never seen her cry. Ever! What is going on?_ Her eyes were filled with pain and the look she had on her face was of utter horror.

"I'm sorry, Alistair, so sorry, I'm not myself, but…I…" Her tears poured down her face and sobs wracked her body. Before he even thought about it, Alistair pulled her to him in a tight hug. She tensed at first but slowly she relaxed in his arms. She clung to him sobbing into his chest her tears soaking through his shirt.

"Shirl, it's all right, just breathe." He stroked her hair. "I can wait. You need to calm down." Shirl nodded against his chest. He wasn't certain how long they should there like that. As time slipped away he became aware of her body pressed up against his, and that she was naked under the robe she wore. His face flushed.

_Think of something else, you idiot. Think of something else!_ Her hair smelled of roses. The fragrance filled his nose and his thoughts drifted back to the rose he had seen on her nightstand. The rose he had given her would have died by now of that he was certain, yet there was a rose here in her room. _I wonder where she got that. _He glanced over his shoulder his sights resting on the rose.

"Alistair," Shirl whispered. He looked down at her as she shifted to look up at him. "Thank you." Her eyes flickered briefly and Alistair had to smile. _So there is something left in her._

He brushed hair out of her eyes. "Uh…you're welcome. Though I don't know what I did."

She shrugged and stepped out of his embrace. "Just for being you. So, who asked you to check on me?" She asked turning back to the table and taking up her cup of tea she took another sip.

"Zevran actually, he seemed to think that you would talk to me." Alistair replied.

"Hmm…Zevran, huh that is slightly a surprise."

Alistair crossed his arms. "Why, he had some interesting things to say, about you, that is."

Shirl turned to regard him with narrowed eyes. "What did he tell you?" She asked curtly, though Alistair noticed she flinched. The flinching almost seemed an involuntary reaction for her.

Alistair felt his cheeks grow hot again. _This seems to be a reaction most of the time I'm around her. _"He said you were a good kisser." Alistair looked away. His eyes focused on her clothes folded neatly on chair next to the bathtub. Making his face flush even brighter, _so she is naked under the robe._

"Really? I'm going to kill him." Shirl growled. "First the bastard tries to kill me and then he kisses me. It's not what you think Alistair so you can stop blushing."

Alistair head swiveled to look at her. "Sorry, it's just that…well…wait what? How is it not what I think it is?"

Shirl sighed and set down her tea cup. She placed a hand at her temple. Rubbing her head, she said "It was one of the nights we were camped in the Deep Roads. I was having trouble sleeping. The song is very strong down there and louder much louder…"


	18. Chapter 18

_Hello Again,_

_I'm trying something a little different with this chapter. Even though the chapter stays in third person, it is Shirl's retelling of what happened in the Deep Roads. So you may notice the switch in the "narrator's" tone. That's because it is Shirl telling the story, not my retelling of the events, but hers. I'm going to try and stay third person though I have played with the idea of switching this to first person I will see how it goes. Thanks for reading! _

_Prism Elf_

**Chapter 18: The Deep Roads**

As soon as they had entered the dark passages into the Deep Roads, the song cooed in Shirl's ears loudly. She still had not mastered complete control of sensing the darkspawn, but she knew enough to know when they were surrounded by the taint. She would have gagged on the foul taste left in her mouth, if she did not have the self control that she did. As it was she could feel the bile rising at the back of her throat, swallowing she continued forward cautiously.

Their footsteps echoed down the abandoned corridors. Shirl repressed a shudder every time something moved in the far distance. Down here it could have been miles away, but the echo made it sound like it was right next to her. She glanced back over her shoulder at the three following her.

Morrigan looked at the earthen ceiling and paled. _Somehow I believe she liked being able to look at the open sky. At least that she knows she can escape if need be. _ Looking Zevran she saw the elf was watching her with a look that was something between a predator and prey mix. A strange hunger was alit in his eyes while his face was a mask of innocence. Zevran winked at her. Shirl snorted and glanced at Oghren who seemed like he was out for a stroll in the gardens.

_Okay, so maybe this is his gardens._ Shirl thought as she faced forward again. Dwarves were a strange lot. They had rules, systems and honor all balled up into a nice wrapped package, however, from the way Shirl saw it, that package was volcano ready to explode. _If I don't choose correctly, the people of this city could revolt and anarchy would reign supreme. I might never get the help we desperately need. _Shaking her head she tried to think of something else.

The song played in her mind like a dark lullaby. Soft and sweet to the ear, but full of dark portent. _Dammit, I wished he had taught me._ The templar mind tricks could have helped block the song, but it was a gamble she wasn't certain if it would work for her or not. After watching Alistair for several weeks, Shirl had began to wonder if the darkspawn even had the same affect on him that they did on her. Her initial reaction had frightened even him, so maybe the taint responded differently to each person. Technically it made sense, but it also made it a pain in the rear. She would just have to figure out how she was to control it on her own.

"Oghren, how long have we been walking?" Shirl asked.

"About four hours now, I would say. Why? Your legs getting tired, do you need me to carry you?" Oghren chuckled.

"No, I was just curious and stop leering at me that way, it's creepy." Shirl said without even looking at him.

"How do you know I'm _leering_ at you? I could be eyeing up the elf, for all you know." Oghren huffed.

"Because you would rather die than look at Zevran, least he think you mean actual business." Shirl retorted without missing a beat.

"I am standing right here you know. And I would not give my business to Oghren unless he shaved his beard and I was extremely drunk on Antivian wine. _Then_ you might have a chance, my friend." Zevran chimed in. "Not that I'm usually picky, but for you I will make the exception."

"Aww…that's sweet of you but I think I can find my own piece…"

"Enough, both of you, or I will turn you into something smaller and less savory." Morrigan snapped.

"Ahh, my beautiful witch speaks, harken and I shall listen."

"Enough all of you!" Shirl yelled turning her amber gaze on all of them. "I will let you all at the mercy of the darkspawn. Remember, I'm the one who can sense them." She turned back around as they fell silent.

_So very tempting to leave all three of them in the Deep Roads, but then I would have to find Branka on my own._ She sighed and continued forward placing one foot in front of the other. This trip was going to be like finding a needle in a haystack.

They travelled for what Oghren said was three days. The farther down they went the louder the song became. After so many days of listening to the solemn tune Shirl was irritable and even shorter tempered than normal. She lashed out at all three of them more than once while they walked. And when her headaches started up she walked away from them taking the lead point. The others seemed to notice that something was wrong, but none of them knew how to ask her. Morrigan tried at one point, got glared at and told nothing was wrong. They were all becoming disheartened with journey very quickly.

At the end of the first week they had discovered Ortan Thaig…

* * *

"Shh…don't move." Shirl cautioned. The giant spider moved with one leg at a time. Each foot adsorbing the vibrations of the rock around it, one slight movement made by any of them could mean their deaths. A horrible terrifying death where you were devoured alive, Shirl shuddered. She was fine with spiders, but small creepy crawlies were one thing, gigantic able to gnaw your face off creatures was a completely different story. Unfortunately the journal of Branka's they had found pointed through the spider infested ruins of the Ortan Thaig.

Oghren shifted slightly. It was a simple readying action just in case the thing attacked. However, even the simple heaving of his great axe closer to his chest was too much movement. The spider stopped in its tracks and crouched. All eight of its hairy legs bent at forty-five degree angle. All of its beady eyes were focused in there direction. Its fangs wriggled back and forth tasting the air around it taking in their scents.

_Great, what a heroic death eatin by a giant spider, _Shirl thought coldly shooting Oghren a dirty look. The dwarf winked at her and suddenly shot up from their rocky cover.

"You know I'd rather die fighting than cowering in the corner like some Stone forgotten nug lover." He shouted as he swung his axe over his head at the spider. The creature had expected someone because it launched it's at Oghren. The dwarf and spider collided mid-air. Both dropped like a sack of rocks. Oghren's axe bit deep into its thorax. But he did not escape unscathed. The spider hissed and made a horrible clicking wailing noise as it spit green mucus on the dwarf. The green fluid bubbled and steamed where it Oghren's armor.

"You mother lovin pig rutting nug herder this is my best suit of mail." He spun on his heels and whipped his axe around again aiming for one of the creature's many legs.

"Hmmm…perhaps our short friend could use some help." Zevran quipped stepping out casually from the rocks. In his hands were his twin silver daggers. "Coming, my dear?" He asked Shirl as he turned and charged to get behind the spider. He slashed at one of the legs as he ran by it. He connected and a clear liquid spurted from the wound. Zevran dove under the arachnid ducking low and stabbing his daggers upward. The blades sank into the soft underbelly. He kept running drawing two parallel lines across the spider's abdomen.

An ear piercing shriek erupted from the spider and it pivoted smoothly around to catch the assassin as he ran out from under it. Using its front legs it reared up and flailed much like a horse. Zevran dodged the first two attacks; he tripped over a rock and fell just as the spider slammed its legs down on the assassin's chest. The air whooshed from Zevran's lungs in a grunt. The spider crouched low over the elf its fangs dripping green corrosive poison. Some of the poison landed on Zevran's leather chest piece. The ooze bubbled and hissed steam rose from the elf's armor. Zevran sucked in a breath of air and immediately started coughing as he inhaled some of the vapors.

Shirl leapt from her hiding spot. "Morrigan!" She called to the witch.

"Yes, yes, I know." Morrigan shouted back just as Shirl felt a swell of magical energy surround the witch. As Shirl ran toward the beast as a bolt of lightening flew pass her. It hit the spider in the side and the creature hissed again but did not move from its prone target.

Oghren moved in to flank Shirl. "Damn thing spit on me and then tried to wrap me up a web. Ha! This dwarf ain't that easy." Shirl rolled her eyes and charged. Oghren right beside her. "I have to hand it to the elf; he makes for a great distraction!" Oghren called as swung his great axe at the spider's back legs.

Shirl rammed into the side of the spider with her shield. She used the momentum of her force to move the spider a feet to the left. Sliding to the left the beast pivoted again hissing and clicking its huge fangs at Shirl. _Good spider, come and play with me. _The thought flitted across her mind darkly. She raised her shield as the beast dove at her fangs bared. The spider was strong and she barely managed to keep her feet as the creature crashed into her sending her skidding back a few feet. The beast stayed on her its fangs scrapping against the surface of her shield. Steam rose from her shield but she kept it in place. The last thing she wanted was to be bit by this spider. Planting her feet she thrust upwards with her sword catching the blade right under the creature's beady black eyes. As her sword landed the blow, clear liquid poured over her hand. She twisted the weapon sinking the blade deeper into the wound.

Shrieking the spider reared back, but Oghren at the last possible second had hacked through out of the creature's legs. As it reared up to dislodge Shirl's blade it lost its balance and toppled over onto its back. Shirl managed to hold onto her sword. She yanked it free as the spider fell backwards.

Floundering on its back the creature tried desperately to regain its feet, but with the lost of one its legs it was failing miserably. As agile and swift as a great cat Zevran leapt onto the spider's exposed thorax. He plunged his dagger up to the hilt in the creature's would be chest.

"Move, elf!" Morrigan called as a ball of lightening smashed into the spider. Zevran grabbed his daggers and jumped flipping into the air. He landed on his feet and spun facing the spider. The popping and sizzling was all Shirl heard before. BOOM! The spider exploded spewing clear viscous fluid mixed with vile internal organs and green mucus flying through the air. The gore landed on all of them except Morrigan who had managed to cast the spell from a safe reasonable distance. Slime and muck covered them from head to toe.

"Morrigan!" Shirl shouted. Shaking her shield and sword off, long bits of stringy ooze clung to her weapon and shield.

"Ugh! That was unpleasant to say the least." Zevran quipped shaking his entire body like cat who was accidently placed in water.

"Ha-ha! That was amazing! Best use of magic I've ever seen." Oghren laughed clipping his axe back onto his back. "You think we could do that again!"

Shirl and Zevran both stared appalled at the dwarf while Morrigan snorted and turned away from them. "Well if you did not need my help then next time I will not bother."

* * *

Shirl took first watch when they rested. The sound of her whetstone sliding down her blade's edge echoed around in the still darkness. Shirl sighed.

_Shreek, shreek. _She moved the stone up and down watching as the blade became sharper. Her head still had a dull aching feeling and the song was getting louder and clearer. She started to hum. Her voice was sounded foreign to her ears. Raw and thick it vibrated deep in her throat. She closed her eyes humming in tune with the song and soon the _shreek, shreek, shreeeek_ of her blade rang in time to her voice. She became lost in the song, mesmerized in the soothing notes. Though her skin crawled and sweat beaded on her forehead. Her body tensed like she wanted to run, yet she kept humming.

Something cold pressed against her throat jolted her from her meditations. "You should never leave your guard down, especially when one is on guard." Zevran said in her ear. Shirl resisted the urge to elbow him in the chest. She gritted her teeth and stopped sharpening her sword.

"Zevran, if you needed to talk there are less dangerous ways to get my attention." She said placing her sword across her lap.

His dagger pressed a little deeper into the flesh of her neck. "Yes, but this is guaranteed to get your attention."

Shirl swallowed and her grip tightened on her sword handle. "What do you want?"

He chuckled and removed his blade. Moving around to her right side he sat down next to her on the ground. "Ah, nothing I just wanted to see your reaction, really. I hope you do not mind me saying so, but you have been distracted lately."

"Why would you say I was distracted?" Shirl remained still. She stared straight ahead her gaze fixed on the darkness in front of her. She was sitting just on the edge of the light being provided by their small camp fire.

Zevran shifted his feet. "You seem to be less watchful and well quieter. Snapping at us at random times and yelling at us too. It seems to me you are distracted. Plus, in the fight today against the spider you waited to join in the fight." He shrugged. "I believe that if, Alistair were here he would have said something to you earlier on."

Shirl shot him a look. "Yes, Alistair would say something, but that's one of the reasons he's not here."

"Ha-ha, I thought it was because of the tension between the two of you." Zevran laughed.

Shirl's lips were tight. _Tension, huh that is an understatement._

"Though if you ask me there are many ways to relieve tension." Zevran raised an eyebrow as he spoke. "I could help you with that of course."

Shirl flinched. "Offering me more than the services I require is not necessary."

"Ah, but it would be fun, wouldn't it? And it does help relieve stress. I would consider it to be part of my services to you."

"Services I really don't need, thank you." Shirl snapped.

"Ha-ha, ahh, my dear, it seems that you might." She turned her face toward him with a frown on her face.

"I don't think…" His lips met hers silencing her. Shirl's eyes widened. His lips were soft and yielding. His hand was on the back of her head entwining in her hair. Shirl released her hands from her sword and placed them on his chest. He leaned into the kiss more as he felt her hands touch him.

_Ugh! You bastard! How dare you?_ Shirl's mind screamed as she closed her eyes and shoved him away with all her might. "DON"T YOU DARE!" She yelled loud enough to make Morrigan and Oghren jump up from their slumber. Shirl rushed to her feet and pointed her sword at Zevran's throat. "Don't you dare think you can take simple liberties with me! I'm not some whore who you can just…ugh!" Shirl wheeled away from him putting her back to him.

"What? Who?" Oghren spat as shot up reaching for his axe. His head whipped from left to right. Then his eyes found Shirl and Zevran.

"I meant no harm only to help you." Zevran said standing up.

"I do not need your help, Zevran." Shirl snapped.

"But you need someone!" Zevran retorted back. "You never talk to any of us! You leave us in the dark with all your plans. Most importantly you leave out your fellow Warden. You need someone you can talk too."

"Oh, and you want the job?"

Zevran shook his head. "No, I merely want the awkward tension to go away. But I thought I should speak what has been on _all_ of our minds."

"Great, the assassin is giving _me_ advice now." Shirl shook her head and rolled her eyes.

"Its advice if I were you I would follow. Think about it, my dear, we all need each other." He shrugged. "I just need a little more physical attention than most." He smiled and stepped up to her. "And don't think I mean to give up on you. I'm here if you ever want to take me up on that offer." He winked. "You will know where to find me."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19: The Deep Roads **

"Run!" Shirl commanded as she swept her sword out in front of her decapitating the Hurlock standing in her way. The darkspawn were pouring in from all sides. Morrigan's spells danced around striking several of the creatures at once, yet for every one they struck down another three would take its place.

_We are going to be overwhelmed._ Shirl realized and panic started to set in. She had no wish to die in the deep dark of these ancient forgotten ruins and caverns. _I will not die!_ She gritted her teeth as she lunged toward a genlock. The creatures growled at her baring its sharp little teeth. But it had no weapons besides its claws and teeth as it leapt at her sword found its chest. The genlock fell lifeless to the ground and Shirl stepped over it.

"Zevran, Oghren! Get out of there!" She yelled as she spotted the two back to back hacking and slashing at Hurlocks and genlocks alike. The dwarf had a strange glint to his eye. He was smiling as each darkspawn fell before his axe. "Take that and that you witless sons of a bronto!"

Zevran's precision and quick moving blades counter balanced Oghren's heavy handed axe swings. A spray of blood covered the elf as he sliced across the throat of a genlock. "We hear you, my dear, but we're a little busy." He shouted back at her.

"Well, make yourselves un-busy and get out of there!" Shirl retorted back. _Thwack!_ Her sword cut through the armored arm of an axe-wielding Hurlock. The arm fell to the ground along with his axe. The Hurlock seemed not to notice as it dove forward to try and bite her. Shirl slammed her shield into the creature's face. She heard a wet snapping sound along with a _thump_ as the Hurlock hit the ground. Gnashing her teeth she leapt over the Hurlock. Swinging out with her sword and shield, she kept the opening she had created open. "Morrigan! Move! Now!"

The witch pressed her back up against hers. "Well, this is getting serious." She heard the witch hiss.

"No kidding, you don't say." Shirl replied. Slashing out again she caught the nearest genlock across the face with the tip of her blade. She swatted at one with her shield and then kicked out with a foot to catch another one. "Can you create a pathway to Zevran and Oghren?" She called over her shoulder to the witch.

"I will try." Morrigan shouted back sending a bolt of blue energy at two separate Hurlocks. "I am not Andraste though."

"Huh, you didn't strike me as the religious type." Shirl grunted pulling her sword free of a Hurlock's chest.

"I am not." Morrigan replied curtly, shooting a genlock in the chest with another blue bolt. Shirl could felt the magical energy surrounding the witch.

"Dwarf! Elf! Do not move!" Morrigan warned as a swirling wave of crackling fire whipped around them. Every darkspawn with in the fire's path ignited into flames, their rough armor and dry skin going up like a candle wick. The darkspawn shrieked and screamed a terrible high pitched shrill that threatened to deafen Shirl. For a moment the song humming eerily in her mind rose in crescendo to the voices in pain and horror around her. She paused mid swing. Her body tensed as she felt the heat of the fire wash through her.

A bold Hurlock took advantage of the Shirl's momentary interlude. It slashed with its jagged edged sword splicing along her arm. The Hurlock's blade found a spot in between the layers of her armor, opening a deep gash across her arm.

Pain flared down the length of her arm and she blinked hissing in anger. _Damn fool! Block it out!_ She withdrew her arm and then thrust out with it again. The Hurlock did not expect her to recover so quickly. It left it self, exposed. Shirl's sword easily found the creature's belly and she ran forward stabbing through armor, muscle, organs and out the back of the Hurlock. As a last feeble attempt to harm her, the Hurlock brought its teeth down hard on her shoulder, clomping into the metal plates. It used the last of its strength trying to bite through her metal armor.

Shirl shrugged and rolled the dead darkspawn off of her. Fire still blazed around them, but most of the darkspawn had now retreated from the light, shrinking back into the darkness from whence they came. Shirl nodded to Morrigan her thanks.

"How long can you keep that up?" She asked gesturing toward the fire whirling about them.

"Not much longer, the spell saps me of strength." As if on cue the fire suddenly winked out of existence. Both Zevran and Oghren blinked stupidly as they looked around.

Zevran whistled. "That was impressive, my witch, remind me not to ever anger you." Zevran commented awe filling his voice.

"Wise advice." Morrigan stated as her eyes narrowed. She turned to face Shirl. "What are you planning to do now?" She asked her.

Shirl shook her head. "The darkspawn are leery, but they will be back and shortly. I can hear…feel them just on the edges of my conscience."

The song burst to life inside her skull drowning out all other noises, Shirl dropped her sword and shield and grabbed at her head. The song lured her forward, but the pain it brought with it was unbearable. It throbbed in her ears. Her heart beat accelerated to keep time with the pulse of the song. She could hardly breathe. The song compelled her to move forward, yet every fiber of her being yelled at her to stay still. To move would be painful.

Shirl was vaguely aware of someone calling her name and gripping her shoulders tightly, but could not response to their shouts. Someone tried to pry her hands from her head, but she was stronger than who ever tried. Her fingertips were pressed so hard into the flesh of her skull that marks were being left by her gloved hands. Tears formed in her eyes as she subconsciously tried to fight back. She could felt herself losing the battle.

_Damn you, fight it! Fight it!_ Her mind screamed at her body. In the end a single voice unlike anything she had ever heard before begin to sing to her, her blood rushed as her heart sped up even more. Sweat beaded on her forehead and ran down her face leaving streaks through the dirt and grime that had caked there. _I must fight this._ The single voice sang to her, for her. It called out and it wanted her to follow it.

Shirl stood up and dropped her hands away from her head. She was aware the others calling out her name again, asking if she was okay, but she did not stop to answer. Instead she darted forward into the darkness following a beautiful song that promised to fulfill her every dream and desire. Her every need.

* * *

Zevran watched as Shirl took off into the darkness. He cursed and sprinted after her. The fool woman was going to get herself killed. He was not a hero, he hated playing hero, and normally he would have walked away by now. But something about this human woman intrigued him. She was different. Bolder, stronger and more skilled with a weapon than any woman he had met before. He now understood why he never would have been able to kill her. She was not destined to die by his hand. He was not a religious man, but too much had happened in his life to not chalk up something to fate. If not luck.

"Oghren, grab her shield and sword, If you would be so kind. My witch some light, please." He asked as he flung himself after Shirl. Morrigan had started to run after her at the same moment, but Oghren seemed confused about where everyone was going.

"Hey, what in soddin blazes is going on here?" Oghren called in his gruff voice.

"Not a clue." Zevran called back.

Morrigan threw a magic word into the air and her staff lit up the passageway they were running down. Zevran could hear Oghren's labored breathing coming up behind him. And he could just make out Shirl's lithe form running in front of him. He put on an extra burst of speed. His chest ached and his legs throbbed. He had small cuts and bruises all over his body, though in the last fight a genlock had raked its nasty little claws down right leg. The leg burned something fierce, but he was not going to let Shirl out of his sight.

Suddenly the passageway opened up into a gigantic cavern filled with ancient dwarven ruins. Running through the center of the cavern was a humongous chasm. The cavern was lit up back lava that poured from the sides of the wall into small pits that ate away at the rock around it. Zevran's eyes widened and watered at the suddenly intensity of the light shining in this room. He blinked and raised a hand to shield his face.

"Morrigan do you see her?" He asked hoping the witch was not as blind as he was at the moment.

"Yes, she is standing on the precipice to the chasm." She yelled at him.

"What?" Zevran could not believe it. "What is she doing?"

"I am not certain." The witch whispered defensively, though Zevran though he detected a bit of anger in her tone.

_ So she does have a heart after all._ He thought. As his eyes started to adjust he saw indeed that Shirl stood at the edge of the yawning chasm looking down. Her face was blank and her eyes were glazed over.

"Shirl!" Zevran yelled reaching out to her. She did not even look up at him. Instead her gaze was fixed downward. As Zevran reached her he dropped his arm and took hold of her hand. "Shirl!" He cried again. Still she stared down into the darkness. Zevran looked over the edge and felt a slight dizziness overwhelm him. _Oh Maker, help us!_ Was all he could think. For down in the darkness of the chasm he could just make out in the glow of the lava streams hundreds of thousands of darkspawn marching below them.

A great roar sliced through the air around. Zevran's head shot up. There not but few hundred yards away sat a huge black dragon. The dragon was perched on a bridge crossing the chasm. It roared again. Its entire focus was not on them thankfully, but on the marching darkspawn below.

"By the Ancestors," Oghren breathed as the dwarf finally caught up to them. "I've never seen so many darkspawn in one place before."

"That's because they are marching to the surface." Morrigan said. Zevran looked at the witch from the corner of his eye. "The world above is going to experience the first Blight in the past four hundred years."

Zevran's eyes widened and he looked to Shirl who still had not moved. Her eyes were fixed on the darkspawn massing below. "Shirl," he whispered softly. He reached out to touch her upper arm. She flinched at his touch, but she did not look away. "We need to move, before that thing notices us." He said softly trying to draw her away from the edge.

"They call out, to me. They sing to me. I hear them. I want to join them." Shirl's voice was flat and strangely sing-songy at the same time. She took a step forward. Zevran gripped her arm harder.

"Shirl, do not move. There is a cliff there. Come away, we need to hide." He breathed in her ear. But she was already pulling against his grasp.

"They are singing me. They are calling to me. I must join them. Hear me brothers and sisters, hear me, in the darkness calling out to you." Shirl cried throwing her weight forward. Zevran's grip slipped slightly as she did so. He jumped forward and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Shirl! Morrigan, Oghren help me! Grab her!" Zevran yelled.

Both started forward, but Shirl spun around on Zevran bringing her knee up hard to catch him in the stomach. "LET ME GO! I MUST JOIN THEM! I MUST! She snarled throwing her weight fully into the elf. Yet, he did not let go of her. Her fists rained down upon him bruising his finely tan skin and splitting his lips. He spat blood out of his mouth.

"Sleep, my friend, sleep, be at peace." Morrigan cooed coming to stand behind Zevran. Suddenly Shirl was dead weight in his arms.

"Very clever, my witch." He mumbled.

"Huh, what's gotten into her?" Oghren asked helping Zevran carry Shirl to a stack of large boulders which would help provide cover from watchful eyes. Zevran glanced over his shoulder at the dragon glaring down upon the darkspawn horde. It roared again and then pushed off its perch. Snapping out its wings it dove down over the horde. Roaring again and spitting fire over the darkspawn's heads.

Zevran shuddered and looked away. The rocks hopefully would provide enough protection from the dragon's watchful eye, yet he got the sense that this was far from over.

"How long will she be sleep for?" He asked turning his attention back to Morrigan and Oghren.

Morrigan shrugged. "I do not know. The spell works differently for each person. She is very strong willed. Could be a quite a while, or a matter of minutes."

Zevran sat next to Shirl resting her head in his lap. "Very well, I believe we could all use a short rest then." He leaned back against the rock behind him which was warm and comforting, a relief to his cold sweating body. _So, a Blight has come to the world again. How in the world are two Grey Wardens going to stop a horde of darkspawn?_ He wondered looking down into Shirl's sleeping face. _I have to say, I wish Alistair was here perhaps he could shed some light on what is going on with her. I do hate going into situations blindfolded. While interesting it usually proves to be fatal._

_

* * *

_

Shirl opened her eyes. The world swam into view bright and blinding. She blinked and brought a hand to her face. Her head was throbbing, but at leas the song was down to a minimum discomfort level. Gingerly she sat up. The throbbing in her head did not increase, but it did not decrease either.

"So you are awake. We were beginning to worry that you might not." Morrigan intoned. The witch was sitting a few paces away from her with her back to a large boulder. She looked relaxed, for one who had just been fighting for her life minutes before.

"Uh, what happened?" Shirl asked.

"It seems that while you are immune to the darkspawn taint you are also having side-effects from it as well." Morrigan shifted slightly. "You tried to throw yourself off yonder cliff to join the darkspawn horde down below."

"I…what?" Shirl was confused and then she remembered in heartbreaking detail. Her subconscious trying to fight off the song playing through her head the battle that had raged within her was bitter if it had been physical it would have been bloody. She had run. She had wanted to escape the song, the calling, the Wardens and the world. She had wanted to join with the darkspawn horde and give in to the madness that was creeping its way through her mind. She wanted to go back to her normal life. She wanted to leave the Deep Roads behind, leave everything everyone behind.

Something broke inside Shirl in that moment. It was like she could hear whatever it was snapping in twang. Realization dawned on her. She was not strong enough to be a hero. She was not resolved enough to do this. She had never wanted this. Tears slid down her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She whispered to everyone and no one.


	20. Chapter 20

_Hello Readers,_

_Well, this is a shorter chapter…I think it is a good ending to the Orzammar section of the story. For some rest I skipped what happened in the Mage's Tower, but I just felt like that area of the game was pretty well developed. The Deep Roads and Orzammar just left so much open for me to fill in some of the gaps. _

_Thank you for favorite adds, alerts and reviews! Hopefully everyone is still enjoying the story. _

_Prism Elf_

**Chapter 20: Orzammar**

"That's it?" Alistair asked crossing his arms and looking apprehensively at Shirl. The woman had been silent for several minutes now. During the course of Shirl's explain of what had happened in the Deep Roads they had moved over to her small tea table. Shirl drank more of her hot tea while she talked and Alistair sat in one of the extra chairs listening patiently to her story. She looked away from him and stared at a spot on the wall.

"That's it." She said a light red staining her cheeks. "We found Branka shortly afterwards and I made the decision to destroy the Anvil of the Void." She shook her head. "Still, don't know if that was the best decision I have ever made, but what's done is done."

Alistair sighed. Uncrossing his arms he placed them fold on the table in front of him. "Shirl, I don't understand something." He started. "Okay, so big understatement I don't understand a lot of things. First, why did you lock yourself in your room? Nothing that happened seems that bad."

Shirl straightened up and leaned back in her chair. "I…felt so helpless." She closed her eyes. "I can't fight it, Alistair. I tried the Archdemon has too much power over me. It frightens me." She shuddered. "I don't like losing control of myself."

Alistair blinked. He heard the song like all the other Grey Wardens, but he had never felt the pull like he had heard some of the others got. Most Grey Wardens were strong enough to resist the allure of the song some just took some training and letting their taint settled in, that was until their Calling came. Then they could no longer ignore the song and they found themselves alone in the Deep Roads. Alistair nodded at her as she opened her eyes. Tears glistened within their shimmering depths. "I understand. I will work with you more on it. Especially once we are out of Orzammar. But don't forget I'm here for you."

Shirl nodded. "I know." She whispered. An awkward silence fell between them as he watched her struggle with wanting to say more and her nature of keeping things to herself.

"So why did you leave me here in Orzammar?" Alistair asked quickly changing the subject hoping to defuse the tension he could felt starting to form around them.

Shirl opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again abruptly. She turned her head so as to be able to look him straight in the eye. A little light had started to shine back into her eyes when she talked about her experiences. Alistair smiled inwardly to himself. He was glad to see that warmth glowing there again. _I don't know what we would do if we lost her._ He thought shocking himself with the realization.

"Several reasons I guess, but mostly you just confuse me." She leaned forward placing her elbow on the table. She propped her chin in her hands. "I'm not use to people just being bluntly honest with me. Most people take the around about way of speaking. I find your approach slightly vexing, yet refreshing."

"Huh, well that's different. I'm just use to being told to keep my mouth shut." Alistair quipped looking her square in the eye. "Though you do tell me to do that a lot too. Sooo, you did not take me along because I'm confusing to you."

Shirl nodded. "Mostly, I wanted to have some space from you. I wanted to see…" Her face flushed red and she looked away. "IF I would notice your absence."

"What?" Alistair asked truly confounded by her reason. He had assumed that she was just cold hearted. After spending weeks with her, she had only toughened her resolve to not let anyone through her defenses. Alistair had tried on several occasions to tear down her erected barriers. But each time he had wormed his way a little past her defenses she would throw him back slamming him out. _Now_ she was telling him that he had gotten through, but only because he had not been there to try.

_Women are strange._ He thought while out loud he said. "So did you notice or was Zevran able to fill the gap?"

"Zevran could never be you. He is…what's the right word…complicated, but I do not need Zevran to help me build an army." She pointed at him. "That is what you are for."

"Oh, I get it; you need me so I'm suddenly to be noticed, huh? Well that's not the way I want to get noticed, thanks," He shot at her his voice a bit more venom filled than he meant it to be, but he was angry at the remark. "I think I will be going now. Sorry, to have bothered you, _my lady_."

Shirl's laughter stopped him in his tracks. He stared at her uncomprehendingly. "Alistair, you fool, I'm joking with you." She smiled at him and her eyes lit up. He frowned at her.

"So you are joking at my expense. Jeez, thanks but I will pass." She laughed harder at him. _Maybe she did loose her mind in the Deep Roads._ "Well, I'm glad to see you are feeling better. I'm going to go tell the others." He spun around toward the door. He had taken no more than three steps when Shirl's hand on his arm brought him around.

"You are so weird." She said smiling. "But thank you."

_Okay, now I'm really confused. What in Andraste's holy knickers is going on?_ His mind raced. He could not figure out what was happening between them. Half the time she shut him out and then some of the time they laughed and talked together like just a few moments ago. "Shirl, I can't play this game." He whispered suddenly, surprising even himself. "I don't know what to feel or think at the moment. You are hot one minute and then cold the next and I don't know what you want. What do you want from me?"

She pondered his question for a moment. Her smile faded from her face. "I don't know either, Alistair. You infuriate me as much as I do you." She shrugged and turned away. "I wish I knew the answer to your question." Suddenly she spun back around and pointed a finger in Alistair's face. "How about this: until we can sort things out, were friends. That's it nothing more and nothing less. I do enjoy you being my friend, Alistair. I trust you and your opinion." She winked at him. "Even if I don't follow it all the time." She held out her hand like she wanted to shake on a deal. "So, what do you say, friends?"

Alistair looked at her proffered hand and then at her. Her robe was still opened at the top exposing more of her than he should have been seeing. Her pale blonde hair and amber eyes were aglow in the low lamp light. Her body was more relaxed than he had ever seen it. _She is really pretty when she smiles. _ He blushed, feeling embarrassed for looking at her in such an intense way. _We will just have to see how this last for._ He took her hand and shook it. "Friends."


	21. Chapter 21

_Hello Readers,_

_So this took so long…it just did not seem to flow like the other chapters. I'm still not certain I like where is chapter was going, but I will see where the others take me. I wanted to show how Shirl was changing at least around Alistair. : ) I don't know…the next chapter should have more action and hopefully not take in the direction that I'm not expecting, silly characters. : )_

_Thanks to all of you for reading._

_Prism Elf _

**Chapter 21: Outskirts of Brecilian Forest**

Alistair parried her sword's swipe and countered with his shield, just like they had been practicing for the past few nights. _Good, _Shirl thought. _He's a fast learner._ His follow through on his attacks with the shield were getting more powerful and he was starting to use it as weapon as well as…well a shield.

Shirl braced herself against his blow and blocked it. Shield to shield. "Good," she said a smile slipping on her lips. "Break, Alistair." She called softly. Alistair disengaged and lowered his sword and shield.

"Was that better?" he asked raising his shield slightly. "I think I felt you give ground a little."

Shirl shook her head. "I shifted my stance to take the blow, but you are far from knocking me off my feet." She laughed at Alistair's crestfallen look. "Come on, I want to teach you the last step of the attack." Shirl raised her shield and squared her stance. "Do exactly as we have been practicing, but instead of pulling the attack at the end. Go with it. Step into the blow with full speed and full momentum. I want you to come at with everything you have."

"Are you certain? I don't know." Alistair looked down at his shield and sword ruefully, "What if I hurt you?"

"Don't be coward. Maker, help me. Sometimes I wonder at how you ever became a Grey Warden." She saw Alistair set his jaw and his eyes took on a steely glint. _Good, use that. _

Alistair raised his sword and shield into place and nodded at Shirl. Shirl nodded back and solidified her stance. She swung her sword halfheartedly at Alistair's head. He parried the blade and stepped fully into the attack. His shield snapped out at the last second with the full force of his body behind.

Shirl's eyes widened in shock at the power of the blow, she had ready herself for it, but it still took her off her feet. She landed on the ground staring up at the starry night. Her breath whipped from her body.

"Shirl!" Alistair called and then he was beside. He stared down at her his soft brown eyes crinkled with worry. "Are you alright?"

Shirl couldn't help it she started to laugh. Alistair's eyes widened in surprise.

"That's was good. Really good!" She beamed at him. He raised an eyebrow at her and she laughed all the harder. She clutched her sides gasping for air. Tears formed in her eyes and she squeezed them shut.

"I think I might have hit you too hard." He smiled at her. Touching a finger to his head he said. "I seemed to have cracked your skull."

Shirl got her laughter under control and wiped the back of her hand across her eyes. "I'm fine. Maker, I haven't laughed like that in years. Not since, Toby was a puppy and chewed up all of Fergus' socks and small clothes."

Alistair made a face and glanced over at the hound that was curled up sound asleep a few feet away. "Huh, kind of hard to picture him as a puppy though he does still chew on socks I noticed."

Shirl sat up a smile splayed across her lips. "Well don't leave them laying about where he can find them."

"I don't. Your bloody hound digs through my pack looking for Maker knows what. I swear he's too smart for his own good." Alistair stated shaking his head and sitting down on the ground next to her. He looked up at the stars his thoughts far away.

"You know I was thinking." Shirl said following his gaze up into the sky.

"Oh really, I suppose this means you are actually going to tell me." He looked at her. Shirl felt his eyes on her more than saw them. She knew that this was new to him; it was slightly new to her too. Her family's deaths had hit her harder than she had wanted to admit. She had never grieved for them or given them a proper funeral. And then being asked to save the entire world from a Blight just seemed so surreal to her, she had wanted to save to the world and everyone in it, but now…

She smiled. "Instead of looking for the elves right away, maybe we could make a quick detour into Denerim." Shirl felt herself blush, she was not certain why, but feeling him looking at her with warm brown made her feel slightly giddy. She was not certain if she liked this new feeling or if she wanted to receded back into her self contained shell. At times it was easier to act like you did not care than actually care. She wondered if it was not too late to become the hardened embittered warrior again. _No, the damage has already been done. Some part of me will miss that control I had. _

"Why do you suddenly want to go to Denerim? Especially since we are traveling right by the edge of the Brecilian Forest? It makes more sense to go to the elves and then to Denerim. I mean, I'm worried about Arl Eamon, and I want to help him, but I thought our top priority was building an army to fight against the Blight?" Alistair shifted and Shirl forced herself to meet his eyes. His eyes told all she needed to know. While he put on the grand front of wanting to gather the rest of their army…he really did want to help Arl Eamon, but he was telling her want she wanted to hear.

Sighing she stood up and gathered her shield and sword. "Come with me, Alistair." She said sheathing her sword and offering him a hand up. He took her hand and she pulled him to his feet.

Shirl started their tents. "Uhh, Shirl, where are we going?" Alistair asked nervously.

"My tent." She stated glancing over her shoulder to see his reaction.

"Your tent? But…why?" he stammered pausing in his step.

Shirl smiled and spun around to face him. "Oh, don't be ridiculous, Alistair. But, if you feel more comfortable waiting out here then, wait I will be right back." She turned and walked into her tent. _Weird he's been inside my tent before and it's never bothered him before._ Shirl thought as she ducked under her tent flap. Once inside she made for her pack and started rummaging through it. _Where did I put it? _She wondered as her fingertips brushed against a small cool disk. _Ah ha!_ She closed her fingers around the item and pulled it out dumping half of her packs contents onto the floor. "Dammit." She cursed aloud.

"You alright?" Alistair asked poking his head inside. He spotted Shirl crouched on the floor.

"I'm fine; I just spilled my pack is all." She huffed stuffing her things back into it.

"Wow…and you use to yell at me for not folding my tent correctly." Alistair said stepping fully into view.

"Yeah well, you still don't." Shirl quipped stuffing a shirt into the bag.

"Hey, at least my pack is neatly folded and organized." He crossed his arms and stared down at her. "Seriously, didn't your father treat you how to pack?"

Shirl stopped what she was doing and glared up at him. "No, we camped, but well, my mother usually did the packing." She breathed out a deep sigh. "Its one of the many things I wish she had taught me. Every thing was always organized and neat and I always wondered how she did it. Don't grin at me like that! It's true. You never can truly appreciate the value of a well packed bag until you have to try and do it yourself. I swear there is an art to it."

"You can say the same thing about folding a tent." He walked over knelt down next to her. "Here let me help."

Shirl's face reddened as he started folding up her spare shirt. "Uhhh…you don't have to do that. I can fold my own clothes."

"Really? You seem to be lacking in that department." He placed her shirt neatly folded into her pack. He grabbed for another article of clothing.

"Alistair, you really don't have to, okay stop." She reached for the piece of clothing he had in his hands. He pulled away from her.

"Oh, come one you really…"

"ALISTAIR! You're not folding my small clothes." She snapped and yanked them away from him. His face turned a new shade of red as he bite his bottom lip and fidgeted awkwardly with his hands.

Shirl laughed. "Well, if that's all it took, I would have said something sooner." She shoved the pair of small clothes into her bag. Turning back to him she pressed the cool metal disk into his hand. "Here, this is yours I believe."

"What?" He looked down into his hand. "Is this my mother's amulet?" He asked in a hushed whisper.

"I believe so. I found at Redcliff Castle."

"Where?"

"In a desk in one of the studies, I believe it was Arl Eamon's study." She replied plucking the amulet from his hand and unhitching the clasp. "Here, let me put it on you." She sat up slightly and reached around his neck. Her fingers brushed the back of his neck as she hooked the amulet around his neck. For a split second she paused with her fingers touching his skin. _He's warm._ In the blistering cold outside he was warm. There was a constant cold breeze blowing across Ferelden. _How is he so warm?_ She wondered.

"Huh, Shirl?"

"Oh, sorry." Her face burned as she sat back. "It looks good on you." She reached up and traced her fingers along the symbol of Andraste that was etched into the smooth metal surface.

"I thought it was broken." He mumbled catching her hand and holding it gently.

"Arl Eamon must have found it and fixed it for you." She stated prying her hand away from his. "This just goes to show you how much he actually cares for you."

"Do you think, I said such awful things to him when I left…he kept this after all this time." Alistair asked fingering the medallion. "It was broken too…he must have fixed it. And you found it?" He looked her in the eye. "Why did you wait until now to tell me? You kept it all this time?"

Shirl flinched and looked away from his direct gaze. "I wasn't certain if I should give it to you at first, but then," she paused squaring her shoulders. "I want you to know that we are going to Denerim and you should look up your sister there. This is to help remind you of who you are." She placed a hand over his for a second and then quickly removed it. "So you are a bastard prince, but that doesn't you can't want the same thing as every man wants."

"And want does every man want?" he asked his voice husky and deep, making Shirl blush and turn to look at him.

"Well, you know…most men want a family." She stated quickly. "You have something of your mother's and your father's blood, and if you get to know your know sister, maybe then you won't feel so alone in the world. Especially since the Grey Wardens are all but dead in Ferelden…I mean besides me and…wow…I'm rambling." She punched him lightly in the shoulder.

"Hey, what was that for?" He asked playfully.

"For letting me ramble on like that…you could have stopped me at any moment, but you let me just…" His lips were on hers. Shirl's eyes widened, she started to push him away then stopped. _So, what happened to being friends?_ His hand was on the back of head his fingers entwined in her hair. His lips pressed firmly but were soft against hers. She closed her eyes and kissed him back.

Several moments passed before Shirl broke the kiss. Her heart fluttered in her chest and her palms were sweating. "That was unexpected." She said.

"Well…it was too soon wasn't it?" He whispered, caressing her cheek. "I don't know what came over me." He blushed and looked away from her. His hand dropped away from her face. Shirl canted her head and watched him.

_Well, this is awkward…what do people do in these moments? _Her mind buzzed. Her head was a little light headed from his kiss. She shook her head trying to clear it. The silence stretched on between them. Finally Alistair shifted and then stood up.

"I should go…I'm sorry, Shirl…I shouldn't of did that." He turned and walked out of her tent. All Shirl could do was watch him go. A part of her wanted to stop him and the other part was too afraid of what might happen if she did.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22: Denerim **

"You hear to pick your laundry?" the red haired woman asked as she shifted the basket of clothing on hip her. "Sorry, but I'm not finished yet, come back in another hour or so." She started to move away into another room.

Shirl elbowed Alistair in the ribs. She leaned over to him. "Say something, you idiot."

Alistair nodded, "Umm…we're not here for our laundry…well, let's see I don't know quite hope to put this, but are you Goldanna?"

"I am. And who might you be, if you're not here for your wash?" She asked setting down the basket.

"Well…I guess there is no easy way to say this; my name's Alistair… was your mother a servant in Redcliff Castle because if she was I'm your…brother." Alistair sucked in a breath and exhaled it on 'brother'. Shirl raised an eyebrow at him.

"Breathe, Alistair," she whispered.

"They told me yous was dead! You killed mother you did." Goldanna stated coldly pointing a grim covered finger in Alistair's direction. Alistair took an involuntary step back.

"What? They told you I was dead?" He stammered. Shirl watched him closely. She folded her arms and waited to see what Goldanna's response would be.

"They said you died with mother. I told them that you was the king's get, but they paid me three gold to keep my mouth shut, so I did. Lot of good it did me though that gold ran out quick enough. What in soddin blazes are you doing here? You come here to rub your princely success in my face." She crossed her arms and stared at Alistair with hate filled eyes.

"My success, no I came here to see you…to get to know you." Alistair said his eyes wide. He glimpsed Shirl out of the corner of his eye. She threw him a half smile.

_Wow…and he thought I was a bitch._ She thought as she turned her head and shot a disarming smile in Goldanna's direction. "You know, Goldanna, Alistair just came here to find his family. He's not trying…"

"Who the blazes are you, she some harlot you have tote your bags around?" Goldanna interrupted Shirl.

_Oh, that does it; the gloves are coming off lady._ Shirl squared her shoulders and started to take a step forward. Alistair put out an arm stopping her in her tracks. She shot him a look. _Don't you dare, I'm going to rip her a new one, old cow._

"Don't you dare talk about her like that; she is my fellow Grey Warden." Alistair stated sharply. Shirl stared at him. She saw that his jaw was set and his eyes narrowed.

_Go Alistair. _ Shirl smiled at Goldanna, but the woman just stared back at Alistair with flames of hate burning in her eyes.

"Well, so you're a prince and a Grey Warden lucky you. Why don't you just take all your money and glory walk back out my door? I don't need you. I've got five mouths to feed and I need to get back to work so unless you come to help then, get out." She started to walk away.

"Come on, Alistair. All she wants is your money." Shirl said pivoting back toward the door.

"Isn't there something we can do to help her?" Alistair asked gripping Shirl's upper arm. "Can't we give her something, just to help my nieces and nephews?"

Shirl cocked her head to see his face better. The smile had faded from her lips. Through narrowed eyes she cast a glance over her shoulder at Goldanna who had stopped to regard them with interest. _Oh, so she really does just want his money._

"No, Alistair, we aren't giving her anything." Shirl pulled her arm away and walked back through the door out into the bustling city streets.

"Shirl!" Alistair yelled as he followed after her. Once outside he grabbed her arm again. "Wait a minute, are you certain, we can't…"

She spun around bringing herself face to face with him. "Yes, I'm certain. I'm sorry she's not what you were expecting. She wanted nothing to do with you she only wanted your money." She pointed a finger in his chest. "You are more than willing to argument with me, but even then you still let me push you around. Have you ever stuck up for yourself?"

Alistair's face turned red and he opened his mouth to speak but Shirl shook her head. "You might voice your opinion, but you never stick to it. You just let others decide for you. You should try making your own decisions for once." She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Most people are out for themselves, you should learn that." She caught his eye and smiled. "Besides, I liked the last time you did something you wanted." She kissed his cheek. "Think about."

Alistair nodded and stepped away from her. "Your right, I know. And I will think about it." He turned away. "I'm going to walk around for a bit. Clear my head. I'll meet you back at camp."

"What about the lead for the Urn? Didn't you want to go check that out?" Shirl asked. She really did not want to drive him away, but she did want him to stop thinking about everyone else for a change and start thinking for himself. He was a Grey Warden after all he needed to start acting like one too.

"No, you go. Take Wynne and Zevran with you. They seem to understand people better than I do. Maybe you can figure out what this Brother Genitivi has discovered." He started walking he raised a hand in a gesture of farewell. "See you back at camp." Then he melted into the crowd and was gone from sight.

_Well, that was different._ She thought as she noticed that Wynne, Leliana and Zevran were gathered around a stall that looked to be selling bolts of fine Orlesian silks. Shirl sighed and strolled over to them.

"Oh, this color Wynne would be prefect for you. It would match your eyes." Leliana was saying as she held up a piece of emerald green fabric in front of Wynne. "I could make you something from it. A scarf or maybe a dress, yes?"

"Leliana, I don't think you should be wasting your time making me scarves and dresses I really think we should…"

"Ha, but the lovely Leliana is right, Wynne, it really does match your eyes wonderfully. It brings out a certain spark in them. Though I would have to go with the gold trim in order to draw less attention to your gray hair." Zevran chimed in holding up a braided band of gold lacing.

"Enough!" Wynne snapped. "I don't need any of this…ah; thank the Maker, your back." Wynne pushed pass Leliana and Zevran to greet Shirl. She leaned slightly forward to whisper in her ear. "Get those two away from here before they end up buying something utterly ridiculous and useless."

Shirl nodded and gestured toward the thick wooden table laden with silk bolts. "Put them back. We don't have time for this."

Leliana and Zevran both looked crestfallen, but they did as Shirl commanded of them. "Perhaps later, we may return to purchase these." Leliana said sweetly to the stall owner. The stall keeper forced a smile back at Leliana and placed the items back on the table.

Shirl rolled her eyes at Wynne. "So, I see what you three were up to while Alistair and took care of his little distraction."

"How did it go? Is Alistair still talking to her?" Wynne asked leaning slightly upon her staff her grey eyes regarding Shirl with keen interest.

"It did not go like he thought it would. Harsh reality smacked him in the face pretty hard. Goldanna wants nothing to do with him except for his money, which we don't have a lot of at the moment." Shirl added the last part solely for the benefit of Leliana and Zevran who had come over to join them. "This is not the time to be shopping you two. We are here to find Brother Genitivi not play dress up with Wynne."

"Ah, but we were just having a little fun. It's not often we find ourselves the opportunity to partake in such indulgences." Leliana pouted. "These are not the finest silks I have seen, but they are a nice change from the dull lifeless stuff we have been wearing."

"Hey, our clothes are fine and comfortable. Don't even start with the clothing thing again." Shirl pointed a finger at her. "Besides we still have more important things to do so don't get too excited."

"My dear, if I may, morale is usually best when the soldiers have some time off and to themselves." Zevran said taking her hand and lowering it. A mischievous glint appeared in his eye. "I have heard rumor that an old friend of mine is in port and is staying over at the Pearl. Care to join me there?"

"The Pearl? What are you out of your mind? Wait belay that…I know you are out of your mind. I'm not going to the Pearl, Zevran. I'm going to go find Brother Genitivi, and then I'm heading back to camp." She sighed and started to turn away.

"You know, I have always wanted to look in the book store, The Wonders of Thedas. I hear that they have quite the selection of ancient books and magical artifacts." Wynne said. Shirl stopped in her tracks. _Really Wynne too. Why can't they be more like Sten and Morrigan and prefer to be antisocialists?_ Shirl snorted. _Fine, I can compromise._

"Okay, look we go find Brother Genitivi then we can spend a day in Denerim doing whatever it is you want to do. Shopping, eating…entertainment," She tried not to look at Zevran as she said 'entertainment' too much was implied. She knew the elf would be beaming at her. "Agreed?" She asked.

"Agreed." The other three echoed.

"Good, let's go find us this Urn." Shirl stated walking away. Wynne followed closely behind as the other two fell into step behind them.

"Are you worried about him?" Wynne asked softly casting a watchful eye over her shoulder at Leliana and Zevran. Shirl had no need to ask who she was referring to.

Shirl pondered the answer for a moment. "Yes and no. In a way I feel for him, the only blood family he has left alive and she turns out to be a bitch. That's a harsh wake up call but, Wynne, you know as well as I that Alistair needs to stop letting others select his path for him. It breaks my heart to say it but it's a lesson he needs to learn. I might not always be around to fight his battles for him." Wynne narrowed her eyes at Shirl and then smiled.

"You are correct in assuming Alistair still needs to grow up some, but so do you. You are both children in my eyes I think it is horrible that this much responsibility has been thrust onto your shoulders. I can see that it is tearing both of you apart." Shirl shrugged.

"I'm the daughter of a teryn. I have always had responsibility. My father and mother taught me very early on that even though I would never inherit the teryn I would help govern it. People's lives depended upon me." Shirl looked up at the waning afternoon sun. "Instead of carrying the hopes and dreams of hundreds I now carry the future of our entire existence." She placed a hand on her forehead to shield her eyes. A small flock of brown mourning doves where passing overhead. Shirl followed them with her eyes. The birds landed of the roof of a building with a sign out front read 'Wade's Emporium'. _Huh, I might want to stop in there later._ She thought.

"You are not alone in this undertaking. And don't forget it. Are you alright? Your head is not bothering you again, is it?" Wynne inquired.

Shirl shook her head. "No, my head is doing better. The herbal tea you gave in Orzammar seemed to help with most of the headaches."

Wynne nodded. "Good, glad to hear it. I was worried that you might not of have recovered…at least the tea is helping."

"I have a cup every night with dinner, _mom_." Shirl said lightheartedly.

"Don't talk that way to your elders, child." Wynne spoke with a soft affectionate tone to her voice. Her eyes grew distance for a moment. Shirl watched her out of the corner of her eye. The woman seemed to be caught up in a memory. A memory that brought a single tear to the elder woman's eye.

"Wynne, you alright?" Shirl asked placing a hand on the older woman's shoulder. She squeezed gently.

Wynne swiped a hand across her eyes rubbing away all existence of her moment. "Yes, I'm fine just plagued by memories. It happens the older you get. Enjoy your youth, Shirl it is very fleeting." She paused and then she rolled her shoulders. Shirl removed her hand. "Now, Shirl, there is something I want to discuss with you."

"Umm…okay, what is it?"

"Well, I noticed that Alistair has become well, smitten with you. I believe that would be the best way to describe it."

"Oh really?" Shirl tried to act uncaring about the revelation but it was hard to she knew that something was changing between her and Alistair, but she just didn't know what or how.

"He has been throwing you puppy eyes since we left Orzammar. I don't think he even realizes that he does it, but I notice whenever he looks at you a glow creeps up into his eyes and he starts smiling like a fool. Only young men who are smitten seem to do that." Wynne placed a hand on Shirl's upper arm. "Please just don't hurt him. As you can see he is a different sort of person. I don't want to see him get hurt anymore."

Shirl stared at Wynne her mouth hanging open. She was going to hurt Alistair, how in the Maker's name was she going to do that? He was the one that kissed her! _Okay, so I kissed him back but that does not mean that I'm going to purposely hurt him…I don't think I could._

"Look, Wynne, I'm not going to hurt Alistair on purpose. He's a good man."

"How do you feel about him?" Wynne asked interrupting Shirl.

"I…" She turned her face away and pretended to be interested in a merchant selling pottery for a moment. _I need to collect my thoughts. Damn, old woman._ "…don't know." She answered. "I like him well enough, but I just don't know…I haven't had time to really think about it or let myself feel anything more than just getting this mission, quest or whatever done with. Killing the Archdemon, stopping the Blight has to come first." She sighed and she felt tears well up in her eyes. _What the hell? Now, I'm starting to cry. For pity's sake._ She dashed away her tears. "I know what needs to be done. I will worry about Alistair's feelings later."

"I wasn't asking about Alistair's feelings I was asking about yours." Wynne stated. She looked up at the crystal ball atop her staff. "Love is necessary in dark times. It lets people know that hope is still alive. That with all the darkness in the world there are some things worth saving." Wynne stopped walking and spun to face Shirl. "Alistair is a good man, but even good men need a cause to fight for. Alistair has seen and been on the receiving end of suffering. I think he looks for a reason to keep fighting. He would never say it out right, but I can tell. He sees his reason in you. You who have continued to fight even with the odds stacked against you. With all your order massacred and your family slain you kept fighting. He wants that kind of strength, but does not know where to get it from. At times he may hate you and at others he may love you, but ultimately you make him keep up the fight and that's all that is important." Wynne turned away from Shirl then she walked away with her back straight and her shoulders squared. "You give us all reason to keep fighting." Wynne whispered just low enough that Shirl thought she had misunderstood.

_Is it even possible? I'm the reason they all keep fighting. Would they really just let the darkspawn kill them if I were not here?_ She looked back at Leliana and Zevran who were busying themselves at a merchant's stall. They must have seen us stop to talk. She smiled as she watched the two talking animatedly with the stall keeper, who was laughing at something Zevran had just said.

_I don't know if I am, but I will never give up fighting. _ Her memories of the Deep Roads flashed in her mind. She had almost given up hope in there especially after seeing the Archdemon. But now she just knew that she had to press forward. She had not died, she was still alive. _Even when the odds are stacks against me. Huh, well at least I will have a good death one worthy of the history books._


	23. Chapter 23

_Hello Readers,_

_It's been sometime, but I feel much better about this chapter than I have in the last two chapters…well at least the last chapter any. Hopefully everyone continues to enjoy the story. Also, I think most of you have realized this, but just in case: I have left out most of the major scenes where all you do is run around fighting and I also don't like to write about the choices until after they are made that way it does now give away too much of the game. I changed the werewolf scene just a bit because I would rather not write another scene dealing with the characters running through ancient ruins killing skeletons and werewolves. I think I like the idea of where this is going let's see how it plays out. _

_Thanks again for reading, alerts, favorites and reviews._

_Prism Elf_

**Chapter 23: Brecilian Forest**

The werewolf circled Shirl. Saliva dripped from the beast's mouth. It bared its fangs and growled spitting flecks of white foam toward her. Shirl held her sword straight and over the top of her shield. She shifted her stance to follow the beast's movements around her.

"I've never felt like dinner before, but I guess there is a first time for everything." Alistair said as he moved back to back with her.

"Funny I don't remember inviting anyone." Shirl said back and she smiled grimly.

"Well, I forgot to tell you that I have invited a few more guests"

Two more werewolves appeared out of the thick underbrush both snarling and snapping. They lunged at Shirl and Alistair. Shirl sidestepped and place her shield out in front of her to meet the werewolf's attack.

The beast slammed into her shield with more force than she anticipated. Bowling her over the werewolf pinned her to the ground under her shield. Vicious jaws clomped and long glistening claws racked across her shield, Shirl wiggled her sword arm. The arm was not trapped like the rest of her. She felt around blindly for her weapon. She must have dropped it when she had hit the ground. Groping around her fingers touched something cool and metal. _Thank the Maker!_ She cried silently. Her fingers curled around the handle of her sword, just as the werewolf had managed to get its claws around the edges of her shield. The beast ripped the shield away from her with a savage yank. Shirl thought it would rip her arm out of its socket. Biting back a cry she sat up extending her sword arm forward and bracing herself for the inevitable impact.

Howling the beast threw itself forward without hesitation. The need for blood and death the only thing driving it, it had to feed the craving. It had to try and quench the thirst that was burning through its veins. Shirl gritted her teeth as the werewolf impaled itself on her blade. She heard the blade break through skin and muscle, she could feel it ripping through the werewolf's internal organs and splintering bone. Blood and gristle sprayed all over her. Shirl ignored the carnage and focused on making certain the creature was dead. The weigh of the werewolf's body drove her back to the ground. Even in death the beast snapped and clawed weakly at her until the furious light had left its eyes and it lay still on top of her.

_Holy shit! _The creature's face was so close to her she could have kissed the tip of its nose if she so desired too. Wrinkling her nose at the musky order that arose from the body, she tried to push the beast off of her. She had some leverage thanks to her weapon. She pushed will her arms but barely managed to budge the corpse. Blowing out a breath she tried again this time she bent her knees as much as she could and tried pushing with her legs as well.

Arm and leg muscles straining she heaved will all of her might. The creature moved and she had enough room to roll out from under it. Once out she quickly clambered to her feet and drew a dagger she had hidden in her boot. Whipping around she surveyed the surrounding scene.

Alistair had managed to knock the other of the two werewolves who had lunged at them to the ground and he was driving his sword through its chest cavity while Toby wrestled with the big one who had been circling them earlier. Leliana stood a respectful distance back from the group humming a jovial tune as she aimed and fired arrows with deadly accuracy at the beast Toby was fighting. Seeing that the situation was pretty much under control, Shirl thought it best to retrieve her sword and shield. Bending she picked up her shield. Then finding a good handhold on the creature she heaved with all her might until she had the beast flipped over onto its back. She placed a foot on the dead werewolf's chest and a hand on her sword. She pulled hard using both the strength of her legs and arms to hoist the sword free. The sword slipped free its normally shining silver blade was streaked with blood and gore.

"You alright over there?" Shirl called turning just in time to see Leliana fire an arrow into the eye of the werewolf Toby had pinned down.

"We are fine. But, is this really necessary? Can't we talk to them or something? I don't feel like we are doing enough to stop this." Leliana complained as she hooked her bow over her shoulders.

Toby shook himself and walked over to Shirl wagging his tail. As happy with himself as he could ever be with Leliana's kill as if it had been his own.

"Hey, if they wanted to talk they would have come to us, but they seem to be pretty intent on killing us." Shirl said wiping her blade across the werewolf's fur.

"What about that Swiftrunner, he seemed like he wanted to talk?" Leliana asked joining her.

"Swiftrunner still sent his people to attack us. I don't know how much we can trust these creatures." Shirl stated sheathing her sword with a crack. She turned to find Alistair regarding her intently. He said nothing as he turned away looking up the forest path that they had been following. After their meeting with Goldanna about a week ago he had been silent. At night in camp he did not wish to spar with her and he ate by himself in his tent. The others had said something about his strange demeanor, but took it as Alistair moping about something else that he had not gotten his way on. But, Shirl thought it was something else. When Alistair complained about something, he well…complained. When he was thinking he stayed quiet and aloof.

_Almost like he doesn't want us interfering with his decision. _Shirl thought as she shrugged and walked over to him. "Hey, you alright?" She asked placing a hand on his upper arm.

Alistair nodded. "I'm fine." He stated simply shaking off her hand. Shirl frowned.

_ Okay, the cold shoulder treatment. Can't say I blame him. But, this isn't like Alistair._ Shirl pondered as she nodded in return to him. "Okay, then lets go see if we can find this Whitefang creature."

"Winterfang." Leliana said correcting Shirl.

"Whatever. Winter, white also the same thing." Shirl rolled her shoulders and started up the pathway. Toby barked happily and started after her. The hound was on her heels skipping and panting jovially with his tongue hanging out. Shirl chuckled she could tell that Toby was happy to be out with her. It had been a while since she had taken him hunting.

"Shirl, are you alright?" Alistair asked coming up to walk abreast with her. He glanced over at her.

Shirl shrugged and let out a deep breath. "I just asked you the same question…" She bit her tongue to stop herself from continuing on. She wanted to scold him to tell him he was acting ridiculous.

"That doesn't answer my question though, are you okay?" He asked again.

Shirl looked at him blankly. "I was just tackled by a four hundred pound half man and half wolf. Who by the way is not clothed expect in the fur this curse graced him with. How do you think I'm faring?" Shirl cracked a smile at him to let him know she was joking. Alistair did not smile back instead he sighed and shook his head.

"Why do I bother?" he said frowning and looking up ahead.

"Okay, look what is your problem? Lately you have been all quiet and Mr. Moody. Did someone say something or do something that upset you or what? I mean besides Goldanna that is. Because frankly the doom and gloom act is getting old." Shirl snapped, but even as she said it she immediately regarded it. _By Andraste's holy knickers why can't I just keep my mouth shut? _Alistair opened his mouth to reply, but Shirl waved a dismissive hand. "Please don't, I'm sorry. Sometimes my mouth runs away without my head. But, you have been acting odd. It worries me." She whispered the last sentence. She looked at him and felt a burning blush creeping into her cheeks.

Alistair looked at her and smiled. _Finally,_ Shirl thought as she found herself smiling back.

"You're worried about me?" He asked a playful spark entering into his eyes. When Shirl nodded he continued. "Well, I guess I should feel honored that you even bothered to think about me." He winked at her.

Shirl's blush deepened and she had to look away. Emotions were hard enough to control around him, but since she had returned from the Deep Roads her control over them slipped a lot more. Either he had changed or she had, or maybe both of them. Shirl was not certain which one it was or if she liked where this was going. All she knew is that she had missed Alistair on that long excruciation into the dark labyrinth. He was a constant presence much like Toby in some respects. Oh course, she knew she was being silly and this was just a phase that she would get over sooner or later.

"I've been thinking lately, about what you said to me in Denerim." He stated suddenly.

"Oh? Which part?"

"About me sticking up for myself and making my own decisions, and I think your right."

"What? You think I'm right about something. Holy Maker, you are actually agreeing with me on something." Shirl winked at him. _Just a little pay back for the last comment._ She thought evilly. She smiled and waved a hand motioning for him to continue.

"I guess there is a first time for everything." He mumbled. A little louder he said, "I don't want other people to push me around or telling me what to do. I want to decide things for myself. So as from this point on, no more Mr. Nicely Alistair."

"Mr. Nicely Alistair?" She raised an eyebrow at him and then she laughed. Clapping him on the shoulder, she couldn't help but think, _if we get out of these werewolf infested woods alive and not cursed I might just have to kiss him again._

"Glad to see you like it." Alistair said.

"Of course, I like it, but I think I might like the Mr. Not Nicely Alistair better." She lowered her voice and let her hand slide down his arm to find his hand. She watched as his ears turned red.

"Ah, is the little templar having inappropriate thoughts?" Leliana chirped up from behind them.

Shirl jumped and so did Alistair though his face reddened even more and he took his hand from hers. Shirl shot Leliana a dark look. The other woman smiled at her and did a little pinky wave. "Its nice to see you're back again, Alistair." She smiled at Shirl. "I can think of only one person who can manage to pull you out of such a melancholy lapse."

"I'm fine, Leliana, but thanks for the concern." Alistair said not bothering to look back at her. Shirl knew that if Alistair saw the look on Leliana's face at that moment he would have discovered a new shade of red. Leliana was smiling but her dark eyes had a mischievous glint and her smile was crooked and her lips hinted at the playful banter ready to be passed between them.

Toby ears perked and the hound stopped moving. A low growl issued from deep within his throat.

"Quiet," Shirl hissed as Leliana opened her mouth to say something no doubt witty to Alistair. Shirl stopped moving and drew her sword. Unclipping her shield from her back; she did not need to motion for the others to do so. They were so use to each other that when she drew her weapon it was instinctual for them to draw theirs.

Shirl put a finger to her lips and then pointed to a clearing about ten feet away from them that the path opened into. They had been talking pretty loudly, so whatever was there had to have known they were, but she would rather err on the side of caution then die on the side of reckless.

Quietly they approached the clearing of trees. In center of the clearing stood Swiftrunner with three werewolf bodyguards behind him, all the werewolves watch the three human and their canine companion enter the forest clearing.

_Great, not him again, Shirl_ thought as she stepped out of the woods.

"What do you want this time, Swiftrunner?" She asked lowering her shield and sword, but not putting them away.

"I want to talk nothing more." The beast growled.

"We are talking. Congratulations you passed the first step." Shirl retorted sharply.

"Shirl," Alistair cautioned he stepped slightly closer to her. Leaning down he whispered to her. "We should hear them out."

Shirl shot Alistair a look. "Really?" She whispered back. "Jeez, I think I liked the Mr. Nicely Alistair better."

Alistair smiled and winked at her. "Well, you are stuck with me now, my dear, better get use to it."

"Ugh! Fine!" Shirl raised her voice so Swiftrunner could hear her. "Very well, speak."

Swiftrunner growled and lowered himself toward the ground. His golden amber eyes stared at her for a moment and then he made a sound like he was clearing his throat and started to speak. "The Lady wishes us not to fight. She wishes to speak with you. But you must leave your hatred outside within the woods."

"Hatred within the woods?" Leliana asked. "We have no hatred for you. We only wish to understand what is going on between the Dalish Elves and with your people." She explained.

Swiftrunner tilted his head and fixed her with a golden amber colored eye. "The Dalish…I spit on them, but the Lady wishes there to be no more blood shed."

Shirl canted her head and regarded Swiftrunner. He was different colored than the rest of the werewolves they had encountered with more of a gold highlight to his coat. His eyes were more golden and less rage filled than the others even those of his bodyguards. Shirl sighed and sheathed her sword and swung her shield across her back. _Let's get this over with. _She thought as she motioned for the others to put their weapons away.

Both Alistair and Leliana complied quickly. "There," Shirl said gesturing with open hands. "No more hate. Now you can take us to see your Lady."

"Do not do this, Swiftrunner." Snapped one the guards. "They mean to kill the Lady."

"Excuse me, but we have put our weapons away. If you mean for us to go see your Lady unarmed, I'm sorry but you are sorely mistaken." Shirl retorted her hand coming to rest on top of her sword's handle.

"Do you mean to threaten us?" Swiftrunner growled stepping up to tower over Shirl. His breath was hot on her face. She looked up at him and smiled sweetly.

"I didn't mean it as a threat, Swiftrunner. I only meant to say I wouldn't ask you to come unarmed into my territory. It's a show of good faith." Shirl replied taking her hand off her sword. "It shows trust and respect even to your enemies."

Swiftrunner took a step back and stared her in the eye. "You speak of honor, but in the wild there is no honor, only survival, kill or be killed." The werewolf spat.

"I speak nothing of honor, I speak only the truth. You have natural weapons, we," She motioned to Leliana and Alistair. "Might not fight with teeth and claws, but with our bows and swords. You would have the advantage." Shirl shook her head. "And as leader I cannot willing lead the people I'm in charge of into a situation I deem dangerous and hopeless."

"Ever the noble I see." Alistair muttered. Shirl gritted her teeth at the comment. She was pretty certain she was not supposed to have heard that little remark.

Swiftrunner flattened his ears back against his head and snarled. He then turned and snapped his jaws at several of the others behind him. "Take them to the Lady. Handle them with care." He turned back to Shirl. "If you harm the Lady I will claw my way back from the Fade to drag you back with me." Swiftrunner threatened, though Shirl was certain it sounded more like a promise than a threat.

Shirl nodded and motioned for the others to follow her. She started after the retreating werewolves. Alistair and Leliana stayed close to her. With hands on their weapons, their eyes darted left and right.

"Why do I feel like the fox that just raided the chicken coop?" Alistair asked quietly as he stepped on the back of Shirl's foot.

"Ouch, Alistair, watch where you're placing your feet." Shirl said without any real heat to her voice.

"Sorry, this place is really creepy." He raised arm, "Look I think I have goose pimples." He raised his arm up to where Shirl would be able to see. Shirl rolled her eyes.

"Alistair, I can't see through your armor." She said pushing his arm away.

"Of course, I know but you could look at the back of my hand." He pushed aside the upper half of his glove to reveal the skin underneath. "Yep, definitely have goose pimples."

"Quiet, Alistair." Shirl said softly raising a hand to hush him. Alistair nodded and continued to walk in silence. Shirl kept the werewolves in sight as they passed through the thick underbrush of the forest. The deeper they went the more sinister and darker the woods became. At some point the birds stopped singing and the small animals stopped scurrying for shelter at their passage. The woods began to feel more alive and watchful of them.

Shirl shivered and slowed in her step to let Alistair catch up with her. She looked at him and tried to smile, but failed miserably. The air around them felt stifling and heavy, breathing even seemed labored. Shirl reached down and took Alistair's hand in her own. He squeezed her hand in response. The thickness of her glove prevented her from being able to the warmth of his hand, but the gesture in itself was comforting.

After several hours of walking suddenly the forest seemed to stop. The trees became sparser and the underbrush less dense. A heavy fog swirled around their feet. The area filled with rocks and huge white boulders marred with mossy growth. Shirl blinked as they walked into a clearing where the sun was shining brilliantly.

"Maker's breath, Shirl, where are we?" Alistair asked his voice filled with awe.

Shirl blinked again trying to get her eyes to adjust to the light. When her eyes finally adjusted Shirl gasped at what she saw. Several large white columns lined what looked to be an old road. An archway yawned at the far end of the road. Inset within the archway were large metal door. Both the doors and the arch support were covered in runes and pictographs. Shirl was too far away from the arch to see what was written there. Her eyes could only make what looked to be scenes of battle. The forest had taken over everything in sight. Trees grew in between the columns. Moss and vines entwined around the columns and archway. The road that once had been set with stones had patches of green grass and weeds poking through the cracks. Only the doors looked untouched. The gold and silver doors glimmered like diamonds in the sunlight.

"Its looks like we are in some ancient ruin. But I didn't know of anything being this far south." Shirl said shading her eyes from the sun's harsh, but welcome rays.

"You are correct, human. These ruins have been here long before the Tevinter Imperium enslaved the elves." Swiftrunner stated as he stopped just in front of them. "We have made our home here. Come the Lady awaits us." He continued walking down the broken stone road.

Shirl followed after the golden werewolf. Her mind tumbled with thoughts of the past, _how strange and slightly fitting for the werewolves to be holding themselves up in an ancient Elven ruin such as this. _She looked up and spotted Swiftrunner ahead of them just as he passed through a patch of sunlight. His fur seemed to glow in the sunlight. _Yeah, humans turned wolf staying in an ancient city turned back to nature. Very fitting indeed. _


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24: Brecilian Forest**

All the companions gathered around the giant bonfire in the center of the Dalish camp. Music swelled around as the elves of the camp sang lyrics, played drums and blew on wooden pipes. Many of the elves danced and cheered as they ate and drank from the large tables of laden with food and bottles of wine. They celebrated the successful recovery of their clan mates from the werewolf's curse, but this was also a funeral for their former Keeper. The elves mourned his passing, but they also celebrated his life.

Shirl watched the elves dancing and singing. Several of her companions had joined them. Leliana swung around in a circle with a young Elven man both of them wearing board smiles. Leliana hummed the rhythm of the song as they danced. Laughter rang across Shirl's ears like the sounding of little bells. She smiled as she watched her friend dancing and enjoying herself.

Zevran had surrounded himself with several of the Dalish women. He had an arm around one of their waist and was whispering into another woman's ear. All of them had mugs of wine in their hands. Zevran seemed to sense that she was watching him. He glanced in her direction and smiled raising his mug in her direction. He winked and motioned with his head for her to join him. Shirl smiled and waved away his offer, but she raised a mug in his direction. Taking a sip, she savored the flavor of the wine. It was bitter, but sweet. Made with blackberries, it was good, better than some of the wines she had sampled back home in Highever.

Shirl spotted Wynne and Sten across from her sitting amidst a group of children. Wynne looked to be telling stories complete with magic tricks. Sten stood by watching the old mage with a wary eye.

_Always the stoic._ Shirl thought as she took another sip of wine. _At least Wynne is enjoying herself. _Thinking of Wynne made Shirl realize she had not seen Morrigan. _Shouldn't surprise me the witch hates social gatherings. _

"Ha-ha…see I told you I could finish four bottles, now where is the fifth one, bring it on!" Oghren's voice shouted slightly above the music. Shirl saw him then, sitting at a large table laded with food and several empty bottles of wine surrounding him. Shirl shook her head. Several of the Dalish hunters had gathered around the dwarf. Many seemed to be placing weapons and craft worked items on the table. _He's gambling with them._ Shirl had it in her mind that perhaps she should speak to him, but then again the dwarf was enjoying himself.

_Yes, it is a nice rest to a long weary journey._ Shirl was proud of herself, she had her army. All three treaties had been used. The Dalish had agreed to help her they were the last. She had the support of the Mages, Dwarves and Dalish Elves. Now, would be the matter of getting her own people involved. With civil war brewing across the land, and Arl Eamon still sick from his poisoning there was no way for her to tell what would happen to Ferelden. _We need someone who can unite us. We need a strong leader who will be able to pull everyone together in order to fight the Blight. Anora is a good queen, but too much the politician. She knows the game of politics, but she doesn't know that this isn't a political game. Otherwise she would stand up to her father and make the Landsmeet accept her as queen._ Sighing, Shirl looked around the gathering and did not see the one man she really needed to speak to at the moment.

Taking another sip of wine she stood up and whistled three short times. Some of the elves looked over at her, but she ignored them. A few short seconds later Toby materialized at her side like a ghost. The mabari licked his chops and regarded her with big brown eyes. She knelt down next to the dog. "Been helping yourself to some of the table scraps, I see." She said rubbing the dog's shoulders.

Toby barked and wagged his tail happily.

"Good, you deserve them as much as the rest of us." She smiled as Toby yipped and started to lick her face. "Yes, yes, I'm enjoying myself." She held up a restraining hand. "I need to do something for me. Can you find Alistair?"

Toby cocked his head to regard with soft brown eyes.

"Okay, fine, please find, Alistair." Toby barked a short yip and then put his nose to the ground.

"Thank you." She said while she couldn't help but think,_ Okay, an evil way to locate the man, but still effective._ She followed Toby out of the light of the bonfire.

Toby took her away from the main part of the Dalish camp to the outskirts near the halla pen. There leaning on the fence looking at the halla grazing contently in the moonlight stood Alistair. Shirl watched him for a moment. He looked as content as the halla. His eyes held less worry and his stance was relaxed. He wore a simple white cotton shirt and black breeches with black leather boots. His sword and shield were back at their tents. The Dalish had allowed them to set up camp within their camp's premiers for the night. _At least we will have a moment's peace and a restful sleep._ Shirl thought as she approached her fellow Warden.

She motioned for Toby to stay and scratched the hound behind his ears as she passed by him. "Beautiful creatures, aren't they?" She said coming to stand next to him.

"Yeah, they are." He did not look up from the animals. "I wonder if the stories the Dalish tell about them are true. About the elf that was turned into the first halla, I mean." He said straightening up. "I mean, if it's true then she must have been a beautiful woman to be turned into such a beautiful creature."

Shirl shrugged, "Perhaps she was and perhaps she wasn't. Maybe she wasn't pretty and her gift was to be beautiful or give life to beauty. Who can truly say? Except of course the Maker." Shirl smiled even though she knew Alistair could not see her doing so. "You are missing the celebration, Alistair. What are you doing out here?"

"I wanted to see the halla young. They are said to only come out at night and I wanted to see them." He replied quickly.

"Really? I guess that doesn't surprise me. But is that the only reason you have escaped the party?" Shirl asked raising her mug to her lips again.

"Well…the Dalish are different to say the least, but I just don't feel like celebrating. I have nothing to celebrate."

"How about the gathering of our army?" Shirl asked turning to face him.

Alistair turned as well, but she could tell that he was frowning at her. "Our army? That seems like an understatement. I believe it's your army."

"Alistair, we're both Grey Wardens, you helped gather the army. It's as much mine to command as it is yours." Shirl said scowling at him. Alistair shook his head.

"I know better, you're the hero here, Shirl. Me, I'm the unlucky bastard son of a dead king." Alistair spat angrily as he turned back toward the halla pen.

_Ah, I get it._ Shirl thought as she placed a hand on his upper arm. He turned to look at her. She pressed her mug into his hands. "Try some, its pretty good."

"Shirl, I don't want…"

"Shut up and take a sip." Shirl commanded as she tightened her grip on his arm. "It won't kill you."

"No, I don't want it." He said pressing the mug back into her hands.

"Why not? It's good." She protested.

"Because you are trying to get me to relax. I don't want to at the moment. I need to think about some things and I want a clear mind to do so." Alistair retorted shaking off her hand. "So please, just leave me be for a while I need to think."

Shirl regarded him as he turned back to looking at the halla. The music from the bonfire swelled and a loud cheer went up as the musicians drew out a final long note. Clapping and yelling echoed across the encampment. Suddenly the noise of celebration quieted down and a lone voice started to sing. The voice was haunting and beautiful. The melody was sweet with a tremble of remorse and hurt. Grief flowed from the song as surely as it did from the singer.

Listening to the song made Shirl think of her parents and her brother. Closing her eyes she watched as fond childhood memories played out before her eyes. But they were all gone. No more memories were to be made with them. She had to make her own new memories. She would make her own family. Perhaps she was already starting to do that. She trusted her companions even Zevran and Morrigan to a degree. Opening her eyes Shirl drained the rest of her mug in a single gulp. She tossed the mug aside and reached over a tapped Alistair on the shoulder.

"Shirl, I thought you were going to leave me alone." Alistair said his voice sounding tired.

"I never said that." She shot back. Alistair looked at her sharply.

"Why can't you…" she never let him finish. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him with reckless abandonment. After a few moments he kissed her back. His arms came around her waist. He pressed her to him, holding her as if he never wanted to let go.

Shirl broke the kiss. She was flustered and out of breath her head was spinning, but in the good sort of way.

"Wow," Alistair breathed catching her eye. Shirl smiled at him, and then muzzled against his neck she let him hold her. _This feels right some how._ Was all she could think, yet a part of her had wobbly knees and wanted to run as fast as she could out of there. But she could be stubborn with herself. Alistair was warm in the cool night air it was a gift she swore it was. She closed her eyes and listened to the beating of his heart.

The darkspawn song hummed softly in her head as she stood wrapped in his arms. She picked her head up and darted quick glances around. The singer at the bonfire was still singing in her eerily beautiful voice, but other than that Shirl could hear nothing else.

"Shirl, something wrong?" Alistair asked loosening his grip on her.

"I thought I sensed darkspawn nearby." Shirl whispered she turned her head to regard the woods. She heard the humming again but still just as faint as before.

Alistair reached up and brushed aside a lock of her hair from her face. He let his fingers linger on her cheek before dropping his hand away. "I'm certain there are some in these woods. But they are possibly several miles away. The Dalish watch the borders closely. For once I might actually get a decent night's sleep."

"Ha, I can hear you snoring every night, when you decide to sleep, Alistair." Shirl joked as she touched a finger to the end of his nose.

"Oh really? And how would you know? You been sneaking peeks at me while I'm sleeping? Perhaps I only pretend to snore in order to trick people into thinking I'm sleeping." He teased back taking her hand off his nose. He pulled her close again.

"You couldn't pretend to snore like that." She retorted. Shirl could see that his eyes were glowing with an inner light and his face had broken into a smile. "I'm glad to see you are coming back to yourself." She whispered softly dropping her head on to his shoulder.

Alistair sighed and let go of her hand. He wrapped his arms around her waist. "I've been thinking."

"You said that already. What have you been pondering?" Shirl asked without raising her head off his shoulder.

Shirl could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he let out a deep breath. "Us." He whispered in her ear. His breath was warm against her neck and she giggled.

_Whoa! Did I just giggle? Okay, I've only had one mug of wine. But me giggling? What is this man doing to me? _She thought as out loud she asked. "Us? What about us?"

Alistair squeezed his arms and shook his head. "I don't know…I can't seem to think straight when it comes to us." He paused and shook his head again. "I don't want this to be confusing, yet every time I look at you it gets confusing. I care for you, Shirl, I really do, but to what degree? To what level? I don't know. I feel…ugh!" He released her and took a step back dislodging Shirl from his shoulder. Shirl looked at him with concern on her face. She opened her mouth to respond to his outburst but he placed a finger to her lips forestalling her protest. "I feel that every time I look at you my head will explode from too many emotions tumbling through it." He moved his finger to cup her chin.

Shirl stood there patiently though inside her temper was on a short leash. She crossed her arms and waited for him to continue. He must have seen that she would let him finish speaking for he dropped his hand away from her face and continued, "I think I love you, but I'm not completely certain. You have changed and I can feel myself changing as well both in good ways I believe…"

"Alistair, you're rambling." Shirl stated raising an eyebrow.

Closing his eyes he sighed and nodded, "Yes, sorry it's just that…well…I want to ask you something?" He spoke quickly and opened his eyes to stare at her. He rolled his shoulders and the smile dropped from his lips. "I want to ask you to…" he swallowed and Shirl could see even in the pale moonlight his face redden.

"You okay?" She asked uncrossing her arms. Her heart began to race and she took his hand in hers. "You look…"

"Shirl, would you stay with me tonight?" Alistair blurted out rather abruptly. He turned his face away and he pulled his hand from hers. "I know it sounds ridiculous and I really don't know how to ask you, but would you?"

"Stay with you?" Shirl asked slightly confused and then like a ton of bricks realization hit her. Her heart discovered a new speed and she felt her legs might give out on her. _Maker's Breath, I can't breathe. _Her hands were trembling; she could feel her body starting to shake. "I…don't know…what to say." She closed her eyes and willed her body to stop, but that only made her tremble more.

"Say you will." Alistair stated quietly. "Shirl, I've thought about this for sometime. I've never done this before and I want it to be special. I want it to mean something." Suddenly he gathered her in his arms. "I want it to be with you."

Shirl's breathing increased. _Maker, I think I might faint. I'm not ready for this…_

"Shirl? You alright?"

Shirl nodded even though she was far from alright. "I just need to…"

"You're shaking. And I can feel your heart. It feels like it is going to explode out of your chest." Alistair shook his head. "I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry." He started to let her go when Shirl shook her head.

"No, I'm glad you asked…it's just really very sudden…I've never been…very good at this sort of thing. Emotions, that is." She laughed and kissed his cheek. She stared up into his eyes smiling she unhooked one his hands from around her waist and took it in hers. "Are you certain? I mean this is a big step for both of us."

Alistair brought his free hand up and caressed her cheek. His fingers traced down her jaw line and her neck. His hand lingered on her neck suddenly he pulled her close and kissed her passionately on the lips. Shirl kissed him back just as passionately she threw her arms around his neck. His hands moved to her back pressing her closer. Shirl could feel the warmth of his body against her even through her clothing.

Breaking the kiss, Shirl gasped for breath. Alistair brought his forehead to touch hers. He was also gasping. "You know I want this. I want you." He whispered kissing her forehead. "But I want you to want it too."

Shirl nodded and swallowed the knot that was forming in her stomach. Her knees were weak she did not feel faint anymore, but she still felt frightened. _Maker, I can face darkspawn without flinching, but this…this is different._

"Please tell me what you are thinking, Shirl." Alistair asked his voice husky and suddenly deep. Shirl noticed a slight tremor in his voice, and just as she felt the warmth of his body she also felt him shaking.

_This is new for him too._ She realized. "I'm scared, but excited. I'm never done this before either." She knew her face was red, and she hoped the darkness around them hid it from him.

"Then you will stay with me?" He asked his voice hopeful.

Shirl smiled and nodded, "Yes." She breathed as she kissed him again.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25: Camp**

Alistair watched Shirl sleeping. He had propped himself up on an elbow and was merely content to stay up all night just watching her sleep. Her back was pressed against his stomach and she slept curled up on her side with one of his arm draped across her. Her breathing was even and deep, and her hair had fallen just so across her face. His fingers twitched to reach out and brush the strands away. But he dare not risk awaking her.

They had travelled westward after leaving the elves back toward Redcliff and the coming darkspawn horde. The closer they seemed to be getting to the bulk of the army the more fitful and restless Shirl's nights had become. Alistair worried that Shirl's dreams were going to cause a relapse of what had occurred in the Deep Roads. He feared she would run off one night into the woods and never be seen again.

_Not, ever again just as some crazed lunatic. _He amused as he shifted his elbow to keep it from falling asleep. _Maker's Breath, she can't possibly know what she puts me through._ He sighed and closed his eyes concentrating on the slight humming which was getting louder and louder with each passing day as they drew closer to the bulk of the horde.

Alistair's skin shivered and felt filthy as he tried to pinpoint the exact location of the nearest group of darkspawn. The song barely registered in his mind. _At least twenty to thirty miles away to the south-southwest, not to many only a scouting party of about ten. We could take them easily._

Opening his eyes he released the song from his mind looked back down at Shirl. She did not even seem to notice that there were darkspawn within the vicinity. _Good, she deserves a break even if for a few days. _Against his better judgment, he leaned his head over and kissed her cheek.

Shirl's eyes fluttered open at the lightest touch of his lips to her skin. She blinked and turned her head slightly. Alistair smiled down at her. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to wake you." He whispered as he trailed his fingers down the side of her waist and across her hip. Her skin was warm and soft to the touch. He kissed her shoulder. Under his fingers he felt her shiver. "Of course now that you are awake…" he trailed off as she turned to face him fully. He met her eyes and pulled her body closer to his. He kept his hand on her hip as she snuggled against him. He lowered his head and captured her lips in his.

She moaned softly as he moved his hand upward, his fingers brushing lightly across her skin. His kiss deepened and her hands slipped across his bare chest. Her body was hot almost as if she was flushed with fever. _I'm most definitely going to be struck by lightening at some point._ He thought as he entwined his other hand into Shirl's hair.

Shirl broke their kiss and brought her hands up to cup his face. "While, I don't disagree to being awakened this way, is everything alright?" She asked breathlessly.

Alistair took her hands gently from his face, "Nothing is wrong. You worry too much." He moved to kiss her again, but she pulled away.

"I worry just the right amount. Thank you very much." Shirl said playfully.

Alistair laughed and released her hands. He began to kiss her neck as he did his hands moved to caress her body. Just light touches, drawing his fingers tenderly along her stomach and down her legs.

Shirl giggled. And a smile tugged at his lips. He liked being to make her feel important, or maybe special. Yes, they were both Grey Wardens, but since her becoming a Grey Warden she had only really seen the death and destruction side of the order. She had not seen the caring, kindness, and togetherness the order's members shared amongst them. He might not have been able to show her the order's highlights, but he could show her that he was glad to be with her, glad to the order and Duncan for recruiting her. _One more thing I owe the Grey Wardens._ He thought as he found her lips again.

* * *

Alistair held a hand up to shield his eyes as he looked out across the expansion of the vast valley laid out before him. The valley was steeped in lush dark green pine trees. Travelling through the valley would be easy it was the climb into the mountains on the other side that Alistair was not looking forward to taking part in. Dark gray looming peaks busted up through the forest canopy looking like worshippers reaching for the heavens trying to touch the Maker's feet. The gray rock peeked out from under a snowy white blanket.

Zevran chimed sourly. The assassin wore a disgusted look as he placed his booted foot a boulder and leaned out across the cliff's edge.

"Don't do that. Shirl will kill me if you fell." Alistair stated as he turned away for the edge of the cliff not daring to see if the elf followed suit.

He heard Zevran chuckle behind him. "You must be getting comfortable with me. When we first met you never turned your back on me."

Alistair shrugged and continued walking. His eyes darted left and right and then he saw what it was he needed. Under a large oak were several branches that had been knocked off the tree. Casually walking over to the pile of dead tree limbs he began to snap off twigs and larger branches.

Zevran joined him a short while later putting the branches into separate piles of smaller kindling pieces and decent size coal burning size. After several minutes of silence the elf opened his mouth, much to Alistair's disappointment.

"You know I was wondering something, if you will indulge me, Alistair?" Zevran asked placing a stick gently onto the kindling pile.

"I'm afraid I'm going to regret this, but _do tell_." Alistair said snidely. Zevran either the sarcasm or did not care Alistair could not tell which it was but the assassin continued speaking.

"I was wondering if truly can appreciate your fellow Warden." Zevran paused and when Alistair shot him a look that he hoped read 'oh, really do explain', the elf continued. "You see it has come to my attention that you two have become very well acquainted with each other in the past week or so. But, can you truly enjoy the pleasure and appetites of a woman who…"

"Whoa," Alistair held up a hand. "We are not discussing this." He stated sharply.

"Ah, then who do you plan on discussing it with? It is a perfectly normal male thing to talk about their conquest with each other. And I think it will get us something to bond over. Well, let me rephrase that last part. I can offer my advice." Zevran said quickly holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender.

Alistair felt his red growing hot with embarrassment and with fury. _He talks about Shirl as if she is just some common whore found in any old brothel._ "Zevran, you will do well to not speak of my fellow Warden so dishonorably." Alistair growled.

The assassin raised a curious eyebrow at him and crossed his arms. "Oh, then I was wrong in assuming you are in an intimate relationship. Ah well, if that is the case then might I have your permission to woo and…well show your fellow Warden a most relaxing time?"

Alistair was not certain whether it was the suggestive tone in Zevran's voice or the thought of the elf actually touching Shirl, but which even it was it made him see red. Alistair swung around and slammed his mailed fist into Zevran face. He caught the assassin off guard and across his right cheek.

Zevran flew to the side a couple of feet but managed to keep his footing. _Dammit I was hoping to knock him on the ground! Son of nug loving…_ "You stay away from her! Don't even think of laying one finger on her!" Alistair bellowed at the elf.

Zevran rubbed his cheek and regarded Alistair with a calm placid face except for his eyes. The assassin's golden eyes burned with an emotion that Alistair could not identify nor cared to. He did notice the skin on Zevran cheek had been spilt open and blood was trickling down the elf's face. _Good, he deserves it._ Alistair glared daggers at Zevran and he waited for a response.

Suddenly Zevran smiled and then chirped out a laugh. "Ha-ha, good I'm glad to know she's in most capable hands." Alistair took a step back from the assassin not certain how to take this newest development. Zevran laughed harder at Alistair's reaction. After a few seconds the assassin composed himself and wiped away a tear from his eye.

"Ah, my friend," Zevran started, taking a deep sobering breath he continued in a very serious tone. "I have fallen for your fellow Warden and in any normal circumstances I might have killed my rival in order to reap the gains, if you know what I mean. But, Shirl is different. In the Deep Roads, I discovered that she needed more than I could give her. While, it broke my heart to see such a fine woman crushed under the weight of her responsibly. I knew deep down she was never meant for me." He sighed and started speaking again. "Around you she seems different, more relaxed, calmer and even more driven. I love her for that, but it is not me who drives her so, it is you." He pointed a finger at Alistair. "She loves you. I must bow to her wishes. I wanted to make certain you loved her just as much. I would not have you hurt her, Alistair." Zevran finished coldly, suddenly he turned away and scooped up the bundle of kindling and stalked off into the forest back toward their camp.

Alistair stared after the elf. _I feel like I just passed some sort of test, but for what I'm not exactly certain._


	26. Chapter 26

_Hello Readers,_

_Glad to see people are still enjoying the story…yet, I'm slightly pleased with this chapter and where the story is going. The last few chapters have made me stop and think about a few of the character's growth. This chapter has some of the original ideas, but many of the changes to the character's personalities are becoming apparent. I like that at least. So thank you for reading, reviewing, alerting and making my story one of your favorites._

_Prism Elf_

**Chapter 26: The Frostback Mountain**

Shirl's breath puffed out in front of her in a white cloud of smoke. Shivering she huddled deeper within her cloak. Snowflakes were batting at the exposed areas of her skin. Cold wind whipped at her cloak fanning it out behind her like at set of black wings.

The temple ruins loomed in front of her like a bare skeleton of the world bleached white by the harsh rays of the sun and scrapped clean by the brutal winds of the mountains. She was temporarily blinded by the sudden appearance of the sun as they exited from the dark caverns leading up to the temple. Placing a hand on her forehead to shield her eyes, she could just make out the yawning archway and support columns of what looked to be the front entrance of the temple.

Behind her she heard Alistair left out a curse as he too walked into the sunlight. Smiling Shirl canted her head slightly to get a glimpse of him from the corner of her eye. "Warn the others to watch their eyes as they exit the cave." She stated looking back in the direction temple.

"Oh, hey, you could have warned me." Alistair stated under his breath as he yelled back over his shoulder "Hey, watch your eyes! It's bright out here."

"Oh thank you, so much for the warning, I shall repay you once the ringing stops in my ears." Morrigan quipped sarcastically. Alistair walked up to Shirl frowning.

"You know I suggest we leave the witch here. Let her freeze to death in these Maker forsaken mountains." He suggested pressing his shoulder against hers. He rubbed his hands together and blew into them trying warm them back up.

"You could be nicer to her, you know. Besides if this is Andraste's resting place then these mountains are probably far from Maker forsaken." Shirl said peering out across the frozen land. She had thought she saw something moving up ahead, but she was not quite certain. _There!_ A shadow moved up on one the overhangs that jutted out from a cliff face running along the sides of the natural bowl. "Hush, for just a moment, love. There something moving up there." Shirl pointed in the direction where she had seen the movement. Alistair shielded his eyes and squinted.

"I don't see…oh Holy Maker, Shirl get down!" He threw himself on her knocking her and himself to the ground. Morrigan and Oghren had just stepped out of the cave when a large black and purple scaled dragon jumped up from the overhang and flew straight toward them. The dragon made a pass over them breathing a jet of flame from its mouth.

"Flaming nug droppings!" Oghren bellowed as he too threw himself to the ground and covered his head with both of his hands. Morrigan crouched down low behind one of the boulders that dotted the pathway.

"This is not good." She muttered. Shirl pinned under Alistair could barely hear the witch.

"Yeah, well, usually when dragons are involved it's not good." Alistair shot back. "Who forgot to ask what the cultist thought Andraste had come back as?" Alistair looked down at Shirl. He winked. "Perhaps less killing and more talking next time?" The flames were more for show than actual effect. Shirl could feel the heat of them but the dragon was too far away to cause any real damage.

Shirl rolled her eyes at Alistair and rolled out form under him as the dragon landed back on its platform. Sighing Shirl rose cautiously to her feet. "I think we are in the clear." She stated but she kept a wary eye on the dragon.

"What in soddin blazes was that, Wardens?" Oghren huffed as he stood up as well.

"Uhh…that was a dragon, Oghren." Alistair said also rising to his feet.

"Look, pike twirler, I know that, but what does it want." The dwarf asked crossing his arms.

"I think it wanted to display its raw power. It probably thought we were the cultist coming to worship it." Morrigan shook her head in disgust. "Though something as old as that dragon, probably deserves some respect at the very least."

Shirl glanced up at the gigantic beast prowling the shelf overhead. She snorted and crossed her arms. "We could try to sneak by or we taunt it into attacking us."

Alistair shot her a look. "Maker, your serious aren't you? You want to try and fight that creature." He shook his head and followed Shirl's gaze up to the shelf where the dragon had perched itself. "I'll follow you, but just so you know I'm not thrilled about the idea."

"Think of it this way," Shirl said in a jovial tone. When Alistair looked at her she smiled and continued, "It will be practice for slaying the Archdemon."

"Great. Just what I always wanted." He mumbled unsheathing his sword and unhooking shield. "Well, lets get this show on the road."

"Alright, now that's what I'm talking about!" Oghren hollered hefting his great battle axe. "Let's show this dragon whose boss."

"Is this really necessary? It would seem the more intelligent thing to do would be to sneak by and let the dragon be." Morrigan stated as the witch crossed her arms and shook her head.

"Well, unless you want to deal with the dragon on the way out, but personally I think that it would be good practice. Besides we don't know what lies ahead of us. Best to deal with the dragon now." Shirl pointed out. "I'm not crazy about leaving a dragon alive behind us. Especially one that is use to being worshiped like a God."

Morrigan threw up her hands. "Very well, I will help, but just so you are aware tis something I protest against greatly."

Shirl nodded. "Noted."

"If you really feel like that, Morrigan, then perhaps you should have stayed back at camp with the others." Alistair scoffed as he started to walk away.

"Here is a plan, Shirl; we use Alistair as bait to convince the dragon to come down from its roost." Morrigan snapped tartly.

Before Alistair could reply Shirl walked up behind him and whispered in his ear. "Not one word, if you let her get to you I will follow through with her plan."

"Excuse me?" Alistair replied he raised an eyebrow at her.

Shirl winked at him and walked pass him, "So how do you think we get its attention. Wave at it or shoot arrows at it?" She asked her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"How about we ring that gong over here?" Oghren said motioning to a large brass gong placed off to the side a top large flat boulder.

"Huh, well that's convenient." Alistair said walking over to the gong. "Should I ring it? See what happens?"

Shirl drew her sword and shield. "Morrigan, stay out from under foot and some place where you can throw your spells with ease."

"Certainly, I did not plan on standing under the dragon's feet to fight." The witch commented walking over to a pile of large boulders and a collapsed column. "This should do."

"Too bad I was looking forward to seeing her possibly get squished by a dragon." Alistair grumbled, "What?" Shirl shook her head at him.

"Oghren, when you are ready ring the gong." Shirl stated leaning forward to kiss Alistair on the cheek.

"What was that for?"

"For luck." Shirl replied.

The twang of metal hitting metal reverberated around the natural bowl, Shirl glanced up.

The dragon roared and then spread its mighty wings and leapt from the shelf. Shirl squared her jaw and set her feet. Raising her shield she held her sword poised and ready. _I hope this is a good idea. _She thought as the dragon swooped over head and then landed in front of them with a great gush of air from its wings.

* * *

Shirl slashed at the back of the dragon's forelegs. Her weapon slipped under the scales and into the flesh of the beast. The blade slid across the flesh under the scales. Black blood sprayed from the wound and the dragon screamed in pain. It whipped its head around to snap at her, but she was ready. The dragon's snout smashed into her waiting shield.

"Alistair! Now!" Shirl screamed. Alistair charged hitting the other foreleg his sword cutting slightly deeper than Shirl's blade. Roaring again the dragon reared back on its hind legs.

"Morrigan!"

"I see it, Shirl!" The witch yelled back as she gathered magic energy about her. Crackling lightening gathered blue and bright in the witch's hand. Morrigan threw her hands out in front of her and lightening exploded out of them and into the dragon's chest.

Growling in pain the beast came crashing down on all four feet. It sucked in a deep breath. Flames licked around the edges of its jaws.

"Scatter!" Shirl shouted as blue fire spurted from the dragon's mouth. She dodged left and Alistair went right. Oghren had managed at some point to get behind the dragon and was hacking at it powerful back legs.

"Stupid son of bronto loving…" The dwarf growled as his axe cut away at the dragon's scales and flesh.

Hissing with rage the beast flicked its tail at the pestering dwarf. Oghren was too busy hacking at the legs to notice the flexible tail come up and down swatting at him, throwing him twenty feet to the side. Oghren crashed into a large boulder. Shirl heard a sickening thud as the dwarf landed and laid still.

Bolt of purple arcane energy hit the dragon in the face narrowly missing its eye. Shirl dove under the dragon she hacked at the creature's front legs again, but it was pointless.

The creature roared and snaked its head toward Morrigan. The witch just barely jumped out of the way as the dragon's jaws clamped down on nothing but air. Sending another bolt of energy into the dragon's eye the witch stepped back again and jumped down from the rocky out cropping she had been casting from. Landing on her feet she crouched low and then rolled away as the dragon tried snapping at her again.

Morrigan started to glow; her pale white skin took on a shine of its own. Her slender limbs elongated and grew thicker. The witch's body started to shift into something different. Something larger and with claws.

_A bear! I forgot she could do that!_ Shirl thought as she caught a glimpse of the witch's new form raking a paw filled deadly claws across the dragon's nose. Morrigan latched onto the dragon's snout with teeth and claw. The dragon tossed its head and shook its neck trying to dislodge the witch.

Shirl took advantage of the dragon's distraction and drove her sword upward. She managed to slide her blade into between two overlapping scales of the underbelly. The dragon howled with pain. It shook its head violently thrashing and slamming itself into the boulders and rocks around it.

Morrigan was thrown free of the beast head. The witch-bear rolled over and over across the ground. She looked like stuffed bear that had been discarded by an angry child. She laid still when she stopped moving and her form reverted back to that of a normal human.

_And then there were two._ Shirl thought as she ducked under the dragon's tail. She glanced around for Alistair and saw that he was dancing the same dance she was. Huffing she studied the dragon as much as she could with having to shift stance every step. _If only I could get up on its back. _She thought furiously.

Alistair sidestepped the dragon as it slashed out with its claws; he slashed downward with his sword cutting deeply into its foot. Growling it sucked in another deep breath.

"Alistair!" Shirl screamed as her heart hammered in her chest. _He's not fast enough, he can't dodge that! _She took off running, moving out from under the dragon, she sprinted toward the nearness rock outcropping that was closest to the dragon's head. She had an idea and it was dangerous but at that point she really did not care. As she neared the rocks she bound up one then another until she was toward the top. Pivoting around in one fluid motion she used her momentum and most all her strength to propel herself off the rocks and on to the dragon's head. She landed very precariously on the creature's board forehead. Without hesitating she knelt and drove her blade deep into the dragon's forehead.

Blood poured from the wound. It ran in rivers down the dragon's face and into its eyes blinding the creature. Shaking its head back and forth, Shirl had to hold on for dear life. The dragon slammed itself against rocks and the ground trying to dislodge her much like it had done with Morrigan. But Shirl twisted her sword and drove the blade deeper into the dragon's skull. A blood curdling scream penetrated the air. Shirl almost released her sword in order to cover her ears. She dropped her shield and grabbed her sword with two hands. Gritting her teeth against the pain throbbing in her ears from the dragon's shriek, tears formed in her eyes yet she drove the blade deeper. She used every once of her strength to pierce the bone. She worked her sword left and right digging deeper and deeper into the bone. Blood gushed and pooled in the wound. Her sword scrapped against the bone and embedded itself within it.

The dragon shook its head up and down, left then right trying to dislodge her. Yet she would not budge…even when it felt as if her arms were going to be ripped from their sockets.

"Shirl!" She heard Alistair yelled. She ignored him. The only thing that mattered was destroying the dragon. _I have to believe this dragon is like the Archdemon…I must kill it like I would the Archdemon. _It frightened her beyond belief that it was taking all of her strength to even put a dent in the creature. Tears fell down her face and she felt she could no longer hold onto her sword. Her hands started to slip. _NO! I won't give up! _She screamed at herself. But even as she thought it her feet slipped on the dragon's black blood. She tightened her grip on her sword's handle, but it was too late. She fell.

_THUD!_

The breath was knocked from her lungs as she hit the hard packed earth. Her teeth rattled in her skull. She couldn't breath. Blinking she saw spots of bright colors of light dancing before her eyes. Beyond those dancing colors darkness brimmed on the edges of her vision. Her blinks slowed and she felt very tired and sleepy. She wanted to sleep for the rest of eternity. Her eyes closed and she knew only blissful peaceful darkness with no dreams of monsters or heroes.


	27. Chapter 27

_Hello Readers,_

_Thanks again for reading and reviewing. I much appreciate the support and people who have continued to read my story.  
_

_Prism Elf_

**Chapter 27: Temple of Andraste**

"Shirl!" someone was gently shaking her by the shoulders. She cracked her eyelids open. Her vision was blurry and all she could make out was what looked to be the form of a man kneeling next to her. Pain flared in her head and she felt like she might be sick. She needed to sit up.

"Wow, don't you hit your head pretty hard." Alistair's voice sounded in her ears. His hands were firm, soft on her shoulders pressing her back into her bedding.

"Wait, where am I?" She asked her voice grating on her own ears. She winched and relaxed back into her blankets.

"You don't remember?"

"I remember the dragon, but it's a little fuzzy." She placed a hand on her head. "I feel like a mountain was just dropped on my head."

"Well, you were thrown from a dragon. It could explain a lot." He brought a hand up to caress her cheek. "You worried me there for a moment, I thought you were dead."

"The dragon! What happened to the dragon?" She bolted up right before Alistair could stop her. Fire ripped her skull at the sudden movement.

"Easy, Shirl, it's dead. Dropped shortly after you hit the ground." Alistair stated calmly placing his hands on either of her shoulders and easing her back down. "Morrigan and Oghren are fine too. Though they are a little worst for wear at the moment." He looked over his shoulder and a frowned furrowed his handsome face.

"What is it?" Shirl asked.

"It's nothing, just thinking. Get some rest." He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. "I'm going to go check on the other two." He stood up and walked away.

Shirl rested on her back watching the sky after he left. She ran a mental check of her body. She was sore and her head was throbbing, but all her bones seemed intact. _Nothing to serious maybe some bruising and some cuts, but thank the Maker nothing to serious. _She closed her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing. A soft breeze blew across her face and she smiled. She had killed the dragon! Did this mean that killing the Archdemon was possible? She had never really had any hope that it would be possible to live through killing the Archdemon, but maybe, just maybe it would be. But what then? She had never given any thought to what would happen after they had killed the Archdemon, because well…she had not really thought that they could succeed. Now thought…_maybe we can, but what would we do?_

She opened her eyes and slowly turned her head. Her eyes found Alistair who was kneeling down next to Oghren. _Did he pull all of us onto our bed rolls?_ She watched him for a few seconds as he fought with Oghren to keep the dwarf still. She smiled. _You know the future might not be that scary or bad._ She closed her eyes and sleep overwhelmed her.

* * *

"So this is the Urn of Scared Ashes, huh? Thought it would be flashier or something." Oghren stated as he eyed the plain vase resting on the dais in front of them. "It's so plain and well…unattractive…who puts the ashes of your prophet in a jar?"

"How about we don't insult Andraste while standing in front of her ashes that we need, might I remind you." Alistair said sharply crossing his arms and glaring at the dwarf.

"I'm just saying, why not encase her in stone or something give her a proper burial chamber. That's all no need to get your small clothes in a knot, pike twirler."

Alistair puffed out his chest and started to retort, but Shirl placed a hand on his arm. "Both of you stop it, now isn't the time or place."

Morrigan limped up next to them. The witch was using her staff to support her weight. Her right leg had sustained major damage possibly broken, but she said she would suffer through it until they managed to get back to the others. Shirl threw the witch an unease look. Morrigan was paler than normal and biting her lower lip, but she had not complained about anything. Shirl knew she would not either, the witch was too proud for that. Sighing, Shirl dropped her hand from Alistair's arm and started up the stairs of the dais.

"Be careful, Shirl we don't know if that thing is trapped." Alistair whispered reverently.

Shirl shook her head and shot him a beaming smile. "Something tells me it's not trapped, Alistair." She climbed up the stairs and as she reached the vase at the top. She felt pure joy. She was almost finished with everything; here was the cure she needed for Arl Eamon. Hot tears started to flow down her cheeks. _Maker, be praised and thank you for the blessing of your prophetess Andraste._ Shirl prayed silently as she knelt down in front of the vessel holding Andraste's ashes.

Tentatively she reached out and took a pinch of the ashes from inside and placed them in a leather pouch she kept tied to her belt. _Thank you once again._ She looked up into the sunlight that was streaming through a hole in the ceiling of the chamber. The warmth of the sun filled her body and seemed to drive away all her fears and self-doubts. _You can do this._ A voice whispered to her. She smiled and stood up. Bowing over the urn she straightened and turned back toward the others.

"Let's go." She said as she walked pass them and back the way they had come.

"Is it just me or is she glowing?" She heard Oghren ask Alistair and Morrigan.

Shirl did not catch their responses if they had any, she wanted to be finished with this part of their journey and settle into the part of the trip she was going to be most familiar with...she smiled...politics. Rendon Howe had it coming to him politically and physically, and she was going to make certain he got both. She had not thought of the man who had murdered her entire family in one fell night in a long time. The pain and sadness had been too great for her to think about. But, not she felt she had the confidence and the support she needed in order to confront the man, if he could still be called a man. She would see him pay and he would pay dearly for his cowardice and for his treachery. Shirl would see to that personally.

* * *

Shirl watched as Wynne's hands hovered several inches above Morrigan's right leg. The witch did not flinch as the older mage's hands began to glow with pale blue light.

"Well, you surely did a number on your leg." Wynne remarked as she continued to move her hands up and down the witch's leg.

"She did help to kill a dragon, so I guess it makes sense." Shirl stated throwing another twig on the fire. She watched as the twig landed and started to crackle and pop as the wood caught fire.

"Huh, well after I'm finished with her I'm going to need Sten's help to hold Oghren down in order for me to heal him." Wynne shook her head. "Damn stubborn fool."

Shirl nodded as she continued to watch the fire. Her thoughts were far away. After her injuries from the dragon had been healed, Wynne had instructed her that she should not spar with Alistair at least until the mage felt certain that Shirl was up to full fighting condition. Lifting her head she could see Alistair swinging his sword as he practiced through the steps they normally would have been practicing together. He had escaped the dragon fight with only a few scratches nothing nearly as serious as herself who had cracked her head and bruised three of her ribs, while Morrigan had fractured her right leg and twisted her ankle on the leg as well. Oghren had broken two ribs and had a multitude of scrapes and cuts problem was getting the dwarf to sit still long enough for Wynne to heal him. He grumbled and complained that he was not hurt that badly, but Shirl had seen him winch more than once on their journey back through the temple to their camp. Sighing she tossed another stick on the fire.

"If all you are going to do is sit there and sigh. Then go find something else to do, Shirl, you are interrupting my concentration." Wynne snapped.

Shirl looked in the old mage's direction and smiled, "Sorry, Wynne." She stood up and brushed her hands on her pants. She walked away from the fire and Wynne. Her eyes drifted to land on Alistair. She held her smile as she approached him.

"Your forms with the shield are getting better." She said admiringly to him as he stepped out of his stance and lowered his sword and shield.

"I did not see you there." He blushed as she stepped up to him and kissed his cheek. "Shirl, I'm not certain that's a good idea, what if some sees us?"

"The first one that says anything, I will personally feed them to the darkspawn." She said laughing. She waited until he had sheathed his sword and strapped his shield across his back before throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him passionately on the mouth.

He kissed her back. She pressed herself closer to him. Shirl broke the kiss and muzzled his neck. "You know in three days time we will back in Redcliff and hopefully Arl Eamon will be cured."

Alistair nodded and he wrapped his arms around her waist. "In three days time a lot can happen." His arms tightened around her. "I'm not going to let you go." He whispered into her ear.

Shirl raised her head and caught his eyes. "What has brought this on all of a sudden?" She asked. He raised a hand to brush a stray lock of hair out of her face. The backs of his fingers grazed her cheek sending little sparks of warmth coursing through her body.

"I just wanted you to know. I'm not certain what will happen in the next few days, but I have a feeling that whatever it is I'm not going to like it." He paused and then leaned his forehead down to touch hers. "I love you."

Shirl heart sped up and she felt her mouth go dry. Her knees felt weak and wobbly. He had said the words before, but not like that, usually he would whisper them when they were laying together, but never with so much emotion and sincerity to them. Tears formed in her eyes. She had never felt this way about another person in her life. She blinked and the tears slowly fell down her cheeks in little streams. She smiled at him and closed her eyes. "I love you too." She whispered back.

"See that wasn't so bad now was it." He said before kissing her sweetly.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28: Redcliff Castle**

The ashes settled over Arl Eamon's body. Shirl waited patiently by his bedside, she had stepped back in order to give Isolde and Connor room to be closer to the Arl. Yet she still maintained a safe distance to the Arl, just in case something was to go wrong. The chantry sister finished with the blessings and healing incantations and stepped back from the bed, lowering her hand and sucking in a short breath.

Everyone waited holding their breath. The room was so silence Shirl could have heard a pin drop. She reached out and took Alistair's hand in her own. He squeezed her hand in response. Time seemed to stand still as everyone waited. Shirl's heart sped up and her palms were starting to get sweaty with anticipation.

A soft white light surrounded Eamon's body. The light cradled him. He moved a slight shift of his weight.

"Eamon," Isolde whispered gently. She took her husband's hand and pressed her lips to his fingers. Shirl had to resist the urge to roll her eyes at Isolde's back. Shirl severely disliked the woman.

Eamon opened his eyes and blinking rapidly he turned his head to look at Isolde. "Isolde? Teagan? Where is Connor?" He raised his free hand and rubbed it across his forehead.

"I'm here, father." Connor said coming up to stand next to Isolde.

"Then you are safe. I'm glad to see you, my son." Eamon muttered barely audible to those around him. "What has happened?"

Teagan turned to look at Shirl and Alistair. Shirl disengaged her hand from Alistair's as she stepped forward motioning for Alistair to follow her.

"I'm Shirl Cousland, daughter of…"

Eamon raised his hand, "Teryn Bryce Cousland…yes, I remember seeing you at the Landsmeet a few times with your father." His eyes widened as they landed on Alistair. "Alistair? Is that you?"

Alistair nodded, "Yes, it is me, Arl Eamon."

"Holy Maker, boy you've grown." The Arl whispered as his lips curved into a smile. "I'm glad to see you are well."

Alistair grimaced. "Well enough, sir, we will discuss it more in depth once you are feeling better."

Eamon shook his head. "I have been lying in this bed long enough." He sat up even as Isolde tried to press him back into the bed.

"No, Eamon, please…" She started but Eamon gently removed her hands from his shoulders.

"Isolde, I feel fine. I need to hear what they have to say." He dropped his legs over the side of the bed. Standing with support from Isolde and Teagan he walked up to Alistair. "I will see you all in my study. There we will discuss what has happened." He shrugged off Teagan and Isolde's help and continued through the doorway.

As the others followed him out, Shirl lingered behind as Alistair stepped pass her she grabbed his arm. "A moment, Alistair, if you will." She said.

Alistair stopped and Shirl waited until the last person had walked out of the room before looking at him. "Are you alright?"

He looked at her with a tight lipped smile. "I feel relieved that he is well…but, I'm not going to like what happens next am I? I can feel it like someone is stepping on my stomach and twisting their foot."

Shirl raised an eyebrow at him. "Stepping on your stomach?" She wrapped her arms around his waist and crinkled her nose. "You have a very odd way of saying that you are nervous." She kissed his lips briefly.

"Shirl," He licked his lips. "Someone could definitely see us, not that I would mind, but given the circumstances…" he trailed off for a moment.

Shirl frowned and released him. "You are right, Alistair. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Shirl, don't…I'm fine…really. Stop looking at me like." He started to turn away and she caught his arm.

"Alistair," Her voice was soft. _He's trying to be brave, but he is terrified of what might happen. We've never talked about it. He's known that his birthright makes him different. He has never wanted me to see him as different. But to me he has always been different. _

He placed a finger to her lips. "I'm fine." He stated calmly. He dropped his hand and adjusted his shirt. "Really, I'm fine."

Shirl bowed her head. "If you say so." She shrugged and walked away. "You know you can talk to me."

"I know, but there is nothing to talk about." Alistair stated following her out of the room.

"If you say so." She said feinting disinterest. She continued to walk with her head bowed her eyes watching her feet.

They walked in silence for until they had reached the rest of the group just as they were entering Eamon's study.

"So tell me what has transpired since I had fallen ill." Arl Eamon commanded as he took his seat at his desk. "And do not skip a single detail."

* * *

Alistair paced across his room. His footsteps echoed around his ears.

_"We are going to place Alistair on the throne."_ Eamon's voice replayed in his mind.

_So the whole foot to the gut analogy not looking so bad now. _He thought as he continued to pace. In the morning they would be leaving for Denerim. Eamon had called together the Landsmeet. They would be challenging Loghain's claim to the throne. He bit his lower lip and sweat was beading on his forehead just thinking about the next few days or even weeks.

_The Blight is closing in around our heads and I have to go play dress with a bunch of nobles. Ugh! This is why I hate…! _He could not finish the thought. What did he hate about himself? He could never really say. He thought mostly of his father's blood that ran through his veins. A heritage, a history, and a responsibility he had never asked for or wanted.

He flopped face first onto his bed. The one nice thing about being in Redcliff castle at the moment was the plush beds. After weeks on the road sleeping on hard packed earth or piles of frozen snow he was happy to have the feathery downs of the mattress under him. Sighing he rolled over onto his back and stared up at the canopy of the bed hoping to find his answers in the drapery above.

After several moments of silence he sat up and rubbed his hands over his face. He just needed to compose himself, think of something other than the Landsmeet and the nobles.

_Shirl_. Her image appeared unbidden in his mind's eye. He shook his head to try and dislodge it, but the image was still there. She had gone along with Eamon's plan, a little too readily in his mind. But she had always seemed to prod him about his royal blood. Looking back on it she had never really treated him differently for his heritage, she had for the most part continued to treat him like crap until she returned from the Deep Roads. Then everything had changed, her experiences far beneath the surface had altered her perception of the world around her.

At first he was not certain he had liked the changes, but gradually he noticed the changes happened mostly around him not anyone else. She became more open to him and slowly him to her. Reviewing their relationship he saw there was not one in particular moment where he could pinpoint his feelings becoming stronger than friendship, but it was there. He was not planning on losing her, he would fight for her. If not for her there would be no army in which to stop the Blight. But it was now up to him to stop the civil war that was ripping Ferelden apart. Shirl had done her job and duty as a Grey Warden now it was his turn to do his.

_Ugh! But how do I do that?_ He wanted to yell out the question to the skies. Maybe the Maker would show up some mystical path or some guiding light in which to direct him. He fell back against his pillows again. Dropping his hands to his side he tried to think about something else again. He could not think about Shirl without conjuring thoughts and ideas about the Landsmeet, but yet he wanted to think of Shirl.

A soft rapping at the door to his bed chamber brought him sitting up. "Who is it?" He asked not bothering to move. _Let people come to me for once._ Though in reality he did not trust his legs to hold his weight, he was tired and his nerves were still slightly reeling in shock.

"Alistair?" Shirl's voice came back at him through the door.

"Come in, Shirl." Alistair said not bothering to move from his spot. As she walked in Alistair felt his breath catch in his throat. She wore a simple white cotton dressing robe. Her hair was down and shining brightly in the candlelight. The dirt and grime of their recent travels had been washed from her skin, which was like soft and smooth the petals of a pink rose.

His cheeks grew hot at the thought of her skin. _I may never get use to such thoughts and feelings._ A part of him was okay with the embarrassment; somehow it made their time together more real and special.

Shirl closed the door behind her. She stood watching him for several moments until Alistair grew uncomfortable with the silence between them. "I'm fine, Shirl, really." He stated breaking the quiet of the room.

"Funny, because your demeanor would suggest anything, but fine." She retorted crossing the room to stand in front of him. She crossed her arms and regarded him with her amber colored eyes. "I agreed with Eamon that we should make you king without asking what you wanted. Does that not make you just a little angry at me?" She inquired calmly.

Alistair's head jerked up and he glared at her. "Do you want me to be angry with you?"

She shook her head. "No, but that does not mean that you are not upset."

Alistair sighed and threw his hands up in the air. "Yes, Shirl I'm upset. You and Eamon want to make me king. I don't want to be king. I have never wanted to be king. I was content with just being a Grey Warden. At least with the Wardens I was never looked down upon or sneered at for being their betters. We all got along and nobody asked any questions about anyone. I was happiest there. But now I'm not only expected to be a Warden, but I'm also to become king. Ha- it's like my worst nightmare has come true. I hate it…my blood is a curse not the cure, why can't people see that." His face burned red and he turned away from her. He did not want to see her reaction. _Maybe I said too much…revealed too much._ His hands tightened into fists. _I don't care I said I would start sticking up for myself…well that's what I'm doing._

"You're blood is not a curse, Alistair." Shirl said softly. "And I have never treated you differently because of your blood…I've treated you differently because of you. How could I not. To me you are more than just the crown prince or the bastard son of a king. To me you are my best friend, my travelling companion, my sparring partner and my fellow Grey Warden. Losing you would mean I would lose all of those things and so much more. King is just a title that you inherit from your blood, that does not make you a good king or a bad king, just like your blood does not determine what type of person you are, those are determined by who you are." She placed a hand on his chest. "I love you, Alistair. And I believe you will make a fine king. You worry about things that you need not worry about." She stepped up to him and placed her hand under his chin.

Alistair let her lift his chin so that he could look her in the eyes. Those pools of amber liquid surrounded him. They held so much strength and cunning. He found himself smiling despite his reserves. He wanted to be angry at her, but he could not find the heart to do so.

"You have a good heart and worry yourself needlessly over this. Just follow your instincts and your heart. You will be fine." She stated moving her hand to stroke his cheek. He closed his eyes and took a small amount of comfort in feeling her warm hand pressed against his face.

Opening his eyes he took her hand away from his face and held it in his own. "Shirl, I…will try not to disappoint you, but I can promise nothing."

"That's all I can ask of you." She whispered.

He dropped he hand and wrapped an arm around her waist. Pulling her close he kissed her passionately. His other hand entwined itself in her hair. He had her pressed up against him and he could felt the warmth of her body radiating through her robe. He broke the kiss reluctantly. Pushing her gently back away from him.

"Shirl," He breathed. His heart was already breaking before he even said the next words. "We can't do this here."

Shirl's mouth opened and closed quickly in surprise. "Explain." She demanded returning to the cool façade of a noble man's daughter.

Alistair shook his head. "Don't retreat, Shirl. It's just well…if one of the servants were to catch us, rumors would travel to the Arl's ear and well I don't think it would go over very well…what with him and you wanting to make me king."

Shirl looked baffled for a moment as she processed the information he had just given her. As realization dawned on her, a coy little smile spread across her lips. "Oh, I get it. You don't want to sully your reputation." She giggled and removed his hands from her shoulders. "Look, Alistair, I'm fine with that, but really I can be gone back to my room before morning and no one would be the wiser."

She pressed herself closer to him, kissing him on the neck, "But if you want me to stop then I will." She whispered into his ear as she slipped his hands into her robe. His fingers touched bare skin that was hot to the touch.

He closed his eyes as she continued to kiss neck. Her hands released his and she pulled his shirt over his head. Her lips trailed down his chest as did her hands. Each kiss sent little shocks of pleasure through his body. _Ah, soddin it all, she plays tough. What the hell ! Why not? I'm going to be king! I can do as I bloody well please. _ He thought as he untied her robe and helped it to slide from her naked body to the floor. He smiled as he hoisted her up onto his bed. _King indeed._


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29: Denerim- Arl Eamon's Estate**

Shirl's body tensed as she looked across at the man. He was exactly the way she had remembered him being. Cold, distance, and slick like lamp oil: Rendon Howe. Her eyes narrowed as she focused on him. The man had destroyed her entire family, house and world in one night. He was walking beside Teyrn Loghain, strutting around like he owned the place.

_Okay, so he is the Arl of Denerim, does not mean he actually owns the place. Bastard, I should gut him here. Makes sense that Loghain would ally himself with a worthless backstabbing bootlicking cockroach like Howe. Loghain needed someone to do his dirty work. _Shirl's jaw tightened as her mind ran rampant with every gory detail of what she wanted to do to these "men". Her hand clenched around her sword. _Drawing it would be bad, remember I must make Alistair look good. I have to set a good example. _Yet, her hand did not drop away from her sword.

She could feel the tension building up between Loghain and Eamon as the two exchanged formal niceties. Shirl never looked away from Howe. His gray eyes met hers. She clutched her free hand into a fist.

"I see, so in order for your support, Rendon, Loghain has offered you the Arlship of Denerim and let you keep your claim to the Teyrnir of Highever. Am I correct in assuming as much?" Eamon's words jolted Shirl from her contemplation. Her head whipped around to look at the Arl.

"What? You mean this stain upon the earth is allowed to keep the Teyrnir of Highever because he kisses Loghain's arse?" Shirl spat. The knuckles on her sword hand turned white from gripping her sword even harder.

"How dare you speak to the Teyrn in such a manner? I should have you thrown into the dungeon!" Ser Cauthrien growled at Shirl.

Shirl turned her glare on the woman. "Don't you think I have earned the right? The man murdered my entire family in a single night! I will have his head!" Shirl looked back at Howe and the man smiled at her. Actually smiled at her! Shirl lost it. She started to lunge forward her sword partially out of its sheath.

"Shirl! Enough!" The voice stopped her in her tracks. Every head turned toward the speaker. Alistair stood at the back of their little group watching the proceedings taking place. His face had taken on a shade of red that was not of embarrassment, but of anger. "Enough." He said more quietly this time. "You will get your chance for the moment this is no way to behave." Shirl opened her mouth to protest, but the look on Alistair's face stopped her. She closed her mouth and let her sword fall back into its sheath with a loud purposeful _crack!_

"So the pup does have a voice." Loghain stated gruffly.

"Yeah, well just be glad I didn't let her continue swinging that sword. You would have half a Teyrn there." Alistair shifted uncomfortably under Loghain's direct stare. Shirl shot Alistair a dark look which she noticed he ignored.

"Thank you for coming to greet us personally, but we have many things to do before the Landsmeet is to convene." Eamon bowed his head slightly toward Loghain, Cauthrien and Rendon Howe in turn. Loghain looked at all of them with a tight lipped grimace.

"Then we will see you at this Landsmeet." Loghain turned away from them walking back through the large doors that led out into the courtyard of Arl Eamon's estate.

"That was surprising. I did not think he would come in person to greet us." Eamon stated once Loghain and his posse were through the door.

"He was summoning us up." Shirl said watching the doors in which the murderer of her family had walked through.

"I agree with your assessment of his actions." Eamon said crossing his arms.

Shirl spun away. "I'm not going to sit by and do nothing until the Landsmeet." She said. "I would like to know were my rooms are. I would like a bath and something to eat too." Shirl did not normally command people but her frustrations at seeing that _man _waltzing around with her father's title. _Ugh! I will kill him. I want to feel my sword pierce his chest. I want to see his blood pouring from his body. _

"Yes, I suppose we could all take a moment or two to freshen up. Then we must start discussing our tactics for the Landsmeet." Eamon replied. He motioned with a hand and two elf servants hustled over to them. "Show the Grey Wardens their rooms please and then have the cook prepare lunch. Also make certain that Lady Shirl has a bath fetched for her." The elves nodded.

"Yes, milord. This way if you would follow me." The female elf asked bowing low and starting to walk away heading up the grand staircase that led up to the second floor of the main house. The male elf ran off towards the right. Shirl paid no mind to where he might be heading as she started following the female elf.

Shirl's mind raced over possibilities into which she could convince the Landsmeet that Rendon Howe was the traitor and not her father. Her mind ran through situations and solutions in order to show the other nobles that he had taken justice upon himself and condemned an innocence man and his entire household to death. _Of course, I won't get the Landsmeet to agree with me while Loghain is on the throne. I might not even get them to agree with me while Anora is anywhere near the throne as well._ Sighing, she shook her head in frustration.

"Here are your rooms, milady." The elf said opening a large door with intricate gold inlays of a rising sun and castle. Shirl snapped out of hers thoughts and nodded to the elf.

"Thank you." She stated simply and walked in.

"I will send someone up to fetch you a bath in a moment."

"What? Oh, yes, please, thank you again." Shirl looked at the plush sofa and small table set up in front of the fire place. She unbuckled her sword belt and unclipped her shield. Placing the shield against the back of the sofa she went and sat on the sofa with her sword in her hands. She ran her hand up and down the length of the weapon to the crest at the top of the sword's handle. White pearl laurel branches crossed over a dark blue field. White wings. Closing her eyes she could see the high ramparts and soaring towers of Castle Highever in her mind.

Laughter of the castle's occupants rang in her ears as they went about their daily chores, life had not always been glamorous in Highever, but there were happy times more than there had been bad times. She could still see one of the happiest moments in Highever. The marriage of Fergus to Oriana had been a special occasion and one that Shirl remembered with contentment and smiles. A part of wanted to go back six years ago. She wanted to be thirteen years old again and pestering her older brother about his up coming marriage. At that age she had no worries or fears about the future. She knew her future she knew what was going to happen to her. The same thing that was happening to Fergus in those memories, she would be married off to a wealthy lord's son looking to secure their family name and status. The future would have been predictable and stable compared to the present she was living in now.

A soft knock at her door jarred her from her thoughts. "Come in." She said standing and placing her sword on the cushions.

Alistair opened the door and walked in. Closing the door softly behind him he turned to face her directly. "What was that all about with Loghain and Howe today? You were the one who suggested we let Eamon do most of the talking and then you go off on Howe. You should be in prison right now for even threatening the Tey…"

"Don't you dare grant him that title!" Shirl snapped viciously. "He killed my father…my mother…all of them…he deserves to die like the wretched insect he is." She wanted to scream. Instead she bit her bottom lip and crossed her arms.

"Shirl, I know, but that still means you need to be…"

"Need to be what, Alistair? Calm? Collected?" She snorted. "I can't do that in front of _him_."

"Then he will use that against you. Against us." Alistair stated.

"Let him…I'm tired of it all. I just want to know that he will not walk away from this unscathed." She could no longer hold back the frustration or desperation, tears started to slide down her face. She tried to wipe them away, but they kept flowing. "Maker! Look at me. I'm crying like a little girl. Ugh!"

"Shirl," he said softly as he reached out and pulled her to him. He held her close and she buried her face into his shirt. He stroked the back of head trying to soothe her but, uselessness welled up inside her. "Look we're all tried and in need of some rest. I'll tell Eamon to wait until tomorrow to start discussing the plans for the Landsmeet. You need a break and so do I."

Shirl shook her head. "No, the sooner we get this over with the better."

"But you need to be able to focus." Alistair replied kissing her temple. The brush of his lips helped her relax a little. The problem was she completely agreed with Alistair. She needed to be able to focus on the mission at hand, but with Howe alive she was not going to be able to do that effectively.

"Maybe, I could hire Zevran to go kill Howe." She quipped playfully.

Alistair pushed her back away from him gently but firmly he grasped her shoulders. "Don't even think of telling him. He would probably do it of his own violation and that's bad enough."

Shirl smiled at the serious look on Alistair's face. "It was just a thought, Alistair, no need to get all serious about it. Though it is a good idea."

"No, Shirl, don't even entertain the idea. No assassinations while were here." Alistair commanded.

Shirl feinted disappointment. "But, what's the point of having an Antivian Crow assassin loyalty pledged to you if you don't use it."

"Don't do that. It's so creepy when you try to pout." Shirl laughed at the idea.

"No, I have never been one to try and charm my way out of a situation before." She brushed a hand across her cheeks cleaning the residue of tears from her face. "Thank you." She said smiling warmly at him.

Alistair looked perplexed. "For what?"

"For cheering me up."

"Oh, well that I don't mind so much. You're a royal bitch when you're cranky." He stated quickly as he smiled back at her. "Besides I didn't want you throwing punches at my head anytime soon."

Shirl lightly punched him in the shoulder. "Ow! Hey, that hurt."

"That was for the royal bitch comment." She said jabbing him again. "And that was for yelling at me earlier." She started to punch him again, but he caught her hand and pulled her to him capturing her lips in his. When he broke the kiss, he smiled sweetly at her.

"And that was for me to shut up." Shirl said breathlessly.

Alistair shrugged. "I just wanted to stop you from hitting me again." Shirl quirked an eyebrow at him, he chuckled and started to kiss her again when a sharp rap on the door made both of them jump apart.

"Yes?" Shirl asked tentatively walking over to the door she opened it and saw the female elf that had shown them to their rooms.

"Your bath water is hot, milady." The elf said bowing. "If you will follow me I will show you to the bath chamber."

"Yes, just let me get a change of clothes…" she started to turn away.

"But, I change of clothes has already been provided for you."

"Oh. Well then lead on." She looked up at Alistair who winked at her and started out the door after them.

"I will see you at lunch." He said turning right and heading down the hall to his rooms.

Shirl waved at his retreating back and hurried to catch up to the servant scurrying away in the opposite direction.


	30. Chapter 30

_Hello Readers,_

_It's been a while…sorry about that…it's a long story. The shortened version is I moved and had to fight to get internet service in my new place. So, two months later I have a chapter or two ready to be posted right away. So here it is chapter 30! Wow…and what a journey it's been._

_Thank you for reading and hopefully everyone still enjoys._

_Prismelf_

**Chapter 30: Arl of Denerim's Estate**

Her sword slashed down and then back up it created a gash of red across the guard's uniform. The man screamed staggering back away from her. Shirl growled and spun around to lunge at the guard who was trying to sneak up behind her. The guard was not expecting her to swing around so quickly. Shirl stabbed the man through the chest with enough force that her sword bypassed his armor and slipped into his chest cavity like a spoon through pudding. Gasping the guard gapped at the sword protruding from his chest.

Shirl kicked the man off her blade and stepped to the side in order to let the body fall to the floor.

"Shirl, this is getting hairier than I like it to get." Zevran commented from her left side.

"I have to agree with Zevran on this one." Leliana said as she nocked another arrow to her bow string. The bard drew back on the bow and let fire into a guard running toward her. Her arrow met its mark through the man's neck. She deftly grabbed another arrow and had her bow at the ready for the next guard to run around the corner.

Shirl gritted her teeth and parried a clumsy sword swing made toward her mid-drift. She smashed her shield with all her strength into the face of the guard who had made the faulty blow. Bone cracked on the impact and the guard stumbled back holding a hand over his mouth and nose. Zevran dove in and slit the man's exposed throat. A fountain of blood sprayed covering Zevran and Shirl with flecks of red.

Toby growled and leapt at a guard who lunged at Zevran's back. The hound hit the guard in full force pinning the man to the ground. Toby's teeth bit deeply into his throat. The guard flailed under the large animal trying as he might to push the dog off of him.

Shirl snorted and glanced behind her. No guards were coming up behind them. "This way!" Shirl said gesturing with her sword. Spinning around she darted down the hallway without sparing a glance to see if the others were following.

* * *

Rendon Howe turned toward the messenger. Looking the young man over with a crucial eye much like he would some up a piece of meat. "Intruders? You say? Hmmm…how interesting?" Howe waved the messenger away. He was not worried about the intruders. In fact he was hoping that the intruders would find him. It was a well laid out plan. If all went according to it then the Grey Wardens would be dead and Lohgain would remain in control for as long was necessary to take care of the darkspawn threat. Lohgain was not a greedy man nor was he very ambitious either, not like his daughter. Queen Anora wanted to stay on the throne; she did not want to lose the power she had been granted over the pass five years to suddenly vanish because of some upstart bastard claiming to be of her husband's bloodline.

Howe liked the young queen she was cunning, bold and ruthless when she needed to be. Something about her spoke to volumes. Too bad in the end when her usefulness came to an end he would have to rid himself of her. In the mean time he would have to watch how much power she would try to claim until he could make his move.

"Your Grace, the prisoner is ready for interrogation." A guard dressed in simple chainmail spoke to him snapping his attention back to the present.

Howe nodded. "Very well," he motioned with his hand for the guard to lead the way. The soldier turned and walk back down the stone corridor in which Howe assumed he had just came from. Nodding to his personal guard around him, he started off after the soldier his escort following close behind.

The guard led him through a twisted labyrinth of stone corridors until he came to stand before a heavy wooden door with a small window crossed with iron bars. The guard produced a set of keys from a clip on his belt. Taking a few seconds to sort through the keys to get the one he wanted. Placing the key into the lock a quick twist and the door popped open. The guard stepped aside for Howe.

Entering the room, Howe looked around letting his eyes adjust to the candle lit chamber.

"Ah, Your Grace, I've been waiting for you." A dark clothed man stepped out of the shadows from beside a large wooden rack with a young man strapped to it. Howe nodded to the man.

"Raul, is this your handiwork I presume?" Howe said turning his attention to the man stretched out upon the torture device. Howe eyed the young man with distaste. Raul was through in his work. Raul was the best that money could buy. The young noble was bloodied and bruised beyond recognition. Howe never worried himself over the names of the lesser banns' sons and daughters that were brought to his estate. Names meant nothing when all one knew was pain and suffering. His lips spread into a grin much like a cat would wear when he had finally cornered the mouse.

"How do you like your rooms? I do hope that the view is to your liking?" Howe sneered. Raul's knives had sliced small cuts and scraped away pieces of the man's flesh in non-vital areas. Blood had dried from some of the older wounds, though curiously enough the wounds were not infected.

Moaning the young man canted his head in the direction of Howe's voice. Howe's smile grew. "Glad to see you are still somewhat responsive."

A cough escaped the prisoner and he turned his head away. His eyes were shut and his breath was quick and sharp. In the dim light, Howe could just barely make out the thumping of the young man's heart. It was amazing how long a person could survive with the barest of food and water.

"Are you ready to accept Teryn Lohgain as the rightful regent of Ferelden?" Howe snickered. He doubted the young noble even understood why he was here to begin with. He probably thought he was being punished for some type of crime he had committed or another. Howe was not rash in his selections of young nobles to take. He took only those who were known to be less than reputable. No one would notice right way that they were missing. Their parents would mostly think that they had run off on some wild goose chase and would be back again before they knew it. But, the young lordlings still had plenty of power and they could be used to persuade their more politically involved relatives to take sever action and those that did not comply would be forced or destroyed, much like Bryce Cousland.

"Can the Teryn count on your family's support against the Grey Wardens? If so, then your crimes can be overlook and this whole messy affair can be done and over with." Howe stepped back and waved Raul to step closer. The prisoner opened his eyes and looked directly at Howe and then his eyes flickered over to Raul. His eyes growing wide with fear the young man nodded slowly and then swallowed.

Howe placed up hand halting Raul in mid-step. "Very well then," Howe watched as the prisoner exhaled a sigh of relief. "Raul, make certain that his crimes are set right and that he is given proper treatment." Nodding, Raul stepped forward again. The prisoner's shackles clinked as Raul unlocked them.

"Guards, show this piece of filth to his cell." Raul ordered. Two men stepped forward from the doorway to lift the man from the rack. Blood dripped on the front floor from the prisoner's wounds as he was carried off. Howe followed the blood trail out of the room and back into the corridor. He was so very close to achieving his goal. He could almost taste the victory feast.

"Your Grace, now that this is taken care of what would you like to do about the Queen?" Walden, his mage guard asked. Howe looked sharply at the man.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Your Grace, we can't just keep holding her against her will. She is the queen. You and Teryn Loghain will lose political support from the people if she is harmed. In fact, couldn't you possibly lose Loghain's support if something happens to her?" Walden asked boldly.

Howe's eyes narrowed as he stared at the impertinent mage. "I know what I'm doing here! Do not question your orders! Keep her locked up! It is for Teryn Loghain to decide off best to deal with his daughter." Whether she was queen or not, Anora was becoming troublesome, she could always play the game of politics well. Yet, she had made a calculated mistake. She thought the Grey Wardens would side with her. Her plan involved gaining Grey Warden support in trying to keep her throne. She would try and persuade the Grey Warden leader into choosing to side with her at the Landsmeet, instead of Arl Eamon's candidate. In the long run, Howe did not care about Anora's claim or the bastard prince's claim to the throne. Both would be dead as soon as the right opportunity presented itself. It was true that Loghain was protective over his daughter, but if she became a threat to Ferelden Loghain would do what was right for the good of all. Howe could see that the man was tore.

Loghain did not have the stomach for politics. He was a direct man. This is why he had needed Howe's help. He had needed Howe's support in getting rid of Calian and the Cousland family. The only loose end Howe still had to tie up was that slip of a girl that had escaped him at Highever. The youngest child of Bryce Cousland had survived Ostagar somehow and was now one of the last two Grey Wardens alive in Ferelden.

_Cunning little bitch,_ He amused as he walked back toward his chambers. _She has eluded every assassin sent her way. But how long will she last in the game without making a fatal mistake?_ Howe remembered the way the girl had been enraptured with the political debates at the Landsmeets the few times she had accompanied her father to them. Bryce had been so proud of both of his children's accomplishments. But something about the way he doted and fawned over his youngest suggested that he hoped great things from her. It had sickened Howe to watch Bryce indulge his youngest child's every whim.

_Children need discipline and they should be obedient to their parents. Not beg them for things they could not have! _Howe scoffed. _My children may not love me, but they respect and know their places around me. And I would accept nothing less of them._

His guard's hand on his shoulder stopped his recollections and his steps. "What is it, soldier?" Howe snapped.

"The sounds of battle are coming from the main hallway, Your Grace." The guard whispered in his ear. Howe heard the guard draw his sword. "Ready yourselves." The guard ordered.

Howe smiled. "So, it seems that the Cousland pup has taken the bait after all. This could prove to be fun." Drawing his sword, he let the tip rest comfortably on the stone floor. He leaned against it his hands crossed over the top of the handle. "Let's see how well she can play the game."

Just then the heavy wooden doors flew open.


	31. Chapter 31

_Hello Readers,_

_Thank you for all of the adds and reviews so far! I hope everyone continues to enjoy the story. I'm just glad to have internet again. Anyway, enjoy Chapter 31! Once again thanks for reading. Oh, and if any of you do have any questions or comment don't be shy feel free to leave me some feedback. I also allow for editing of the piece as well...I'm horrible at editing my own work. Thanks!_

_Prism Elf  
_

**Chapter 31: Denerim **

Alistair slammed his mailed fist into the wall of his room. _Andraste's holy knickers! _ He thought furiously as the sting of metal bit into the glove of his hand and into the flesh under that. "Son of a nug loving…" He let his words die on his lips.

Leaning his head against the wall he squeezed his eyes shut. "Damn Shirl, what are you thinking?" He said to the wall. "Why is she always doing this?" He hit the wall again. With his hand stinging he opened his eyes and pushed back away from the wall.

Alistair had been on his way to the Gnarled Noble tavern in order to speak with some of the Banns that were staying there. He had decided that Shirl could help him in enlisting the help of the Banns. However, when he reached her rooms he found Arl Eamon standing outside of them waiting for him.

"Alistair, we need to talk."

The Arl told him about Anora being held captive by Rendon Howe. And about how Shirl had stormed out in a blaze of fury. Eamon had warned Shirl against acting rashly, but Shirl reassured him that she would do nothing of the sort. Of course, Alistair knew better than that. Shirl had an uncanny knack for getting herself into trouble and trying to do things on her own.

"She said she wouldn't do this any more." Alistair said placing a hand over his eyes. "Doesn't she know Howe is waiting? It's a trap. I know she has to know that." He removed his hand and glanced around the room. It was furnished nicely and comfortably with a sitting chair and sofa and a large bed. He sighed walking over to the sofa he flopped down on it. What was needed now was not rash thinking and overreacting what was needed now was a plan. If he really was going to be king he needed to start acting like it. He needed to think with a clear head. He could not let his feelings for Shirl get in the way of what needed doing. The Landsmeet was the most important thing. He had to convince the banns that he was good enough to fill his brother's shoes.

"Even if I don't want it. Even if I'm not ready for it. I have to do it. For the good of Ferelden." Even if it meant leaving Shirl behind, "She has gotten herself into this mess lets just hope she can get herself out of it." Though a part of him wished that he could do more than just sit and wait for her to return, but he knew if he went rushing in after her Loghain would have more ammunition to use against them in the Landsmeet. He would just have to trust Shirl would take care of herself.

He smiled a thin tight lipped smile. He knew she could take care of herself that was not the problem, the problem was he did not like the way she usually handled these sort of situations. And he did not like being left behind. It was just frustrating to be in a position where he could not help her.

A knock at his bedroom door made him jerk his head up. He stared at the door willing the person behind it to go away. Another knock, executed with a bit more strength, landed on his door again. Sighing Alistair rose to his feet and walked over to the door.

"Yes?" He asked cracking the door open enough to see who was there.

A pretty little elf maiden jumped at the sound of his voice. "I'm sorry, ser, but Arl Eamon request your present." The elf stated in a soft tone.

Alistair smiled at the girl. _Well, she is still a girl. _He thought as he said out loud. "Very well, tell Eamon I will be there in a moment." He started to turn away when he noticed the elf girl was watching him intently, but cautiously. "Is there anything else?" He asked.

The girl shook her head and made to turn away, but stopped and looked at him with a question on her face. "Well, ser, there are these rumors going around the castle."

"Rumors? What sort of rumors? Good gossip I hope nothing too boring. Well, I guess not boring considering they _are_ rumors after all." He let his smile grow wider at the girl's confused look.

"Yes, ser, well the rumors say many things but first of they say that you are the bastard son of King Maric? Is it true? Are you really a prince?" The elf girl blushed at her bold question, but Alistair just chuckled.

"Am I a prince? That depends on who you ask. Over all I was not raised to be a prince, I was raised to be a templar and now I'm a Grey Warden. I don't know anything about running a kingdom." He shrugged, "But I suppose if someone has to do it, I don't mind. At least it shouldn't be boring. There are some perks to being a king." He laughed as the serving girl's face flushed even redder. "Sorry, that was probably more of an answer than you were looking for, wasn't it?"

The elf girl nodded quickly and then quickly shook her head, "No, ser…your highness, it was…"

Alistair raised a hand up to stop her from speaking. "Look, I don't mind being called 'ser'; it's respectful to your elders, though I can't be _that_ much older than you. Do me favor and don't call me 'your highness'…I don't like it."

The girl stared at him in open-mouthed awe, "Yes, ser, I can do that, ser."

"Good. Now go tell Eamon I will be along shortly."

The girl nodded and turned fully away. Alistair watched her go shaking his head in amusement as the girl scurried away form him. She looked back twice and each time she quickly turned her face away with the deep red of embarrassment.

_Well, that was strange._ He mused. Shrugging he walked fully out of his room and closed the door behind him once the girl was out of sight.

He walked toward Eamon's chambers. _I wonder what he wants with me._ He pondered. _Probably to drill me in what to say at the Landsmeet. _ Sighing, Alistair paused briefly Eamon had been counseling him and advising him since they had first arrived in Denerim. He was tired of the politics already and he wasn't even king yet. He had a feeling that by the end of this journey he was going to wish that he had died with the rest of the Grey Wardens in Ostagar.

* * *

Alistair placed a hand over his eyes. "Now tell me again exactly what happened?" He sounded a lot like an old man asking after his troublesome children. There were six of them crowded into Arl Eamon's study. But since Leliana and Zevran had returned without Shirl, Eamon had let Alistair ask most of the questions. Zevran got the feeling it was not so much to do with Alistair becoming king, but with Shirl being captured it was more a Grey Warden matter. Eamon was trying to let Alistair handle the situation of getting Shirl back.

Zevran rolled his eyes. "There's not much to tell," he sighed and looked to the tall human woman standing before him. The Queen of Ferelden sat wrong with Zevran. She remaindered him of a snake, beautiful, but deadly. There was strength to her, but her strength came from manipulation and scheming not from doing it herself. She had the answers to everyone's problems and she was the only one who could fix everything. A faulty logic base it made her closed minded. He did not like close minded people.

_I bet she is lousy in bed too. Too prudish for me. She would probably just lie there. _ He thought as he remembered their hurried flight through the city and back to Arl Eamon's estate. He had cracked some saucy remarks in Leliana's direction. And while the bard had played along, Anora had glared quietly at them. She did not protest, but she did not blush and hide her face from them which told Zevran a thing or two about the Queen.

"Zevran!" Alistair calling his name sharply snapped him back into reality. Zevran looked at the man. He shrugged and titled his head slightly in the direction of Anora. _Alistair_ _can be intelligent and subtle when he needs to or at least he better learn to be. _Zevran hoped at least that Alistair had taken the hint. _  
_

"I…apologize, Your Majesty." Alistair said suddenly surprising everyone in the room. "You have had quite an ordeal these pass few hours. I should not be pressing you all in this manner. Please forgive me."

Zevran could not see Anora's face, but he saw her back stiffen as she replied curtly to him. "It is nothing, Alistair. We really should be focusing on rescuing your fellow Warden though."

Alistair shrugged. "Do not worry, Your Majesty, Shirl is not going anywhere soon. And your _father_ can't kill her just yet. She has become respected these pass few months. The people of Ferelden will take it as a bad sign and never allow Loghain to have the throne if she were to suddenly die especially right before the Landsmeet."

"Then you do not know my father very well."

Zevran saw Alistair struggle to keep a straight face, his eyes narrowed. "No, I don't know him very well and I don't plan on knowing him that well."

"Look, we are all very tired. Perhaps, we could all get something to eat and then discuss how to proceed after that. Your Majesty, it will give us time to at least change out of this armor." Leliana interrupted. Zevran silently thanked her for stepping up. He shot her a suggestive grin. She winked at him and then looked back to Anora. The queen had crossed her arms over her chest.

"Very well," She said nodding. Her tone of voice was sharp and she turned her head so she could see Leliana better. "But, after we change we are coming straight back here to discuss our rescue plan." She turned then and stormed from the room her pretty elf servant following after her.

"I will leave you all as well...I do not need to be privy to the concerns of the Grey Wardens." Eamon said suddenly standing up from behind his desk. "I will go see about lunch." He left without another word or glance back at the small group still standing in his study. Zevran silently applauded the old man. _He's good. Alistair will be in good hands if he continues taking advice from him._

"I must leave quickly, but Zevran can fill you in on what you missed." Leliana spoke quietly and quickly. "Don't be to long otherwise she will know we are up to more than what she already suspects." And with that Leliana walked from the room.

Alistair turned his gaze on Zevran. "You heard her. Now spill it."

"We were set up… or at least it felt that way. Shirl, she well, how do you say it…" Zevran cocked his head and glanced at Toby. The hound was lying at Alistair's feet unresponsive. He seemed to Zevran as if he were pouting. "Shirl let herself get taken that way the rest of us could escape unharmed. It defiantly put Anora in her place. She must have thought Shirl would have fought her way out, but she didn't. The guards took her and let us go without a word. Their leader must've known what Anora looked like, but she didn't say a word to us or the queen. As I said it smells like a trap and Anora was the bait." Zevran meant Alistair's eyes and held them. "You do plan on going after her? You aren't going to just leave her there, are you?"

Alistair shook his head. "I…no, I can't leave her there, but I haven't a clue on how to get her out of there either." Zevran noticed the tremor in Alistair's voice. It was not a tremor of gripe or annoyance it was a tremor of frustration and anger. He was furious and somehow he was managing to control that fury. Alistair's eyes flashed and Zevran felt his breath catch. _I never truly realized how dangerous Alistair could be or how controlled he is. It must have been all the templar training._ Zevran had to look away.

"I should get going, my friend, but you know…" He shrugged and smiled at Alistair. "Shirl might not come across as the damsel in distress, but won't you look glorious riding in on your white horse to save her? I'm certain she would reward you quite handsomely." He spun away letting Alistair digest the information. As he got to the door he risked a glance back over his shoulder. Alistair's face was bright red and he was looking down at Toby. The hound had picked up his head and was regarding Alistair intently.

"What?" Alistair choked out as Zevran disappeared down the hallway.


	32. Chapter 32

_Hello readers,_

_How about this long chapter? I'm slightly impressed with myself for getting it to be this long. At first I didn't think I would make it this long, but then I realized it just kept going. I really like the ending of this one for some reason. It just seemed to work out so well. Anyway, hope you enjoy and thanks for reading. Once again feel free to review with questions, comments, and concerns. Thanks!_

_Prism Elf_

**Chapter 32: Fort Drakon**

The cold stone floor bit into Shirl's bare skin causing her shiver. She wore only her small clothes. Something that bothered her greatly she had no memory of her clothes being removed. She also had no idea where her weapons and armor were. Sighing she rubbed the back of her head a large lump was growing there. _Damn, they didn't have to knock me unconscious._ She thought and winced as a spasm of pain crawled down her spine. _Great, just what I need a massive headache. Oh! This better be worth it. _

Glancing around she noticed that she had been placed in a cell that looked more like an oversized dog kennel. The bars were thick and set close together enough that she could not squeeze through them even if she tried. Sighing again she gingerly started to stand up. Her head throbbed. Gritting her teeth she stood up reaching out she grabbed onto the bars of the cell to stop herself from toppling over. Taking deep steadying breaths she seemed to keep her body from collapsing from the pain. After a few minutes she was able to lift her head enough to look through the bars of her cell and survey her surroundings.

The dungeon at Fort Drakon was poorly lit. The walls danced with the shadows of torches perched at interment spots throughout. The orange glow was hard for her eyes to penetrate but she could see several other cells across the way from her. Off to her left side she could see a wide set of stone stairs leading downward. Screams of pain echoed up from the pit at the bottom.

In the cell next to hers was a man laying in his small clothes on the floor. He was curdled up in the fetal position blood covered his back and was matted in his hair.

_Ah Maker, I'm going to need some help on this one._ She prayed silently.

A shadow passed by her cell. She looked up toward the door. A guard dressed in dark chain armor was passing by. _Must be making his rounds, _she thought.

The guard stopped in front of her cell and leered at her manner that was most like a starving dog looking in a butcher shop window.

"Well, well, well…what do we have here?" He stepped closer eyeing Shirl up and down.

Shirl smiled sweetly at him. _This could be my way out of here._ "It's awfully cold in here." Shirl pouted. She was never really good at this sort of thing, but hey she figured it was worth a try. "And it's lonely too."

"Hmm…you want some company then? I can think of a few ways to warm you up too?" The guard stepped up to her cell door. "You aren't going to try any thing funny are you?"

Shirl shook her head innocently. "I'm just cold and lonely." She added. She watched as the guard pulled a set of keys from his belt and fitted one of the keys into the slot of her door. The door clicked and the guard pushed it open. He stepped into her cell and closed the door shut behind him.

Shirl walked over him. "How are you supposed to warm me up if you're wearing all that cold hard metal?" She purred placing a hand on his shoulder she let her hand drift down toward his sword belt. "Here let me help you with that."

The man grinned at her as she unbuckled his belt and started to unclasp his armor. "You must know your way around armor? You're pretty quick at those straps." He said reaching out a hand to stroke her backside.

Shirl shivered with disgust, but the guard took it as something else. "Let's just say I have experience…with armor that is." She said as she finished unhooking the last strap. "There now you can just slip right out of that..."

The guard almost shook out of his armor. Shirl tried to hide a smile behind her hand, but failed. She was going to enjoy this next part all to well. The guard was down to his small clothes and as he reached out to her she took a step back.

"What? Have you suddenly changed your mind? Sorry, sweetheart doesn't work that way." He grabbed for her again, but this time Shirl was waiting. She drew back her fist and punched him in the face. As the guard staggered backward Shirl advanced forward.

She kicked out planting her left foot square in the guard's chest. The guard coughed and doubled over. Bring her knee up hard she caught him in the face again. The man reeled backward and then tumbled to the ground. Still alive but bleeding and unconscious, Shirl kicked once more in the head for good measure. _Stupid bastard! Ugh! I'm so going to need a bath after this._ She could still feel his hand running over her skin. Glancing around she saw the keys the guard had used to open the door. She picked them up and opened the door closing and locking it behind her. She did not want to waste more time than was necessary.

_I bet Alistair is worried sick about me, or he is really pissed about me taking off like I did. Probably the sooner rather than the latter, he always did have a sore spot for being left out of things. _As Shirl stepped out into the passage way, it took her only a moment to locate the supply closet that held her equipment and several of the other prisoners' gear. She shook her head as she dressed and donned her armor and weapons. She did not have time to worry about the other prisoners that were here. They would just have to hold out until after the Blight was quelled. She did not like the idea of leaving, but it could not be helped. She needed to escape and she had a better chance of doing that by herself than with a group of ragtag prisoners following her out the door.

She still felt a pang of regret though at leaving so many helpless people behind. _Damn! I'm getting soft._ She thought furiously. Gritting her teeth and still ignoring the throbbing in her head. She walked out of the supply room and through the main door leading out of the prison proper and into the rest of the fort. She had an idea about how to get out of the fort, but it would require every piece of skill she had at her disposal and also some luck.

_ Grin and bear it. _She thought. It was a saying her mother had used more than once around her. Mostly when Shirl had complained about having to do something she really rather not do, her mother would always smile and say, "Grin and bear it."

Plastering a confused smile on her lips she walked through the door and into a large well lit circular chamber with a stair case leading upwards. A startled guard jumped at seeing her walking through the door.

"Oh, hello…hmmm…maybe you could help me?" Shirl said sweetly.

The guard stared at her blankly he blinked and then placed a hand to his sword. "What are you doing down here?" He snapped his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

_Just escaping from my cell, you stupid idiot._ Her smile widened at the thought while out loud she said, "I got lost. I'm new just recruited and well I was suppose to report to the recruitment office, but well, I'm not good with directions and I made a wrong turn somewhere and here I am. Could you hopefully point me in the right direction?" Okay, so her plan hinged on the idea that this guard had not seen her come in and that the guard change had enough of lag in between in order for her to 'accidently' find her way down here. But hey it was worth a shot better than fighting the entire garrison of soldiers. She did not feel particularly in the mood to take on an entire army with a pounding headache. She also was hungry and thirsty. _Maker, this is so stupid._

The guard sighed and removed his hand from his sword. "Okay, look new recruits are not allowed down here. Just head back up the stairs and follow the hallway. Once you come to a T-section in the hall turn right and at the end of that hall is the recruitment officer's office. Go there they will tell you were to get your equipment and what not."

"Oh! Thank you so much! I do apologize if I've caused any problems. Thank you!" She saluted him with arms crossed over her chest bowing slightly. Then she spun on her heels and sprinted toward the stairs. _Wow, that was easier than I thought. Still pretty reckless though, but at least I should be able to get out of here safely. _ She slowed herself to a walk as she reached the top of the stairs and walked through a set of large double doors into a grand hallway. No guards were posted on this door, thankfully. She dropped her smile and closed the doors behind her.

The sound of her boots echoed in her ears. She walked until she came to the section the guard had told her about and she turned right. She passed by paintings of knights in shining armor and tapestries of huge mythical beings. Everything seemed slightly out of place in the fort to her, things seemed finer and more elaborate than she would have thought.

At the end of the passage was a single wooden door. She stopped in front of it and squeezed her eyes shut. Her head throbbed. It felt like her brain was going to explode out of her skull. Exhaling she opened her eyes and rapped on the door in front of her.

"Come in!" A gruff male voice bellowed from the other side. Shirl opened the door and strolled in.

"Yes, can I help you with something?" Asked a man dressed in a city guardsmen's dark armor he was standing behind a desk piled high with papers and scrolls.

"Excuse me, ser, but I'm a new recruit and I was told to report to your office for equipment and a debriefing." Shirl said as casually as she possibly could.

"Ah, well your late, here take this list over to the storage room and the soldiers there will help you gather your supplies." He came around the side of the desk and circled around her. "Your sword and shield seem in decent shape. Are you from Highever?" he asked suddenly standing behind. Shirl remembered she was carrying her father's sword and shield with her. When Anora's maid had suggested she leave it behind with the rest of her armor and supplies she had refused. Her weapon and shield had been with her this entire time and she would be damned if she was going to give them up. Besides many new guards and recruits wore the symbols of their old assignments for the first few weeks of their new post that way people knew that they new. But still it made Shirl nervous that she was being scrutinized by this man.

_Between me and the exit not a good place to be if I were you._ She thought darkly as she nodded. "Yes, ser, my father was a knight there before he died." _Don't volunteer too much information give him just enough that he will not be curious._ He continued his walk around her and came to stand before her again. "Well, your armor is average at best you will need to get that replaced. He leaned over the desk and grabbed a quill. Dabbing it in the ink well he scrapped some of the ink of off and wrote hastily on the paper he was about to hand her.

"We'll give you some new armor and would you like a new shield or will your old one be fine?" He inquired looking up at her briefly.

"I can keep the old until I feel comfortable enough to be recognized as full fledged guard if you like, ser." She replied quickly.

"Very well, here take this to the supply room it's the door just off to your right. After that report to Captain Harvey down at the front entrance he will assign you to your patrol for this evening." Shirl took the paper from his hand.

"Yes, ser," She saluted him and turned away. Walking through the open door she closed it behind her and let out a breath she had not realized she had been holding. _That was close. Thankfully I still had on this crappy armor when they took me prisoner. _ As she walked across the hall and opened the door she saw to men dressed in guard uniforms arguing with each other. Both were young and decent looking enough.

"I told you to not write down the passwords. Great! Now anyone could just walk in and take whatever…" The young man with blue eyes and what looked to a black goatee stopped speaking as soon as he saw Shirl. "Holy Maker," He whispered.

"What are you staring at, Luke?" Luke rapped his companion on the shoulder and pointed to Shirl.

"Oh! Hello…hmm. Are you new here?"

"What are you saying, Neil? Of course she's new she wouldn't be here if she wasn't new. I'm sorry about Neil he's just a little different is all. Can I help you with something?' Luke said coming forward to stand before Shirl. He extended a hand to her. "I'm Luke and this is Neil. We're new recruits just like you, but until the commander is ready for us to go out on patrol he has assigned us to helping other new recruits collect any supplies they may need."

Shirl shook his hand and then handed him the paper she had received from…she had not caught the recruitment officer's name. _Oh well, he gave me what I wanted._ "Pleasure to meet you, I'm Shirl."

"That's a pretty name." Neil said gaping at Shirl. Shirl raised an eyebrow.

"Huh, thanks, so can I get that armor or not. I've got a patrol to be out on." Shirl rolled her eyes as Luke and Neil both turned away from her and started toward the armor stands across the room.

"Certainly, right this way, Neil, stopping staring at her like that you're making her uncomfortable."

"Sorry, miss, it's that we don't get too many pretty women soldiers coming through here usually their all cold and scarred and well…nasty looking if you don't mind me saying so." Neil explained as Shirl followed them across the room.

"Though I don't know how long that will last. This city's not the safest place in Ferelden to be a guard. More of us get knifed in the back alleys around here ever year than we care to think about." Luke added to Neil's comment. "Though Neil does make a good point you are awfully pretty."

Shirl nodded. "Thank you for the compliment, but I'm currently in a relationship. So back off unless you want your teeth broken." She smiled pleasantly as she said the cutting remark.

Neil and Luke both stared at her open mouth.

"Hmm...Sorry…"

"We meant…no offense."

Both of them stumbled over their words. Shirl rolled her eyes and looked at the stands of armor. She pointed to a set of armor. "This one looks like it will fit me."

Luke nodded. "Yes, yes, here let me help you with that."

"Don't bother I have it under control." Shirl snapped as she started unhooking the straps. "You guys could be helpful by finding me a pair of boots though."

"Yes!" they said in unison as they turned to start searching through the crates stacked in the center of the room. Shirl rolled her eyes again as she finished unhooking the last buckle.

"Here these look like they should fit." Luke said appearing next to her holding a pair of boots that matched the armor she was to don. Sighing, Shirl turned her head to look at the boots. They looked like they could fit.

"Thanks." She said curtly taking the boots in hand. She started unbuckling her own armor. It took her only a few minutes to strip herself down to her padding. Taking the armor off the rack she began the process of strapping it down. She was aware of Luke and Neil's eyes on her the entire time. It made her feel self-conscious. _Idiots! _She fumed. _Really are all guards this…_She could not think of a word to describe them. They were helpful, but naïve, perhaps. Maybe, yes, they seemed more like children than anything else.

Once she had the armor on she slipped into the boots that were a little big nothing she could not handle.

"Well, that seems to be everything here you are." Neil handed here her slip of paper back. Shirl noticed that what looked to be Neil and Luke's signatures were on the bottom of the paper next to the recruitment officer's. "Well, I believe that's everything."

"We might see you out on patrol at some point." Luke grinned sheepishly. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Shirl." He extended his hand again and Shirl shook it.

"Yeah." Shirl said taking back her hand and placing her helm atop her head. "Well, I'm off." She walked out the door and shook her head. _If only all the guards were as dumb them I wouldn't need to worry about getting out of here. So far, so good though. _ Only thing she worried about was getting out of there her mind was focused on it.

Walking through the rest of the fort put her even more on edge. Everything time she turned a corner and saw guards coming her way her heartbeat accelerated and her palms grew sweaty. She was not frightened of having to fight the guards, but of being thrown back into that horrible cell and having that guardsman touch her again. She shuddered thinking about the feel of his rough fingers greedily grabbing at her flesh. In a way she wished she could have just proclaimed who she was and been done with it. But even her title meant nothing here. Her family had been branded as traitors so even her name was poisonous to her now.

Heaving a heavy sigh she entered into a large grand chamber. Open and spacious support columns ran six wide supporting the looming archways above her head. She would have loved to look around more, but her attention was drawn to the group of guards assembling in the center of the room. Shirl rushed over trying her best to look flustered and in a hurry.

"Excuse me, ser." She said saluting the officer pacing back and forth in front of the line of soldiers.

"Yes, recruit?" The officer snapped turning his beady black eyes on her. Shirl made herself flinch.

_Remember, you're a new recruit just in from Highever._ It worked out the news of Rendon Howe's death had not been spread about, yet and that he was named the Teryn of Highever as well as Arl Denerim. Logically, the Arl of Denerim would rotate troops and supplies around between his territories.

Shirl handed the officer the paper she had been carrying. The officer took it from her roughly and scanned it over. "Very well, recruit, fall into line your just in time to go out for patrol." He pointed to the line. Shirl saluted and fell into place toward the end.

From there she zoned out thinking about many other things besides what the officer was saying. Once she was outside she needed to separate from the patrol. It would not be too difficult to manage an escape, but it would mean slitting a few throats. She really did not want to kill anymore soldiers than was necessary. They were going to have to muster every available soldier to fight the darkspawn. Killing the guards would be pointless and unnecessary especially since they were just doing their jobs.

"Move out!"

Shirl jerked to attention with the rest of the guards. And she moved with them as they started to move across the room and out through the large double doors that creaked open at their approach.

"Form ranks!"

Suddenly the guards were moving about her shifting positions so fluidly and rapidly she barely had time to step over one spot to let a guardsman take her place. _Oh, their forming rows of four. _She was in the third row second person in. _Great, this makes it even more difficult to sneak away. Maybe I could cause a disruption of some sort._

But even as she thought it she heard the _song_. Her steps faltered slightly and the guard behind gave her a shove. "Hey, keep moving newbie!" He hissed in her ear. The song was faint, very faint, but she could still make out every note, every temptation and every fear. She was not certain what to do.

_Darkspawn can't be in the city, could they?_ She shook her head and kept moving forward. _Don't be silly, Shirl it isn't darkspawn. This whole place would be in an up roar if that were the case._ The song was getting closer though she could still barely sense it. Faint, but solid. Yes, something was out there. She looked to her left and saw more guards, but they were all staring straight ahead completely ignorant. Shirl canted her head to the right and saw buildings. She speculated that they were barracks and warehouse units for the fort. But, there in the shadows something moved. Shirl did not want to get shoved by the soldier behind her again so she kept moving even though her instincts were screaming at her to draw her sword and shield.

THUD! A low pitched moan of pain sounded from in front of her. Then the sound of a body dropping to the ground, Shirl whipped her sword out of its sheath. _Well, I was looking for a distraction. _ A guard two rows up from her left out a cry and toppled backwards an arrow protruding from his chest his eyes were fixed and staring under his helm.

The officer of the patrol was yelling some commands that Shirl choose to ignore. She focused on the shadows off to her right. Two figures emerged from the shadows there. One Shirl recognized immediately. She whistled, three sharp piercing blows. They were immediately answered by a loud bark and one of the figures bound out of shadows heading in her direction. The guards around her drew their weapons and chaos erupted around them. Arrows flew in hitting several of the guards. Shirl ducked behind her shield and heard the ping of metal striking metal.

_So they decided that they wanted to try and rescue me. _Shirl smiled despite the fact that she was in the middle of their attack. She dove to the side as a guard ran pass her heading back toward the fort's main entrance.

"Toby! Stop him!" She yelled. The hound jumped after the guard running for the gates.

A dark clad figure stepped into the man's path. Blades flashed quickly and the guard dropped to the ground. The hound spun quickly and pounced on top of the nearest guardsman. Lighting flashed out of the corner of Shirl's eye. Spinning around Shirl brought her sword up just in time to deflect a sword blow coming straight down angled for her head. The blades met and Shirl took a step back. The blow had been powerful. Her sword had been redirected back toward her head if she had not taken the step her own sword would sliced her head open.

Again the sword danced out in a halfhearted slash that Shirl was able to parry without a problem. But then she realized her mistake the slash had been to distract from the shield. _Crap! _She brought her shield up and stepped forward to meet the blow. The shields cracked together with enough force Shirl's arm was set to pins and needles. She gritted her teeth and sidestepped sliding her shield across the other. Rolling to the right and swung her sword out wide. She kept her shield between her and her attacker. As she brought her sword around she turned it at the last possible moment and slapped her attacker on the back with the flat of her blade. The ding of metal hitting metal made her attacker hesitant. In that brief moment Shirl stepped back and removed her helm.

"Alistair, you idiot, it's me." She said smiling, "While I'm touched that you came to rescue me wouldn't it be a pitiful rescue if you killed the person you are trying to save."

Alistair straightened and faced her. He also removed his helm. The sounds of battle were dying around them. "Shirl? Maker breath's what are you doing in that guard's uniform?" He looked down at the sword in his hand. "I also killed you." He whispered.

"Actually, my love, I would have killed you." Suddenly Alistair dropped his sword and shield and reached out and grabbed her. Pulling her to him he hissed in her ear.

"Don't ever do that again. I mean it, Shirl, not ever again." Then suddenly he captured her lips roughly with his.

Shirl closed her eyes. The pain in her head had lessened, but it was still there just on the border waiting to cross over into her reality. She let him kiss her. He had really been worried about her and from the tone of his voice he was very angry with her too.

_ Well, I'll yell at him later about kissing me like this._ She thought making a mental note. Alistair broke the kiss and released her as well.

"Zevran? Did anyone get into the main fortress?" Alistair asked.

Zevran appeared beside Shirl grinning. She willed herself not to jump at the assassin's sudden appearance. "No, no one got by, but perhaps we should be moving along now. I don't like waiting for the guards to discover our little mess."

Alistair nodded. "Go gather the others." Zevran disappeared back into the night. Toby bumped up against Shirl's leg and she absently rubbed the top of his head. She was still grinning from ear to ear. Her heart fluttered in her chest.

"Wow, Alistair, you do know how to lead." She stated proudly.

Alistair looked at her with narrow eyes. "Yeah, well, there's a first time for everything. Now let's go." He moved off in the direction of the gate leading into the city proper. Shirl still smiling signaled to Toby to follow as she started after Alistair.

She trotted to catch up to him. He did not even bother to glance in her direction as she strolled up to match his step. "Alistair…I'm…"

"Shirl, don't. We will talk about this later. Once we are back at Eamon's estate." He hand up a hand to silence her.

Shirl bit her tongue. She did not take kindly to being told off. But Alistair was right about one thing this was not the time or place for this discussion it could wait. But he was going to get a piece of her mind. If he thought he could just order her around he had another thing coming.


	33. Chapter 33

_Hello Readers!_

_Thank you for the reviews, alerts and favorites! I love it! Anyway, a shorter chapter this time...but I feel okay with this chapter. I think the next will be better...But, hey you got to have a little bit of fluff every now and again. : ) So hopefully you enjoy Chapter 33 and thanks again for reading. _

_Prism Elf  
_

**Chapter 33: Denerim **

Shirl could have slept for the next several weeks. As soon they had gotten back to Eamon's estate, she had gone up to her rooms, stripped off her armor pulled on a nightgown and collapsed into bed. Her body was drained from fighting and traveling. She wanted nothing more than to stay in her bed and never leave again. This was different than after the Deep Roads where she had suffered from emotional overload, this was just mentally and physically tiredness. She needed to be able to rest without having to worry about everything else.

Her dreams were the worst. Several times from the moment her head hit the pillow she dreamed of the Archdemon. She dreamed of the darkspawn horde over running Ferelden. Blood dripped from their mouths and mountains of corpses appeared around them. Fires burned and villages were destroyed. She watched in horror as everything she knew was ripped away rendered to nothing more than ashes by darkspawn hands. And through it all she heard the _song_. Shirl could feel the Archdemon's pleasure at each of its children's kills. The song vibrated through her veins. With each shiver of pleasure from the Archdemon, Shirl felt it as well. While a part of her enjoyed the dreams another part her fought back with everything she had against them. She tossed and turned the rest of the night away.

A knock at her door awoke her from her dreadful slumber. Opening her eyes slowly she looked around. The curtain were drawn shut in her room so she could not see what time of day it was, but she guess from the silver light that was pouring in through the cracks in the heavy drapery that it was at least morning.

"Hmm…who is it?" Shirl snapped. Servants normally would just have entered without disturbing her. So whoever was behind the door was trying to deliberately wake her up.

"Shirl, it's me." Alistair's voice rang clear through the door. "Can I come in?"

Shirl groaned and sat up. "Of course." She said wiping the sleep from her eyes. He entered the room and walked over to the curtains. He flung them open letting the sun's bright light cast itself upon the room.

"Damn, Alistair." Shirl cursed shielding her eyes with a hand. The pain in her head had disappeared during what little sleep she had gotten, but her eyes were not adjusted to the light. "Warn someone before you just pull back the curtains like that."

"I would ask your forgiveness but as I'm not really in the mood." Alistair snapped.

Shirl dropped her hand away from her eyes. She glared at him. "Excuse me, but who woke up whom?"

Alistair stood in front of the window. He gazed downward looking at something that only he could see. He stayed silent only making the situation in Shirl's mind more awkward. After several moments she could no longer handle the tension.

"Look, if you have something to say then say it. I really don't like being treated like a child who has done something wrong." She slipped from her bed and walked over to stand next to him. From here she could see the main parts of the city that were laid out before the palace. It was early morning still. The dew clung to the window and the patches of grass out in the courtyard of the estate.

Alistair sighed and turned to look at her. His light colored eyes meet her amber ones and she felt her heart skip a beat. _He looks older, much older. _ There were dark circles under his eyes. _Maker, he looks as tired as I feel._ Shirl reached out and touched him gently on the cheek. His eyes closed and he placed a hand over hers. "Why do you do this?" He whispered.

"Do what?" She asked back, even though she had a good idea to what he was inferring.

He opened his eyes and gently removed her hand from his cheek though he did not release it. "Don't play coy, Shirl, you know what I mean."

Shirl took her hand from his and crossed her arms across her chest. "Because I do what I must."

"Don't be cryptic! You left me behind again! And in the process I almost killed you! What were you thinking?" Alistair yelled at her. She saw the unshed fury in his eyes. "You always do this you leave me out of the important stuff. You say nothing has changed, but you treat me like…"

"Your important…I treat you like your important, Alistair. And you are. I know you never asked to be king, but you are going to be." She smiled slightly. "Or at least you will be if I have any say in the matter."

"I don't want to be king. I never have. But if it helps us defeat the darkspawn quicker than I will take on the responsibly of the throne, but understand this," Alistair pointed a finger in her face. "I'm not some puppet on a string for you or Eamon to play with. If I become king I will be my own king."

Shirl's smile widened. "I could only hope." He stared at her for a moment and then threw his hands up in the air.

"You are hopeless you know that, completely hopeless. Why do I even bother?"

"Because you love me." Shirl stated simply.

Alistair sighed again and dropped his hands in defeat. "That I do." He suddenly looked exhausted. He placed a hand to the bridge of his nose. "I said it last night and I will say it again. Don't do it again, Shirl. I won't lose you." Dropping his hand away, he stared at her with such intensity in his eyes.

"Alistair," Shirl breathed and before she knew it he was kissing her not just on her lips but everywhere. Her cheeks, throat and shoulders were touched with light brushes of his lips. His hands moved equally as light gliding over her bare shoulders and down her back. His touch was so relaxing. Shirl felt herself fall into his embrace. She wanted nothing more than to be swept up and carried away. And if she had been anyone else, besides Shirl Cousland she might have let herself be taken away. She might have run from it all. Instead she decided to let herself enjoy this rare moment of intimacy. Maker only knew when they might get another chance.

Yet something was bothering her more than exhaustion. She had not been completely honest with Alistair about why she had decided not to take him with her. In truth it had little to do with him becoming king. In fact it could have helped boost his reputation as a candidate for the throne. No, in her heart she knew the truth and in a way she wanted to tell him, but in another she wanted him never to find out how…brutal she had been. How savage and cruel she had been.

"Alistair," she whispered. His lips brushed against her throat and up to her ear.

"Yes?" he asked his breath tickling her ear.

Shirl closed her eyes and she felt tears sliding down her cheeks. Before she knew she was full out crying. Sobs wracked her body and she found herself not able to speak. Alistair's arms tightened around her waist and he held her against him. He did not speak for which she was thankful. If he had she would not have been able to pull herself back together.

After a few minutes, Shirl took several steadying breaths. Her sobs had stopped and her tears sprinkled instead of poured. She closed her eyes and listened to the sound of Alistair's heartbeat. It was rhythmic and hypnotic lulling her into peace. But underneath the melody was a darker more sinister harmony. She could hear, just barely faint, but strong…yes, it was there inside Alistair too. The _song. _

"I don't suppose you could tell me what that was all about?" Alistair inquired gently stroking her back.

Shirl bit her lower lip. She hesitated not really knowing how to word what she wanted to say. "I killed Howe." She breathed. Her throat constricted as the grisly scene flashed in front of her eyes.

Alistair placed his hand on her shoulders and held her out at arms length away from him. "I concluded you were planning on doing that the moment you left with out me, but…" He stopped speaking as Shirl narrowed her eyes at him.  
"I don't think you get it, Alistair. I did not kill him in self-defense. I _killed_ him. I slaughtered him like the beast, the monster he was." Her voice rose and she shook off his hands. "I murdered the bastard." She was angry now. Not just with herself, but at Howe too. More angry than she had ever felt before her body tensed and started to tremble. "I enjoyed it! Every minute of his death. Never have a relished the thought of killing another living being…but I did when my sword plunged through his chest." She paused as fresh tears started to blur her vision. "I hated him…he took everything from me…and yet, I still feel so…" She lost it again, but this time she let out a scream of frustration. Spinning around she stalked over to the sofa in the middle the room and collapsed onto it.

She rubbed the palm of her hands into her eyes trying desperately to stem the flow of her tears as if they were blood pouring from a fatal wound. Alistair's hands engulfed hers and he pried her hands away from her face.

"Shirl, don't." He whispered reaching out to softly cup her face. "You did what was right. You should have no regrets. Your family has found justice. Even, if I could be made king immediately it could have taken months for anyone to take action against Howe. I'm now saying what you completely did was right…but it was not completely wrong either and it was within your right to demand Howe's life as payment for his crimes against you." He wiped the tears from her cheeks with a calloused thumb.

Shirl just stared at him transfixed. She digested his words. He was right. She had taken Howe's life and she had enjoyed it…it was in a way a form of justice."

"You don't think I'm a monster for enjoying killing him?" She asked. Alistair sat down beside her on the sofa. He removed his hands from her face. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her close to him. Shirl could feel the heat of his body radiating through is clothes. She smiled as he kissed the top of her head.

"Oh, I think your monster, but not because you enjoyed killing Howe. You're a monster for plenty of other reason, but not for that." He tone was playful and light. Shirl sat up slightly twisting her body to get a better look at his face. He smiled at her and then winked at her as he pulled her closer to kiss her passionately on the lips.

Alistair chuckled after a few seconds, breaking the kiss. "You know I will enjoy killing Lohgain." He said darkly running a finger down the side of her face.

Shirl nodded her understanding. "He will be the next one that gets what's coming to him. You can count on that."

"One thing, Shirl," Shirl kissed him quickly on the lips silencing him. The kiss went from light and playful to deep and compelling within the span of a few heartbeats. Alistair groaned softly as she placed his hand on her breast. Shirl felt the warmth of his hand even through her thin nightgown. Suddenly Alistair broke the kiss. Gasping he licked his lips and took his hand away from her chest. He placed a finger on her lips killing the protest that was forming on lips even as he spoke. "First things, first, Shirl, I want to be the one to kill Lohgain."

"What?" She said batting his hand away from her mouth. "Why?"

"Why did you want to kill Howe?" He retorted.

Shirl closed her eyes for a moment. She sighed and nodded her head. "Alright, it is your right. But," She placed a finger on the tip of his nose and moved her face a few inches away from his. "You have to get to him first." She kissed his nose and started to pull away from him, but he pulled her back to down to him. And in the span of a few moments all was forgot of death, destruction and chaos as they held each other. Kissing away the fears, smoothing away the regrets, and loving away the hate.


	34. Chapter 34

_Hello Readers,_

_Sorry about the slow update process, but work is making writing life a little heck filled at the moment. Well, that and I have discovered what a great game Mass Effect is…love it! Can't wait until I get the sequel, be prepared for Mass Effect fanfiction. I already have ideas brewing. Anyway, here is Chapter 34 of Warden's Burden hope you enjoy. Please read and review or even story alert is fine. Thanks again to all my readers. : ) _

**Chapter 34: Denerim**

Shirl rolled her eyes. If she kept doing that is was going to have a major headache. For the pass two hours she had been sitting patiently within Arl Eamon's office listening to Eamon and Anora 'talk'. In reality it was more like watching to large cats stalking each other. Each one weighing the others possible threat to the other and after the first half hour of strained complaints and terse word exchanges Shirl had become utterly bored.

Stealing a glance at Alistair told her that he was seething. His eyes were narrowed and his lips were pressed together in a grim line. Shirl could tell that he must be biting the inside of his cheek to keep from saying something that he would regret. Though at the moment out of all of them he would be the one that needed to say something, Anora and Eamon were discussing his future! Shirl was furious because they were fighting over what was best for Ferelden, without discussing it with the Grey Wardens. The Wardens were just supposed to do as they were told and follow the lead of either Eamon or Anora without a thought for themselves.

Shirl did not like being told what to do. She really did not like that she was to sit and be silent while other people discussed what she was to do. She gritted her teeth and crossed her arms across her chest. _This is getting ridiculous! _ _Anora might be Queen of Ferelden, but it was only because of Calian._

Anora's father was a traitor to the throne and not to mention she was new blood, her family did not have a rightful claim to the throne through blood at all. Anora would never show it, but she was desperate. She wanted to keep her throne she did not want to lose it to a bastard prince. She would see Alistair dead before she allowed that to happen. Shirl could read her true intentions in the woman's cold calculating eyes. The way she glared at Alistair like everything was his fault, irritated Shirl.

"Eamon, have you given any thought to Alistair being a Grey Warden at all?" Anora's sharp voice penetrated Shirl's thoughts. Shirl snapped her attention back to the situation in which she had let herself get distracted from. Anora sat in a cushioned chair facing the sofa in which Eamon and Alistair shared, though Alistair was sitting to one end of the sofa and Eamon on the other closer to Anora while Alistair sat closer to Shirl.

"Anora, I have thought about that. It works in our favor. The Grey Wardens are selective in who joins their ranks. If anything that will get people on our side." Eamon replied calmly. If anything Shirl applauded Eamon's tact, while Anora was cold and calculating she still allowed some emotion to leak through into her voice or her posture yet Eamon remained calm and cool. He answered her questions with just enough information to sate Anora's curiosity, yet Shirl could tell that Anora was trying to figure out what Eamon's angle was for Alistair and herself.

"Eamon, you know the Grey Wardens are being blamed for Calian's death. People are not going to rally to their banner anytime soon." Anora sighed. "Not to mention you would be giving the Grey Wardens too much power within Ferelden."

"You know as well as I, Anora, that it will be Lady Shirl Cousland who will be deciding the future of Ferelden." Eamon stated. Shirl rolled her eyes at the statement.

_What is it with people thinking that's all I have to do lately is crown kings and queens? The dwarves needed help with the same thing. Maker, people are idiots._ Alistair's foot tapping her leg brought her attention back to the matter at hand. She looked at both Eamon and Anora who in turn where staring at her. Shirl stared back with a brazen gaze. She dared either one of them to say something.

Alistair kicked her again. "Shirl, you should probably apologize." He said tersely.

"What? Why?" She snapped turning her eyes to him.

"Because you just called Eamon and Anora idiots." He shot back. His hand clutched the edge of the sofa's armrest with a death grip.

"Oh, I said that out loud," she shrugged and looked back to Anora and Eamon. A light blush had crept into Anora's cheeks, but other than that she had no outward sign of being upset. Eamon sighed and turned back to Anora. For some reason to Shirl that sigh said volumes. "I'm not apologizing because it's true." She glared at both of them she could feel her eyes narrowing. "I don't think either of you understand. We are suffering from a Blight. This is not something you can stop with your armies. You need us." Shirl gestured to herself and Alistair. "We are your only hope in stopping the Archdemon that leads the darkspawn." She paused letting the information sink in before she continued. "I have seen the Archdemon. I have felt its power. I know what it can do. Do not underestimate it." Shirl stood up. "I'm tired of listening to you two discuss our future like I haven't a clue what is going on. You seem to forget that I have been gathering an army of other races all the while I'm being hunted by darkspawn and my own people." Shirl whipped out her sword, the Cousland family sword, the only thing she had left of her family. "Rendon Howe's blood is still drying on this blade. I took the man's life because it was my right as the only surviving Cousland. I stood by helpless as Howe slaughtered my family while nobody here did a damn thing about it. I say this, because the time for words is over. We have an army of darkspawn marching across the kingdom and all my own people have done sit and bicker amongst themselves! I'm done waiting we need to act now!"

Shirl sheathed her sword with a snap and spun away heading for the door. As she threw it open and continued down the hallway footsteps came running up behind her. "Shirl, are you insane?" Alistair asked catching up to her.

"No, just tired of the bickering. That was not politics that was just polite arguing about what we should be doing in the future. Not the now!" Shirl stopped and turned to face him. Pointing a finger in his face she said, "You can't tell me that it did not make you angry to sit there and listen to that for two hours. They discussed us like we were not even in the room."

"It did upset me, but I did not need to act like a child to demonstrate that I was upset." Alistair chided pushing her hand away.

"I didn't act like a child."

"You pointed your sword at Anora and Eamon. I'm pretty certain that could be taken as a threat." Alistair stated crossing his arms. The anger he had been showing earlier seemed to have disappeared. A smirk spread across his lips and lightened his eyes. "Though it was entertaining to watch their expressions, I don't think anyone has ever pointed a sword at Anora." He chuckled.

"I'm glad you think this is funny." Shirl said shoving him playfully. His mood seemed to be infectious. Shirl smiled at him. Stretching her arms above her head she could hear her back crack. "Well, I'm in no mood to sit and listen to them discuss this and that anymore. Let's go into the city and get something to eat." Shirl suggested as she started toward the stairs.

"Wait a minute, Shirl. We can't just leave."

Shirl stopped and turned her face toward him. She dropped her arms to her side and sighed. "Sure we can. Look, love, we have been doing everything on our own for the pass several months. I think we should just continue to do that." She looked away. "I don't like waiting." She mumbled.

Alistair stepped up besides her. "I don't like this either, but there is really nothing we can do about it. We are still waiting for the last of the banns to arrive within the city."

Shirl shook her head. "Why is it that the dwarves and elves were easy compared to this? I mean, they asked for something in return, but we were not waiting days on end to get what we needed."

Alistair stayed silent. Shirl thought he did not have an answer for her. "Come on, we might as well go get something to eat. And I need to get away from the estate for a while."

As she started once again for the stairs, a door off to their right opened up. A rough middle aged man dressed in dark brown and green armor with a least a few days growth of beard on his face peered out at them. He looked tired and his features were gaunt.

"Oh, it's you two. I was hoping to catch you before I went into the city. Would you care to join me in getting something to eat?" The man asked.

Alistair gasped for a moment and then sputtered out. "Ridoran? Is that you?"

Shirl glanced at Alistair. "You know him?"

Alistair nodded. "Ridoran is a Grey Warden from Orlais. He was at my Joining. By the Maker what happened to you? You look awful."

Ridoran chuckled "It's a long story, Alistair. One your friend could probably help fill in since she helped me to escape from Rendon Howe's dungeons."

"Oh, you're looking better than when I last saw you. Also you never gave me your name." Shirl said. _And you never told me you were a Grey Warden. _"We were just heading out to get something to eat. So, sure we can join you." Shirl answered bowing slightly. "Thank you for inviting us."

Ridoran nodded in return. "The pleasure is all mine. Just let me fetch my cloak." He stepped back into the room for a brief second and then reappeared holding a dark brown cloak over his arm. He closed the door behind him and joined Shirl and Alistair at the head of the stairs.

"Do you have any suggestions as to where we should eat?" Shirl asked looking at both of the men.

"I like the Lame Horse Tavern, personally." Alistair said. Shirl shot him a look as she started walking. "What? I've been to Denerim before. You know I was part of the Grey Wardens for half a year before you came along. I have been to our base here in Denerim. And I know the city."

Shirl rolled her eyes. "That was not a look of disbelief, Alistair; it was a look of disgust."

"I don't understand."

They had crossed out of the estate's large wooden doors and into the courtyard. Shirl could hear the bustle of the city life just to the outside of the heavily guarded gates. As a child sh never would have thought of the city as a place of freedom, but now she welcomed the simply pleasure of walking down a market lane and stopping to look at wares. Something so simple was so nice and had a ring of freedom to it.

"Of course you wouldn't. The Lame Horse…has revolting food and the drinks are cheap and watered down." Shirl explained. She still remembered the one time she had visited the Lame Horse. Her first and last time, the smell of the food had been enough to make her eyes water and her stomach heave.

"The food is fine. And so what if the drinks are cheap and watered down means you can drink more before you get sick. Sorry, _my lady_, but not all of us can afford to wine and dine ourselves at the Gnarled Noble." Alistair replied crossing his arms.

Shirl's eyes narrowed. "I've been in the Lame Horse and the Bloody Blade and many more of the taverns in Denerim, besides the Gnarled Noble, Alistair. Hell, I even went into the Pearl before." Shirl suppressed a chuckle as a red coloring crept up into Alistair's cheeks.

"I simply ate there with my brother once. It was different to say the least." Shirl stated.

"That's not helping, Shirl." Alistair mumbled as his cheeks darkened.

Shirl laughed. "You have a very dirty mind. It must be from all those years you were suppressed in the Chantry."

A bark of laughter form behind them brought both of them to a jolting halt. Turning Shirl saw that Ridoran was laughing at her or at Alistair. It was hard for her to tell which one.

Alistair raised an eyebrow and looked at her accusingly. Shirl simply gestured to him. _Your friend, _she mouthed. Alistair sighed.

"Huh, Ridoran? Are you okay?" Alistair asked gently, like dealing with an insane person. The man had doubled over and his sides were heaving with each burst of laughter. After several uncomfortable moments he straightened and seemed to sober up a little.

Ridoran wiped his face and drew a deep breathe. "I'm fine, Alistair." He chuckled. "It's just that you two are well…for lack of better words entertaining to watch."

Alistair's eyes shifted to Shirl. She shrugged. _Hell, if I know what's wrong with him. What does he mean entertaining?_

Shirl opened her mouth to say something, but Ridoran held up a hand stalling her. "I'm sorry, it just been a while since I have seen two people who care for each other so much."

Shirl's mouth snapped shut and Alistair turned abruptly to look at Shirl. His eyes and face read panic. Several moments of silence passed between them.

Ridoran's face went from smiling to serious in two seconds flat. "I thought as much. You two are walking a dangerous line." He pointed a finger at each of them. "I'm not here to judge, but if what I'm assuming is true you have been trying to hide your relationship from the nobles. Because it would jeopardize your chances of becoming king, would it not, Alistair?"

Alistair turned to look at Ridoran, but Shirl caught a glimmer in his eye. Something in Alistair's eyes made Shirl go cold. _He's pissed._ She realized suddenly.

Alistair nodded. "I don't want people thinking that she is choosing me because we are lovers. It's bad enough people are thinking it's because we are Grey Wardens."

Ridoran nodded his understanding. "You know that Grey Wardens being together is considered…"

"We both know that!" Alistair snapped. "We've talked about it. It isn't like we don't know what we are doing. Is it wrong? I don't know! It could be in the long run, but I don't care! You aren't taking her away from me." Alistair spun around and stalked off.

Shirl stood speechless as Alistair walked away. An alarm bell sounded in her head. She looked at Ridoran who just stared after Alistair, then shook his head.

"Might as well follow him, before he does something stupid." Ridoran said sighing. He started after Alistair.

Shirl waited a moment gathering her thoughts. _How could I have missed it? _She wondered. Suddenly she realized the two men were beyond the gates and almost out of her sight. She sprinted after them. She caught up to Ridoran first. As she passed him she told him, "It's not you that he's angry at, it's Eamon."


	35. Chapter 35

_Hello readers,_

_Thank you for all the reviews and favorites. I must say I think I like how this chapter turned out. Sorry, I do end this chapter on a bit of a cliffhanger, but I'm already working on the next chapter and it should take me less time to update it because of that. Well, once again thanks for reading and for the great reviews! I love it went people comment especially with tactful criticism or with pointers. I do like to argue my choices for doing certain things with the world and characters...it makes it more fun! Enjoy!_

_Prism Elf  
_

**Chapter 35: The Streets of Denerim**

Ridoran watched as the two young Wardens walked away. Shirl was trying desperately to talk to Alistair, but the young man ignored her. _His mind is plagued with many emotions and decisions._ Ridoran thought. He had hoped to sit down and discuss with the two of them the finer points of being a Grey Warden. He needed to know what Duncan had been able to tell them.

_The way those two act though I guarantee they don't know the truth._ He thought darkly. Ridoran decided then to follow them at a safe distance. He wanted to know about Shirl and see how far Alistair had grown since his Joining. For the lad to snap at him like he had proved that he was growing comfortable with his position of authority. Ridoran had always worried that Alistair would not have the stomach to be a Grey Warden. The young man had a hard time seeing both sides of the same coin.

Alistair considered joining the Grey Wardens to be a great honor and achievement, and anyone who was asked to join their ranks should be honored to do so. But that was not always the case. Murderers and thieves had been asked to join in order too. These people saw life as a Grey Warden as another form of imprisonment and not a freedom. They were going to live an even shorter life and they had great wonderful opportunity of being killed by a darkspawn blade at any given moment.

Looking back at the way Alistair had beamed right up until he saw the first person die at his Joining, Ridoran had definitely thought Duncan had picked wrongly. _But, it seems something has changed about the lad. He isn't as easygoing as he once was._ Ridoran pondered. His eyes darted to the two walking a good distance in front of him again. His eyes lingered on the young woman. She was his reasoning. He had watched them interacting…they were a matched pair. While she seemed cool headed and logical, she had a temper and a compassionate side she kept well hidden except it seemed around Alistair. The young woman cared deeply for him and whether it was circumstance or an attraction of mutual interest that had brought the two of them together it seemed a likely pairing. They were… he smiled thinking about, _two sides of the same coin._

Deep within his chest a dull ache started to resurface. Watching the two lovers together made him think back to his old life. His life before the Grey Wardens, the life he had abandoned upon becoming a Grey Warden. He did not want to have to tell them, but it was something that must been done. They had to know. Ridoran would do anything in his power to keep them from having to make the choice, but he might not be able to protect them. They might have to decide. Their duty should come before their personal feelings, but he was not a complete monster. Just because he made the choice did not mean that every Grey Warden in the world would be able to accept theirs. While he wanted to spare them the grief, he also knew that it was their duty, their burden as Grey Wardens.

* * *

"Alistair, wait a minute." Shirl called after him. Alistair ignored her plowing through the throngs of people gathering about in the Market District. He could not face her at the moment. He had snapped at Ridoran out of his anger at Eamon. Not because of anything Ridoran had said. On several occasions during their private tutoring sessions Eamon had made mention of Shirl. And like a fool Alistair had thought to confide in Eamon his and Shirl's relationship.

"_Alistair, you can't be serious?" Eamon said starring at him with a blank impression on his face, yet his blue eyes were soft and sad. "You and Lady Cousland are 'together'?"_

_Alistair nodded. "She would be against me saying anything to you." He grinned sheepishly. "In fact, I know she would be livid with me telling you." _

"_Then why?" Eamon asked sitting down heavily in his chair._

_Alistair paused for a moment. He wanted to make certain he got his wording just right. "I know what you did to Calian. You wanted him to give up Anora. But he wouldn't listen to you. I wanted you to know that I don't plan on letting Shirl go."_

"_Alistair, you explained to me that Grey Wardens have problems having children. If you become king what about an heir? Are you and Shirl going to be able to produce an heir?" Eamon stroked his beard thoughtfully. _

"_Eamon, I'm not losing her. She is the last of the Couslands and she is my fellow Grey Warden. I would rather die than live without her." Alistair stated boldly. His temper was rising he could feel it. He tried to beat it down, but when it came to Shirl, he felt a certain protectiveness over her. He knew she could handle herself, but he could not deny what he was feeling. _

"_Alistair, be realistic for a moment please. Ferelden needs a king of the Therein bloodline. You are the last of that line. IF you and Shirl were to marry you would be required to produce an heir soon…" _

_Alistair waved his hand. "Eamon, what you are saying is true, but I can not deny what I feel for her."_

_Eamon sighed again. "Then keep her as a mistress, Alistair. But you will need a wife who can produce a legitimate heir for you." Alistair's eyes narrowed. He could not believe he was hearing this from Eamon. _

"_You want to make certain that I have a legitimate heir? When I myself am not a legitimate heir!" Alistair snapped. "What do you care who I choose to be my wife! I will not make Shirl my mistress. And even if I did entertain the idea, she would never go for that. She is not some common whore I happened to become infatuated with…I love her, Eamon. I look at the future and I can't image a future without her." Alistair voice softened. He really did not want to think about a future without her, but then they were Grey Wardens it was a possibility. She could find a sword through her chest or a dagger to her back before she received her Calling and went to the Deep Roads, yet he would rather live what he could with her than not live without her. _

"ALISTAIR!"

Shirl's voice jolted him out of his memories. He was standing underneath a humongous archway that led down to the docks. People stared at him strangely and gave him wide berth as they hustled pass. He had just let his feet carry him. He had not been thinking about where he was going. Looking over he saw Shirl pressing her way through the crowd.

As she caught up to him, he could see her amber eyes were blazing. "Andraste's knickers are you crazy." Her hands were clenched into fists. "You told Eamon about us."

Alistair flinched and looked away. "I had to. He kept pressing the issue of me marrying once I was king and producing a legitimate heir." He turned his gaze on her and reflexively she took a step back. "Shirl, I would rather die than lose you." He stated sharply. "Eamon wanted me to find someone who could produce an heir for me. He wanted me to make you my mistress…I can't allowed that." He reached out and in the middle of everyone he grabbed her and pulled him toward her. "I love you…I'm not letting you go."

"Alistair, don't be an idiot. Ridoran had nothing to do with yours and Eamon's conversation. He was just trying to help." She replied.

"Not the response I was looking for, but" he shrugged. "I guess it's the best I'll get…" he trailed off leaving an unspoken 'for now' hanging in the air. "I've been struggling with these emotions for a while now, Shirl. I've been worrying myself that something would happen to you or that someone would take you away."

"Alistair, I hate to say this, but your going to be king…"she started but he shook his head silencing her.

"Let me finish, Shirl. I know it's selfish and wrong, but it feels right. I've warred with myself and Eamon and well…you. I'm telling you this because I can't picture a future without you in it." He whispered in her ear. "When you were in imprisoned in Fort Drakon I was beside myself with what to do. I wanted to save you, but you had left me behind. I think that has been what's been bothering me since the Deep Roads…you are the only one who seems to think you have people worth protecting, but to me you are worth it. I want to protect you. You've often wondered why I never did things for myself. That's because I use to care what others thought about me…I mean I cared lot, I would always play it safe. With this though I don't want to play it safe, we don't have time to play it safe."

He held her close silently willing her not to say anything. He just wanted to hold her to feel her in his arms. He closed his eyes. _She keeps me grounded. Whether I'm angry at her or at someone else she keeps me rooted to the world._ Her arms went around his waist. They stood like that for a few minutes before breaking apart. He looked upon her face searching her honey colored eyes. Her eyes sparkled and she smiled sweetly at him.

"Alistair, you big goof…I was going to say that you are going to be king…and no one, not even Eamon can tell you what to do or who to marry." She made a face. "Ugh! Remind me to yell at Eamon for even suggesting that I become your mistress! The nerve!"

"Noted." He said laughing he tweaked her nose to which she made another face.

"Stop that!" she said swatting his hand away. "You can be such a child sometimes."

"Only some of the time?" He stepped up to her, gently placing a hand under her chin he tilted her face up toward his. "I'm glad only sometimes." He smiled and then he kissed her passionately on the lips.

Shirl broke his kiss. "Alistair, just because Eamon knows, doesn't mean that we…"

"Marry me?" He asked the question quickly. He had been thinking about it for a while, she was right about one thing…if he was going to be king why not choose a woman who he really wanted.


	36. Chapter 36

**Author's Note: **Soooo, it's been a while. Sorry about…life has been busy. I did not forget about this story, but well, yeah life happens. It was hard for me to get back into writing this story at least at this part of the story. I know what I want the ending to be, but of course the characters are continuing to drive the story. This is a short chapter, but I think the beginning is the most important part. Just a heads up, but I don't think I will be writing the Landsmeet scene. Like the majority of this story I skip a lot of the main scenes you get in the game, because well…I don't need to write those scenes. They are already written in the game. Well, anyway hopefully everyone enjoys this chapter and I should have the next one up soon.

Thanks for sticking around! Please read and review with any comments, questions, concerns or fears. Thanks again!

Prism Elf

**Chapter 36: The Landsmeet**

_Shirl stared at him with an open mouth. "What?" She stammered._

"_Let me rephrase it for you…will you marry me, Shirl Cousland?" He held his breath. It might not have been the prefect time to ask her, but surely she would say…_

"_No." she stated flatly. _

_Alistair took a step back from her. Now it was his turn to be stunned. "What? No? Why?" He rushed all three questions out quickly before she could even attempt to answer one of them. _

"_Alistair, I'm sorry, but no, I can't" She looked at him then with pleading eyes. "Try, to understand, love…it's not that I don't want to it's I can't." She looked down at her feet. Her eyes were filled with tears. She turned away from him and placed a hand to her eyes. _

_Alistair's eyes narrowed. He felt ashamed and humiliated. "I just told you I can't live without you, but apparently you can." He turned away from her and started to walk off. _

"_Alistair, Eamon's right." She stated quietly. Too quietly he almost did not hear her. He stopped and spun around. _

"_What? How can he be right?" _

_She turned to see him. He balked and berated himself not to take her into his arms. Tears streaked down her face. The look of hurt that was reflected in eyes was mirrored by her face. "A child would be almost impossible for us to have. I don't want to be your mistress. I could never share you with another woman. Call me selfish and greedy, but that is the way I am." She reached up to stroke his face. "I'm sorry, my love…it hurts me to say this, but our future together maybe as nothing more than friends." She dropped her hand away. "Though I wish it was not so."_

"_Stop being so rational!" Alistair growled clenching his hands into fists. "You have always done what you wanted…you pushed me to do what I wanted…why can't you do what you want to now?" _

_Shirl wiped a hand across her eyes. "Because," she leveled a look at him. "It's for the good of Ferelden." _

_

* * *

_

Shirl's words echoed in his mind. _For the good of Ferelden._ He smashed his fist into the straw dummy. After their talk Alistair had asked to be alone. Shirl had obliged and left him. For a few hours he wondered the streets of Denerim. His mind focused on nothing at all. Eventually he had made his way back to Eamon's estate. The first place he went was to the training grounds.

He had swung his sword and shield at practice dummies hoping to reveal some of the anger and hurt he was feeling. He was more than upset. It felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and stomped on.

_What in the name of the Maker is she thinking? _He wondered for the hundredth time. _She loves me, yet she is willing to accept a future in which we are just friends. _ Alistair could not accept that. He could accept nothing other than her hand. He wanted no other woman and he would have no other woman in his life.

"You know, if you keep this up you will break something…most likely your fist." Zevran quipped. The assassin was leaning against the wall near the entrance way to the grounds. The elf had a grim expression on his face.

Alistair snorted and picked up his shield and sword from the ground. He had flung the weapons away when he realized that they were not helping to alleviate his anger.

"Fine, ignore me, but I will have my say." Zevran crossed his arms and glared at him. Alistair sheathed his sword with a crack. "You do realize the position you have put her in, right? You are forcing her to choose between what she wants and what Ferelden needs. Don't you even realize what this is doing to her?"

Alistair spun around. He crossed the distant between them in two strides. Bringing himself nose to nose with the elf. "Don't you dare try and talk to me about Shirl! She is none of your concern."

Zevran smiled a dark dangerous grin. "Oh, but that is where you are wrong. For some reason, our beautiful Warden has taken it upon herself to go by herself into the Alienage."

"What?" Alistair demanded. He turned away. "Why would she do a thing like that?"

"Because she is hurting and well hurting people make stupid decisions." Zevran commented waving a dismissive hand in the air. "She was talking to Anora and the Queen mentioned something was amiss in the Alienage…oh, she isn't truly alone she did take Toby with her."

"Her dog, she took just her dog…" Alistair started to laugh. He could see Zevran raise an eyebrow at his reaction which only made him laugh harder. "By the Maker, the woman is trying to give me a heart attack." He gasped.

Zevran shook his head. "Maybe, I'm missing the joke here."

* * *

The Alienage was filthy. Shirl wrinkled her nose at the smell of putrid decay and rotten food stores. Elves lined the streets gaping at her and then turning their heads away quickly before she could catch them looking. But she could feel their stares like daggers at her back. Toby was not his normal self. His usual bounding gait was solemn and his stumpy tail did not wag back and forth in its chirper manner. His ears were flat against his skull and his head hung in shame.

"Maker's breath, boy, these people are starving." Shirl whispered to him. Toby whined. She nodded and scratched the top of his head. "I know, I know, we will see what we can do." Shirl had never been to the Alienage in Denerim. Her mother and father had all but forbidden her from doing so when she was a child and they were in Denerim for the Landsmeet. Of course she had been to the Highever Alienage many a time, though she was not exactly forbidden to do so it was frowned upon. But the elves of the Highever Alienage had treated her kindly and she had made every effort growing up to see that they themselves were also treated fairly. Her mother had always told her that a happy servant was a good servant.

Shirl was not seeing happy people. She was seeing beaten, broken and angry people. As she came to the center of the Alienage she gazed up at the large branches of the tree that stood there. The thing was massive. She could have easily put seven of herself arms spread and encircling the trees girth. The branches lofting above her fanned out in a radiant arch of green. Anyone standing underneath the huge tree would have barely been kissed by sunlight for the thickness of the branches and leaves.

"Wow, I never knew such a tree existed." She said looking up into the higher portions she shielded her eyes with a mailed hand. _Alistair would have loved this._ She thought and then immediately she cursed herself. She had come to the Alienage to think of something else beside the fool. She loved him, but he could not see that marrying him was well outside of her reach. There had been a point before this whole journey had began she would not have hesitated to say, 'yes' to him. Everything was at stake and the possibility of Anora and Alistair getting married and uniting Ferelden was something she had to consider, she had to keep the option open. She could rule nothing out. Her duty was to the Grey Wardens and stopping the Blight was the number one priority in her book. She loved Alistair, but marrying him was something she could never do. It would be too selfish and unfair to the people of Ferelden for her to do so. She would miss the time they had spent together and she would never know another man in her life. She vowed; Alistair would be the only man she ever loved or took to her bed.

"WHAT DO MEAN THEY'RE SICK?" Someone shouted at the top of lungs jerking Shirl from her thoughts. Shirl lowered her head and dropped her hand. She looked around for the speaker, which clearly by voice alone had to be a woman.

Movement caught Shirl's eyes, she turned in that direction. "Holy Maker," she breathed as she saw just to the other side of the tree was a gathering of at least fifteen elves. Some were standing in what looked to be a line while a few were scattered about looking confused and upset.

An Elven woman was standing slightly off to the side of the line. She had bright red hair and gleaming eyes. Her arms were on her hips and her lips were twisted into a snarl. Even from this distant Shirl noticed that she was very attractive. Shirl edged her way closer to the crowd. She wanted to know what was going on, but she did not want to cause a disturbance either.

* * *

When Shirl returned to Eamon's keep later that evening it was to her own bed chambers. She called for the servants to draw her hot bath. Stripping off the bloody bits of armor and laid them gently to the side. She winced as she climbed into the hot water. He body was sore and caked with blood and gore, some of it her own and some of it not. Her hair was a massive tangle of gore and knots. She sank into the baths warm waters and scrubbed at her skin. Scraps and cuts crisscrossed her skin. She sucked in a breath as she cleaned her wounds with soap. The soap stung at her wounds, but at least she was getting clean. Next she dunked her head under the water to get her hair wet. Surfacing she used more soap to grab at the grim built her in her beautiful blonde hair.

It was not long before the bath waters were dark with blood and dirt. Shirl sighed and stepped out grabbing the drying cloth the servants had left for her. She dried herself off and wrapped her hair in the towel. Grabbing the dressing robe from the hook by the side of her bed she slipped into it and hugged the plush article of clothing around herself.

She threw herself onto her bed. The servants said they would bath Toby for her. He had whined about getting cleaned, but she had told him that he could not come upstairs until he was clean. He had not been happy when she left him, but he was willing to let the servants bath him at least.

Shirl closed her eyes and folded her hands over her stomach. She felt like this day had drug on forever. It was only the earlier afternoon when Alistair had proposed to her and now she had managed to save the Alienage from slave traders. She sighed. Her body ached. Her skin felt like it was on fire and her joints and muscle rang with pain of swinging her sword and shield around all day. In the morning she would have to see Wynne about some healing spells and then she would go and talk to Eamon about the Alienage. This was just the information they needed to push the Landsmeet in their favor. First Loghain was letting Howe torture innocent people and then he was selling elves to fund his army. Not to mention having his own daughter held prisoner. Though Shirl was not certain she completely believed Anora's story. It was too convenient for her. Something bothered her about Anora. She did not trust the queen. She was only out for her own self interest. But that did not mean that she was not good for Ferelden it just meant that she was willing to fight for her position. _Much like we are._ Shirl thought glumly.

Sighing she rolled over onto her side. She had some idea of a plan, but everything hinged on what Eamon really wanted to do. And she needed to go mingle with the nobles who had arrived already for the Landsmeet. She had way too much to do and it felt as if there was hardly anytime to do it all.

_I miss him already._ She thought. At least he would have taken her mind off all the crap that was piling up. _But, I can't think about him right now. The Landsmeet and getting Ferelden's army ready to fight the Blight is the biggest problem we are facing at the moment. Our own interests will have to come after all of this is said and done. _Her stomach twisted into a knot and she thought that she was going be to sick. She hated what she was doing to Alistair but she saw no other way. _It has to be done this way. I'm so sorry, Alistair. _


	37. Chapter 37

**Hello,**

**So I've decided to revise this chapter and make it the Landsmeet chapter instead. I think I might have misspelled some names and what not...I seem to always switch Lohgain's or is Loghain's name around. I'm hoping that this chapter is better than what I think it is. It is different slightly than the game's Landsmeet meet because well frankly I like having Alistair's opinion in this chapter. It worked well with him not knowing anything that Shirl had discovered about Lohgain or Howe for that matter. Anyway, hopefully everyone enjoys this chapter and I will be making some slight revisions to Chapter 38 which was originally Chapter 37. Thank for reading and reviewing! Let me know if you notice any major grammar, story, spelling mistakes. I just really wanted to post this chapter and be done so I'm pretty certain I missed a few. Thanks again!**

**Prismelf**

**Chapter 37: The Landsmeet**

Alistair stood beside Arl Eamon watching the procession of nobles filter into the meeting hall. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and scanned the faces of all those that were entering. Eamon and he had spent a good deal of time over at the Gnarled Noble tavern speaking to many of these very nobles the day before. In actuality it had been Eamon to do the most of the talking. Alistair had filled in his points when and where it was appropriate for the conversation, but he had mostly just sat in silence watching as Eamon worked his magic to stir doubts up about Lohgain.

Sighing in contempt Alistair turned his head away. _Maker, take them all. I just want this to be done. _To say that he was nervous was an understatement. _I've faced darkspawn, dragons, demons and Maker knows what else. But when it comes to this, I'm not ready._ Suddenly he missed Shirl. He had been told that she had returned sometime during the night from the Alienage. Both her and her hound had been covered in blood. When Zevran had broken the news that she had gone into the Alienage by herself two days ago, Alistair had thought to follow her, but then Eamon wrangled him out of his room as soon as he prepared to go find his fellow warden. From then on he had been talking with one noble or another. Never having the chance to go after Shirl.

_At least was safe. But where is she now?_ He had been watching, hoping that he would see her enter the Landsmeet with the rest of the nobles, but she disappointedly remained absent.

"Your fellow warden best be here soon, Alistair. I'm afraid she might miss the Landsmeet and all of our efforts will be for not." Eamon stated suddenly rousting Alistair from his thoughts.

"I could go look for her." He volunteered, but Eamon was already shaking his head.

"No, it would not do for both of the Grey Wardens to disappear. Stay here, I'm certain she is just running a bit behind schedule is all." Eamon placed a hand on his chin and stroked his beard. His eyes were fixed on the banns entering through the grand wooden doors at the far end of the hall.

Alistair looked away from Eamon and let his eyes wonder the halls of his forefathers. _It so hard to believe that my bro…Calian and Maric both stood in this very hall to direct Ferelden. And soon it might be up to me…_He killed the thought before it could go any further. He had never felt like Calian and Maric were relatives, even if he was related to them by blood…they were not his family. The Grey Wardens had been more of a family than his own blood had been. _Even Shirl, for all her jauntiness and nobility feels more like family than those ghosts. _

"I have a wonder, Alistair; if you will indulge me for a moment before the last of the nobles arrive." Eamon turned and crossed his arms over his chest. Alistair cocked his head to the side and nodded.

"Of course," he replied meeting Eamon's eye.

"I have noticed some things of late that are of concern to me. I would have approach the subject sooner, but the time never seemed appropriate."

Alistair ran a hand through his hair. _What is this all about? _

"Forgive me for asking, but…how goes your current relationship with your fellow Warden?"

Eyes widening Alistair shook his head quickly. Perhaps a bit too quickly. "Nothing...Shirl called it off…we are friends nothing more." He replied licking his lips. _What has brought this on?_

" She's an honest girl. I would expect nothing less from a Cousland." Alistair tensed sensing the intent behind Eamon's words. Eamon cared only for getting Alistair on the throne, though Alistair knew he was more like a father than Maric had ever been Eamon still had a duty to Ferelden and he would see it through.

Eamon stepped closer to him and lowered his voice. "I give you a word of advice. It is best that your current relationship with her stays the same. It will not do to make it look as if the Grey Wardens are trying to seize the throne of Ferelden for themselves." Eamon's eyes softened and his face slackened. "I'm sorry, my boy, but that is the way of things." He turned away heading back toward the balcony his back once again to Alistair.

_Shirl said those same words to me just the other day. Then why did we start this? Why did we let it get to this? I can't help loving her, but she's never let her emotions get in the way. She had to have known that it would end this way…then why?_

A loud voice boomed out across the assembly and Alistair jumped. The Landsmeet had begun.

* * *

Minutes turned to hours and Alistair could do nothing but stare. His hands twitched to his sword every time Loghain opened his mouth. Eamon held Loghain at bay, arousing his followers with every verbal jab and remark about Loghain's treachery to Calian, to him and Ferelden. But many of the nobles, Alistair were still standing with Loghain not against him.

_Are they blind?_ He thought as another round of shouting started up between several of the banns. _They are as bad as the dwarves. Nothing will get done this way. _An idea at that moment flashed across Alistair's mind. He glanced at Eamon who had his entire attention directed toward Loghain. Alistair had been silent not saying a word to anyone or voicing his opinion. He thought of Calian's body left hanging exposed to the elements crushed and lifeless displayed like a trophy. Of Duncan a man who had been more like a father to him than his real father ever thought of being. All the Grey Wardens cut down and betrayed at Ostagar like a pet cow led to slaughter.

_We trusted him._ With his hand clenched around his sword hilt Alistair slowly backed away from Eamon and made his way toward the stairs leading to the main floor of the meeting hall. Loghain stood at the bottom of the dais. Smart enough not to stand upon the spot where the _true_ king of Ferelden was suppose to stand during the Landsmeet.

As Alistair stepped off the last stair he turned his full attention on Loghain. His father's best friend and most trusted advisor. His normally cheerful eyes narrowed as he glared at the man responsible for the deaths of so many of his friends. "Enough!" Alistair snapped stepping out onto the main floor. The room went silent. Loghain shifted his focus to him his eyes twitched, but other than that no emotion played across his face.

"So Maric's bastard would speak." Loghain said cocking his head in mock interest.

"I'm not here as Maric's bastard son. I come as a Grey Warden." Alistair spoke through clenched teeth. Before Loghain could reply he pushed forward. "The Blight has come to Ferelden and you all stand upon the brink of total destruction. The darkspawn are a threat not to be over looked! But we do their job for them! We kill each other and slit each others throat in our sleep because we can not agree!" He turned suddenly pointing a finger at Loghain. "This man betrayed our king to his death! He then pinned that deed on the heads of the Grey Wardens the very same Wardens who gave their lives defending the king and the rest of Ferelden! What time their deaths have bought us you all have squandered arguing here! The Blight must be stopped or there will be no Ferelden to fight over!"

Shocked silence met his words, his accusations, and then suddenly hushed whispers broke out from those gathered. He tried to ignore them, but a few of Maric's bastard and Grey Warden scum did reach his ears.

Alistair scowled at Loghain, who started to clap very slowly and deliberately. "So Maric's bastard has a voice. Impressive and here I thought you would stay silent behind Eamon. You do realize that you throw accusations without proof. What proof do you have that I turned my back on Calian and the Wardens. I saw the Wardens turn on our king. I spared my troops the same fate…"

The great doors burst open cutting off Loghain's words. A figure dressed in shining silver armor with a sword and shield strapped across her back strolled into the hall with a large mabari warhound at her side. Alistair recognized her immediately. _Shirl._

"What my fellow Warden says is true, but I have more than enough evidence to prove that you are the snake he claims you are." Shirl declared as she came to stand next to Alistair. Her face shone beautifully in the light of her radiant armor and her hair was like pale morning sunlight. Alistair blinked and looked quickly away from her directing his attention back on Loghain.

"Oh, and what proof would that be?" Lohgain sneered confidently.

Shirl held up documents in her hand. Alistair had not noticed that she had been carrying anything in her hands when she entered. He felt a slight blush creep up into his cheeks. He had been so focused on the way she moved and her beauty to see them.

"I hold here documentation that Loghain was selling Ferelden people into slavery." Alistair jerked his head in Shirl's direction.

_Holy Maker, Shirl, that's a serious accusation. _Even he never would have thought it of Loghain. Selling citizens into slavery was barbaric and illegal.

Shirl looked smug. "What say you to that, _my lord_?"

_Oh boy, she's getting cocky._ Alistair could not help the grin that pulled at his lips though. Her cockiness was one of the things he had come to love about her.

Loghain did not act surprised though the assembled nobles let out a collective gasp at Shirl proclamation. "I do not deny it. I did want was necessary to keep Ferelden safe. The money those slaves brought was enough to resupply our soldiers after Ostagar and to recruit more men to replace those that were lost."

"Oh so it was necessary to let Rendon Howe torture and kill innocent people too." Shirl snapped her amber colored eyes darkening. She crossed her arms and glared daggers at Loghain. "It was necessary for him to slaughter the entire Cousland household! Just so Ferelden could be safe!"

"The Couslands were traitors! They were selling information to the Orlesians! Their deaths were very necessary in order to make certain that Ferelden survived. Besides Rendon Howe was his own man. In control of his own actions. He has paid for his crimes with his life." Loghain spat back.

Shirl snorted and shook her head. Toby let loose a low growl at his master's displeasure. "Well, then what about imprisoning your own daughter? Was she a threat to Ferelden as well?"

Loghain looked taken aback. "What are you talking about, Warden? I have not seen my daughter for days. It was you, was it not that imprisoned her? Word I last heard was that she was being held at Arl Eamon's estate against her will."

"Actually, I'm right here and I believe I can speak for myself." Anora appeared seemingly out of no where to stand upon the dais behind her father. Alistair blinked. The queen of Ferelden was pretty, but a cold pretty. She was distant even more so than Shirl. But she still had a certain regal bearing about her. She commanded people's attention when she entered a room.

_Not unlike someone else I know._ He glanced at Shirl. Whose eyes remained fixed upon Anora.

"Everything this Grey Warden says…is true. My father left Calian on the field of battle, sold Ferelden citizens into slavery, let Rendon Howe torture and murder people and he had Howe hold me prisoner." Anora's voice was even calm and collected even though she was speaking out against her own father. Alistair shook his head.

_She sounds rehearsed._ Alistair could not help but feel that something else entirely was going on right under his nose. He glanced at Shirl again who stood just as impassive as ever. _What do you have planned? _He asked himself.

"Ah, Anora it seems that the Grey Wardens words have poisoned your mind." Loghain remarked sadly.

"It is not my mind, father, which has been poisoned." Anora replied. Was that a hint of regret in her voice? Alistair wondered if Anora could actually feel remorseful for anything in her life. She was the type of person who seemed to rationalize and logically think everything through before voicing her opinions.

"Enough of this!" Loghain snapped waving a hand through the air. "The Grey Wardens plan on turning my own daughter against me." He turned to address the whole assembly. "Can you all not see what is right before your eyes? We must protect Ferelden at all cost! To allow Arl Eamon to place a puppet on the throne and to let these traitorous Grey Wardens run our lands is ridiculous! Maric and I did not fight against the Orlesians all those years ago just to hand it back to them at the first sign of trouble. We can handle this and what we need now is a strong ruler! Not a simple minded pup, who will have someone else, pulling his strings, whether it is Eamon or the Grey Wardens."

Alistair tensed and his hand turned white knuckled around his sword. His eyes flickered over to Shirl. He saw her jaw was clenched and she dropped her hands which were balled into fists at her side.

"Then let the Landsmeet decide!" Shirl shouted. "What say you?" She asked turning a circle meeting everyone eyes.

"We side with the Grey Wardens!" Someone shouted. And then other voices rose. Until one by one everyone assembled shouted, "We side with the Grey Wardens! The Blight must be stopped!" Alistair stood in awe. His hand unclenched and he dropped it to his side. He turned directly to Shirl and smiled. Relief flooded through him, but it quickly vanished as he looked upon her. She had her head down and seemed to be looking at the floor and her arms were crossed over her chest again.

"Very well, the Landsmeet has decided!" A female voice rang out from off to Anora's right side. The Grand Cleric of Denerim stepped out from the shadows of a doorway in which she had been apparently awaiting for the Landsmeet to reach some type of verdict. The room went silent again and as they watched the elderly woman with care. "As the law requires, Loghain will have the chance to defend himself against the Grey Wardens accusations by rights of duel. Grey Warden," she looked at Shirl. "Who will champion your accusations?"

Without seeming to miss a beat Shirl opened her mouth to reply, but Alistair sensing what might be coming stepped forward. "I will." He stated boldly and pointedly he ignored Shirl's sharp intake of breath. The grand cleric's eyes shifted to him. Alistair willed himself not to squirm under that penetrating gaze. He felt like a small boy again getting caught raiding the Chantry lard after light's out.

"Very well, Alistair." She raised her hands and the nobles gathered on the main floor stepped back making a circle for the two combatants to enter. Alistair rolled his shoulders as he drew his sword and unhooked his shield. He spun around facing the outer rim of the circle and found Shirl standing almost directly behind him. Her face was red with anger and she mouthed the words, "What are you doing?" He shrugged and turned away from her focusing his attention back on Loghain.

"Are you ready, pup? Let's see how much of Maric runs through you." Loghain spat. Alistair took a defensive stance with his shield in front of him.

_I will not let your words get to me. I will win this one not for Maric, but for Duncan and the Grey Wardens._ He swore just as the grand cleric clapped her hands together.

"Begin." She commanded.

Alistair and Loghain circled each other. Each one looking the other in the eye both with shields held at the ready. Each one waiting for an opening in which to exploit. Alistair felt sweat starting to form on his back. He had never been really good at dueling when he was with the templars, but through his bouts with Shirl he had gotten better to the point were Shirl had lost a few rounds.

He shifted his stance slightly putting more weight on his back foot. Loghain must have sensed the shift for he lunged, shield in front of his body and sword held out in front of him. Alistair sidestepped the lunge and parried Loghain's sword with his own. Knocking the blade out and away, but Loghain had years of experience and just as quickly as Alistair had knocked the blade aside Loghain redirected the blades movement. He snapped out with his shield and sliced at Alistair's head with his sword.

Alistair ducked the sword and thrust his shield forward meeting Loghain's shield toe to toe. As the shields struck he pushed and slid his shield across Loghain's locking them against one another. Loghain slashed at his stomach as Alistair used the shields to roll away from the attack.

_This is getting us no where._ He thought furiously. Alistair parried another sword blow directed at his head again. He was on the defense and he needed to get Loghain on the defensive. Suddenly Alistair knew how to do that. As Loghain lunged again Alistair deflected the blow with his shield and slid to the side thrusting out with his own sword. Loghain knocked the blow to the side with his shield. Lohgain attacked again with another slash towards Alistair's head.

Alistair parried the blow and then stepped forward, just as Shirl had shown him. He smashed his shield into Loghain with all of his might. The blow reverberated up Alistair arm, but he felt Loghain falter. In that moment Alistair kicked out with his foot catching the older man in the knee. Loghain hissed and fell. Alistair threw all of his weight into his shield and bashed it into Loghain's, making the man crumble to the ground. Once on the ground he knocked Loghain's sword away almost too easily. And held the tip of his sword pressed against Loghain's throat.

"I yield," Loghain breathed. Alistair noticed that the man's breath was labored and sweat was pouring down his face. "Maker, you fight like Maric."

Alistair's eyes narrowed. "I didn't do this for Maric. This is for Duncan and the rest of the Grey Wardens that you let die at Ostagar." Anger boiled up within him. All the months of running dodging assassins and Loghain's men came rushing back to him. The memories of his Grey Warden friends sitting around drinking, talking, sparring and living pulled at his mind. He remembered every one of their names, their faces. He could see them still their smiling faces locked in an eternal grimace of death. Eyes dull and bugling with ashen gray skin and swollen tongues. No more laughter and no more nights spent in the company of people he felt were more family to him than his actual blood relatives. All of that had been ripped from him by the man, who lay staring up at him with Alistair's sword pointed at his neck. He could never bring back that feeling of belonging and he could never give them back their lives, but he could make certain that justice was found for them.

Without a second though Alistair plunged the blade through Loghain's neck. Blood spattered across Loghain's shining River Dane armor and seeped out onto the floor pooling around him. He sputtered blood dribbling out of his mouth, as he gasped futility for a breath that would never come. The general's eyes glazed over and he mouthed something, but with no breath left in his body the words were lost on all those assembled. His eyes roamed the hall briefly before settling on his daughter.

"Father!" Anora screamed and she threw herself off the dais to kneel next to her father's cooling body. Alistair flinched as he withdrew his sword and saw that she was kneeling in her father's blood. "What have you done?" She yelled at Alistair.

"I did what was necessary for Ferelden." Alistair shot the words at her knowing they were cruel, but in that moment not caring. Tears ran down Anora's cheeks in a rare moment of emotion as she gazed at her father's corpse.

"By right of duel and by vote of the Landsmeet, you Alistair Theirin are hence forth recognized as King of Ferelden." The grand cleric voice rang out over all those assembled. As Alistair glanced around at the assembled nobles he only saw one face that did not met with total approval. Shirl Cousland's body was rigid and her stance was defensive. She met his gaze openly and defiantly. She was not happy about what he had done. But something in the back of his mind told him he was okay with that. That she would forgive him one day.


	38. Chapter 38

**Hello,**

**Thanks for all the reviews, alerts and favorites to this story...we're on the home stretch now...I think this chapter turned out better with the revision that I thought it would. Some of it might jump a little, but I tried to make it all flow. I realized when I was writing the last chapter (37) that Alistair not mad about being king...he's accepting of the fact he's just mad that Shirl might have known from the beginning that they couldn't be together. He feels played. I guess would be the best way to put it, yet he still cares for her. Which just eats away at him because he really doesn't know if she feels the same way or not. Anyway, hopefully you all enjoy this chapter and I will try to update much sooner. I have started chapter 39 so maybe I will have it up by the beginning of next week. Thanks again!**

**Prismelf  
**

**Chapter 38: Camp (After the Landsmeet)**

Shirl poked at the fire with the only dry piece of wood she could find. Sparks rose up from the hot coals and danced on the water laden air. It was not raining, but a fine soaking mist was falling. The wood that Sten had collected when they had first set up camp was now wet. Shirl had dug through the pile until she found a dry piece. She prodded the flames again and watched enchanted as the sparks once again flew into the air only to wink out of exist as soon as they collided with a water droplet.

"How long are you two not going to talk to each other?" Wynne asked from across the fire. The elderly woman sat crushing dry herbs in a mortar and pestle. The pungent smell of rosemary and milk thistle surrounded the fire. Shirl wrinkled her nose. The smell was not very pleasing. It reminded her of the salves that Wynne had placed on their wounds after battles to help keep infection away.

Shirl shrugged and gave the fire another poke. "When he stops acting like an idiot." Shirl replied.

"Don't you think he might need a friend, right now? I know you two are on the outs with your relationship, but he still loves you." Wynne stated catching Shirl's eye, smiling. "And maybe you should apologize to him as well."

Shirl's eyes narrowed. "What for?" she said tersely.

"For making him king, against his will." The elderly woman never looked away from her as she spoke.

Shirl snorted and stood up. "Look the idiot made himself king. All I did was prove that Lohgain was a traitor."

"Yes, but you still drove him to become king. If anything you pushed him to do so more than anyone else. And besides the two of you not talking to one another is making the rest of us tense and uneasy." Wynne stated twisting the pestle letting loose another potent burst of herbal smells.

"I'll go talk to him, if it will get you off my back about it. But you can forget the apology. I did nothing wrong. He might not like being king, but it was the fastest way to get what we needed." She stepped away from the fire and its warmth.

Wynne called after her as she stalked away, but Shirl ignored her and continued over to Alistair's tent. Without even bothering to announce herself she flung the flap aside and strolled in not caring what state she might find him, she had seen everything he had to offer anyway. While the memories were impressive and her cheeks flushed hot at the thoughts, they did nothing to sooth away her slow boiling anger.

Alistair sat up hastily from his makeshift bed. "Shirl, what the…"

Shirl waved a hand in the air. "We need to talk." She stated crossing her arms over her chest she let the tent flap fall into place behind her. The interior of his tent darkened and cast an even darker shadow over Alistair's features.

Alistair flung himself back onto his blankets. "What about?" He asked placing his hands behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. "You know I'm beginning to hate those words." He mumbled.

"You know about you being king…and other things." Shirl replied placing a hand up to her lips.

Alistair made a sweeping gesture. "So you want to talk about all of this now." When Shirl remained silent he continued. "You want to know why I killed Lohgain? You want to know what made me step up to fight him." She could hear Alistair shift more than see him. "I didn't want to be king, Shirl. I still don't think I can do it. But I'm going to try."

"You don't want to be king because you think you wouldn't be any good at…you don't want to be responsible for all of Ferelden. Yet you just took matters into your own hands back there! Jeez, you're idiot, Alistair!" Shirl snapped and the fury in her voice brought Alistair to his feet. He moved so quickly, all she had done was blink and he was standing before her jabbing a finger into her face.

"Don't even call me that! You know better than anyone, I'm not. I know you would not have let me kill Lohgain. When I asked you to let me even. That's all I wanted. So I took it upon himself to do what you wouldn't let me do. You always do that! You always shoulder everything, without a second thought. Can't you understand that you don't need too. Don't you get it? You don't have to do everything alone. I'm here for you if you would let me be." His voice was sharper than she had ever heard it get. And his words cut deeper than she would have imagined. " What are you afraid of?" He asked suddenly. "Are you afraid of the Archdemon? Afraid of losing everyone you care about again? What is that makes you think you can take on the world alone or that you have to? Maker, I don't know what I see in you." Alistair's voice was still sharp and full of hurt and anger. Shirl flinched at the tone, but did not back down.

"Ohh…that's right I'm afraid and you should be too. We are marching off to the Archdemon and you are in here acting like a spoiled child. Hate to tell you this but you might not live the week out to become king. Damn straight I'm scared, Alistair. But I'm not running away hiding in my tent moping about a future that might never happen!" She was shouting by the end of her triad but she did not care. She pushed his finger out of her face and spun around not willing to look at him.

She sighed running a hand through her hair. _Dammit it all he is so infuriating. Yet, how come he can see right through me? I am frightened. I've see the Archdemon. I know what it can do. I don't know if I can face it and survive._ She thought shuddering the end of their journey was so close, she felt the world on her shoulders even more in these moments than she had before. "I don't know what you see in me." She breathed through gritted teeth. "But you must have seen something because _you _asked me to marry you." A warning flashed in her head as she said the words. "That's what this is really about isn't it." She turned back toward him. He flinched as she poked a finger back in his face. "It's because I told you 'no'. I told you we would probably be nothing more than friends and you're angry with me for it." He had been willing to accept the crown as long as they were together, but the second they were not he refused it. The idea dawned on Shirl because it was her that made him feel like he could be king and now that she was not there with him…he felt he couldn't?

Alistair sighed and looked away from her. "I care about you, Shirl. I can't stop caring about you. I've tried, okay, but I can't. When we were together I felt like I could do anything. You had to have known that. You also had to have known that we could never be more but yet you stayed with me until I hoped for more. Why?" His voice was so full of desperation.

Suddenly all the anger left her. She felt tired and drained she dropped her hand and waited for Alistair to continue. Instead he just stood there looking at her through dark eyes.

"I...I'm sorry, Alistair...I really am...I had no attentions of leading you on... I want more for us, but...I loved you." Shirl whispered not able to complete a full thought. Anything she said might only hurt him more and she was tired of hurting him even if it was for the good of Ferelden, she just could not. And then she started to laugh everything the last few months was finally catching up to her and she thought she might lose it. Tears burned in her eyes. A part of her wanted to let her sanity fall away. Life would be so much simpler. But then she thought about the world and the people who needed her. And one of them was standing right in front of her. She wanted to take him in her arms and say everything would be alright, but that could lead to just complicating things. She regained her composure and dashed a hand over her eyes. "You will make a fine king. You just need to learn something about politics…" she trailed off seeing the look of anger and fear in Alistair's eyes. _What else does he want me to say?_

Silence descended over them like a cold winter wind. Neither really knew what to say to the other. Shirl bit her lower lip. _Well, this is awkward._ _Why the Fade did I even come in here? He doesn't want to talk to me. He just wants to blame me._ She started away not liking the silence or confusion. She was not one for running away from her problems, but at this particular moment it seemed like the best strategy.

Alistair's hand on her arm stopped her. "Wait." He said softly. "I have to know…" His grip tightened on her arm. "I need to know if you still care for me…did you ever really truly care for me." He asked.

Shirl's eyes widened. She turned her head slightly to catch the expression on his face to see if he was being completely serious. His look said it all. "Alistair, don't be stupid of course I still care for you…it's just…" she sighed and pulled away from him. "We're both Grey Wardens. Both of us can't rule Ferelden. It would make the Grey Wardens look like we were pushing for a power play."

"Maybe that is what Ferelden needs, Shirl. Besides I'm king I can marry however I want…well, that would be you." Alistair said bringing up a hand to gently cup her chin. He stepped closer to her turning her face ever so slightly toward him. She could felt his breath hot on her cheek.

"Alistair, stop this." She said without much conviction. His lips brushed her cheek sending a small shiver of pleasure through her. Wrapping an arm around her waist he pulled her up against him. She could felt the heat of his body against her back. The sensation made her shudder with longing. She longed to feel him, to run her hands over his muscular chest and back. More than anything though she wanted to curl up with him and sleep for eternity.

"I told you once before you make me crazy. I can't think straight whenever you're around." His lips traveled down her neck.

"All the more reason to _not_ continue this," Shirl whispered as her hand curled around his wrist. She pried his arm away from her. Taking a step forward made his fingers glide along her jaw and neckline. His touch sent goose-bumps prickling down her arms. Turning she found Alistair's eyes. His hands were frozen in front of him he stared down at her with such intensity in his light brown eyes. Shirl reached out and grasp one his hands. Bringing his fingers to her lips she kissed his fingertips. His fingers curled around her hand and his other free hand came up to brush a stray lock of hair behind an ear. His hand lingered on her cheek and Shirl could feel the warmth radiating from it. She closed her eyes and let the warmth seep through her skin.

Suddenly tears leaked out from under her eye lids. She had not been prepared for this, her chest ached and she wanted nothing more than to feel his touch. She wanted to be folded into his arms and kept warm and safe. She was conflicted between what she wanted and what was needed. The silent war raged within threatening to tear her apart. Wynne had tried to warn her in the beginning that this was going to happen…but she had ignored that warning and now she was suffering with the consequences of her actions. So the tears ran down her cheeks unbidden and unwelcome, casualties to the silent war raging within.

"Shirl," Alistair said softly pulling her to him. He buried his face in hair kissing her throat. "Don't please." He whispered in her ear. Bringing up his head, he raised a hand to her face and brushed away the tears. "I want you to be happy, Shirl. That is all." He sighed and gently guided her head to his shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Shirl shook her head. "Don't be. It's my fault I'm unhappy, Alistair, not you. Don't blame yourself." She wrapped her arms around his waist and nuzzled his neck. "You are the one thing in my life that has felt right in a long time."

"Then why push me away?" He asked his voice sounding puzzled.

Shirl lifted her head and opened her eyes. She bit her lower lip again and cast her eyes downward. "As I said we are Grey Wardens, Alistair. As such our duty isn't just to Ferelden, it's to the world. Stopping the Blight comes first." She paused considering her next words carefully. "I pushed you to become king because we needed the majority of Ferelden to stand united with us. Only you can truly do that. Anora had power, but she did not really see what we are up against. I thought about you marrying her to unify Ferelden, but realized that she couldn't be trusted. And well…I couldn't force you to do something that you didn't want…in that sense. If I was forcing you to be king then you should at least have a say in who you marry." She tried to smile but failed as she felt her cheeks grow hot with embarrassment. _I'm saying way more than I should be telling him._ She thought briefly, but she pushed the thought away. She could trust Alistair.

"I'm glad you at least thought of me in some sense." Alistair mumbled. Shirl stepped back reluctantly letting Alistair's hands slide down her arms.

Sighing Shirl stepped out of his arms completely. "Do you understand? I'm doing these things because our duty as Wardens comes first. I do love you, but…" her voice faltered and she looked up meeting Alistair's eyes. The look on his face was one of sympathy and regret, but he nodded understanding dawning in his eyes.

"I understand." He breathed turning his back on her dismissing her. Shirl started toward the entrance way. Before she exited the tent, she glanced back over her shoulder watching as Alistair stretched out on his bed.

_If we survive this, maybe, just maybe._ She let the thought die, shaking her head. Instead she tried turning her thoughts towards the darkspawn horde and the Archdemon. _We have to win this fight, I can't let my fear or anger or any thing get in the way. _She suppressed a shudder, squaring her shoulders she walked toward her tent with a determined stride. No one would have noticed the shaking in her knees or her hands clenched in white knuckled fists. No, no one would see how afraid she was no one would see her trembling. She would wait until she was alone back in the safe of her tent to let her fears take hold. She would make certain of it. She would also make certain that no one knew how much she was giving up for the good of Ferelden.


	39. Chapter 39

**So hello once again! Thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites! I love knowing that people are still following this story. Thanks again! Oh! I played with Morrigan's POV on this one a little...it was tricky, but I think it turned out alright. Tell me what you think!**

**Thanks again, happy reading!**

**Prismelf**

**Chapter 39: Redcliff Castle**

"_The warden who kills the Archdemon will in themselves die._"

Shirl watched Alistair's back as they walked down the hall. Each Warden was adsorbed in their own thoughts. Shirl's mind whirled with the thought of one of them possibly having to die. Her eyes roved over Alistair's broad shoulders. He held his head high as he walked. And not once had he turned to look at her. Since their talk, he had become more civil around her and her around him. It was awkward and confusing for Shirl but she accepted that this was the way things were between them now.

She also knew Alistair. And if he had a say in the matter then he would gladly take the Archdemon's life losing his own in the process because she would do the same. She was already pondering the idea of how to keep him away from the Archdemon.

_Not only are you king, but I couldn't bear to lose you._ She admitted to herself. It was selfish she knew, but then love ultimately was. She could not be with him, but that did not stop her from wanting to protect him. Even if she was protecting him from himself.

Sighing she rolled her shoulders. She was exhausted by everything. All she wanted now was a hot bath and to sleep for several hours. But that was probably not going to happen. In a few hours they would be making their way back to Denerim to save what was left of the city.

Alistair paused at his bedroom and Shirl too adsorbed in her own thoughts bumped into him. "Ouch, hey, warn someone before you…" He started turning around his eyes locked with hers. She looked away and shook her head.

"Sorry," She whispered stepping around him.

"It's not a problem." He waved a hand. He did not notice right away that she planned to keep walking. "Shirl?"

She stopped a few feet away from him. Her back remained to him. She did not think she had it her to actually face him. "Yes?" She ventured after several moments of silence between them.

"I…nothing…good night." She heard the soft click of his door opening and the quite boom as it closed behind him leaving her in the hallway with only her thoughts.

_I'm an idiot._ She wanted more than anything to back to his door and knock on it. She wanted to be swept up into his arms, kissed and held until all the dark thoughts were driven away. Yet, if she gave in now she would never be able to walk away from him again. She knew that she could not do that to him…if it came down to Alistair or her making the killing blow on the Archdemon…it would be her.

* * *

Morrigan stood in front of the fireplace glaring at the flames bouncing around the hearth. Her arms were cross her chest in an effort to physically restrain herself from pacing back and forth across the room. The room was lit only by the firelight. Any other light source would have been too much. _Too much for what I have to do._ She thought bitterly. This was not something she was looking forward too. She was here on her _mother's _orders. _At least this is the last time._ She thought furiously. Or at least she hoped it would be the last time. There was no telling where or when her mother could show up and demand something else of her.

Morrigan had told her this was the last time she was doing her bidding. Especially since she had to do _this._ Most of the time she went along with her mother's crazy ideas without complaint and some of the tasks she was appointed to were actually fun and challenging. _This _task was not going be any of that.

_Grin and bare it._ A ridiculous notion but something she had learned from Shirl. The woman had an uncanny knack for surviving and for cunning that amazed even her on some degrees.

_Which_ _makes _this_ even harder to do._ She tsked in annoyance. Emotions were making her regret even wanting to make the offer to Shirl. But she could not just stand by and watch her friend die and she could not disobey Flemuth in this.

_We all do as we must in the end. We all revert to what we know. _Even the most trained of animals could become feral again given enough time. After tonight she would have no more obligations to Shirl and Morrigan would be free to follow the rest of her destiny.

She shuddered at the idea of suddenly being alone again. She had not thought that the Grey Wardens her mother had rescued all those months ago would become companions or ever friends. Though Alistair hated her with a passion and she returned the hate tenfold it was an enduring hate something that had grown on her something predictable and reassuring. Whereas Shirl had become a friend, someone she thought she could trust with her life. For that was what trust meant to her, someone I could fight beside and survive with. And now she was going to ensure that bond was broken.

Shirl would never trust her again after tonight. She would be ensuring Shirl's survival, but at the cost of losing her friend. _Civilized people are funny like that._ When Morrigan had joined the Grey Wardens she would not have hesitated to do what she must, but now for the first time in her life…she did.

"Morrigan?" Shirl's voice echoed around the room reverberating off the stone walls to crash on Morrigan's eardrums. "What are you doing here? Don't you have your own room?"

"I'm here because I know what it is that you must do." Morrigan turned from the fire and squarely faced Shirl. Her metallic gold eyes met amber and she for a moment she thought better of what she was to offer.

"Okay, so what am I to do?" Shirl spoke snidely as she crossed the room to stand before Morrigan.

"I know what happens to the Grey Warden who slays the Archdemon." Morrigan tried to keep her voice level and calm, but a lump of regret swelled in her throat. _This must be done._ She reminded herself as she continued to stare at the Grey Warden before her.

"Oh? And how long have you known about it?"

"Since the beginning. Tis why mother sent me with you."

Shirl raised an eyebrow at her and crossed her arms. "And you were never planning on telling us this. Why?"

Morrigan shook her head. "It was not mine to tell." She waved a hand to dismiss Shirl's remark. "But I do have a way out for you and all the Grey Wardens. None of you need to die in order to slay the Archdemon. Will you hear what I have to say?" She walked pass Shirl to sit on the edge of the large bed in the room. Crossing her legs she regarded the Warden closely.

Shirl was tense. Her shoulders were back and she held her chin up, but her eyes were focused elsewhere though she stared at the fire in front of her. One of the reasons Morrigan had started to like Shirl was because she seemed to think things through. What might appear as impulsive or foolhardy to some was Shirl's way. Everything she did was thought out and usually planned. She rarely did anything recklessly. _Her relationship with Alistair and her ending it has probably been rationalized as well._

"Okay, I'll bite. What are you proposing?"

Morrigan smiled coyly and ran a hand over the bed covers. "A ritual. Performed on the eve of battle in the dead of the night."

"Ugh, don't play word games, just spit it out." Shirl snapped turning to face her.

"Convince Alistair to lay with me here tonight and from this I will conceive a child…"  
"Excuse me?" Shirl wide eye stare told Morrigan she did not believe what she was hearing. So she continued speaking as if Shirl had not interrupted her.

"This child will bear the taint and when the Archdemon is slain the child's taint will call the Archdemon's soul like a beacon."

"Wait a minute?" Shirl pinched the bridge of her nose with a gloved hand. "Give me just a minute…" She raised a hand. "So let me get this straight, you want Alistair to impregnate you with a tainted child in order to draw the soul of the Archdemon into it thus not killing the Grey Warden who slays it. Am I getting all that correct?"

Morrigan nodded as she shifted uncomfortably. Shirl did not sound convinced of the idea at all.

"Why Alistair?" She sighed and looked pointedly away. "And will it even work? I mean that's a lot to digest and even believe."

"It has to be Alistair, even if Riordan could be convinced he is too old. It must be with Alistair and it must be tonight." Morrigan rose feeling a chill creep up her spine. "I know what you feel for him and I know what he feels for you. Do you want to lose him? You know Alistair and he knows you. He will try and keep you from dying while you try and do the same. I offer both of you a way out. And what harm could there really be, you are no longer together, correct?" Morrigan canted her head to the side as she examined the effect of her words on Shirl.

The woman dropped her hand away from her face and looked back over her shoulder at the fire roaring in the fireplace. She exhaled a breath and crossed her arms again. "He will never buy it. Besides we're not on the greatest of speaking terms at the moment."

Morrigan nodded her understanding and sat back on the bed as she said "I know, but you could convince him. He would listen to you. He respects you and would at least give you his ear. While if I went to him," She shrugged. Shirl knew Alistair would never listen to her.

"What about this child?" She asked suddenly. "Alistair is King of Ferelden, the last thing he needs to be worrying about is a bastard child running around somewhere causing him problems." Shirl stood still and the tension around her intensified to the point where Morrigan thought she might choke on it.

"The child would be mine to raise and do with as I wish, but you and him would not have to worry the child would prove to be no threat to Ferelden or Alistair's reign as king." She stated calmly even though her patience was wearing thin. She was tiring of this discussion. She knew Shirl would have to be convinced, but they were wasting time deliberating the smaller details. "So what say you? Will you at least talk to him about it?"

Shirl sighed and turned toward her. The look on her face was unreadable as she nodded slowly, "I will discuss it with him."

"Good, I will wait here for your return." Morrigan stood up and walked over to the fireplace her back was turned to Shirl, but she could hear the other woman's booted feet clomp across the stone floor of the room and down the hallway. Morrigan shivered despite the warmth of the fire in front of her as the night suddenly seemed a lot colder now that she was alone.


	40. Chapter 40

_Hello Readers,_

_I actually finished this chapter at the same time as finished the last one, but only had time to reread and edit one chapter. So here is chapter 40...it is kinda of sad and well it was hard to write. Well thank you for all the reviews, alerts and favorites...oh and I hope everyone is enjoying their time playing DA2. Because I know I will be for a while. : )_

_Prismelf  
_

**Chapter 40: Redcliff Castle**

Alistair was not in his room when Shirl knocked on the door. _It's almost midnight. Where could he be?_ She wondered starting off down the hallway again. Her stomach growled very suddenly surprising her. She had not eaten much dinner. The hustle and bustle of the army getting to march out she had only grabbed a quick slice of bread and cheese from the larder before resuming her duties. Everyone had wanted to talk to her about battle plans and supplies and this and that.

She shook her head. She had reached the end of the hallway and she was at the head of the stairs leading down on the main floor of the castle. Her stomach complained again and she rubbed a hand over it. _Okay, fine food it is then. _ She went down the stairs and tried to remember which direction it was to get into the larder. After a few moments she found herself in familiar territory and knew she was heading in the right direction for the kitchens.

A few more minutes passed and she tried not to dwell on what Morrigan had said to her. She would worry about that after she ate something. _What am I'm going to say to him? _She did not like the idea one bit, but Alistair should at least have some say in the matter. _After all it will be his child._ She felt a twinge in her gut. Her steps faltered as she neared the kitchen door. _A child…something I would never be able to give him._ It was one reason that she had convinced herself that she could not be with Alistair. As king he had a duty to produce an heir. They had talked about it, when they had been together. Alistair had told her that the likelihood of them producing a child together was so low that in might not even be possible. Shirl squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. She tried to will away the horrible feeling that was digging its claws into the pit of her stomach.

_Does not matter now. Not my concern, now. Just get something to eat and talk to him._ She opened her eyes and pushed through the door into the larder.

She was surprised to see a person sitting at a small table with a platter of fruit, bread and cheese in front of him. A lamp on the table and the low burning fire in the hearth was the only light sources in the room. It took a second for her eyes to adjust to the room's light, but once they did she saw it was Alistair sitting at the table.

Alistair started at her entrance. Jumping up from his seat he knocked his chair backwards with a crash.

"Maker! Shirl, you nearly gave me a heart attack. What are you doing down here?" He asked righting his chair and sitting back down.

"I was hungry and looking for you." She said making her way over to the cabinets in which the bread and cheese were stored. She pulled a tin plate down from a shelf grabbed a small loaf of honey oat bread from the cupboard. From the yellow cheese wheel stored in the cabinet she cut a large chunk and plopped it on to her plate as well. Before closing the hutch she hoisted a clay mug.

She smiled tentatively at Alistair. "I can join you, right?"

Alistair nodded as he chewed thoughtfully and then he swallowed. "Of course." He said pulling another chair around from the stack behind him.

Shirl sat placing her plate on the table in front of her. Without prompt Alistair poured her a drink from the bottle of wine already open next to him. "So why are you so jumpy?"

"Huh? Oh, you mean when you came in?" He chuckled. "I use to sneak down to the chantry larder after lights out." He set the bottle back on the table. "Never failed some brother or sister would catch me."

Shirl smiled at the thought of a younger Alistair raiding the kitchens of a chantry. It was a pleasant thought. _I wish I could have known him them_. It was not a bad thought by any means so she gave it voice.

Alistair looked at her for a moment and then smiled back at her. "You would have been a welcome friend back then." He took a bite of cheese and washed it down with a sip of wine.

Shirl blushed at his reply. She tore her bread in half and took a bite. It was sweet and moist like it had just been baked. She savored the flavors of sweet honey and floury oats.

"So you said you were looking for me." Alistair quipped taking sip of wine.

"Yeah, I was." Shirl said hesitatingly. She took another bite of bread and look away from him at the crackling fire. The flames were hypnotic and she took a sip of wine to wet her throat.

"What for?" Alistair asked nudging her foot.

"Hmm?" Her eyes returned back to him. He had an eyebrow raised at her. She blushed again. _I'm stalling. Just spit it out already._ She chided herself. She took a gulp of wine trying desperately to steel her nerves.

"Does this have to do with Morrigan?" Alistair suddenly asked. Shirl just about choked on her wine.

"What?"

"I saw her lurking around your room earlier. So this is about her then." He looked down at his plate of food with a look of disinterest. "Suddenly I'm not very hungry."

Shirl barked a laugh. "Wait until you hear what I have to say, trust me you won't to eat at all."

"Okay, now I'm really worried. What did she say to you?" Shirl ignored him and continued eating.

"It can wait a few more moments at least until _I_ finish eating." She stated taking a bite of cheese. Alistair huffed and sat back in his chair, one of his hands cupped his mug of wine and the other fell to his lap.

"Fine, but you are going to tell me?"

"Of course, it concerns you." Honestly Shirl did not know how she was even eating at the moment. All she knew was that the more time she sat there with Alistair the more she lost her nerve. _Maybe I want to lose my nerve. I don't want to put him through this…I don't think I could handle it either…him being with another woman. _A pang of jealousy hit her in the gut. She wanted to be his only, but she knew deep down inside that would never be the case. _He'll marry someone else and forget about me in time. Alistair will move on._ He was going to have to marry someone else regardless if she lived or died. She tore off another chunk of bread and chewed on it thoughtfully. _I have to at least tell him though that there is another possibility. If he wants to perform the ritual on his own then more power to him. But it should still be his choice. _

"Hey, Shirl, you still in there?"

Shirl blinked and looked at Alistair. He had sat forward again and was regarding her with a worried expression on his face. "Yeah, just thinking is all."

"About?" This was the most they had talked since she had refused his hand. It was like he was trying to be nice to her. In a way she knew that being friends could work out, but there was always going to be awkwardness between them.

She sighed. _Might as well get this over with._ "Morrigan has a proposal…an idea she thinks will save our lives."

"Oh really? I didn't realize our lives were in need of saving." His words were light, but the dark look in his eyes told her that he would rather die than follow any crazy idea Morrigan had cooked up.

Shirl took sip of wine and continued. "It's a ritual that has to be preformed tonight in order to work."

"What kind of ritual are we talking about here?" Alistair sat back again and placed a hand to his chin watching her intently.

"She wants you to sleep with her." Shirl blurted out quickly nearly stumbling over the words.

"Excuse me?" Alistair's eyes widened and he started to laugh. "Oh, I get it this is payback for all the bad jokes and pranks. Wait except you aren't laughing…You're _serious_?"

Shirl nodded. She looked away from him them as he leaned forward again placing his elbows on the table. "Shirl, look at me."

She closed her eyes and felt the heat of tears forming behind her eyelids. "The ritual would conceive a…child." She whispered almost too softly for him to hear. But hear he did.

"WHAT?" She heard the sound of Alistair's chair scrapping across stone as he flew to his feet. "You can't be serious? You want me to perform some magic sex ritual with Morrigan that would produce a child?" He snorted. "Please, tell me that you are joking…I mean it, please tell me you are?"

Shirl kept her eyes closed and her face pointed toward the fire. She could hear the scuff of Alistair's boots on the floor as he walked over to her. Warm calloused hands cupped her face.

"Shirl, look at me." He whispered rubbing his thumbs across her cheeks. Shirl opened her eyes and found herself swimming in pools of soft hazel.

"Is this what you really want?" He asked his breath was hot on her cheeks.

"I don't know." She responded placing her hands over his. "I want you to be safe." Her heart constricted in her chest and her tears slowly leaked from her eyes. "I have no right to ask you to do anything, you are my king."

"Don't." His voice was soft but there was an edge to it. She saw the flicker of hurt in his eyes. "I'm asking you what you want."

_I want you, only you. I want you to be safe and alive. I want to be your only one._ She inhaled and slid her hands to his wrist. Gently she wrapped her hands around them and pushed his hands away from her face. "I want a lot of things, Alistair. But I can't always get what I want." She stood up still grasping his wrists.

"Tell me." He pressed quietly. "I want to know, Shirl. I want to know your thoughts on all of this."

"I don't trust it, but" She released one of his hands and pressed her fingers to his lips forestalling his reply. "Wait, let me finish. I…" Feeling his soft lips against her finger tips gave her pause. She stared up into his face. His eyes were filled with desperation. She could feel his breath on her fingertips and she inhaled sharply at the sensation. Another spike of jealousy stabbed at her insides. "I…want to be your only one." She confessed as the tears started to fall again.

"Shirl," Alistair breathed around her fingers. He raised his free hand and pushed her hand away from his mouth. He lowered his lips to hers. She closed her eyes and let him kiss her. It was a smoothing kiss, sweet and gentle. _I love you._ She thought as she squeezed her eyes tightly trying to stop the tears. She was conflicted about the Morrigan thing; she wanted to keep Alistair safe and she wanted to live though she also wanted him to be only with her.

_Why is this so hard? We aren't even together. Why should I care? Because he gave himself to me and I to him. I want to honor that; I want to remember that._ Shirl broke his kiss and slightly squeezed his wrist. "I can't…" She whispered opening her eyes she released him. "I don't want you too." She kept her voice low as she took a step back. Tears formed in her eyes again as suddenly she couldn't look him in the eyes. She had no right to ask him in the first place. She could not stand it any more, she bolted from the room.

_I just can't._ She knew was being a coward, but she did not care. The air whipped by her as she fled. She wanted to keep running and never look back. She did not go to her room. Instead she went to the only place she knew she would feel somewhat like she was at home. Alistair had showed her the highest part of Redcliff castle when they stayed there last. It was the one place she knew this night she might find peace of mind, heart, and soul.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter 41: Redcliffe**

Alistair watched Shirl disappear up the larder stairs. His chest felt heavy and his hand was stretched out in front of him as if he could of grabbed her. "Shirl!" His voice echoed in his ears, yet his feet remained planted where they were.

He wanted to ran after her to stop to tell her everything would be alright…then why wasn't he doing so? Because a part of him, the part that knew Shirl, said she wanted to be alone with her thoughts. Alistair felt he was already pushing the limits of their relationship by kissing her earlier.

_What was I thinking?_ He chastised himself. _I know what I _was_ thinking with, and definitely hadn't been my head._ The joke fell flat even as he thought it. He had wanted to kiss Shirl to let her knew he still cared that no matter what happened he would always be there for her. Always love her.

_But your king now, you will have to marry and produce an heir. Shirl can't give you that._ It was the cold hard truth he had not wanted to face. He loved Shirl, but she seemed Void bent on seeing their relationship ended. Shirl was the general of his armies, she would lead them to victory, there was no doubt him is mind that Shirl would win this battle against the darkspawn in Denerim. She would strike the finally blow herself, to keep him safe, to everyone safe…even Ridoran.

Alistair sighed and dropped his hand to his side. This could be the last night they were both alive, and he was spending alone in the larder. Shirl was spending it alone in her room, probably crying. He knew her that well…she would wait until she got back to her room to let everything out…all the anguish, sorrow and regrets. By morning the stubborn, infuriating, sensible, strong woman that all of them had come to depend upon would be back.

His stomach clenched at the thought of her going through all of it alone. _We might not be together, but I could at least try to comfort her._ She loved him and he her, maybe it would be tempting faith to go to room and check on her, and if it turned out to be more than a comfort session…_then at least we get to say good-bye._

Alistair started up the stairs. His footsteps echoing softly around him. As he walked he thought of what he could say to Shirl. Everything seemed wrong. He knew there was nothing he could say, no words that could make everything feel right…what he would offer was just his presence. His silent presence would have to do.

The hallway to Shirl's room was vacant not a soul in sight. It was a good sign, in that the last time there had been undead and demon-spawn running amok through here. Alistair squared his shoulders as Shirl's door popped into view. The heavy wooden door was shut, but he could see faint firelight peeking from underneath it. He paused for a moment poised to knock on it, but then shook his head and placed a hand on the handle. He opened the door slowly.

"Shirl." He called softly slipping his head between the door and the frame. He glanced around the room. His eyes widened as they landed on a figure standing before the fireplace. The dark hair and staff strapped across her back definitely told him it was not Shirl. He flung the door open with enough force that it created a gust of wind stirring the fire's flames into a brief whirlwind.

His eyes narrowed. "Where's Shirl? And what are you doing here?" He demanded of the witch.

Morrigan turned and regarded him with an appraising eye. "I could ask you the very same question. Oh, don't give me that look. Last I saw her she was going to for you. Though that was some time ago."

Alistair crossed his arms over his chest. "She ran out, after saying some pretty shocking things about you and me." He spat the words like they were poison.

"So she told you of our bargain. I had hoped she would be able to convince you. But alas I see that she was not able to." Morrigan turned fully toward him and half smile played upon her full lips. Alistair was suddenly reminded of a cat toying with a mouse. It made him shiver with dread. "Too bad, Shirl was a good friend and companion. I shall miss her when she is gone." Morrigan's voice was tinged with just a bit of genuine sorrow.

Alistair snorted. "Yeah, right the only thing you seem to care about is yourself. You had Shirl kill your own mother. I'm certain you are so attached to Shirl."

Morrigan's eyes narrowed. "You really are an imbecile. I cannot believe she made you King of Ferelden. If the people knew what an incredibly dull witted man they had sitting on their throne, they might been less inclined to dispose of Lohgain."

Alistair's eyes flashed. "Stop baiting me." He warned his voice dropping dangerously low.

Morrigan's own eyes matched his. "Oh, and now you have a backbone. You know Shirl will die do not you. She will die to save you. You of all people she will die to save you. " Morrigan's lips twisted into a displeased scowl. "All for the sake of this ridiculous notion of love." She cringed. "You two are insufferable and deserve whatever fate dealt you both." She walked toward him and then around pushing her way to the door.

"Wait." Alistair called. What was he doing? He couldn't believe…"Is it true? Will the this ritual actually save her life?"

Morrigan hesitated at the door keeping her back to him, she nodded. "Yes, it will."

Alistair's heart constricted and he sucked in a breath. Could he do this? It would save Shirl. Morrigan was right. Shirl would do everything in her power to keep him dying…shouldn't he down the same? They were together it wasn't cheating. Yet, it felt so wrong. Another shudder passed over him. "If I do this…this child won't come back to harm Ferelden?"

"The child will be mine to do with as I see fit. It will not bother Ferelden." Morrigan answered quietly.

Alistair sighed and squeezed his eyes shut. He could do this right? He could sleep with her…without becoming nauseated? No, but he could do it. Too many emotions warred within him. On one hand he wanted to save Shirl on the other was her words to him earlier about being his only one. She didn't want to share him. But by refusing to marry him wasn't she already admitting that she would have too? He would be required to marry someone, someday to try and produce an heir.

_Dammit, Shirl._ He thought as he opened his eyes and turned fully on Morrigan. "I'll do it, but afterwards you leave. I don't ever want to see or hear from you again. Is that understood?"

Morrigan turned then to look at him. Her strange golden eyes bright. "Agreed. And don't worry, Alistair," she purred a small dark smile forming on her lips. "It won't be as unpleasant as you think."

Alistair shuddered again as he and Morrigan left the room he closed the door firmly behind him. _Forgive me, Shirl._

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__**Okay, so the editor is acting strange. YAY! I've returned to writing Warden's Burden. WOW! It's been awhile for this story, but life really did happen. DA 2 was a blast, then Mass Effect 3 (emotional roll-coaster that was) and I had my second child...so life really did take me by the horns. Anyway, hopefully everyone liked the chapter. I'm mixed. I hated in game that you had to convince Alistair to sleep with Morrigan, I felt like he didn't really get a say or opinion about doing 'it'. So I created this chapter, yes, I changed it a little from what happens in game...but it works out in the end well, sort of. Anyway, thanks again to everyone who reads, reviews, favorites and follows this story it means alot.  
**

**Prism Elf  
**

**PS Only two more chapters to go, what a great ride it's been.  
**


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter 41: Denerim**

Shirl's sword pierced the hurlock's chest. Blood spurted from the wound and ran in rivulets down her arm. Yanking her sword free she turned to see Alistair slam his shield into a hurlock, knocking the beast to the ground. "Good. He's learning." Shirl smiled watching as Alistair slashed at the creature's throat. Black blood poured from the hurlock's throat. Gaping and grasping at the wound, the hurlock dropped his sword and buckler leaving Alistair with an opening to finish the beast off.

Shirl spun quickly around deflecting the blow of a genlock's blade off her shield just before the beast would have split her in half. Metal on metal the dull chipped sword of the genlock scratched across her shield as she flung her shield wide and lunged forward driving her own sword's tip through the genlock's right eye socket.

The battle at the Denerim gate was going well or at least in their favor. Shirl searched about taking a mental head count of where her friends and her soldiers were. Leliana and Zevran fought nearly side by side much like she and Alistair were doing. The bard's bow sung out a frolicking tune with each tang and snap of the bow's string, her arrows hummed in perfect rhythm finding each of their marks with precise and deadly accuracy. Zevran guarded the bard's back. Taking out any darkspawn that dared ventured too close. Sten, Oghren, and Wynne were surprisingly close to each other. Sten's and Oghren's heavy two handed weapons carved a bloody path of destruction in front of the mage who cast her fire and ice spells in an elaborate and frantic dance.

A deep throated growl off to her right snapped her attention back to her own plight. Toby leapt at the darkspawn racing toward her with fury in its dark cruel eyes. Her loyal hound pulled the hurlock to ground and lunged for its throat. His teeth ripped at the soft flesh found there. Black blood burst from the wound as the mabari leapt away tearing away a huge chunk of skin.

"Good boy," Shirl called out to him as she spun around in time to see Alistair engage two more genlocks. The little darkspawn dodged and attacked in opposites never allowing Alistair a decent hit.

Gritting her teeth Shirl charged forward intent on taking out one of the genlocks with her shield. She smashed into the genlock closes to her which just happened to be focused on attacking Alistair at that particular moment.

The creature grunted as she collided with it. The momentum and speed of her attack knocked the genlock to ground where Toby promptly fell upon it divesting the foul creature of its internal organs. Shirl pivoted away from the grisly scene and focused on the genlock still fighting with Alistair. Momentarily confused by her abrupt entrance the darkspawn hesitated a second too late Alistair's sword swung around and separated its head from its shoulders.

Shirl's breath came in sharp gasp. Her clothes were sticking to her body under her armor. Her heart pounded in her chest and her arms were started to shake from exhaustion. Looking around again she discovered that most of the darkspawn where retreating back through the gate.

_They are running away!_ She thought jovially. She let out a rallying cry of victory as archers let arrows fly picking off the stranglers. She turned toward Alistair and threw him a winning smile.

A loud roar shook the ground and a dark shadow flew across them. A beautiful haunting melody accompanied the shadow. Shirl recognized the song and she shuddered as the words formed and slipped across her mind. She wanted to follow that shadow, she wanted to be held and caressed and sang to by it for the end of all her days. Her body started to move of its own accord and try as she might her mind complied as well. _Let me be lost, let me join them. I must join them._

"Shirl," A word whispered across her mind. "Shirl, love, don't. You are strong than it."

"No," She said moving forward once more. _I don't want to be stronger than it. I want to sing with it. I must join it._

"Shirl, don't listen to it. Block it out." Suddenly she felt herself lifted from the ground.

"Put me down." She demanded. She could hear the song coming from her captor as well, faint but still there. _A betrayer._ Her eyes narrowed in disgust.

"Not until you are yourself again. We don't have time for this. The darkspawn could be regrouping you need to regain yourself." Suddenly the voice spun her around and kissed her hard on the lips.

Shirl's mind raced. Visions danced behind her eyes. Visions of a man. A man with the song, sweet, naïve, scared and calm, but strong; he was a king, a knight and her…once lover.

"Alistair," she breathed as she broke the kiss. She couldn't believe it. She had almost walked off again. Blood rushed into her ears. _Son of a bitch_! "Stupid Archdemon. I swear I will cut off its head and stuff it up an ogre's ass before this day is through."

Alistair laughed and stepped back retrieving his sword and shield from the ground where he must have dropped them in order to grabbed hold of her. "Now _that_ I would love to see."

Shirl smiled at him and took a step forward. She pressed a sweet kiss on his cheek. He tasted of salt and dirt. "Thank you." She whispered her breath cool against his sweat drenched skin.

He shrugged and looked down at his feet. "It was nothing. You would have done the same for me."

Shirl nodded. "I'm about to." She said turning away from him. She wasn't going to let Alistair die this day. He would live to see out his reign as king whether he liked it or not.

Alistair stared at Shirl with fury and hurt written in his soft eyes. _I'm so sorry._ She thought as she gestured to Wynne, Zevran and Oghren to take their places by the gate. She would be joining them in a minute to go hunt down the Archdemon and its generals. Shirl meant to save as many people as possible today before she possibly died slaying the Archdemon. And Alistair was one of those many. She knew him too well. He would force her into letting him kill the Archdemon. He wouldn't give her a choice in the matter this way though he would survive.

She was leaving him behind again, but this time she was doing it not because she was confused or angry with him. No, this time she was going it because she cared to deeply about him to lose him. This was what was best for Ferelden. Alistair was strong. He would mourn her, but eventually the memories would fade and time would heal his wounds. He would move on. He was going to be an excellent king it was a shame really that she wasn't going to live to see it. This was her burden. It was her choice.

One by one her companions said good-bye to each other: Leliana wished her well and happy hunting, while she lamented about not being able to join her, she did promise to write an epic tale about her adventures if she should past. Sten was stoic, but proud to call her a friend. Oghren promised her a drink while Zevran promised her a kiss if they lived through this though his comment did receive him a sharp glare from Alistair the elf only winked at him as he hurried off to catch up with Oghren. Wynne spoke of journeys and destinies fulfilled and what an honor it was to fight beside her to the last. Finally it was down to Toby and Alistair.

Her faithful hound whined and pressed his head into her knee nearly toppling her over. "Don't worry, boy. I have a special job for you." Toby looked up at her expectedly. His big brown eyes glittered darkly in the firelight of the burning city around them. "I want you to watch over Alistair, boy."

Toby sat down and whined again. Shirl could have sworn his eyes were filling with tears. _Don't be stupid. Dogs can't cry no matter how smart they are._ She reached down and scratched him behind his ear. A low woof escaped him. Shirl's throat tightened. Toby was the last of her family. She had always considered him to be more than just a pet, he was her best friend, a companion that never judged nor complained about anything. He woofed again, a sad somber noise that sounded like he was saying;

"Please don't leave me behind. Please don't go where I can't follow." Shirl's heart ached as she knelt down in front of her hound.

"If something happens to me, Alistair will take good care of you." She rubbed his ear. "I'm sorry; boy, but you can't follow me this time." She said throwing her arms around him. Tears started running down her cheeks unbidden. She buried her face in the fur of his thick neck. "I'll miss you too, boy." Toby lowered his head over her shoulder and for a few brief moments Shirl could pretend she was back home in Highever; back where darkspawn were found in children's tales and Grey Wardens were men of legend. "Be good." She whispered at last as she pulled away from him and stood.

Alistair stood in front of her watching her with pain filled eyes. Shirl dashed away the tears, but before she could finish Alistair spread his arms wide motioning for her to come closer. Shirl threw herself at him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him fiercely on the mouth. Alistair arms folded around her as he kissed her back with reckless abandonment.

For a few moments Shirl lost herself in his kiss. Savoring his taste and taking heart from the strength of his arms around her. _We may not be lovers anymore, but I do still love him. Maker, watch over him and protect him. _She prayed silently as she broke their kiss. "Alistair," she breathed pressing her forehead against his she cupped his face. Her fingers traced the outline of his strong jaw. "I have no words that could express what I'm feeling at this moment."

Alistair closed his eyes and sighed. "You aren't leaving me behind to protect me, are you?"

Shirl kissed the tip of his nose. "Of course not, I know you don't need protecting." She was lying and he knew it. He pulled his face away from her. His eyes raked up and down her countenance searching for some sign that she was lying. But Shirl was still a noble man's daughter and she could lie with the best of them. "Then why leave me? I'm as good if not better fighter than Oghren. We fight well together…" She pushed back from him and he loosened his grip on her.

"Because you are king. My job is to make certain that you stay _alive_. This has nothing to do with how I feel for you. My duty as leader of your armies is to ensure your victory and safety. I'm not Loghain. I will not abandon my king." By the end of her little rant she had almost convinced herself that her duty was the real reason she was leaving him, but she knew the truth of it.

Alistair's hands slipped from her. He nodded at her. "Very well then, but before you go I would have one promise from you."

"What would that be?" She asked truly curious by his request.

"_If_ you return promise to marry me."

"What? Alistair, we been over this. We're both Grey Wardens. It wouldn't be right." Shirl protested shaking her head. But then she remembered that she probably wasn't going to be returning to him. _Andraste's ass, what's one more lie?_ She bit her lip and looked away from him.

His hand slid under her chin and gently forced her face back up. Her eyes met his. "And I've told you before…it doesn't matter to me. I want you and only you. Just promise me, Shirl."

"Alistair…"

"Promise me," his voice caught and he pulled her close hugging her tightly to his chest. His silver armor was cold against her cheek, but she didn't care. "If you can't promise me this, then I know you aren't planning on returning to me. I need to know that I'm staying behind because it's the right thing for me to do. Give me a reason to wait for you."

"Alistair, that doesn't make any sense." She muttered. "But if will ease your conscience. Then I promise."

Her hand was slick on the handle of her sword. Her arms shook with not just exhaustion, but with fear. She watched as the Archdemon plunged onto the top of Fort Drakon. She suddenly knew that Ridorian was dead. The Archdemon though was not. It was grounded and hurt, but far from dead. She could still feel its song echoing through her bones.

Physically shaking herself, she lowered her shield and sword and motioned for the others to follow her. They looked worst for wear. Wynne had dark circles under her eyes and her skin was paler than normal. Oghren was limping favoring his right leg and using his axe for support. Even Zevran with his easy going charm was silent and bleeding profusely from a cut above his right eye. She tried to smile at them, but it felt forced and hollow.

"We need to get to Fort Drakon." She said clipping her shield onto her back and sheathing her sword for the time being. The last of the darkspawn generals lay dead at her feet. "I don't want to waste anytime getting to the Archdemon."

"Agreed, I owe that nug humper a chopping or two." Oghren stated staggering pass her. Wynne looked her over as she started passed.

"Are you hurt?" She asked concern flickering across her face. "You look pale."

"You're one to talk…you look dead_er_." Shirl smiled then and chuckled at the elder mage's faint lip twitch. "I'm fine. Just a little shaken up is all. Why don't you see to Zev? That gash looks pretty bad."

Wynne sighed and rolled her shoulders. "I was hoping you wouldn't say that." She mumbled as she fell back to check on the Antivan assassin. "I swear I will zap you into oblivion if you ask to put your head on my bosom." Wynne warned Zevran.

Zevran laughed and flinched as Wynne's blue glowing hand passed in front of his face. The wound sealed together stopping the flow of blood even though blood still caked upon it.

Shirl started after Oghren, the dwarf shorter steps made catching up to him easier. They walked in silence for a beat before the red-haired dwarf glanced up at her. "Where's the witch?" He asked hefting his axe a little more on his shoulders.

Shirl shook her head. "Don't know. She was gone from Redcliffe the morning we left."

Oghren snorted. "Bronto's balls, she got scared and ran off, huh?"

Shirl shook her head again as she pushed a strand of blonde hair that had come loose from her eyes. "I believe she was scared, but not for the reasons you might think."

"If you say so," Oghren glanced behind them to Wynne and Zevran both whom were looking worst by the minute. "Those two going to be alright? Hate to see the old woman die of a heart attack before we even reach the Archdemon and the elf…well, he's been a good sport."

Shirl smiled and tossed a look over her shoulder to their two other companions. "Sure, Wynne's tough and Zevran he's too stubborn to die on us now. You know, Oghren, I didn't think you like Zev."

The dwarf shrugged and then winched shortly afterwards. "He's not too bad, even if he doesn't like dwarven ale. And he knows some the dirtiest jokes I ever heard."

Shirl raised an eyebrow at the dwarf. She couldn't believe that, then again…Zevran was Zevran. She sighed and turned her attention back to the task at hand.

"Hey, girlie, don't go dyin' on us either alright? I hate to have to explain to the little pike-twirler that we got his _sparring partner_ killed." Oghren wiggled his eyebrows at her just in case she missed the implied lewd comment. Shirl rolled her eyes.

"The concern is noted."Shirl just as a group of genlocks rounded the corner in front of them. Shirl drew her sword and fixed her shield on her arm.

"Looks like the breaks over, back to work!" Oghren gritted out as he let out an earth shattering yell and charged straight at the group of darkspawn. Shirl sighed and clenched her jaw as she charged after the impatience dwarf.

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**Thank you for the reviews, alerts, and favorites to this story! This chapter has been in the works for a while...I just wasn't certain how I wanted it to go. I lied a little there will be two chapters after this one...wait for it, wait for it...both of which are finished! YAY! Happy dance! I plan on up loading them later today if not tomorrow. Thank you all once again for following this story, it's been one heck of a trip.**

**Prism Elf  
**


	43. Chapter 43

**Chapter 43: Atop Fort Drakon**

The Archdemon's black poured down over her arms and face as her sword sliced down its long sinewy neck. The beast roared in pain and rage. The dark song growing louder, almost deafening in Shirl's ears as she jumped back out the way of one of the dragons legs came slamming to the ground in front of her. Her sword was ripped from her hands. She dodged to the side as the Archdemon slashed at her stomach with sharp claws. Spinning around she looked around desperately for a weapon.

_There!_ Laying on five off to her right was a longsword skewered through a hurlock's chest. The death Redcliffe knight only a few feet away from the darkspawn his throat ripped out and his dark eyes staring up at the cloud covered sky. Shirl sprinted toward the weapon, just as the Archdemon's jaws snapped at her again. The song roared in her ears, but she pushed it aside, fear and adrenaline coursed through her it was enough to stop the song from taking control of her senses. She reached the weapon grasping it smooth handle in her blood drenched hands. She wouldn't fail, she mustn't. Pivoting her eyes locked with that of the Archdemon's and the dragon hesitated as if sensing its death in her eyes.

Shirl smiled and charged forward her sword leading the away. The dragon either knew what was coming or didn't care for it raised up its head exposing just enough of its chest. It didn't claw at her or try to bite her. That's when Shirl heard it. The song rumbled from its chest soft and hypnotic. It pulsed from its chest like it was entwined with the creature's heart. Shirl felt her body tense.

_Come to me, child. Sleep in my embrace._ The words slithered across her mind. Shirl could almost touch the beautiful black scales protecting the dragon's chest. She stopped and stared. The tip of her sword just barely touched the beast chest. The song still played.

_Sleep. You are wary of fighting and death. I can see it in your heart and soul. I will keep you safe. Stay with me. _Shirl arms shook as she tried to drive her sword into the dragon's chest, but her arms wouldn't obey. She growled her frustration.

"Get out of my head." She yelled. The Archdemon didn't move. She gritted her teeth and pushed forced all her willpower into moving her arms.

_I will always be with you, child. We are joined. You are one of my children. _

Shirl flinched at the implications. "No," she spat, shaking her head. "Now, get out of my head!" She snapped anger burned through her. She had to do this! No one else was going to die. No one! Her arms were growing heavy as were her eyes. She really did just want to sleep. Shaking her head again she tried to get rid of the Archdemon's words and influence. Her blood was sing in tune and key to the song the dragon radiated. Squeezing her eyes shut she focused. Just like Alistair had tried to teach to do.

"Clear your thoughts. Focus on nothing and no one." She struggled with keeping her mind free of thoughts, fears and the song. Sweat popped out on her forehead anew. It ran in down her face streaking the dirt, dried sweat and blood down it in dark rivulets. She didn't care. She focused on keeping her mind closed off. Keeping it blank. "React." She told herself. Ignoring the soft soothing voice of the Archdemon singing in her head. She pushed and pushed her willpower and focus into moving her arms.

Her arms twitched in response to her attempts. She smiled darkly. She had regained some control! Gritting her teeth she willed her arms to draw back from the dragon's chest. Her body listened and she felt her arms lower to the ground. Joy shot through her, but she pushed it aside uncertain if it was her own joy or that of the dragon's. The Archdemon thought she was coming under its control. Perfect.

Shirl took a step at her own violation. She didn't drop her sword, but raised it like she was going to toss it away from her. She hoped her face looked blank enough. She opened her eyes. Trying to get them to shine with awe and adoration. "I am tired." She whispered as she lunged forward driving the sword directly into the creature's still exposed chest. She threw all her weight into the blade feeling it sink up to the hilt. Black blood poured out of the around the blade running down the dragon's chest.

The dragon screamed and tried to pull itself but something stopped it. Its eyes widened and then before Shirl and the Archdemon were surrounded by a brilliant white light. Shirl tried to cover her eyes, but her hands remained fixed to the handle of the sword. Everything went white. Fort Drakon melted away into the light. The sounds of fighting and catapults projectiles ceased to existent. Only she and the Archdemon were there. The song played loudly and beautifully in her ears and she closed her eyes still seeing the light even through her eyelids. The music haunting and alluring, she gave herself over to it. The music grew and grew swelling into a sweet crescendo of sound. Her sword began it shake. The movement rushed up her arms and throughout her body.

Pain engulfed her. Hot soul searing pain. She opened her mouth to scream, but the scream was lost in the cacophony of the song. Her throat burned and her chest heaved with the agony. Her hands felt welded to the weapon in them. _This is it. _She thought briefly before another burst of sound, vibration and pain flared through her. She squeezed her eyes shut as tightly as she could. Tears leaked out the corner of her eyes. _Maker_, _please end this. Just let me go._ She had never felt so horrific in her entire life. She just wanted it to end. Her mind grew dark around the edges. She had trouble focusing on anything but the agony filtering through her. She still screamed or at least she thought she was still screaming. Her throat felt like she had swallowed hot blazing coals right out of a fire pit. The song wailed on and on in her ears and across her mind. More tears flowed from her closed eyes. She couldn't take much more and she knew it.

_I'm glad it wasn't you, Alistair. I'm so sorry. Live and be strong._ She thought as everything abruptly stopped. Darkness and silence engulfed her.

* * *

**This was a chapter I decided to write on a whim...I wanted to show Shirl actually besting the Archdemon's song. I wanted to see that determination, even though she 'knows' she is going to die. It was a fun chapter to write, even if it was short. The Epilogue is up next so stay tuned. Once again thank you to all of you who have favorited, followed, alerted or reviewed this story it means a lot to me. **

**Prism Elf  
**


	44. Chapter 44

**Epilogue: Highever**

Shirl stood atop the ramparts of castle Highever. Her eyes scanned the funeral pyres below. Dark smoke rose up from them casting an eerie haze to the grounds below. The smell of incense was heady and filled her nose. Her eyes were teary from the sting of ash and soot. She had come to the highest tower she could find to escape the smell and the black fog. Her hair and clothes smelled of smoke and incense. She cringed at the thought, but then again these were her work clothes.

From the moment Fergus said he was returning to Highever in order to rebuild, Shirl had said she would accompany him. She wanted to make certain that their mother and father had received a proper funeral and that Highever was back in running order before she joined the Wardens in Armanthine. She had been at Highever for two weeks and today they burned the last of the dead. After Howe's raid months earlier the dead were left to rot. The castle was sacked and the people slaughtered like cattle. Howe had just left them lay where they fell. Her mother and father even Ser Gilmore, she had barely recognized them.

_I'm glad I killed him. He deserved his fate._ She thought darkly looking down once again to see the thick smoke rising across the court yard. Her hands were white knuckled on the railing of the tower's balcony. _We're the last of the Couslands…and I'm a Grey Warden…a living Grey Warden. _She looked down at her hands and her eyebrows knitted together. _But why? Why did he do it? Alistair, you idiot. I should have died. _

She sighed and tugged at the strap of leather tying her hair back. . She thought about letting her hair grow longer than the shoulder length she always wore it. She released it from its binds and let the cool sea breeze carry it. She closed her eyes and let the wind caress and tease her face and hair. She loved this place. As a child she had hid atop this very tower to get away from Fergus and his teasing. It had also been her sanctuary for when she had quarreled with her parents she would run up here to cry. Even then her tears were a sign of weakness to her. Yet this place made her feel content and at peace.

"Fergus said I would find you up here."

Shirl's eyes snapped open, but she refused to turn around and face him. "What are you doing here?" She commanded of him. She had not seen or heard from him since she let Denerim. When she had left they had barely talked to one another. Everything passed in a daze for Shirl. She was lost and confused and every time she tried to speak to Alistair about what had happened he changed the subject or simply ignored her. So on the day she left with Fergus she had scheduled a meeting with him, Shirl flinched at the memory.

She was not dumb. She knew what he had done. But she wanted to hear him say it.

It had been his last chance. His last chance to tell her out loud what he had done if he couldn't do it then she would walk away, plain and simple. He was king; she understood his time was precious. That's why she had talked to Eamon and requested a personal meeting with the king. And she had scheduled the meeting an hour before Fergus and her were to depart for Highever.

Problem was Alistair had never shown. She had waited and waited, and when the hour was up she had placed the red rose he had given so many months ago on the nightstand table. Without a second glance back she had left the room and Denerim. The king had not even bothered to come see her off, though Arl Eamon and Bann Teagan had both been present. Shirl had decided instead of acting like a love sick girl she would not ask after Alistair. If he did not want to see her or talk about it then they would go their separate ways. She would go to Highever then the Wardens and he would stay in Denerim ruling Ferelden, it was what was best after all.

Alistair chuckled. "Well, that should be pretty clear. I came looking for you." His voice broke into her thoughts and sabotaged the peacefulness of her sanctuary.

"Well, you found me so go." She could hear his steps on the stones behind her. His breath was suddenly hot on her neck.

"Can't do that." He whispered in her ear.

She sidestepped away from him. "Uh, yes you can." She rubbed her neck rounding on him. "What do you want from me?" She spat anger boiling over into fury at his sudden reappearance in her life. "I told you we are over!"

Alistair crossed his arms and smiled at her. "You think I care what you have to say." He stated his smile was sly like he was hiding something from her. She cocked an eyebrow at him. "You think you are the only one who has a choice." He sighed and the smile slipped from his face. "Shirl, I didn't come here to argue with you. I came because well, of your promise to me. So I'm going to ask one more time." He stepped closer to her bringing his face scarce inches from hers. "Marry me?"

Shirl's eyes widened and she turned her face away. She could feel her cheeks flushing. But with embarrassment or rage she couldn't tell anymore. "Alistair…"

His hand cupped her chin and he gently turned her face back towards him. "I notice the anger is gone." He said ruefully. "But, what is your answer?"

"After everything…you still want to marry me? After the things I said, the things I did?" Her vision blurred. "I'm supposed to be dead!" She jerked her face away from his hand. She poked a finger into his chest. "Start talking, now! Or I'll throw you over this balcony." She threatened. Alistair raised an eyebrow at her almost daring her to try.

"Shirl, that's not really an answer." He said playfully. He caught her around the waist and pressed his lips to hers. For a few seconds Shirl's anger evaporated as she kissed him back. Her body reacted on vivid memories of long nights spent exploring each other. She had missed those nights. Hands and lips touching and tasting one another: She pressed herself up against him wanting nothing more than to relive those memories. His chest rumbled as he moaned against his lips. Her body was betraying her. _Andraste's flaming ass! _

"Alistair," she breathed running her hands up his shoulders to entwine her fingers in his short blonde hair.

"Yes?" he asked his breath sweet on her face. She tightened her grip on his hair yanked his head back away form hers. "Ouch…Shirl…What the…?"

"What did you do?" She hissed jerking herself away from him.

"What are you talking about?" Alistair asked rubbing a hand through his hair.

Shirl shoved a finger into his face. "Oh, I don't know. The idea that I'm alive and you don't seem surprised at all by the fact." She pushed him away from her. Spinning she looked back over the vastness of Highever.

"You still act like you are the only one who had a choice in the matter. I did what I did simply because I know you too well. You left me at the gates to the city and ran off to the fight the Archdemon. I feared you would never return. You tried to take on every little thing by yourself. If I really didn't want you around would I be here. You didn't convince me to sleep with Morrigan, but the truth was I could see it in your eyes. You didn't want me to you would have gladly died to spare me the guilt. But we weren't together at the time and you left the decision up to me." He laughed "Though I would have loved to have seen your face when you realized that you weren't dead after killing the Archdemon."

Shirl pushed away from him. "Bastard!" She snapped remembering the pain and agony she had suffered upon killing the Archdemon. "You think it was a game."

"A game I learned to play well from you. Say one thing, do another. What's it called… oh yeah politics?" He quipped. "But you still haven't answered my question."

Her vision was clear and in that moment she was certain she could have thrashed him. She rolled her eyes. "I don't think so."

Alistair sighed. "I'm being serious, Shirl. I want you as my wife. No one challenges me like you do. And well…you aren't afraid to speak your mind around me. I need someone like that. Someone who isn't worried about appeasing me just because I'm the king. Besides," he lowered his voice. "I want someone who I desire. Someone I love."

Shirl fixed him with a critical gaze. She remained silent. A part of her wanted to say yes, while another part still screamed, no. The duty side of her wanted to say, no while the part of her that was human and wanted to be with the man she loved screamed, yes. Yes, she still loved him. She always would. She wanted it to be easier, she wanted to tell him yes. And she was proud of him for tricking her as he had. If not for him she would be dead atop Fort Drakon with the Archdemon.

She smiled thinking about it. She turned away from him looking back out over the expansion of Highever. In the distance she could see the sea rolling in crashing white capped waves against the rocky gray shores. The wind brushed at her hair and she closed her eyes again listening to the sounds of birds chirping on the roofs below them. Up here the world felt large and she felt small and insufficient. Just another human in the world filled with marvelous things. It's why this place gave her peace. She did not feel the pressure of her life in those moments. Decisions like the one Alistair was proposing did not matter up here.

"Shirl?" Alistair's voice was quiet and timid. It remaindered her of the night he had asked her to sleep with him for the first time.

Sighing Shirl opened her eyes and let her life come back into focus. The funeral pyres burned in the courtyard below, the world still trembled with the aftereffects of the Blight and the king of Ferelden stood at her side asking her to marry him.

She faced him. Her amber eyes met his soft brown. She licked her lips tentatively. Still afraid to answer yet knowing that she must. His expression was pleading. In that moment time seemed to stop, the world slowed around her. And for a moment just a moment her sense of duty wavered. She blinked and realized that she would have sacrificed herself to the Archdemon without a care she would have gone to her death doing what she believed to be right for Ferelden. _No, not just Ferelden, but the world. I'm a Grey Warden. _

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__**Okay, I know how I ended it, but it just felt right...I think I want people to draw their own conclusion to if she says, 'yes' or 'no'. On one hand she does love him and on the other is this sense of duty, so which one does she pick? See if you can figure it out...I've thought about it and I've been working on a sequel to this story mostly Alistair's POV set a little during and after Awakening, but before DA 2. I might continue Shirl and Alistair's story, but with it being NaNowri this month and I'm participating, I'm not certain how much writing I will be able to do on it. **

**But I would like to thank everyone for all the reviews, favorites and alerts...it's been an amazing time writing this story and I did have lots of fun writing it. TTFN!  
**

**Sincerely,  
**

**Prism Elf  
**


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